A tribute influenced by the theme of this forum, to a man whom I consider a teacher, Hunter S Thompson.
FEAR AND LOATHING IN MOS EISLEY
V/O: We were somewhere around Tatooine on the edge of the Outer Rim, when the drugs began to take hold.
The Millennium Falcon begins cruising along the desert sands out of nowhere. The view changes to the cockpit, where Han Solo is sitting, driving with one hand and taking swings from a can of Corellian High Life. Chewbacca opens a can for himself, and begins using it as shaving foam.
V/O: I remember saying something like, "I feel a bit lightheaded, maybe you should drive."
Chewbacca continues shaving
V/O: Suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge mynocks, all swooping and screeching and driving around the ship.
Close in on Han Solo, reflection of mynocks in his eyes as he swerves the Falcon left and right trying to shield himself from the mynocks
V/O: And a voice was screaming, "What in the Force are these sithspawned animals!"
Chewbacca Roars at Han, asking what he is doing
Han Solo: Never mind, it's your turn to drive.
V/O: No point mentioning these mynocks, I thought. The poor gundark would see them soon enough.
Han pulls the Falcon over and hops out, reaching for a blaster, he begins shooting at the mynocks diving down at him while Chewie takes the wheel. Han looks in the rear storage compartment of the falcon and pulls out a briefcase full of exotic drugs.
V/O: We had two bags of Alderaanian pipe-grass, seventy-five death-sticks, five sheets of high powered glitterstim, a salt shaker half full of spice, a whole galaxy of Corusca uppers, downers, screamers, laughers... Also a quart of Corellian brandy, a quart of lum, a case of beer, a pint of raw juma juice and two-dozen adrenal packages. Not that we needed all that for the jump, but once you get locked into a serious drug collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can.
Further down the road to Mos Eisley. Chewie is driving maniacally, wild-eyed staring down the road.
V/O: The only thing that really worried me was the juma juice. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of a juma binge. And I knew we'd get into that rotten stuff pretty soon.
Chewbacca changes the radio station; "One Toke Over the Line Sweet Jedi" is playing
Chewie: (Roars)
V/O: One took you poor bastard? Wait 'till you see those goddamn mynocks.
Up ahead at the side of the road, a lone hitchiker, a young Luke Skywalker, stands at the side of the road...
FEAR AND LOATHING IN MOS EISLEY
Moderator: LadyTevar
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Darth Fanboy
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FEAR AND LOATHING IN MOS EISLEY
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-
Darth Fanboy
- DUH! WINNING!
- Posts: 11182
- Joined: 2002-09-20 05:25am
- Location: Mars, where I am a totally bitchin' rockstar.
Up ahead at the side of the road, a lone hitchiker, a young Luke Skywalker, stands at the side of the road...
Chewie: (Roars)
Chewie leans into the controls and the Millenium Falcon veers to the side of the road
Han Solo: We can't stop here! This is mynock country!
Chewie throws the Falcon into reverse and shoots backwards, Luke races to the car, a poor Farmboy with a big grin
Luke: Hot Damn! I never rode in a starship before!
The big green freezes on Luke's face at the sight of Han and Chewie looking at him with huge smiles
Han Solo: Is that right? Well I guess you're just about ready eh kid?
Luke hesitates
Chewie: (Roars)
Han Solo: No more of that talk or i'll put the fucking granite slugs on you!
Han gives luke an evil stare
Han Solo: Get in.
Chewie sings along to the holoplayer. Luke eyes the hatch in the cockpit, considering jumping and taking his chances. Han stares at Luke in the rear view mirror intently, sweating profusely.
V/O: How long could we maintain I wonder? How long before one of us starts raving and habbering at this farmboy? What will he think then? This same lonely desert planet was the last known home of Jabba the Hutt's Cartel. Would he make that grim connection when my Co-pilot starts screaming about Mynocks and huge Rancors coming down on the ship?
Hans mouth moves intermittently, sometimes in sync with his inner monologue, sometimes not.
V/O: If so, well we'll have to cut his head off and toss him in a sarlaac somewhere. Because it goes without saying that we can't turn him loose. He'd report us at once to some kind of outer rim Imperial law enforcement agency, and they'll run us down like Gungans...
Han Solo: (out loud to himself) Sithspit did I say that?
V/O: Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?
Chewie: (Roars)
Han gives Luke a big grin and turns away
V/O: Maybe I better have a chat with this farmboy I thought. Perhaps if I explain things he'll rest easy.
Han Solo: (yelling over the thrum of the sublight engines) There's one thing you should probably understand!
Luke stares at him nervously
Han Solo: (yelling louder) CAN YOU HEAR ME?
