Parents disowning children - pathetic AND stupid

[Stark]

A friend of mine is being emotionally blackmailed by her parents, because they're ignorant Catholic morons who think their farcical religion is more important than their relationship with their daughter, and by extension their son.

So what gives? These people aren't rich: if they were serious, they'd end up dying in a gutter, covered in their own vomit at 85. At best in a home.

Further, where the fuck does the 'do what I say or I'll take your toys away' attitude come from? She's twenty years old! She doesn't live with her parents. They don't support her. So they play the blackmail card to get her to change decisions they don't agree with. As childish as this is in parents of any age, its even worse in this situation.

Does anyone else have experience in these kind of situations? I'm an outsider in this situation - I'm just a nice guy, it seems - and I've never had this kind of relationship with my parents. I know a lot of our members have had religous-based issues with their families, and I'd like some intel on the whole thing.

[Stofsk]

It's a bit hard to advise you when the details are lacking.

But basically, what can you do? They're her parents, not yours. You should try to help her though, if you can.

[Alyrium Denryle]

My father disowned me because I am a gay atheist, that count?

Seriously these people just sound like petty assholes I dont think they would actually go through with a disowning

[White Haven]

Frankly, if either of my parents tried it, I'd be the first to say, 'Fuck you, you can only disown me if I acknowledge your existence.' and never talk to them again. At that point, unless you really think you can change the core behavior problems that would allow a parent to do that, the best you can get out of the whole thing is the satisfaction of calling a bluff.

[Big Phil]

I've got quite a few friends with parents like these, but I'm pretty fortunate in that my parents would and have supported me in anything I chose to do.

A friend of mine is a lesbian, and her parents are less than friendly to her and her wife, because they disagree with her lesbianism. I think they're assholes, but I can't do much except be her buddy.

[Galvatron]

She's twenty years old! She doesn't live with her parents. They don't support her. So they play the blackmail card to get her to change decisions they don't agree with.

What does this blackmail entail? Just curious.

[Einhander Sn0m4n]

Parents who disown their own children because of religious differences are the epitome of moral cowardice and hypocrisy. Sometimes I wonder whether religion merely serves as 'license to X (where X is any number of cowardly, illogical, morally contradictory, or just plain evil things to do unto others)' at times...

[Darth Wong]

Did you ever notice that every time you hear of parents disowning their children, religion seems to be involved? It's amazing what power a religion can have over a person, to make him break the bond between him and his own child.

[Einhander Sn0m4n]

Yes I have, and I think it's related to the '1 in 25 is a Sociopath' thing as well. People lacking their own conscience take their marching orders from the Church, and when the Church says 'get rid of this kid or you're burning in Hell', the kid is dollars-to-donuts FUCKED. People with their own conscience generally put their parenting instincts ahead of anything some bunch of devil-may-care asshats in a building with a point on top.

[Crossroads Inc.]

Did you ever notice that every time you hear of parents disowning their children, religion seems to be involved? It's amazing what power a religion can have over a person, to make him break the bond between him and his own child.

Yea... Noticed that a long time ago with some friends...

“You’re an Atheist?!? We disown you because our God says that’s Evil!”
“You’re a Homosexual?!? We disown you because our God says that’s Evil!”
“You’re not voting for Bush?!? We disown you because our God says that’s Evil!”

So, that whole "Hounor Thy Mother and Father" thing in the Bible, obviously doesn't apply to the adults. It must be something like:
"Hounor Thy Child, unless they offend thee, in which case Screw thier lives to hell!"

[The Spartan]

So, that whole "Hounor Thy Mother and Father" thing in the Bible, obviously doesn't apply to the adults. It must be something like:
"Hounor Thy Child, unless they offend thee, in which case Screw thier lives to hell!"

Oh, no. It's even better. The OT and later Jesus tells you to kill your children if they hit or curse you.

Exodus 21:15 - And he that smiteth his father, or his mother, shall be surely put to death.
Lev 20:9 For every one that curseth his father or his mother shall be surely put to death: he hath cursed his father or his mother; his blood shall be upon him.
Deut 21:18-21 If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them. Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place; And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard. And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.

Mark 7:10 For Moses said, Honour thy father and thy mother; and, Whoso curseth father or mother, let him die the death.

So you see CI, even the Bible endorses this. Ergo, it's okay... well, according to the twisted logic of those who actually do it.

[Einhander Sn0m4n]

Deut 21:18-21 If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them. Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place; And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard. And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.

Even if the son is not in fact gluttonous or drunk I take it? So that passage actively condones LYING to the government (town elders) for the specific object of getting an enhanced penalty for the son by the government. Replace 'drunken' and 'gluttonous' with 'witch' or 'homosexual' or any other word describing something Christians hate and you get a nice summary of the motive behind every last instance of oppression by Christians against anyone they disagree with. Fucking wonderful.

[The Spartan]

... Fucking wonderful.

Yes, isn't it? And I just read a letter in the op-ed section of the paper this morning who was shocked, shocked that what's-his-face bombed the Olympics to protest abortion because he obviously didn't understand Christ's love.

[Galvatron]

This reminds me of Kirk Cameron's "Way of the Master" Flash- questionnaire for non-Christians. My favorite part...

