If you could be the next Pope what changes if any would..?

[Jew]

I think regardless you're missing the whole spirit of this conversation. It's kind of like Star Trek or Star Wars, thus fictional dumb-dumb if you were Pope. I was just curious as to what changes others might make.

That's fine then. I do find it enlightening to hear what people want to change. It illustrates the dissatisfaction with the Church among unbelievers.

I'm surpised no one has yet said he would abolish the Church if elected Pope. Wouldn't that be funny? "You elected me Pope so now I'm firing you all and closing down the Church. Go find jobs working for the Protestants if you must continue being religious."

[Tommy J]

That's fine then. I do find it enlightening to hear what people want to change. It illustrates the dissatisfaction with the Church among unbelievers.

Hey man, Chill. I did a mia culpa. If were going to talk hypothetical we have to live within what has the possibility of being changed and the bible isn't one of them. In any case, ask many European and American Catholics about not necessarily their 'dissatisfaction' with the Church but disagreement with the Church and you'll get a earful.

I'm surprised no one has yet said he would abolish the Church if elected Pope. Wouldn't that be funny? "You elected me Pope so now I'm firing you all and closing down the Church. Go find jobs working for the Protestants if you must continue being religious."

You're obviously a Catholic and offended by this. It's my opinion and how I'd modernize the church. Suggestion: Don't read the thread in the News and Politics section titled, "The Pope is Dead (good riddance)", if these things are offensive to you.

[Pablo Sanchez]

A short list, the first things that come to my mind.

• End anti-gay rhetoric. Full acceptance for homosexuality is not really a possibility, but not being an asshole is a good start.
  
  Increased transparency and assistance to legal authorities in the pedophilia scandals. Priests found to be abusing children are to be immediately dismissed and turned over to the police.
  
  Offer more support to Liberation Theology.
  
  Lift the ban on contraception, and assist sexual education in the third world.
  
  End evangelical-style masses. This is mainly a pet peeve of mine. Recently some churches, mainly in South America, have begun to adopt masses in the style of the evangelical protestant sects in order to attract more people. I think that's total crap.

[Jew]

You're obviously a Catholic and offended by this.

I'm Protestant and not at all offended. I didn't mean to imply that I was. When I said "unbelievers" I should have specified that I include myself among them. (I'm Christian but definitely not Catholic. Thus I don't buy into a lot of Catholic beliefs.)

I actually take issue with a lot of Catholic theology and would make a terrible Pope--I'd always be trying to remake the Church into a Protestant institution.

[Darth Raptor]

In no particular order whatsoever:

1: Shift the anti-abortion focus to late-term abortions; allowing contraceptives and early-term abortions (still vehemently and noisily oppose late-term abortions). Give the thumbs up to stem cell research.

2: Continue to teach abstinence in places like Africa, but make contraceptives available. It's my job to teach them, not make it impossible for them to do otherwise.

3: Promote a general attitude that the soul resides in the BRAIN. Not only would this apply to action #1, but Terri Shiavo type crap too. Also part of my delicious new "Culture of Intelligence".

4: Reach out to the other religions, especially the eastern religions and the newer cults.

5: Make friends with science. Agree to disagree on important things, but only the things that science doesn't have an obviously correct answer for. (Example: Yes, the earth is old, it circles the sun, and we share a common ancestor with apes, but... God did it.)

6: Make it so priests, monks and nuns can marry (should they so chose). Motherfucking CRACK DOWN on the fucking pedophilia and be merciless with those responsible. Cooperate with local law enforcement and the police.

7: Allow gay priests, monks, nuns. Allow same-sex marriages. Promote monogamy regardless of marriage in places where that's not possible. Allow divorce.

8: Get rid of the stupid freaking hat and dress up like an elite paladin or white archmage (the former for coolness, the latter for comfort). Bask on the Throne of St. Peter while pipe organs and harpischords blast my awesome Papal Theme Song (to be composed).

[The Dude]

Get rid of wine and wafers, replace with beer and nachos.

[Captain Cyran]

Changes:

Priests can marry.

Hunt down pedophiles.

Adopt stance where early abortion is acceptable, as are contraceptives.

Things I'd like to change, but are either unimportant or impossible:

Allow women into the priesthood, this will eventually filter out some of the "Good old boys", this isn't important, but would be nice.