Luke giggles and nods, but still holds a terrified look on his face. Han climbs into the back next to Luke
Han Solo: That's good, because I want you to have all the background, this is a very ominous run with overtones of extreme personal danger. I made the Kessel Run in les sthan 12 parsecs this is important dammit! This is a true story!
Han smacks the back of the driver's seat and Chewie freaks out, the Falcon swerves and nearly crashes inot the Tatooine sands.
Chewie: (roars)
Luke tries to bail for freedom but Han drags him back down
V/O: Our vibrations were getting nasty, but why? Was there no communication in this ship? Had we deteriorated to the level of dumb banthas?
Luke struggles, against Han's grip
Han Solo: I wan't you to understand that this hairy guy at the wheel is my copilot! He's not just some dingbat I found on the Rim. He's an alien! I think he's probably a Wookiee. But it doesn't matter does it? Are you prejudiced?
Luke: Hell no!
Han Solo: I didn't think so. Because in spite of his race, this Wookiee is extremely valuable to me. Hell I forgot all about this beer. You want one?
Luke shakes his head no
Han Solo: How bout some Juma Juice?
Luke: What?
Han Solo: Never mind that, let me get to the point. Twenty four hours ago we were sitting in the posh lounge of the Mos Espa Hills Hotel...
Chewie: (Roars)
Chewie leans into the controls and the Millenium Falcon veers to the side of the road
Han Solo: We can't stop here! This is mynock country!
Chewie throws the Falcon into reverse and shoots backwards, Luke races to the car, a poor Farmboy with a big grin
Luke: Hot Damn! I never rode in a starship before!
The big green freezes on Luke's face at the sight of Han and Chewie looking at him with huge smiles
Han Solo: Is that right? Well I guess you're just about ready eh kid?
Luke hesitates
Chewie: (Roars)
Han Solo: No more of that talk or i'll put the fucking granite slugs on you!
Han gives luke an evil stare
Han Solo: Get in.
Chewie sings along to the holoplayer. Luke eyes the hatch in the cockpit, considering jumping and taking his chances. Han stares at Luke in the rear view mirror intently, sweating profusely.
V/O: How long could we maintain I wonder? How long before one of us starts raving and habbering at this farmboy? What will he think then? This same lonely desert planet was the last known home of Jabba the Hutt's Cartel. Would he make that grim connection when my Co-pilot starts screaming about Mynocks and huge Rancors coming down on the ship?
Hans mouth moves intermittently, sometimes in sync with his inner monologue, sometimes not.
V/O: If so, well we'll have to cut his head off and toss him in a sarlaac somewhere. Because it goes without saying that we can't turn him loose. He'd report us at once to some kind of outer rim Imperial law enforcement agency, and they'll run us down like Gungans...
Han Solo: (out loud to himself) Sithspit did I say that?
V/O: Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?
Chewie: (Roars)
Han gives Luke a big grin and turns away
V/O: Maybe I better have a chat with this farmboy I thought. Perhaps if I explain things he'll rest easy.
Han Solo: (yelling over the thrum of the sublight engines) There's one thing you should probably understand!
Luke stares at him nervously
Han Solo: (yelling louder) CAN YOU HEAR ME?
Luke giggles and nods, but still holds a terrified look on his face. Han climbs into the back next to Luke
Han Solo: That's good, because I want you to have all the background, this is a very ominous run with overtones of extreme personal danger. I made the Kessel Run in les sthan 12 parsecs this is important dammit! This is a true story!
Han smacks the back of the driver's seat and Chewie freaks out, the Falcon swerves and nearly crashes inot the Tatooine sands.
Chewie: (roars)
Luke tries to bail for freedom but Han drags him back down
V/O: Our vibrations were getting nasty, but why? Was there no communication in this ship? Had we deteriorated to the level of dumb banthas?
Luke struggles, against Han's grip
Han Solo: I wan't you to understand that this hairy guy at the wheel is my copilot! He's not just some dingbat I found on the Rim. He's an alien! I think he's probably a Wookiee. But it doesn't matter does it? Are you prejudiced?
Luke: Hell no!
Han Solo: I didn't think so. Because in spite of his race, this Wookiee is extremely valuable to me. Hell I forgot all about this beer. You want one?
Luke shakes his head no
Han Solo: How bout some Juma Juice?
Luke: What?
Han Solo: Never mind that, let me get to the point. Twenty four hours ago we were sitting in the posh lounge of the Mos Espa Hills Hotel...
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-
Darth Fanboy
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Han Solo: Never mind that, let me get to the point. Twenty four hours ago we were sitting in the posh lounge of the Mos Espa Hills Hotel...
Cut to a dune-side lounge at the Mos Espa Hills Hotel...
A Jawa carries a shocking pink comlink through the tranquil lounge crowd.
