I need some help :(

SWPIGWANG · Post by **SWPIGWANG** » 2002-11-14 02:58am

I'm just plain miserable.....

Miserable to the point that sometimes I'd feel sick just sitting and thinking. I'd wet my eyes and want to just break down and cry. So far it has not gotten there yet except once a week ago.

Now I will no blame others from my current sistuation. I'm just another immature child pressed in to the world and independence long before one is ready. I hate myself.

When you are alone and responsible yourself, your worst traits show up as no one is there for one to lean on. The last few month since school started have showed me who I really am. I'm merely a scared, disorganized, lazy, emotional, irrational, anti-social, stupid, self-centered prick. At least that is what my actions suggest that I am.

Not that I don't know what to do, but I just plain can't do it. I just make excuses that I know holds little water, try to escape reality or just try to comfort myself. I guess it makes sense when one feels like just snuggling in bed and cry, but it makes things worst and make me even futher from being functional and just stack up stressful things in the end. I hate myself.

Now my emotional leftovers of depression and social phobia from highschool had made things worst.

I'm so scared........ and so tired

Now I'm reduced to asking for help on internet boards as I'm too scared to ask people around me...... I haven't had a real conversation for weeks.

*Feels like sulking into a ball and just die*

Can you people just slap some sense into me.....

*feels depressed with no esteem whatsoever*

and for anti-troll legions, yes part of this is asking for help thread is also trolling for my non-existant esteem as being a sad loser, some virture attention is the only boost of esteem possible at times. Also, don't worry about what you say leading me to killing myself. It would take me failing calculus to do that. (current mark at 58% or so...fail is <50%)

*god...or anything.... help me*

Shinova · Post by **Shinova** » 2002-11-14 03:04am

Be careful. People here will most likely BEAT some sense into you, and in the attempt probably willingly do more damage than good.

But as for your condition, you might wanna ask verilon. He's been in limbos like you have. Perhaps you can share your grievances with him.

Enlightenment · Post by **Enlightenment** » 2002-11-14 03:13am

SWPIGWANG: sounds like you're suffering from depression. Talk to your doctor or get in touch with a psychologist or psychiatrist.

....And do it before you do a RayCav on us.

data_link · Post by **data_link** » 2002-11-14 03:49am

<Misato>You musn't run away SPIGWANG, you must confront your fears. </Misato>

Seriously though, you sound so much like Shinji that I almost feel like asking if your SDAT player only plays tracks 25 and 26. Personally, I think that watching Evangelion will do you a lot of good - if nothing else, you can say "Boy, I'm gald I'm not Shinji" at the end of it.

Post by **weemadando** » 2002-11-14 03:50am

Yup.

Thats a depression case. I was clinically depressed for about 3 years. Not much fucking fun. I refused to treat it with drugs, well pharmaceutical drugs anyhow. Talk to a therapist , it tends to help, if only to vent.

Also, don't do anything rash. I'll admit that I was in my lowest ebb ever and only days from topping myself (seriously, and I'm not talking a cry for help attempt), when suddenly I met some people who turned my life around. One day I was depressed as all hell, next I was having great fun with a great group of people.

I reiterate: Don't do anything stupid, talk to a therapist and continue living life.

Post by **haas mark** » 2002-11-14 04:09am

Psychiatrists = good. They can't prescribe you meds. But trust me on this one, they *will* be able ot get you out of some hard times. You NEED to seek some help on this one. I only scanned what you wrote, and you'r ein a bigger hellhole than I am right now, but you need to get out of the rut. Get into the sunlight. At the very leats, try talking to someone, make friends with someone. Even if it be someone in your Calc class, there is no end to the possibilities.

I know how it feels to want to break down and not have anyone there to comfort you....I have hit that about four times in the past week, about ten in the past two.

I'm merely a scared, disorganized, lazy, emotional, irrational, anti-social, stupid, self-centered prick. At least that is what my actions suggest that I am.

All of us act liek that at some point or another. There is no real way of getting around it.

What I am concerned about most is your being frightened. I don't like others being scared of things that they aren't able to control. This may or may not be clinical depression, but you do need to get out. Talk with oyur family or friends about anything. It might get you to open up to them in a whole new way. Trust me on this one, it will. I still have problems about having that certain someone there to hold me while I can cry, just cry. I have tried to open up, and it hasn't worked. But everyone's different. Maybe you'll fnd that person that you can talk to, that you can tell everything to. I hope you will. No, I KNOW you will. Just as long as you get up and start a conversation with someone.

Now I'm reduced to asking for help on internet boards as I'm too scared to ask people around me...... I haven't had a real conversation for weeks.

Trust me on this one, it's not a bad thing. Personally, I suggest you start a journal. And an online journal isn't a bad one, either. LiveJournal is one that I and some others use and there are plenty of people there that are willing to care, and a very honest and open.

So please, we ask that you take care of yourself...and look for someone you can talk to. Open up to somebody. There are potential friends everywhere you look.

