Possibly the Funniest thing I have Ever Read - EP3 SPOILERS!

Alexus · Post by **Alexus** » 2005-03-20 04:52am

http://www.pointlesswasteoftime.com/fil ... ilers.html

Post by **Vympel** » 2005-03-20 05:34am

Some of those were pretty good, others were stupid.

Alexus · Post by **Alexus** » 2005-03-20 05:34am

Like..?

Lone_Prodigy · Post by **Lone_Prodigy** » 2005-03-20 05:52am

How Boba went on board the Executor, where over 100,000 clones of his dead dad were- not 10,000. Details, details! God, that sort of thing is why parodies suck....

Alexus · Post by **Alexus** » 2005-03-20 05:55am

It's still funnier than 'Boba went on board the 17.6 km Executor, where he met 193,267.8 of his dead dad'

Post by **NecronLord** » 2005-03-20 07:31am

"In fact, some believe that the Battle Droids were never intended for combat and are in fact named after their creator, Dr. Sivor Battle, who intended the droids to be purely decorative."

Sadly, I don't find that hard to swallow.

Elfdart · Post by **Elfdart** » 2005-03-20 09:16am

"Behold! I have mocked the Imperial forces too soon. Here is a SUPER BATTLE DROID. I'm afraid we'll have to wait until May to see the outcome of this attack."

"Oh, wait, no. It appears Obi-Wan has reduced this enemy to a ballerina clothed in a tutu made of its own groinfire."

BWHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Alexus · Post by **Alexus** » 2005-03-20 09:18am

"The future Emperor's descent into alcoholism is vividly displayed here, the man surrounded at all times by at least three space kegs."

Post by **Vympel** » 2005-03-20 09:31am

Alexus wrote:Like..?

The Battledroid exploding when neither Anakin or Obi-Wan are next to it. Any idiot could tell that it had fired a blaster bolt at them and was sufferring the consequences. That one's not good comedy.

Alexus · Post by **Alexus** » 2005-03-20 09:33am

The whole site it is on is about MISINTERPRETING things.

MISINTERPRETING.

I think that one is one of the funniest because it is MISINTERPRETING the pic.

Drooling Iguana · Post by **Drooling Iguana** » 2005-03-20 10:46am

Screeners report that this character fires a barrage of laser bolts, then pauses while the red spot in his chest lights up. When the protagonist shoots the red spot, the enemy attacks with another barrage, moving around the room in a repeating pattern, until the red spot becomes vunerable again. Rumors state that if the red dot is hit three times he will explode.

Dillon · Post by **Dillon** » 2005-03-20 11:04am

"His mind has become rough and irritating, like sand." -- Obi-Wan talking about Anakin after he goes to the dark side.

Alexus · Post by **Alexus** » 2005-03-20 11:20am

This is an EPII plot summary from the same site.

This is a summary of the Episode II plot, as gathered by our insiders. We will be correcting it right up until release.

Opening crawl. About 250 paragraphs long.

Fade in on a shot of Obi-wan sleeping. This shot is held for the first 14 minutes of the film.

YODA stands silently in the young Jedi training chamber. He is engaging a class of seven young trainees in a strenuous staring contest. They continue to stare at each other in total silence for a long, long time, a tense battle of Jedi will.

SUPREME CHANCELLOR PALPATINE is in his official chambers, quietly reading a book. Finally, he lays the book down, glances at one of his evil henchmen, and nods. The henchman nods back. They smile slightly.

He picks up the book and starts reading again.

A shot of the capital planet of Coruscant. Slowly we zoom in on the surface, bringing massive interconnected cities into detail. Zoom further, to individual towers and suspended pathways. Zoom down onto one landing platform, closer and closer until we see an 8-legged space beetle, only a quarter inch long, lumbering along the surface. It crawls slowly, stops, then crawls some more. We follow its progress, inching along, then back, stopping for a few minutes, then crawling again. After 25 minutes, the scene slowly dissolves to blackness.

***INTERMISSION***

When we come back, now 90 minutes into the film, ANAKIN AND OBI-WAN are in training. Anakin's honor is called into doubt when he invents a light saber with a 15 foot-long blade, allowing him to easily cut down opponents from across the room.

SENATOR AMIDALA walks past the bug on Coruscant and into the Senatorial Chambers, where she again implores the government to enact laws to require safety rails on all suspended catwalks. The measure is again voted down.

Anakin, in his shop, builds a cyborg which he decides to name Han Solo. Anakin strokes his thick, thick Jedi mustache.

The Jedi council stops by Anakin's home, and informs him that his mustache is in violation of sacred Jedi code. They demand he shave it, he swears revenge.

Jar Jar Binks, now a Senator who commands a quarter of the galaxy, flies in to Anakin's quarters on Coruscant. When he arrives, Anakin is in the middle of shaving. He has removed exactly half of his mustache when he accidentally cuts himself. Some of his midi-chlorian-filled blood splatters on Jar Jar, thus infecting him with The Force.

Palaptine goes before the senate. He cites recent upheaval in the galaxy, and suggests the creation of a clone army for the Republic, to replace the Battle Droids. He explains that though 140 million of the droids have been manufactured, fighting in a total of 17 intergalactic wars, they have been credited with only one confirmed kill. And that kill happened when one of the battle droids accidentally exploded next to an enemy soldier, the flying parts causing several lacerations that became infected and caused the soldier to die several months later.

He also wants to build a series of big-ass ships.

Recognizing that the Jedi council is a threat to his power, Palpatine sends assassins to kill several of them. DARTH MAUL'S disembodied torso goes after YODA. The two of them do battle, until YODA eventually kills MAUL by shooting him with a shotgun.