Jesus said to love God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength--so much, that your love for your parents, brothers, sisters, friends, and even your own life is like hatred compared to your love and devotion for God.

[Faram]

This reminds me of Kirk Cameron's "Way of the Master" Flash- questionnaire for non-Christians. My favorite part...

Jesus said to love God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength--so much, that your love for your parents, brothers, sisters, friends, and even your own life is like hatred compared to your love and devotion for God.

That is a satire site?

So hard to tell nowdays.

[The Spartan]

Sadly no. It's not a satire. I'm pretty sure.

[Galvatron]

Not a satire. Kirk Cameron is Super God Boy now.

[Darth Raptor]

I love how after aknowledging that I am NOT a Christian, the questionaire proceeds to assume I believe in God and base my morality off of His laws.

[Civil War Man]

It's hilarious how the questionaire about the 10 Commandments makes it so you are guilty of pretty much all of them. "If you don't believe in Hell, you're an idolator," "If you've ever been really angry at someone, you're a murderer in God's eyes," "If you ever thought someone was hot, you're guilty of adultery."

On a similar note, I was at mass this past Easter, pretty much for the benefit of my father and grandfather (I don't talk to them about religion, but my mom, grandmother, and sister all know I'm an atheist and have no problem with it). They got to the part of the renewal of baptismal vows (for those who are not familiar with them, watch the part near the end of the Godfather when Michael Corleone is in the church). My mom and I kept a tally on how many of the vows we got "wrong." With a BS explanation I came up with, we agreed that we both may have technically gotten the first couple about Satan "right" (1. Do you reject Satan? 2. And all of his works?). My BS explanation is that not believing in the existence of Satan is a pretty effective way of rejecting him.

Anyway, moving back to the topic, I mentioned that I don't talk to my father about religion. He's a very devout Catholic, and my lack of belief makes him a bit uncomfortable. I avoid talking about religion with him mostly because it will result in a time wasting argument that will result in neither of us changing our position. He is not so much of a fundie, however, that he would even consider disowning me for a moment. He is willing to "overlook" my views on religion since I'm a good person without it.

[Stark]

Whoa, I totally forgot to mention the alleged reason its okay for her parents to both cut off and attempt to blackmail (which is an amusing combination, no?) this girl - she works at a strip club. Thats it.

I seriously didn't think people like this existed anymore. What's more important than your children? The best part is I didn't know these people were religous until now: they don't go to church, they don't do any of that RCC plebian stuff. There aren't crucifixes about their house.

Obviously, what she does makes THEM feel bad, so they're selfish enough to try to change it - even though they obviously don't have the kind of relationship with their daughter where they can just order her about. It's just so inane, since they actually pulled out the whole 'you disgust me' thing, which is both lame and mean. The have, thus far, never attempted to have a discussion about it beyond 'you are t3h devil woman'. Respect for these people is currently zero.

My immediate response is that she doesn't need people like that in her life: but they're her parents, and parents are good things to have around.

[The Spartan]

My immediate response is that she doesn't need people like that in her life: but they're her parents, and parents are good things to have around.

Even if the relationship you have with them is poisonous?

[Stark]

Well I mean from a long-term strategic perspective. It's okay for me to say 'I'm an independent professional, I will likely never need my parents assistance ever again', but she's 20, she's studying, she's 20, etc. I'm not confident she won't need her parents again at some point in the future, and messing up that relationship would make it hard.

Wow. I've just realised I'm projecting my inoffensive, adult relationship with my parents onto other people. Would I really say these things if someones parents were abusive? I'm talking about 'messing up' a relationship where they try to run her life and decry her as a harlot for making five hundred bucks a night

[Bob the Gunslinger]

Did you ever notice that every time you hear of parents disowning their children, religion seems to be involved? It's amazing what power a religion can have over a person, to make him break the bond between him and his own child.

To be fair, only one of the three people whom I know have been disowned was disowned for religious reasons (she is a lesbian). The other two were disowned by Chinese parents for dating Japanese/Caucasian guys. Actually, I know another Chinese girl who was almost disowned for dating a Caucasian, but her parents were bluffing and finally caved. So make it 3 nonreligious and 1 religious disowning in my experience.

[Junghalli]

Did you ever notice that every time you hear of parents disowning their children, religion seems to be involved? It's amazing what power a religion can have over a person, to make him break the bond between him and his own child.

Because religion is something that appeals to a person's deep-rooted tendencies for passionate fanaticism. At least that's my 2 cents.

[Imperial Overlord]

Did you ever notice that every time you hear of parents disowning their children, religion seems to be involved? It's amazing what power a religion can have over a person, to make him break the bond between him and his own child.

To be fair, only one of the three people whom I know have been disowned was disowned for religious reasons (she is a lesbian). The other two were disowned by Chinese parents for dating Japanese/Caucasian guys. Actually, I know another Chinese girl who was almost disowned for dating a Caucasian, but her parents were bluffing and finally caved. So make it 3 nonreligious and 1 religious disowning in my experience.

So you know 3 racist and 1 religious disowning. TBF, I'm having trouble determining which type of bigotry I find more despicable.