V/O: ... in the patio section of course. Drinking Coruscant Slings with spice on the side, hiding from the brutal realities of this foul year of our Emperor, 30 AE.
The Jawa reaches Han Solo and Chewie in the middle of serious conversation.
Han Solo: I'm telling you this Kenobi job is getting too complicated. The imperial weasels have started closing in.
Jawa: Perhaps this is the transmission you've been waiting for all this time sir
Han lifts the reciver and listens.
Han Solo: Uh-huh, Uh-huh, Uh huh....
DUKE lifts the receiver -- listens...
Han Solo hangs up the comlink
Han Solo: That was Jabba. He wants me to go to Mos Eisley at once and make contact with a Mandalorian bounty hunter named Fett. He'll have the details. All I have to do is check into the sound proof Docking Bay 94 and he'll seek me out.
Chewie says nothing for a moment and then slams the table
Chewie: (Roars loudly)
GONZO, says nothing for a moment, then POUNDS the table!
Han Solo: Why not? If a thing's worth doing, it's worth doing right.
Han and Chewie leave, the JAwa follows with a very large bill in his hand. They sweet out through the lounge door, not noticing as the JAwa is knocked on his backside by the closing door.
Han Solo: I tell you my friend, this is the Galactic Dream in action! We'd be fools not to ride this proton torpedo all the way to the end.
Chewie: (Roars)
Han Solo: The Mos Eisley 400! The richest off-track race for podracers and swoop bikes in the history of Hutt-organized sport! A fantastic spectacle in honor of some fatback Hutt who owns the luxurious Twin Suns Hotel in the heart of downtown Mos Eisley, at least thats what they say.
Han and Chewie recieve their shuttle from the valet, a vert decrepit looking lambda shuttle with rust coating and duct tape over the exterior.
Han Solo: We're going to have to drum it up on our own, pure Gungan journalism.
Han and Chewie take off as the Jawa stumbles out of the hotel with the unpaid bill in his hand.
Their car arrives -- rusted out, smashed door panels. They
jump in.
V/O: Getting a hold of the drugs and the tunics had been no problems. But the ship and the holo-recorder were not easy things to round up at 1830 on a Friday afternoon on Tatooine.
Han and Chewie are in a tropical themed bar, Han is drinking Coruscant Slings while Chewie is yelling into a comlink in Kashyykian.
Chewie: (roaring over the comlink with various pauses as he listens to what is being said)
Han Solo: Don't take any guff from that Gamorrean swine!
Chewie: (Nervous growling)
Han Solo: Of course we'll have good credit. You wookies are all the same. You have no faith in the essential decency of the human's culture.
The scene changes, it is dusk now, Han and Chewie are speeding across Mos Espa
V/O: The store with the recording equipment and holoplayer was closed, but the Twi'lek salesman said he would wait, if we hurried.
The shuttle becomes stuck in a traffic jam
V/O: But we were delayed when the Z-95 in front of us killed a pedestrian
Han is leaning out of the shuttle and shouting obscenities, a crashed Z-95 lays crumpled on the side of the road while a tarp covers a bloody smear that was a pedestrian. The scene then shifts to night.
V/O: We had trouble again, at the rental agency
Han is sitting in the cockpit of the Millenium Falcon while a nervous Lando Calrissian looks on.
Lando: Say...uh...you guys are going to be careful with this ship aren't you?
Han Solo: Of course.
Han throws the Millenium Falcon into reverse and performs a series of twisting maneuvers while evading security turrets.
Lando: Good god! You just accelerated past a level three security gauntlet and you didn't even slow down! And you barely missed the pump!
Han Solo: NO harm done, I always test the inertial compensator that way, for stress factors.
Chewie begins putting the recording equipment in the back as well as a few cases of Churba Beer, Chewie opens a can, slams it, and hands it to Lando.
Lando: Have you guys been drinking?
Han Solo: Not me, we're responsible people.
12.
Han tears off in the Falcon, Lando helplessy chasing behind screaming something.
Chewie: (Roars)
V/O: We spent the rest of the night rounding up materials and packing the Falcon. Then we took some spice and played Sabacc.
Han and chewie look dazed as the cards are automatically shuffled by the skifter.
V/O: Our trip was different, it was to be a classic affirmation of everything right and true in the galactic character. A gross phsycial salue to the fantastic possibilities of life in the Empire, but only for scoundrels with true grit.
The scene cuts back to the Falcon, travelling towards Mos Eisley, Han Solo and Luke SKywalker are in the backseat.
Han Solo: And we are chock full of that!
Cut to a dune-side lounge at the Mos Espa Hills Hotel...
A Jawa carries a shocking pink comlink through the tranquil lounge crowd.
