Empire vs Psychlos

Acclamator · Post by **Acclamator** » 2002-11-14 03:11pm

Lets say a wormhole opens up connecting the Milky Way of Hubbards excuse for a story, to the galaxy of SW.

War ensues between the Psychlos and the Galactic Empire.

What happens?

Crazy_Vasey · Post by **Crazy_Vasey** » 2002-11-14 03:22pm

Nooooooo Battlefield Earth flashbacks! The horror!

The Physchlos seemed pretty mean but I only (!) got up to page 600 before flinging the book because it was absolute drek.

johnmarkley · Post by **johnmarkley** » 2002-11-14 04:15pm

Acclamator wrote:Lets say a wormhole opens up connecting the Milky Way of Hubbards excuse for a story, to the galaxy of SW.

War ensues between the Psychlos and the Galactic Empire.

What happens?

The sight of John Travolta's obscene codpiece sends the Imperials fleeing in disgust back to their own galaxy.

Mike_6002 · Post by **Mike_6002** » 2002-11-14 04:24pm

Uggh lots of dead sciencetologists, one concussion missle in the Psychlo atmosphere...would you like Hubbard extra crispy or extra dead

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2002-11-14 05:07pm

The Psychlos were defeated by 2000 year old Harriers flown by completely untrained savages. The Empire takes this one in a cakewalk.

Plus, it is a travesty to even think of comparing the coolness of Darth Vader to that fucking John Travolta Psychlo character. And the name "Psychlo" is so fucking stupid that it deserves defeat for that reason alone.

Manji · Post by **Manji** » 2002-11-14 05:24pm

Read the book Wong. No harrier scene there.

It's still rather contrived, but the psychlos are bigger meaner and more importantly don't come across as quite such bumbling buffoons as they do in the movie.

In the book as I said no harriers they fly captured psychlo fighters. (They use some kind of mind-programming computer that interfaces directly with the brain to bring the medieval-level humans up to space-age knowledge levels.)

All in all if you go by the book I'd say the psychlos might last some months, maybe even a year or so at most as opposed to the movie psychlos which would not last a day.

Though if the Empire got access to their homeworld and doused it in radiation then the book psychlos wouldn't last a day either.

Spanky The Dolphin · Post by **Spanky The Dolphin** » 2002-11-14 06:02pm

L Ron Hubbard never should have been born.

Empire.

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2002-11-14 06:06pm

The Empire doesn't fuck around. They will dominate.

The Dark · Post by **The Dark** » 2002-11-14 06:06pm

Bah. Psychlos can't survive on M-type planets without their breathers. One orbital strike to destroy the plant where they get their gas (and supplies from the Psychlo worlds) from, and there goes the colony. The homeworld would just need to be BDZ'ed. I give 'em six months, but only because the Empire will have to find the homeworld.

And L. Ron Hubbard just wrote that book so he could have the record for longest science-fiction book ever. Never mind that it could have been about a quarter the length and five times the quality.

Setzer · Post by **Setzer** » 2002-11-15 08:27am

The Psychlos hold out for 400 years. Then the empire actually learns of their existance, 5 minutes pass, and the Psychlos are extinct.

Frank Hipper · Post by **Frank Hipper** » 2002-11-15 08:49pm

The Psychlos' atmosphere explodes on contact with radioactive materials. Dust 'em with some plutonium and enjoy the show.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2002-11-15 08:59pm

Frank Hipper wrote:The Psychlos' atmosphere explodes on contact with radioactive materials. Dust 'em with some plutonium and enjoy the show.

Once the Empire discovered how obnoxious they are, they wouldn't take the time to discover this interesting trivia about the Psychlos' atmosphere and L. Ron Hubbard's immense stupidity. They'd blast the Psychlos' atmosphere clean off their planet with a BDZ.

Grand Admiral Thrawn · Post by **Grand Admiral Thrawn** » 2002-11-15 09:11pm

Boom. Lots of boom.

Arthur_Tuxedo · Post by **Arthur_Tuxedo** » 2002-11-15 09:14pm

Frank Hipper wrote:The Psychlos' atmosphere explodes on contact with radioactive materials. Dust 'em with some plutonium and enjoy the show.

