Parents disowning children - pathetic AND stupid

Castor Troy · Post by **Castor Troy** » 2005-04-26 01:26am

From a religion truth point of view, of course it's wrong for them to disown a child.

If a parent finds out that their son or daughter was a gay, they should accept that and do the best they can for their success, not disown them. If I had a son, and found out he was doing drugs, went to goth parties, was a in the closet gay, an athiest and a communist, I sure wouldn't disown him.

I'd help them in areas where they need help, like getting out of that goth culture, take him to Church (not cram religion down his throat, but see if he wants God's help), get him away from drugs, and getting therapy and medical help. I'd even sit down and talk with him about the negatives of communism.

But disowning a child? That's really un-Christ like, and totally uncalled for.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2005-04-26 01:41am

Castor Troy wrote:But disowning a child? That's really un-Christ like, and totally uncalled for.

The Christ that these people believe in is different than the one you believe in. Unfortunately, both of these views can be justified by a selective reading of the Bible.

Castor Troy · Post by **Castor Troy** » 2005-04-26 01:47am

Yeah. True, Mr. Wong.

Unfortunately they never bother to pick up a catechism, which pretty much has all of the interpretations and rules.

I could give numerous references saying that homosexuals are to be tolerated, that evolutionary can be taught in schools and separating Church and State.

It's a wealth of information. I only wish that people who claim to be doing things in the name of Christianity would actually look into the official rules and interpretations.

I damn near pity their ignorance. I can't blame them, because they were pretty much raised that way, but still...*sighs*

Draxle · Post by **Draxle** » 2005-04-26 01:57am

Having been on the receiving end of disownment, I can attest that it's pretty shitty. My grandparents disowned my parents after my mother converted to Catholicism, and doubly disowned me after they found out I was a quote, unquote "damn, dirty liberal."

My grandfather died before I really had a chance to recouncile that with him. That bothers me sometimes, not because I felt like I was wrong, but it would have been nice if my last memories of him could have been a bit more pleasant.

Things are still a little awkward during holidays, though my parents at least have gotten better, especially after my brother and I got into our relationships with our girlfriends, mine being inter-religious and his inter-racial (my girlfriend is Jewish, while my bro's girlfriend is Asian.) If nothing else, it's helped make my parents a little bit more tolerant and open-minded.

If you need a sympathetic ear... I'm willing to listen. Sometimes being in the same boat is good, especially if you happen to be like me, where just saying "fuck off" to your family isn't an option. (Not that I'm saying it's a bad one, just not something I'm capable of doing.)

Castor Troy · Post by **Castor Troy** » 2005-04-26 01:59am

That sucks, man.

*sigh*

If only I were Pope...

Jalinth · Post by **Jalinth** » 2005-04-26 03:35pm

And then you have cases where the adult kids are being effectively disowned for good reasons. I've run into one where the son was given a full blown business by the parents (they retired) as essentially his inheritance. And a few years later he announced he would challenge the parents will which was giving most of the remaining assets (90%+) to his sister - who was suffering from mental illness and basically needs the money and a trusted guardian to ensure she isn't struggling for money much of her life. Lovely guy.

So the parents had to set-up trusts and otherwise incur a bunch of expenses to ensure that their daughter was properly provided for. This is what I'd call a "proper" disowning - even though technically he is still in the will (but almost nothing will be left in the estate - so any challenge will be useless).

Bob the Gunslinger · Post by **Bob the Gunslinger** » 2005-04-26 05:15pm

Imperial Overlord wrote:
So you know 3 racist and 1 religious disowning. TBF, I'm having trouble determining which type of bigotry I find more despicable.

I'm not arguing for one over the other, just that they both exist.

Bob the Gunslinger · Post by **Bob the Gunslinger** » 2005-04-26 05:20pm

Well if we're talking about writing someone out of a will, that's happened to my mother. My grandmother is very senile and one of my mother's sisters has convinced her to write everyone else out of the will, even though my mom and her brother are currently taking care of my grandma's additional living expenses now that she's in a "home". Basicly this one aunt of mine is a flipping looney but very manipulative.