V/O: ... in the patio section of course. Drinking Coruscant Slings with spice on the side, hiding from the brutal realities of this foul year of our Emperor, 30 AE.
The Jawa reaches Han Solo and Chewie in the middle of serious conversation.
Han Solo: I'm telling you this Kenobi job is getting too complicated. The imperial weasels have started closing in.
Jawa: Perhaps this is the transmission you've been waiting for all this time sir
Han lifts the reciver and listens.
Han Solo: Uh-huh, Uh-huh, Uh huh....
DUKE lifts the receiver -- listens...
Han Solo hangs up the comlink
Han Solo: That was Jabba. He wants me to go to Mos Eisley at once and make contact with a Mandalorian bounty hunter named Fett. He'll have the details. All I have to do is check into the sound proof Docking Bay 94 and he'll seek me out.
Chewie says nothing for a moment and then slams the table
Chewie: (Roars loudly)
GONZO, says nothing for a moment, then POUNDS the table!
Han Solo: Why not? If a thing's worth doing, it's worth doing right.
Han and Chewie leave, the JAwa follows with a very large bill in his hand. They sweet out through the lounge door, not noticing as the JAwa is knocked on his backside by the closing door.
Han Solo: I tell you my friend, this is the Galactic Dream in action! We'd be fools not to ride this proton torpedo all the way to the end.
Chewie: (Roars)
Han Solo: The Mos Eisley 400! The richest off-track race for podracers and swoop bikes in the history of Hutt-organized sport! A fantastic spectacle in honor of some fatback Hutt who owns the luxurious Twin Suns Hotel in the heart of downtown Mos Eisley, at least thats what they say.
Han and Chewie recieve their shuttle from the valet, a vert decrepit looking lambda shuttle with rust coating and duct tape over the exterior.
Han Solo: We're going to have to drum it up on our own, pure Gungan journalism.
Han and Chewie take off as the Jawa stumbles out of the hotel with the unpaid bill in his hand.
Their car arrives -- rusted out, smashed door panels. They
jump in.
V/O: Getting a hold of the drugs and the tunics had been no problems. But the ship and the holo-recorder were not easy things to round up at 1830 on a Friday afternoon on Tatooine.
Han and Chewie are in a tropical themed bar, Han is drinking Coruscant Slings while Chewie is yelling into a comlink in Kashyykian.
Chewie: (roaring over the comlink with various pauses as he listens to what is being said)
Han Solo: Don't take any guff from that Gamorrean swine!
Chewie: (Nervous growling)
Han Solo: Of course we'll have good credit. You wookies are all the same. You have no faith in the essential decency of the human's culture.
The scene changes, it is dusk now, Han and Chewie are speeding across Mos Espa
V/O: The store with the recording equipment and holoplayer was closed, but the Twi'lek salesman said he would wait, if we hurried.
The shuttle becomes stuck in a traffic jam
V/O: But we were delayed when the Z-95 in front of us killed a pedestrian
Han is leaning out of the shuttle and shouting obscenities, a crashed Z-95 lays crumpled on the side of the road while a tarp covers a bloody smear that was a pedestrian. The scene then shifts to night.
V/O: We had trouble again, at the rental agency
Han is sitting in the cockpit of the Millenium Falcon while a nervous Lando Calrissian looks on.
Lando: Say...uh...you guys are going to be careful with this ship aren't you?
Han Solo: Of course.
Han throws the Millenium Falcon into reverse and performs a series of twisting maneuvers while evading security turrets.
Lando: Good god! You just accelerated past a level three security gauntlet and you didn't even slow down! And you barely missed the pump!
Han Solo: NO harm done, I always test the inertial compensator that way, for stress factors.
Chewie begins putting the recording equipment in the back as well as a few cases of Churba Beer, Chewie opens a can, slams it, and hands it to Lando.
Lando: Have you guys been drinking?
Han Solo: Not me, we're responsible people.
12.
Han tears off in the Falcon, Lando helplessy chasing behind screaming something.
Chewie: (Roars)
V/O: We spent the rest of the night rounding up materials and packing the Falcon. Then we took some spice and played Sabacc.
Han and chewie look dazed as the cards are automatically shuffled by the skifter.
V/O: Our trip was different, it was to be a classic affirmation of everything right and true in the galactic character. A gross phsycial salue to the fantastic possibilities of life in the Empire, but only for scoundrels with true grit.
The scene cuts back to the Falcon, travelling towards Mos Eisley, Han Solo and Luke SKywalker are in the backseat.
Han Solo: And we are chock full of that!
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-
Darth Fanboy
- DUH! WINNING!
- Posts: 11182
- Joined: 2002-09-20 05:25am
- Location: Mars, where I am a totally bitchin' rockstar.
Han Solo: And we are chock full of that!