Palpatine sends JANGO FETT and his 12 year-old son, BOBA FETT (see the storyboards for confirmation) to take out Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan is killed.

Anakin, frustrated by the restraints of the Jedi rules, strokes his half-mustache, goes into his lab and grows a Chewbacca.

Using The Force, Jar-Jar accidentally kills several people in a series of wacky misadventures.

Senator Palpatine confronts young Anakin, and tells him that he is his father. Anakin goes with him, and shows him plans he was drawing up for a Death Star.

C-3PO and R2D2 travel to Tatooine and brutally kill Anakin's mother.

Palpatine invites the remaining living Jedi to meet with him aboard a battle cruiser. There he proposes a measure to wipe them out along with every other living Jedi in the galaxy. Unaware of the Rules of Parliamentary Procedure, Mace Windu accidentally seconds this motion. The rest of the Jedi strongly oppose the measure, and a spirited debate ensues.

Young Anakin enters the chambers and announces that he is changing parties, from "Not Evil" to "Evil."

After cloning Obi-Wan (his death and cloning are the reason he didn't recognize R2-D2 in A New Hope) and shaving Chewbacca, Jar-Jar and Amidala lead a band of rescuers to the battle cruiser where Anakin is being held.

They make their assault on the battle cruiser

The good news is they free Anakin. The bad news is they accidentally kill all of the remaining Jedi in the process, and the evil Senator Palpatine goes free. Also, Anakin is still evil.

Amidala falls in love with evil Anakin. They marry in a lavish ceremony.

Closing credits.

Elheru Aran · Post by **Elheru Aran** » 2005-03-20 12:07pm

Oh, this is GOLD... and uniquely suited to SDN too...

http://www.pointlesswasteoftime.com/film/swflash.html

Alexus · Post by **Alexus** » 2005-03-20 12:07pm

I find it a bit... crude.

Elheru Aran · Post by **Elheru Aran** » 2005-03-20 12:13pm

Alexus wrote:I find it a bit... crude.

*Shrugs* This is SDN. What do you expect? Just look in Testing any given day...

Captain Cyran · Post by **Captain Cyran** » 2005-03-20 01:05pm

"His mind is rough and irritating, like sand."

"We can only imagine the mixed emotions Boba Fett must have felt in The Empire Strikes Back when he walked on board the Star Destroyer only to find himself among ten thousand of his dead Dad."

BATTLE DROID COMBAT SUBROUTINE

ADVERSARY: Jedi - expert swordsmen. Weapon effective range: +/- two meters

OUR WEAPONRY: Blasters - effective range: +/- one hundred meters

STRATEGY: Stand one meter away from adversary.

I loved that one too.

Galvatron · Post by **Galvatron** » 2005-03-20 01:07pm

"Anakin's terrible downfall into evil is portrayed in this part of the film, via 108 minutes of stilted dialogue."

Petrosjko · Post by **Petrosjko** » 2005-03-20 01:17pm

Alexus wrote:(snip Ep II spoof)

Mostly kind of lame, but I did get a chuckle out of this one.

Palpatine invites the remaining living Jedi to meet with him aboard a battle cruiser. There he proposes a measure to wipe them out along with every other living Jedi in the galaxy. Unaware of the Rules of Parliamentary Procedure, Mace Windu accidentally seconds this motion. The rest of the Jedi strongly oppose the measure, and a spirited debate ensues.

The Dark · Post by **The Dark** » 2005-03-20 02:09pm

"Asterisk Wing Fighters"

"Like the Samurai, this warrior chose to die on his own terms."

I like the Purple Broadsaber. Be useful for parrying blaster bolts.

Pretty funny, and I hadn't seen a couple of the pics before.

Praxis · Post by **Praxis** » 2005-03-20 03:57pm

Drooling Iguana wrote:
Screeners report that this character fires a barrage of laser bolts, then pauses while the red spot in his chest lights up. When the protagonist shoots the red spot, the enemy attacks with another barrage, moving around the room in a repeating pattern, until the red spot becomes vunerable again. Rumors state that if the red dot is hit three times he will explode.

The sad thing is, that's probably what it will be like in the video game

YT300000 · Post by **YT300000** » 2005-03-20 04:08pm

Behold! I have mocked the Imperial forces too soon. Here is a SUPER BATTLE DROID. I'm afraid we'll have to wait until May to see the outcome of this attack.

Oh, wait, no. It appears Obi-Wan has reduced this enemy to a ballerina clothed in a tutu made of its own groinfire.

Hehe.

The part with the "dialogue" and Anakin and Palpatine just made me burst into laughter.

Yoda goes after Palpatine, first passing two of the elite Imperial guards. Their warrior camoflauge makes them almost invisible.

"His mind has become rough and irritating, like sand."

Trogdor · Post by **Trogdor** » 2005-03-20 07:05pm

Vympel wrote:Some of those were pretty good, others were stupid.

You think some of those were bad? You should've heard the epIII "spoilers" my friends invented. According to them, epIII would be titled Star Wars: Darth Vader and when not focusing on Vader would feature, for reasons I have never been able to determine, Chewbaca getting an abortion. The Jedi Purge, the fall of the Republic, the defeat of the seperatists, and the rise of Palpatine would all take 10-20 minutes each, according to them.

I love the one about the "space kegs"

Styphon · Post by **Styphon** » 2005-03-21 11:49am

Elheru Aran wrote:Oh, this is GOLD... and uniquely suited to SDN too...

http://www.pointlesswasteoftime.com/film/swflash.html

Tusken Raider: AHHH, there's a spider on your chest!!! *whop, whop, whop, whop, whop, whop, whop, whop, whop*

me: ::dies laughing::

Post by **NecronLord** » 2005-03-21 01:01pm

"Ah princess, racist as ever I see..."