Bond, James Bond vs. Ripped Shirt Kirk

Darth Garden Gnome · Post by **Darth Garden Gnome** » 2002-07-24 05:24am

Now Im aware of the near invulnerability grated to Ripped-Shirt Kirk, but Bonds got some fancy fighting to go with him to,and to make it even more interesting this Bond is Sean Connery, and a side note i understand Bond is not sci-fi, but it would seem like a cool scenario anyways.

So after a showdown in the hallways and jeffries tubes of the constitution-class Enterprise, Bond manages to disarm Kirk and his phaser pistol with his Walther PK-7, Kirk is now unarmed and rushes Bond and knocks him down and, in a classic movie sense, the gun slides out of Bonds hand down the hallway just out of their reach, just as Bond rushes for the gun Kirk knocks him down, but Bond is quick to get on his feet, and the brawl starts in earnest.

At first Connery-Bond toys with the currently inferior Kirk and bashes him down a couple times wiht ease, after a minute or two of pummeling Kirk is down, Bond goes over for the gun, but he feel sa tight grip around his leg as he falls face-first into the deck floors. Arises Ripped-Shirt Kirk, you can see the sweat trickle down Bonds face now and he knows hes in for the fight of his life.

So who takes this one? British super-spy (Sean Connery) James Bond? Or damned near invicible Ripped-Shirt Kirk, coolest SF officer to ever exsist. The victor gets the honor of taking Bonds PK-7 and popping his opposition right between the eyes!

REAAAAAAAAADDYYYY!!!!!!! FIGHT! *ding ding ding*

Post by **Mr Bean** » 2002-07-24 08:23am

*Bond turns on watch pen cuts off Kirks shirt, His invurability suddley removed Bond easly kicks his arse

Stravo · Post by **Stravo** » 2002-07-24 10:15am

Bond, James Bond becomes, Bond, dead Bond....Don't mess with ripshirt Kirk. I believe that if he had been on Alderaan he would have survived, that is the extent of my faith in Kirk. The man, the legend.

Admiral Valdemar · Post by **Admiral Valdemar** » 2002-07-24 02:24pm

Stravo wrote:Bond, James Bond becomes, Bond, dead Bond....Don't mess with ripshirt Kirk. I believe that if he had been on Alderaan he would have survived, that is the extent of my faith in Kirk. The man, the legend.

And whoops, oh no, what is this. Malcolm MacDowell has just pushed Kirk off a rock and killed him.

Looks like Bond wins since he doesn't get beat up by WC admirals.

Stravo · Post by **Stravo** » 2002-07-24 02:44pm

Originally posted by Stravo:
Bond, James Bond becomes, Bond, dead Bond....Don't mess with ripshirt Kirk. I believe that if he had been on Alderaan he would have survived, that is the extent of my faith in Kirk. The man, the legend.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Originally posted by Admiral Valdemar

And whoops, oh no, what is this. Malcolm MacDowell has just pushed Kirk off a rock and killed him.

That's just low...Admiral VERY low blow

Admiral Valdemar · Post by **Admiral Valdemar** » 2002-07-24 03:02pm

Stravo wrote:
Originally posted by Stravo:
Bond, James Bond becomes, Bond, dead Bond....Don't mess with ripshirt Kirk. I believe that if he had been on Alderaan he would have survived, that is the extent of my faith in Kirk. The man, the legend.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Originally posted by Admiral Valdemar

And whoops, oh no, what is this. Malcolm MacDowell has just pushed Kirk off a rock and killed him.
That's just low...Admiral VERY low blow

You brought it on yourself.

But console yourself with the fact that he was killed by the best, Admiral Tolwyn.

Dark Primus · Post by **Dark Primus** » 2002-07-24 03:20pm

Kirk's shirt was not ripped thats why.

Admiral Valdemar · Post by **Admiral Valdemar** » 2002-07-24 03:33pm

Dark Primus wrote:Kirk's shirt was not ripped thats why.

I hear that everytime.

Therefore a team of experts have run a delicate simulation based on consistent results of combat and styles used by RSK and Bond, I think you'll find the fight to be fairly well balanced and realistic.

*Simulation begins*

Move 1

Subject: Bond.

Action: Bond shoots Kirk dead in the head.

*/End simulation*

I know, I was astounded too.

Master of Ossus · Post by **Master of Ossus** » 2002-07-24 04:27pm

Mmmm.... I gotta give this one to Bond. In spite of Rippy's awesome luck and strength, I think Bond's fighting skills and snazzy suit pay off.

EmperorChrostas the Cruel · Post by **EmperorChrostas the Cruel** » 2002-07-25 02:33am

If Bond could use his laser pen in low power mode to melt the freyed ends of Kirk's ripped shirt together, (fixing the rip) Kirk would be toast. If not, then the Enterptise would lurch unexpectedly, throwing off Bond's aim. This would expose the sabotaged vital system in the Enterprise, which would require cooperation to save both their lives. Bond would soon disapear, recruited by the section 31 precursers. He might even be one of the founding members.