Chewie: (Roars his consent)
Han Solo: My copilot understands this concept, despite his species handicap, but do you?
Luke Skywalker giggles, obviously feeling afraid.
V/O: He said he understood, but I could see in his eyes that he didn't. He was lying to me.
Chewie: (Roars clutching his chest)
Chewie clutches at his heart, the Millenium Falcon veers off the road and comes to a suddent stop, Chewie slumps over the wheel.
Chewie: (Roaring, as if asking for something)
Han Solo: Medicine? Ah yes its right here.
Han spills out four Adrenal packages from a tin
Han Solo: Don't worry, the wookie has a bad heart, Angina Pectoris. But we have a cure!
Han and Chewie break open two packages each and inhale deeply, Chewie falls backwards in his seat staring straight at the Twin Suns, Luke Skywalker is petrified.
Chewie: (Roaring gibberish towards the back where Han and Luke are sitting.)
Han Solo: You furry Wookie bastard! Watch your language! You're talking to a man who made the Kessel run in 12 parsecs!
Chewie: (Roaring in a low tone, sounding demented and then laughing)
Han Solo: (Turns to Luke) Pay no attention to the furbag, he can't handle the medicine.
Chewie: (roaring in a dark tone, then turning and suddenly pointing his bowcaster at Luke and roaring again before putting the bowcaster away)
Han Solo: That's right! Those bastard customs inspectors won't get away with this! What's going on in this galaxy when a scum sucker like that can get away with sandbagging a man who made the Kessel run in 12 parsecs?
(Chewie cracks another Adrenal package and Luke SKywalker uses the opportunity to scramble out of the backseat and escape)
Luke Skywalker: Thanks for the ride! Thanks a lot! I like you guys! Don't worry about me!
Han Solo: Wait a minute, come back and have a beer!
(Luke is in a full sprint)
Chewie: (Roars something derogatory, while Han glances back at the fleeing farmboy.)
Han Solo: Move over! We have to get out of here before that kid finds a stormtrooper!
Han guns the Millenium Falcon and takes off down the road. the scene shifts further down the road as Han is staring ahead while Chewie wrestles with the salt shaker full of spice. The top comes off and much of it blows away.
Chewie: (Roars angrily)
Han Solo: Jedi didn't do that! You did it! YOu're an undercover imperial agent! That was our spice you Gamorrean pig!
Chewie: (Growls menacingly while waving the bowcaster)
Han Solo: You whore!
Chewie: (tears up a sheet of the glitterstim and hands a piece to Han, motioning or him to eat it)
Han Solo: (taking his share and chews it) How long do I have for this stuff to kick in?
Chewie: (Roars)
V/O: Thirty minutes, it was going to be very close.
Chewie: (Roars his consent)
Han Solo: My copilot understands this concept, despite his species handicap, but do you?
Luke Skywalker giggles, obviously feeling afraid.
V/O: He said he understood, but I could see in his eyes that he didn't. He was lying to me.
Chewie: (Roars clutching his chest)
Chewie clutches at his heart, the Millenium Falcon veers off the road and comes to a suddent stop, Chewie slumps over the wheel.
Chewie: (Roaring, as if asking for something)
Han Solo: Medicine? Ah yes its right here.
Han spills out four Adrenal packages from a tin
Han Solo: Don't worry, the wookie has a bad heart, Angina Pectoris. But we have a cure!
Han and Chewie break open two packages each and inhale deeply, Chewie falls backwards in his seat staring straight at the Twin Suns, Luke Skywalker is petrified.
Chewie: (Roaring gibberish towards the back where Han and Luke are sitting.)
Han Solo: You furry Wookie bastard! Watch your language! You're talking to a man who made the Kessel run in 12 parsecs!
Chewie: (Roaring in a low tone, sounding demented and then laughing)
Han Solo: (Turns to Luke) Pay no attention to the furbag, he can't handle the medicine.
Chewie: (roaring in a dark tone, then turning and suddenly pointing his bowcaster at Luke and roaring again before putting the bowcaster away)
Han Solo: That's right! Those bastard customs inspectors won't get away with this! What's going on in this galaxy when a scum sucker like that can get away with sandbagging a man who made the Kessel run in 12 parsecs?
(Chewie cracks another Adrenal package and Luke SKywalker uses the opportunity to scramble out of the backseat and escape)
Luke Skywalker: Thanks for the ride! Thanks a lot! I like you guys! Don't worry about me!
Han Solo: Wait a minute, come back and have a beer!
(Luke is in a full sprint)
Chewie: (Roars something derogatory, while Han glances back at the fleeing farmboy.)
Han Solo: Move over! We have to get out of here before that kid finds a stormtrooper!