Jalinth · Post by **Jalinth** » 2005-04-26 05:28pm

Bob

Sometimes relatives are great, aren't they?

Imperial Overlord · Post by **Imperial Overlord** » 2005-04-26 05:42pm

Bob the Gunslinger wrote:
Imperial Overlord wrote:
So you know 3 racist and 1 religious disowning. TBF, I'm having trouble determining which type of bigotry I find more despicable.
I'm not arguing for one over the other, just that they both exist.

I wasn't saying you were. I was just pointing out what they have in common, that they are cases where parents disown their children over bigotry.

wolveraptor · Post by **wolveraptor** » 2005-04-26 07:15pm

Okay, just to clear this up: she's making 500$ a night at a strip club, which is teh 3v1l to her parents. So they disown her and blackmail her...how? They have no leverage over her. Are they threatening to disown her, and that's the blackmail?

If so, I certainly wouldn't say "Fuck you", just because they'd be parents. However, she can't give up 500$ a night just to please her parents (oh man that sounded so bad...). It's the principle of the thing, and she needs to explain that to her parents. They shouldn't be able to hold her to their religious viewpoint when she's any age, much less 20 (there's not much you can do at age 10).

Stark · Post by **Stark** » 2005-04-26 11:04pm

Bizarrely, she's decided to both leave the job, AND stop talking to her parents. I have no idea why.

However, in the last few days, her parents had called in the Army of the Extended Family, and essentially harassing her. A dozen calls a day from aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc, all expressing their solidarity can't have been pleasant. Further, she's caved on the issue, and STRAIGHT AWAY her mum calls her and says 'do you want to have coffee'. I have no fucking IDEA what goes through these peoples minds: why would she *ever* forget that the family isn't based on trust, or maturity, or anything other than brute force?

Also, I'm Australian. AU$500 is a lot, but not a LOT, and she works twice a week (cause of study and stuff). Her car is also broken, and being fixed by one of her uncles (at a laughably slow rate, but thats family). Her plan is to use her dollars to eliminate any dependency she has on her parents (tuition, car, fridge, etc) and cut them off once they can't do anything but piss and moan.

Amusingly, her entire family is based on emotional blackmail: she has discovered in this mess that one of her aunts was treated the same way, and that the family-at-large often attempts to micromanage the lives of others. Her grandmother stopped taking her heart medication (allegedly, I don't believe it for a second) which put her in a difficult situation. It's both pathetic, and really terrifying: who runs a family like that?

Enola Straight · Post by **Enola Straight** » 2005-04-26 11:54pm

If I may be so bold as to turn this to face the other way...

Is there anything your Parents could do that you would find so shameful and morally/ethically reprehensible that you would disown them?

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2005-04-26 11:58pm

Enola Straight wrote:If I may be so bold as to turn this to face the other way...

Is there anything your Parents could do that you would find so shameful and morally/ethically reprehensible that you would disown them?

may want to start a new topic for that

Enola Straight · Post by **Enola Straight** » 2005-04-27 12:53am

Understood.

salm · Post by **salm** » 2005-04-27 05:54am

Is she a single kid? If yes i´d just blackmail them back. You cut me off now, then i´ll cut you off later and you´ll end as lonly old farts in some dirt cheap retirement home with abusive personell.

500$ a night is a lot of money. That´s 4000$ a month. How is that not a LOT? Even in AUS$?

Chris OFarrell · Post by **Chris OFarrell** » 2005-04-27 05:57am

unbeataBULL wrote:Okay, just to clear this up: she's making 500$ a night at a strip club, which is teh 3v1l to her parents. So they disown her and blackmail her...how? They have no leverage over her. Are they threatening to disown her, and that's the blackmail?