That's the stupidest thing I've read all day. If my respect for L. Ron Hubbard and his cult weren't at absolute zero, it would have just dropped through the floor.

paladin · Post by **paladin** » 2002-11-15 09:23pm

Mike_6002 wrote:Uggh lots of dead sciencetologists, one concussion missle in the Psychlo atmosphere...would you like Hubbard extra crispy or extra dead

Extra crispy, please. also with Barbeque sauce.

RedImperator · Post by **RedImperator** » 2002-11-15 09:46pm

Darth Wong wrote:
Frank Hipper wrote:The Psychlos' atmosphere explodes on contact with radioactive materials. Dust 'em with some plutonium and enjoy the show.
Once the Empire discovered how obnoxious they are, they wouldn't take the time to discover this interesting trivia about the Psychlos' atmosphere and L. Ron Hubbard's immense stupidity. They'd blast the Psychlos' atmosphere clean off their planet with a BDZ.

Ahh, but one stray gamma ray photon, and the Psychlos homeworld goes boom anyway. That's probably the only time the Empire takes losses: ISDs in orbit get bombarded by debris from the planet they accidentily blew up. Yes, it's stupid. That's why it's L. Ron Hubbard.

SirNitram · Post by **SirNitram** » 2002-11-16 01:50am

Imagine locking up the Incredible Hulk and flooding his body with steroids.
While this is going on you hit him on the head with a hammer every ten
seconds for a week. After this you point him in the direction of Woody
Allen for a fight. This is the Empire vs. the Psychlos.

The Dark · Post by **The Dark** » 2002-11-16 01:55am

SirNitram wrote:Imagine locking up the Incredible Hulk and flooding his body with steroids.
While this is going on you hit him on the head with a hammer every ten
seconds for a week. After this you point him in the direction of Woody
Allen for a fight. This is the Empire vs. the Psychlos.

ROFLMAO!!!!

Eleas · Post by **Eleas** » 2002-11-18 01:42pm

SirNitram wrote:Imagine locking up the Incredible Hulk and flooding his body with steroids.
While this is going on you hit him on the head with a hammer every ten
seconds for a week. After this you point him in the direction of Woody
Allen for a fight. This is the Empire vs. the Psychlos.

That's not your quote, bitch. Now give it back to Chuck and then hand me the KY jelly for your "punishment".

SirNitram · Post by **SirNitram** » 2002-11-18 01:57pm

Eleas wrote:
SirNitram wrote:Imagine locking up the Incredible Hulk and flooding his body with steroids.
While this is going on you hit him on the head with a hammer every ten
seconds for a week. After this you point him in the direction of Woody
Allen for a fight. This is the Empire vs. the Psychlos.
That's not your quote, bitch. Now give it back to Chuck and then hand me the KY jelly for your "punishment".

Gee, Eleas, I didn't know you swung that way. But I don't, is the problem.

*HADOKENs Eleas, tucks the quote back in the FUQ*

Eleas · Post by **Eleas** » 2002-11-18 01:59pm

SirNitram wrote:
Eleas wrote: Gee, Eleas, I didn't know you swung that way. But I don't, is the problem.

*HADOKENs Eleas, tucks the quote back in the FUQ*

Great, now I've got vaseline all over me...

jegs2 · Post by **jegs2** » 2002-11-18 02:44pm

Darth Wong wrote:The Psychlos were defeated by 2000 year old Harriers flown by completely untrained savages. The Empire takes this one in a cakewalk.

Plus, it is a travesty to even think of comparing the coolness of Darth Vader to that fucking John Travolta Psychlo character. And the name "Psychlo" is so fucking stupid that it deserves defeat for that reason alone.

I was most irritated by the pitiful excuse for a movie that somehow did a worse job in portraying the book then that distaster of a movie, Starship Troopers[/i]. I read Battlefield Earth and then looked forward to the movie only to have my jaw drop in utter disgust and contempt at the abortion I witnessed play out on the screen. The Psychlos in the book were far more menacing, intelligent and calculating than Travolta and his ilk portrayed them in that "movie."

jegs2 · Post by **jegs2** » 2002-11-18 02:47pm

Nevertheless, even in the book, the Psychos were not all that powerful, and they certainly could not have stood up to the industrial capacity and might of the Empire. What is worse is that their competitors likely would have immediately jumped on the side of the Empire once they got an idea of their size and power, for all other races in the book had no love for the Psychlos and wanted nothing more than to see them destroyed.

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