Han guns the Millenium Falcon and takes off down the road. the scene shifts further down the road as Han is staring ahead while Chewie wrestles with the salt shaker full of spice. The top comes off and much of it blows away.
Chewie: (Roars angrily)
Han Solo: Jedi didn't do that! You did it! YOu're an undercover imperial agent! That was our spice you Gamorrean pig!
Chewie: (Growls menacingly while waving the bowcaster)
Han Solo: You whore!
Chewie: (tears up a sheet of the glitterstim and hands a piece to Han, motioning or him to eat it)
Han Solo: (taking his share and chews it) How long do I have for this stuff to kick in?
Chewie: (Roars)
V/O: Thirty minutes, it was going to be very close.
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
*claps laughing* Cute, amusing and cute. *goes to reread bits*
the longer i wait,the more i forget.the more i forget, the longer the list of desires grows. for that which is wanted is forbidden. and we all know that forbidden fruit is often the sweetest.Don'tcha wish your g/f was a witch like me?~*~AYVBABTU
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Darth Fanboy
- DUH! WINNING!
- Posts: 11182
- Joined: 2002-09-20 05:25am
- Location: Mars, where I am a totally bitchin' rockstar.
I've been told that it involves touching myself at night.Zaia wrote:How did you get to be so weird?
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-
Darth Fanboy
- DUH! WINNING!
- Posts: 11182
- Joined: 2002-09-20 05:25am
- Location: Mars, where I am a totally bitchin' rockstar.
The Millenium Falcon screams along the highway past a billboard:
"DON'T GAMBLE WITH SPICE! \ IN OUTER RIM: POSSESSION - 20
YEARS; SALE - LIFE!!"
EXT. MOS EISLEY MINT HOTEL - DUSK
The Millenium Falcon pulls up outside the MINT. A great banner
spanning the street announces the MINT 400.
Han can feel the drug surging up inside him. Clutching a
buckled beer can, sweat pouring, he stares fixedly at the
ticket the Jawa Attendant gives him.
Han Solo: I need this, right?
Jawa: Uttini.
V/O: There is no way of explaining the terror I felt.
INT. HOTEL LOBBY - DAY
Han waits in line at the front desk -- rigid with pent up energy. Chewbacca is ahead of him -- muscling in -- trying to queue jump and failing.
V/O: I was pouring sweat. My blood is too thick for Tatooine. I've never been able to properly explain myself in this climate.
A COUPLE move off and DUKE jerks forward -- stops -- eyes fixed on the stony Twi'lek desk clerk.
V/O: Be quiet, be calm... name, title,and ship identification,nothing else...
Han moves closer to the desk. Chewie is flapping around with absolutely no success.
Something catches Han's eye, his eyes turning to the the Corellian carpet patterns creeping up the walls.
V/O:...ignore this terrible drug, pretend it's not happening...
A pair of Nikto leave the counter, Han suddenly is face to face with the desk clerk.
Han: HI THERE! MY NAME...AH, HAN SOLO... ON... ON THAT LIST, THAT'S FOR SURE. FREE LUNCH, FINAL WISDOM, TOTAL COVERAGE... WHY NOT? I HAVE MY CO PILOT WITH ME AND I REALIZE...
As Han stares at her while he babbles, her face morphs. He tries to stop it happening by talking faster.
Han: THAT HIS NAME IS NOT ON THE LIST, BUT WE MUST HAVE THAT SUITE! JUST CHECK THE LIST AND YOU'LL SEE. DON'T WORRY. WHAT'S THE SCORE HERE?
Clerk: Your suite's not ready yet. But there's somebody looking for you.
Her face is CHANGING -- SWELLING -- PULSING...
Han: NO! WHY? WE HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING YET!
The FACE OF THE RESERVATIONS CLERK TURNS GREEN & GROWS FANGS. HAn turns back towards Chewbacca, who grips his arm intensely.[/i]
Chewie: (Low mellow growling at desk clerk)
Chewie moves Han away from the desk. Han looks back -- the clerk is now a SARLAAC -- with large tentacles and a beak.
INT. NAUTICAL BAR - DAY
The bar -- OILY PEOPLE -- quiet music -- nautical theme.Han and Chewie at the bar, a vibro axe hanging on the wall behind them. Han has turned to stone...
Chewie: (Growls and orders his drink from the bartender before turning to ask Han a question.)
Han: Kenobi?
V/O: I couldn't remember. The name rang a bell, but I couldn't concentrate, terrible things were happening all around us...
Han: Order some space boots, Otherwise, we'll never get out of this place alive. Impossible to walk in this much, no footing at all.
Han looks up, but Chewie has disappeared. Han looks around, the entire room has tranfroemd into a room filled with Trandoshans, drinking and gnawing at one another.