Wait, she's earning $500 AUS a NIGHT?

Holllyyy SHIT

Chris OFarrell · Post by **Chris OFarrell** » 2005-04-27 05:58am

Ohh she only worked twice a week. Sorry I was assuming she was working 5-6 days a week.

Stofsk · Post by **Stofsk** » 2005-04-27 06:45am

Chris OFarrell wrote:Ohh she only worked twice a week. Sorry I was assuming she was working 5-6 days a week.

That's still a $1'000 a week, if $500 a working night is to be taken as an average. That's pretty god damn respectable for a part time job. Sounds like she's not being hurt by it all, and she IS an adult.

But oh well, if she's gonna listen to her parents then that's her decision. So she quit her job, Stark?

Stark · Post by **Stark** » 2005-04-27 08:28am

She's not an only child, but her the kids are closer to each other than their parents, and her brother has had his post-highschool choices made for him as well, so he's unsympathetic to his parents.

$1000 a week is an upper limit: but tax is a bitch. I tried to get her to see an accountant, but to no avail.

Since she's only recently started, she doesn't have enough stashed to do away with them in a short enough term, which is why she's quitting, I figure.

@Chris: it ranges 300-600 a night: I picked 500. It's not a bad place, either: I've heard pretty bogan things about Sydney joints, and up in BrisVegas the valley has some truly dodgey places. This one's okay; not that her parents ever bothered finding out

2000AD · Post by **2000AD** » 2005-04-27 08:47am

Goddamn it's a good job that the UK is such a good place to live in comparison. The only cases of disowning i hear about are usually in the immigrant population and are mostly "honour killings" (extreme disowning)

El Moose Monstero · Post by **El Moose Monstero** » 2005-04-27 08:54am

2000AD wrote:Goddamn it's a good job that the UK is such a good place to live in comparison. The only cases of disowning i hear about are usually in the immigrant population and are mostly "honour killings" (extreme disowning)

I've heard of them happening, usually for things like being gay, but a friend who was a jehovah's witness used to tell me that his family would disown him if he ever violated the various rules of the religion. And I've heard about people being thrown out of the house for days to weeks on several occassions by their parents, it might not be as major, but it amounts to the same sort of thing.

Post by **Lagmonster** » 2005-04-27 09:13am

Castor Troy wrote:If only I were Pope...

I don't know that even that would matter all that much.

It is prejudice inspired by ancient religious fears and bigotry that make people do this, and I'll wager that people will continue to manufacture stupid reasons to hate even their own kids regardless of whatever the current religious authorities have to say in the matter.

People are nothing if not resourceful; if the pope banned disowning a child for having a different sexual orientation or faith than the parents, their underlying bigotry or fears would manifest themselves in another way, such as abuse. Sometimes it's better to be separated from hateful people more than it is to be required to stay under their 'care'.

salm · Post by **salm** » 2005-04-27 11:46am

It´s quite cool here. Parents are required to support their children if the children haven´t finished education and are not over 25.

So if some fucktard parents decide to kick their kids out the kids can still finish uni and the parents have to pay.

Jalinth · Post by **Jalinth** » 2005-04-27 02:25pm

salm wrote:It´s quite cool here. Parents are required to support their children if the children haven´t finished education and are not over 25.

So if some fucktard parents decide to kick their kids out the kids can still finish uni and the parents have to pay.

This I disagree with. Once you are 18 and finished high school, your parents obligations are done and over. You are an adult.

Most parents will try to help support their children at college in some fashion, but this should be optional. College costs an absolute fortune and the benefits go to the student. So why should a parent have to drain their retirement accounts to fund their kid (which is often the choice in the US - and even in other places)? Mine allowed me to live at home free(actually - home came to the university after a year- they retired to the same city as my university) subject to their rules. No problem - free room and board in return for assistance around the place and following their rules. Really helped keep my costs down and allowed me to graduate debt free.