Ver.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2002-11-14 08:31am

Dude, you're in university, right? Try hanging around the student lounge and talking to people while they watch TV. It's the easiest way in the world to get out of your dorm room and interact face to face.

punkgothhippie · Post by **punkgothhippie** » 2002-11-14 11:46am

I know that my advice is prolly un wanted for i am only 15...But the sad fact is that i hav been sufferring from depression for the past few years and well i basicly tried to just deal with it...I finaly got a psychologyst last year and he helped me confront the problems i was having in my life. If all else fails talk to friends and peers they were also a big help for me. Although for me it did take a few "cries for help" to get anyones attention in the first place. I would not i repeat would not suggest pulling a cry for help suicide you hurt everyone around it is no fun... although it took me five times to finally get it through my head not to do shit like that anymore. Most of my depression was relationship based and realization that my life had no direction. Although my life still has very lil direction it is starting to pick up. I at least have found that once you start getting help for your depression things only get better. Sometimes it is a very slow process but i believe that i am in a much better place than i was a year ago. I have matured a lot and made better and more lasting relationships with my peers and friends and family. But the biggest help i could offer you is face the truth and your problems and deal with them as best you can you decide your own future i wish you luck with everything

SWPIGWANG · Post by **SWPIGWANG** » 2002-11-14 03:50pm

Seriously though, you sound so much like Shinji that I almost feel like asking if your SDAT player only plays tracks 25 and 26. Personally, I think that watching Evangelion will do you a lot of good - if nothing else, you can say "Boy, I'm gald I'm not Shinji" at the end of it.

ha ha ha *bitter laugh*

been there, and now EoE music is permantly on my playlist....

I could say watching Shinji (1st contact at 5 years ago) was the first step into intoversion rather than being concisously depressed...

Talk with oyur family or friends about anything.

Try hanging around the student lounge and talking to people while they watch TV. It's the easiest way in the world to get out of your dorm room and interact face to face.

The closest path to any memeber of my family involves going though earth's core.

And I'm too depressed to have friends or have an actual conversation.

And I'm too scared to get help............damn I'm so scared..........to do anything.......

But as depression goes, I've lived with it for years. It is only the fact that I have to be responsible for myself that I'm overwhelmed.......

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2002-11-14 03:56pm

Just cheer up, think more positively about things, and try to make things better. Many people have overcame depression with humor (and ion).

Falkenhorst · Post by **Falkenhorst** » 2002-11-14 04:08pm

Dude, what are you scared of? What is it that causes you to be frightened? In my experience, all you can really do is just keep going as best you can. I've never been depressed, so I can't really help you there, so all I can really say is get ahold of yourself, write down what you want, and then write down what you have to do to get there. Write down how you want to feel, and tnen write down what you have to do to feel that way. Use LOGIC liberally while making this list, and mabey that will help you out. Best wishes.

data_link · Post by **data_link** » 2002-11-14 04:21pm

Well, buck up kiddo. Sure life sucks - and by all accounts, it's going to continue to suck. But that's a nessecary consequence of living in a world governed by idiots. The important thing is not to depreciate yourself. Sure, you may not have any close firends, but that's not a bad reflection on you as a person. If anything it just means that you don't feel any benefit to social conversations. The thing you have to remember is that you are not a bad person, and you are not an immature child passed into the world before you are ready. No one is ever truly ready for the real world - but you can make yourself ready. You have this capability. You are the only one who can take on your own life. You mustn't run away. Believe in yourself. You can do it. And, when you have, you can look back at what a marvelous person you were. Because, you are.

One other thing - originally you asked us to slap some sense into you. So...

SLAP

Ted · Post by **Ted** » 2002-11-14 04:33pm

Ahh, depression, my loving friend.

I've had deppression for about 5-6 years now, for 3 of those years, Manic Depressive, the lowest of all possible forms of low.

I was in hospital for a month because of the injuries that I caused myself in my attempt, and to protect me from myself from trying to do it again.
You do NOT want to know what it is like to lie on a bed for a week with your arms restrained. Trust me, you do not.

I've had about 4 therapists and psychiatrists(sp?) over the course of those years, but the main person whose helped me get over it has been my girlfriend, and to a much lesser extent my family and friends. I was able to talk EVERYTHING over with her, rant and rave about ANYTHING, and she took it in stride, helping me to get over it all.

My advice is to get some really good friends, get off the internet for awhile as that can be very sepressing at times, especially when it can make you feel unimportant, etc...

Get some good help, from friends and your doctors.

SWPIGWANG · Post by **SWPIGWANG** » 2002-11-25 06:26am

It is sucks when you are depressed and overwhelmed with school at the same time.

*cries a bit........damn it why do I cry*

Since a number of people seems to live in the toronto area....maybe you can yank me to a psychiatrist because going it alone is scary.....

Post by **haas mark** » 2002-11-25 06:49am

SWPIGWANG wrote:It is sucks when you are depressed and overwhelmed with school at the same time.

*cries a bit........damn it why do I cry*

Since a number of people seems to live in the toronto area....maybe you can yank me to a psychiatrist because going it alone is scary.....

Hey, it may be a scary thing, but I know that I have to go, and I am excited about going tomorrow, because I have had serious problem with this as well. And trust me, I have been overwhelmed with school, as well. I live at the university, and I go to the university psychiatrist. Also, I don't mind chatting with you about this issue, as I myself seem to get depressed quite frequently. I foyu ever need someone to talk to, I'll be here. Almost always. And if you'd like to chat online, I have AIM and I am pcgallegos.

ver.

Kelly Antilles · Post by **Kelly Antilles** » 2002-11-25 09:19am

Don't you just love the fact that the time of year that is supposed to be the most happy is the most depressive?

Question: did you lose a loved one around this time of year? Or recently? Did something bad happen?

I get the holiday blues every year, especially since my father passed away. It sucks, but you'll get through it.