V/O: I was right in the middle of a fucking reptile zoo, and somebody was giving booze to these goddamn things! It won't be long before they tear us to shreds!
Chewie appears behind han.
Chewie: (barely comprehensible growling)
Chewie removes his sunglasses and speaks as if he is floating. Han struggles to keep him in his line of vision.
Chewile: (slightly coherent grumbling)
Han: PLEASE! TELL ME ABOUT THE FUCKING SPACE BOOTS!
A group of Trandoshans eyes Han and smiles back at him, letting blood drip from their fangs. Chewie attempts to hold Han still
Han: Holy shit! Look at that bunch over there, they spotted us!
Chewie downs his beverage in one gulp and says something to Han before walking off.
Han: No! Don't leave me!
INT. MINT HOTEL SUITE - DUSK
The holographic projector shows the Holonews. A former Jedi Knight, protesting the Empire, sets himself on fire. A very nervous Protocol Droid is laying out Chewie's order.
C-3P0: Four club sandwiches, four Dac cocktails
Han: There's a big...machine in the sky...some kind of electric gundark.
Han is curled by the window, mesmermized by an unseen bright light out the window.
C-3P0: A quart of lum
Han: Coming straight at us.
Chewie: (notions for Han to shoot it)
Han: Not yet, I want to study its habits.
C-3P0: And...oh dear, nine fresh muja fruit.
Chewie growls at Threepio before nuding him out the door. He then turns and begins roaring in frustration at Han, who is preoccupied with disturbing images of the Ghorman Massacre. Chewie tells Han that the patrons of the bar wereready to call in the local stromtrooper garrison. They are interrupted by a loud knock on the door
Han: Oh my god, who is that?
Chewie hefts his bowcaster and looks through the peephole to see OBi Wan Kenobi standing outside.
Kenobi: Han? I'm Kenobi, your passenger. Got your clearance? Good, good. Too bad you missed the starfighers checking in. My what a sight!
Han watches the holonet as TIE Bombers drop their payloads, the explosions spill from the projector and onto the carpet. HAn looks up to see Kenobi wearing Jedi robes and covered in blood, speaking a language that wasn't even close to Basic.
Kenobi: INCOM! SEINAR! KDY!
Han rubs his eyes, bringing him slightly back to reality.
Kenobi: COupla Rothana HEavy Engineering models and few few Corporate sector beauties we haven't even seen yet. Well, gotta go!
Kenobi leaves, Duke is in total shock.
Han: That's good....
Chewie: (voices his suspicions)
Han: They'll probably have a Star Destroyer for us when we show up.
Chewie angrily tells han to turn off the holoprojector as Han loses focus. Chewie then turns off the projection.
"DON'T GAMBLE WITH SPICE! \ IN OUTER RIM: POSSESSION - 20
YEARS; SALE - LIFE!!"
EXT. MOS EISLEY MINT HOTEL - DUSK
The Millenium Falcon pulls up outside the MINT. A great banner
spanning the street announces the MINT 400.
Han can feel the drug surging up inside him. Clutching a
buckled beer can, sweat pouring, he stares fixedly at the
ticket the Jawa Attendant gives him.
Han Solo: I need this, right?
Jawa: Uttini.
V/O: There is no way of explaining the terror I felt.
INT. HOTEL LOBBY - DAY
Han waits in line at the front desk -- rigid with pent up energy. Chewbacca is ahead of him -- muscling in -- trying to queue jump and failing.
V/O: I was pouring sweat. My blood is too thick for Tatooine. I've never been able to properly explain myself in this climate.
A COUPLE move off and DUKE jerks forward -- stops -- eyes fixed on the stony Twi'lek desk clerk.
V/O: Be quiet, be calm... name, title,and ship identification,nothing else...
Han moves closer to the desk. Chewie is flapping around with absolutely no success.
Something catches Han's eye, his eyes turning to the the Corellian carpet patterns creeping up the walls.
V/O:...ignore this terrible drug, pretend it's not happening...
A pair of Nikto leave the counter, Han suddenly is face to face with the desk clerk.
Han: HI THERE! MY NAME...AH, HAN SOLO... ON... ON THAT LIST, THAT'S FOR SURE. FREE LUNCH, FINAL WISDOM, TOTAL COVERAGE... WHY NOT? I HAVE MY CO PILOT WITH ME AND I REALIZE...
As Han stares at her while he babbles, her face morphs. He tries to stop it happening by talking faster.
Han: THAT HIS NAME IS NOT ON THE LIST, BUT WE MUST HAVE THAT SUITE! JUST CHECK THE LIST AND YOU'LL SEE. DON'T WORRY. WHAT'S THE SCORE HERE?
Clerk: Your suite's not ready yet. But there's somebody looking for you.