Change the views on homosexuality. I'd like to do this, but short of a big revision of thought throughtout the church, this isn't gonna happen.

[Trytostaydead]

I'd just like to point out, that while saying we'd all like to make these changes, even for a Pope, it's not easy to make drastic changes. Perhaps a more concilliatory tone would be appropriate..

1) Hunt the pedophiles and those who helped hide them

2) Make a differentiation between homosexuality in regards to religion and homosexuality as a life choice. In the context of the Bible, equate homosexuality NOT to evil but maybe more of the equivalence of sex out of marriage or masturbation. Sorry, you just can't strike out the homosexuality part from the Bible.

3) Neither condone nor condemn the use of contraceptives. If the use of contraceptives is necessary to save lives, then so be it.. one can always ask for forgiveness later.

4) The Vatican should be on the forefront of humanitarian works. With one billion followers of the fatih, if the Church REALLY REALLY pushed, it can probably really work miracles.

5) Do what the previous Pope was already doing. Making an effort to reach out to the other religions.

6) Compassion. Above all else, the Church needs to promote compassion and tolerance. Maybe you don't agree with homosexuality, maybe you don't agree with contraceptives or abortion. Sure, the Church is going to constantly lobby against those, but what the Church above all else has to first promote is compassion regardless of their lifestyle. There are too many bigots and unilateralism that is ruining the church's image.

[Petrosjko]

The list of changes and actions that would be brought upon the Catholic church by Pope Petrosjko the 1st.

Sexy nun outfits.

Sexy nuns in sexy nun outfits.

Replace 'Mass' with 'Communal Toke Up'.

As noted above, wafers and wine out, beer and nachos in.

Rile up the masses by going out one day to do the whole bless the crowd thing, and shouting 'IT'S ALL JUST A LIE!'

Bring Queer Eye guys in to do makeover on Vatican, bishops, and cardinals. When that's done, mock cardinals and bishops for their glossy metrosexuality.

Replace Popemobile with an Abrams.

Announce ancient grievance, conquer Rome, feed Italian government officials to the lions.

Announce that second coming is officially off, because it was supposed to happen last year, but Jesus forgot to set his alarm clock and overslept.

Extensive 'go to minister to the sinner' trips to Vegas, Bangkok and other hotspots of sin and vice.

[Tommy J]

Bring Queer Eye guys in to do makeover on Vatican, bishops, and cardinals. When that's done, mock cardinals and bishops for their glossy metrosexuality.

That's the funniest thing I've heard all day.

[Morilore]

Seriously, we all probably want most of the same things. It's probably more interesting to consider HOW a Pope would effect such massive changes. It would almost require Palpy-level manipulative skills to do anything with abortion, women, etc.; and while Pope Palpatine would kick ass, it sadly isn't going to happen.

[Tommy J]

Seriously, we all probably want most of the same things. It's probably more interesting to consider HOW a Pope would effect such massive changes. It would almost require Palpy-level manipulative skills to do anything with abortion, women, etc.; and while Pope Palpatine would kick ass, it sadly isn't going to happen.

Actually Pope John XXIII in convening Vatican II made big changes to the Church. So, it is not impossible. If you can believe it, no longer conducting mass in Latin was rejected by many people initially. John Paul II just happened to be more of a church traditionalist.

Therefore, it isn't out of the realm of possibility to make major reforms to the Church, it just seems at this point to be highly unlikely.

[RedImperator]

Seriously, we all probably want most of the same things. It's probably more interesting to consider HOW a Pope would effect such massive changes. It would almost require Palpy-level manipulative skills to do anything with abortion, women, etc.; and while Pope Palpatine would kick ass, it sadly isn't going to happen.

Actually Pope John XXIII in convening Vatican II made big changes to the Church. So, it is not impossible. If you can believe it, no longer conducting mass in Latin was rejected by many people initially. John Paul II just happened to be more of a church traditionalist.

Therefore, it isn't out of the realm of possibility to make major reforms to the Church, it just seems at this point to be highly unlikely.

John XXIII had to drag the church kicking and screaming to Vatican II--there was voiceferous objection to the fact he was calling a major council a mere ninety years after the first one.

[Melchior]

Remeber that the Vatican is full of people that will poison you/backstab you/feed you to an alligator if they feel that it is in their interest.

