how to tell your dm has had military exp

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2005-02-22 02:46pm

the orc hordes you meet have sergeants and meics

the winged horse wont fly until you do a full safety insepction

the dungeons are patrolled by MPs that keep asking, 'who started this fight?'

you learn to retreat upon seeing any monster with a marine corps tattoo

the curses attached to soem treasures include KP duty and full kit inspection

you cant stop for a night without submittin a complete watchbill for the characters' camp

new players joining after the adventure starts show up with transfer orders

the kingdom has a number of troll,s minotaurs and gians caged in silos on the border. the thread of MAD (monster assured destruction) seems to keep the peace.

no matter what sort of area you adventure in, every single town, keep, village, city or fishing camp you enter has a bar, brothel, 3 pawn shops, and a barber shop.

the healing cleric always makes you wait for 2 hrs before trying to send you away with 2 toadstools and lots of fluids.

after the goblins pass by, all the dungeons have a fresh coat of paint.

every door in the udngeon seems to have an incomprehensible number sysem (12-114-2-3-S) that works fine for the monsters and tunnel oracles("go down 4 levels from here, that'd be 12, then foward 18 viens to 137, then the second door on the right, thatd be 3, aft to the little..")

a mysterious figure, the gunny, appears every time you make a mistake. dont make mistakes. justdont.

saying you'll "tie him up" starts a 20 minute discussion of knots, with 4 skill rols.

guard dogs are not just hit points that bark. . . they are chainsaws with fur.

frigidmagi · Post by **frigidmagi** » 2005-02-22 03:09pm

You forgot.

When the local hobgoblin tribe calls for fire support.

When all ambushes are L shaped.

When Dragons are call Air Superiority Troops.

Chmee · Post by **Chmee** » 2005-02-22 03:14pm

dm answers all questions about completely illogical dungeon situations with 'Because I said it works that way!'

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2005-02-22 03:32pm

when all npcs make full use of cover rules

Post by **Mr Bean** » 2005-02-22 03:36pm

Two words
Pungi Sticks

Tzeentch · Post by **Tzeentch** » 2005-02-22 04:58pm

When kobolds use modern small-unit tactics.

*shudder*

Jawawithagun · Post by **Jawawithagun** » 2005-02-22 05:29pm

The group uses (minimally) modified Paranoia forms to request and keep track of equipment when playing D&D.

Solauren · Post by **Solauren** » 2005-02-22 07:14pm

When the orc horde shows up, instead acting like drunk Klingons, they have actual military equipment like Catapults, Ballista and so forth, and use them

Post by **Mr Bean** » 2005-02-22 07:20pm

When the dragon flies by and flames/ices/acids/annilates half your party, he refers to it as "suppression fire"

When the hulking fighter charges the Kobols with drawn sword, and they mass fire past him at the mage

How to tell your players have Military Experiance

Your broadsword weilding barbarian, tiny gnome sorccer, human thief and eleven bard have ever breached a door according to SOP inculding Flashbangs and breach-charges

Post by **weemadando** » 2005-02-22 07:29pm

Mr Bean wrote: How to tell your players have Military Experiance

Your broadsword weilding barbarian, tiny gnome sorccer, human thief and eleven bard have ever breached a door according to SOP inculding Flashbangs and breach-charges :D

Close - we had a thief listen, then the cleric "breached" with a warhammer, an illusionist went with a "fireworks display" of sorts and then the barbarian and a ranger went in...

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2005-02-22 09:37pm

at some point, we should write up a dnd SOP