Moonstone Spider · Post by **Moonstone Spider** » 2002-07-25 02:39am

What the heck does a ripped shirt have to do with anything? How can that possibly help? Ripped shirts merely show off the inferiority of Kirk's fighting, Bond beats 40 bad guys and doesn't even have the rose in his buttonhole damaged in the process. He's got style.

Jack Lain · Post by **Jack Lain** » 2002-07-25 02:53am

Yes, but Bond is a playboy of only one planet.
Kirk plays in many many back yards and doesn't care if it is shaken or stirred so long as it is female ;)

I give it to original captain. None can match the ripped shirt, real hair, Kirk.

-Jack "000" Lain.

EmperorChrostas the Cruel · Post by **EmperorChrostas the Cruel** » 2002-07-25 08:15pm

Moonstone Spider:
Surely you jest? What does the the ripped shirt have to do with it?
When the shirt if Kirk is ripped, it sends a psionic ripple though unrealspace, gaining the attention of the scriptwriter Gods of SHLOCK. They directly intervene, altering the very fabric of unreality, turning Kirk into UberKirk the unkillable! He gains the "Conan factor", along with the "continuity fudge factor"! When the bad music begins to play, watch out evildoers. The bad fall before him, and the mixed and good are convinced to follow him.(for the greater good) The worse it looks, and the more he is overmatched, the more stunningly unbelievabe the comeback. Even mortaly wounded, he will still triumph, with just enough blood left in him to get to sickbay, where "Bones" will patch him up, good as new, by the next episode. Don't you watch TV? This is the same way the "A" team can fire 1500 rounds in a small room, and no one is even scratched, by bullets or shrapnell. Or the "Dukes of hazzard" can jump 50 feet at 80+ MPH severely bounce, and not even crack the windows, much less scratch the paint!

Moonstone Spider · Post by **Moonstone Spider** » 2002-07-26 12:34am

Surely you jest? What does the the ripped shirt have to do with it?
When the shirt if Kirk is ripped, it sends a psionic ripple though unrealspace, gaining the attention of the scriptwriter Gods of SHLOCK. They directly intervene, altering the very fabric of unreality, turning Kirk into UberKirk the unkillable! He gains the "Conan factor", along with the "continuity fudge factor"! When the bad music begins to play, watch out evildoers. The bad fall before him, and the mixed and good are convinced to follow him.(for the greater good) The worse it looks, and the more he is overmatched, the more stunningly unbelievabe the comeback. Even mortaly wounded, he will still triumph, with just enough blood left in him to get to sickbay, where "Bones" will patch him up, good as new, by the next episode. Don't you watch TV? This is the same way the "A" team can fire 1500 rounds in a small room, and no one is even scratched, by bullets or shrapnell. Or the "Dukes of hazzard" can jump 50 feet at 80+ MPH severely bounce, and not even crack the windows, much less scratch the paint!

The scriptwriter Gods of Schlock? You mean Howard, writer of Schlock Mercenary? That reminds me, I've got to post a thread pitting the Empire against the Fsherl Ganni. That would be one sweet fight. And what is this psion field nonsense? Even at it's worst Voyager never had this kind of technobabble. Kirk's shirt is Kirk's shirt. I think your angling on the notion that when a character gets beaten up they get stronger in most shows, but that applies to all characters. Goku usually loses his shirt before trouncing the enemy, Ash from EvilDead almost always does, Indiana Jones lost half his shirt before the end of the Temple of Doom fight, etc. That's just normal TV stuff. Kirk gains no special powers from a ripped shirt and attributing such powers to him via gods and technobabble is absurd.

Jack Lain · Post by **Jack Lain** » 2002-07-26 12:41am

You all seemed to have missed the reference to the "real hair" Kirk.

Kirk in the movies is like Samson. He has, no real hair. But Kirk in the TOS, this is a man who cannot be beat!

James cannot compete with that. Kirk wins.

-Jack.

Moonstone Spider · Post by **Moonstone Spider** » 2002-07-26 12:56am

Good Lord, where are you people getting your notions that Kirk gains magical powers from his shirt and hair? I know Treknobabble is bad but you don't HAVE to make it worse.

Moonstone Spider · Post by **Moonstone Spider** » 2002-07-26 12:59am

Good Lord, where are you people getting your notions that Kirk gains magical powers from his shirt and hair? I know Treknobabble is bad but you don't HAVE to make it worse.

Galvatron · Post by **Galvatron** » 2002-07-26 11:27pm

Ripped-shirt Kirk has an ace in the hole: his trademark pseudo-Karate chop to the side of the neck. With that, he could kick even Darth Vader's ass.

Lusankya · Post by **Lusankya** » 2002-07-27 02:31am

I think James Bond has a problem. He'd use his laser pen to rip Kirk's shirt, with the intent of getting him tangled up....

And unless he shot Kirk in the head, any bullet he shot would have to pass through Kirk's shirt first, creating the magical effect that we here in the business know as "ripping"....

But then again, maybe James Bond's aura will give Kirk the impulse to capture him and gloat over his "plans" (Whatever they may be). Kirk will then change his shirt, giving Bond that extra "hands tied behind the back" lift that makes him invincible.

It's a tough call.