Her face is CHANGING -- SWELLING -- PULSING...
Han: NO! WHY? WE HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING YET!
The FACE OF THE RESERVATIONS CLERK TURNS GREEN & GROWS FANGS. HAn turns back towards Chewbacca, who grips his arm intensely.[/i]
Chewie: (Low mellow growling at desk clerk)
Chewie moves Han away from the desk. Han looks back -- the clerk is now a SARLAAC -- with large tentacles and a beak.
INT. NAUTICAL BAR - DAY
The bar -- OILY PEOPLE -- quiet music -- nautical theme.Han and Chewie at the bar, a vibro axe hanging on the wall behind them. Han has turned to stone...
Chewie: (Growls and orders his drink from the bartender before turning to ask Han a question.)
Han: Kenobi?
V/O: I couldn't remember. The name rang a bell, but I couldn't concentrate, terrible things were happening all around us...
Han: Order some space boots, Otherwise, we'll never get out of this place alive. Impossible to walk in this much, no footing at all.
Han looks up, but Chewie has disappeared. Han looks around, the entire room has tranfroemd into a room filled with Trandoshans, drinking and gnawing at one another.
V/O: I was right in the middle of a fucking reptile zoo, and somebody was giving booze to these goddamn things! It won't be long before they tear us to shreds!
Chewie appears behind han.
Chewie: (barely comprehensible growling)
Chewie removes his sunglasses and speaks as if he is floating. Han struggles to keep him in his line of vision.
Chewile: (slightly coherent grumbling)
Han: PLEASE! TELL ME ABOUT THE FUCKING SPACE BOOTS!
A group of Trandoshans eyes Han and smiles back at him, letting blood drip from their fangs. Chewie attempts to hold Han still
Han: Holy shit! Look at that bunch over there, they spotted us!
Chewie downs his beverage in one gulp and says something to Han before walking off.
Han: No! Don't leave me!
INT. MINT HOTEL SUITE - DUSK
The holographic projector shows the Holonews. A former Jedi Knight, protesting the Empire, sets himself on fire. A very nervous Protocol Droid is laying out Chewie's order.
C-3P0: Four club sandwiches, four Dac cocktails
Han: There's a big...machine in the sky...some kind of electric gundark.
Han is curled by the window, mesmermized by an unseen bright light out the window.
C-3P0: A quart of lum
Han: Coming straight at us.
Chewie: (notions for Han to shoot it)
Han: Not yet, I want to study its habits.
C-3P0: And...oh dear, nine fresh muja fruit.
Chewie growls at Threepio before nuding him out the door. He then turns and begins roaring in frustration at Han, who is preoccupied with disturbing images of the Ghorman Massacre. Chewie tells Han that the patrons of the bar wereready to call in the local stromtrooper garrison. They are interrupted by a loud knock on the door
Han: Oh my god, who is that?
Chewie hefts his bowcaster and looks through the peephole to see OBi Wan Kenobi standing outside.
Kenobi: Han? I'm Kenobi, your passenger. Got your clearance? Good, good. Too bad you missed the starfighers checking in. My what a sight!
Han watches the holonet as TIE Bombers drop their payloads, the explosions spill from the projector and onto the carpet. HAn looks up to see Kenobi wearing Jedi robes and covered in blood, speaking a language that wasn't even close to Basic.
Kenobi: INCOM! SEINAR! KDY!
Han rubs his eyes, bringing him slightly back to reality.
Kenobi: COupla Rothana HEavy Engineering models and few few Corporate sector beauties we haven't even seen yet. Well, gotta go!
Kenobi leaves, Duke is in total shock.
Han: That's good....
Chewie: (voices his suspicions)
Han: They'll probably have a Star Destroyer for us when we show up.
Chewie angrily tells han to turn off the holoprojector as Han loses focus. Chewie then turns off the projection.
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-
Sidewinder
- Sith Acolyte
- Posts: 5466
- Joined: 2005-05-18 10:23pm
- Location: Feasting on those who fell in battle
- Contact:
I've only been drunk three times in my life, and the closest I've ever been to being stoned is the moments I've suffered from severe sleep deprivation. So tell me, is this what really happens to people high on drugs? Seeing things that aren't there and going nuts about these things?
Please do not make Americans fight giant monsters.
Those gun nuts do not understand the meaning of "overkill," and will simply use weapon after weapon of mass destruction (WMD) until the monster is dead, or until they run out of weapons.
They have more WMD than there are monsters for us to fight. (More insanity here.)
Those gun nuts do not understand the meaning of "overkill," and will simply use weapon after weapon of mass destruction (WMD) until the monster is dead, or until they run out of weapons.
They have more WMD than there are monsters for us to fight. (More insanity here.)