[Xisiqomelir]

I'd be honest. Religion WILL NOT reconcile with science.

That said, these half-hearted attempts to popularize (read "Vatican II") the Church are just a bad idea. Catholics want a properly Catholic church, with all the ritual and mysticism possible. And so, my one change would be:

- I'd eliminate the vernacular Mass

[Civil War Man]

Catholic Church definitely needs changes in order to stop it from suffering the slow and painful death it is currently undergoing (speaking as a self-proclaimed former Catholic).

The main thing, IMHO, has to be allowing women and married priests. The church suffers from a HUGE shortage of priests because there is such a shortage of the very narrow demographic that are available (men who don't want sex). This, along with the self-defensive nature of the church, contributed a lot of the pedophilia scandal (on a similar note, those responsible hunted down, defrocked, and turned over to authorities).

Also attempt to reconcile religion and science a bit more (probably one of the only issues JPII wasn't ultraconservative on). Probably push an idea similar to theistic evolution (God creating life working through the laws of the universe, or something to that effect).

For Jesus, emphasize the Mark gospel a little more. Portray Jesus as a really cool guy. Other stuff (like Easter) still has to be left to faith, because otherwise it's Game Over.

In terms of other social issues, it may be possible to lead the church stance a little more towards the moderate/liberal section, but it's going to have to be baby steps for that. Try to dump it all on the congregation at once and the church will basically implode.

And, just for my standpoint, dump the church music (except for carols during Christmas masses. Those are required to stay.). A lot of Catholic music is really trite and annoys the Hell out of me. And stop singing prayers. If the Our Father was supposed to be sung, it would have been written that way.

[mr friendly guy]

Before I get flamed, I might suggest that as uncomfortable as I am with a even more conservative view than the old Pope, if the new one was to take that route, it might actually turn the general people away from Catholicism, which isn't a bad thing really?

Actually, yes, it is a bad thing. If they leave because they think the Church is falling away and becoming too liberal, where do you think they'll run? Fundamentalist denominations, perhaps? Make like Mel Gibson and form Catholic splinter groups? All it'll do is remove the control the heirarchy has on the worst fundies.

Err, I didn't suggest the Church become liberal. I was suggesting that the Church take a more conservative route (even if I personally hate that route) so that people turn away from it (obviously people = more liberal Christians in this case).

And to apply your reasoning, if the Church becomes more conservative, it might even weaken the Fundie base.

[Pick]

I'd never be Pope, because I am female. No matter what I did change-wise, it would be more doomed than something a thousand times more radical from a male.

[wolveraptor]

My first words as Pope: "Think for yourselves you mindless cattle! Stop flocking around me and let me listen to my Ipod!!!"

then

1. Reinterpret the Scriptures to say "Jesus wants you to have a good time, so long as you don't hurt anyone."

2. Support stem-cell research whole-heartedly.

3. Use it to design sexy nun supermodels with all-natural tits grown in a lab.

4. Get me a cloned T. rex and feed it fundies to make a statement, as well as the pedophiles.

5. Make the Chicken Dance the official Catholic Church song.

6. Replace sermons and Mass with Foamy the Squirrel's rants against idiocy in the world.

7. Require all Church-goers to go to college.

8. Reinterpret the Scripture so that at the last supper, Jesus actually sliced the pizza and said, "Eat me!"

9. Walk up to the Arch-bishop of Canterbury and say, "Penis penis penis!!!" in a completely random fashion.

10. Replace the current Cardinals with sea-monkeys.

11. Make the official motto of the Church, "Seeya in hell, suckas!!!" (directed at idiots in general)

12. Allow gay, female and married priests, yadda yadda yadda, that boring sensible stuff.

13. Redesign the spires of the Catholic churches so that they resemble enormous...

"Wang! Pay attention!"-Drill Sergeant

14. Moon those attending Mass.

15. Require all pedophile priests to get botox injections and plugs in their asses, making crapping impossible, and watching them explode with the build-up of faeces.

16. Flash those attending Mass.

17. Require all priests to create humorous and violent stick figure cartoons using Flash.

18. Require monks to study the dynamics of flab in fat people when they run.

19. Get my hands on some nuclear weapons. 27,000 to be exact.

[Mr. T]

State my unequivocal support for Catholic school girl uniforms! provided of course there on the right people.