Weird Ass Stuff From the EU

Jim Raynor · Post by **Jim Raynor** » 2005-05-07 01:53am

This thread is for posting the strangest, wackiest, most far out shit you've found in the EU. Things that make you go

or

This image was taken from the Wizards of the Coast site. The caption reads "A Hutt in battle armor and wielding a force pike makes a formidable adversary." It actually makes sense (not every Hutt can be a fatass crime boss living in luxury), but still, the idea of an armored Hutt soldier never even entered my mind.

Spacefaring Krayt Dragon Jedi

I first found out about this after reading the recent Krayt Dragon threads that were around here. Wanting to learn more about Krayts, I went to the databank at the official site. Near the end of the databank entry for Krayt Dragons, it was said that "Some xenobiologists postulate that the krayt dragons are the degenerate descendents of the fabled Duinuogwuin Star Dragons." I searched for these Star Dragons at the Unofficial Star Wars Encyclopedia (which seems to cover almost everything from the EU), and got this (emphasis mine):

a Force-sensitive race of huge, snakelike creatures, the Duinuogwuin average 50 meters in length, with multiple pairs of legs on a scaled body. They also have gossamer wings and floppy, elephantine ears, and have earned the nickname 'Star Dragons.' Their homeworld is unknown, but they show up in almost any environment, even the vacuum of deep space. They are an honorable race, and there are rumors of the very ancient Duinuogwuin serving as Jedi Knights. It is rumored among the xeno-archaeologists who study them that a large percentage of young dragons are born as wild, vicious beasts. Each Duinuogwuin is monosexual, and the procreate by combining a haploid gamete with that from another dragon. No one knows where it is, but the Star Dragons maintain a hidden graveyard where they go to die. Several scientists have observed the Duinuogwuin expelling super-hot belches of gas that can scorch plastisteel.

Serious what the fuckage.

Illuminatus Primus · Post by **Illuminatus Primus** » 2005-05-07 02:33am

Psh. We have Shell Hutts thanks to that stupid Boba Fett Trilogy. Yes, that'd be a subculture of Hutts that live in incrementally replaced repulsorlift-equipped full-body metal shells. Jabba the Hutt, now playing a hermit crab for Halloween.

Spanky The Dolphin · Post by **Spanky The Dolphin** » 2005-05-07 02:42am

The Hutt soldier actually makes some sense (and is kind of cool), considering that the Hutts destroyed their homeworld Varl in a nuclear war, and much later defeated Xim the Despot.

I'd say the evil extra-dimensional giant vampire brain or whatever the Hell that thing from The Crystal Star was.

Old Plympto · Post by **Old Plympto** » 2005-05-07 02:47am

Spanky The Dolphin wrote:I'd say the evil extra-dimensional giant vampire brain or whatever the Hell that thing from The Crystal Star was.

Waru. That popped up in my mind the moment I saw the thread title.

Freeman's Trigger-Finger · Post by **Freeman's Trigger-Finger** » 2005-05-07 06:42am

When I first heard of Boba blowing his way out of the Sarlacc pit, I was like, 'WTF! What a stupid fucking plot copout!'.

Post by **Gandalf** » 2005-05-07 07:46am

IG-88 being in the middle of the DSII.

Darksider · Post by **Darksider** » 2005-05-07 08:54am

Gandalf wrote:IG-88 being in the middle of the DSII.

Thou shalt not speak of that abomination of a short story!!!!!!!

in my mind that was the worst as well, since it completely fucked the plot of ROTJ.

Waru comes in a close second though. Interdimensional space brains do not belong in Star Wars...........

Darth Bowser · Post by **Darth Bowser** » 2005-05-07 09:52am

Gandalf wrote:IG-88 being in the middle of the DSII.

I just read that for the first time last night. That was crazy.

Post by **NecronLord** » 2005-05-07 10:18am

Wankatine. The silliest, most offensive thing the EU ever came up with IMO.

Crossroads Inc. · Post by **Crossroads Inc.** » 2005-05-07 10:20am

Sun Crusher, Most Wanktastict Tech of All Time.

Noble Ire · Post by **Noble Ire** » 2005-05-07 10:37am

NecronLord wrote:Wankatine. The silliest, most offensive thing the EU ever came up with IMO.

Huh?

Personally, my vote is for Waru. Extra-dimensional whoosi-craps dont have a place in SW. The whole IG-88/Death Star thing is pretty over the top too.

Old Plympto · Post by **Old Plympto** » 2005-05-07 10:47am

One other thing that is particularly weird and creepy to me is the nanny droid invented by KJA on Anoth in the JAT. Mechanical metallic droid-like body, very life-like fleshy human arms. If that doesn't give the babies under its care some sort of psychological disorder*, I don't know what does. Why not just a HRD? I'm sure the Solos have enough cash and clout to obtain one.

*case in point, the Solo kids.

Petrosjko · Post by **Petrosjko** » 2005-05-07 11:13am

I'll go with Wankatine, along with NecronLord. Stupid stupid STUPID.

Spanky The Dolphin · Post by **Spanky The Dolphin** » 2005-05-07 11:23am

Except that "Wankatine" isn't weird. The thread is more for weird stuff from the EU, not things that are considered stupid.

Petrosjko · Post by **Petrosjko** » 2005-05-07 11:35am

Spanky The Dolphin wrote:Except that "Wankatine" isn't weird. The thread is more for weird stuff from the EU, not things that are considered stupid.

Well god damn you and your petty insistance on factual accuracy anyway, Spanky.

There's that bizarre species from Enemy of the Empire, the Ikari I believe. The ones who can be hacked to pieces and still keep going.

Post by **NecronLord** » 2005-05-07 11:38am

It is plenty wierd, spanked one, that published authors need to resort to schoolyard style storytelling to make their villains threatening. "Well. He'll come back. More powerful than ever!"

Illuminatus Primus · Post by **Illuminatus Primus** » 2005-05-07 01:37pm

What's so bad about Wankatine? When Palpatine managed to cloud the abilities and foresight of every Jedi in the Order in the prequel era...for thirteen years straight?

Crown · Post by **Crown** » 2005-05-07 02:50pm

Illuminatus Primus wrote:What's so bad about Wankatine? When Palpatine managed to cloud the abilities and foresight of every Jedi in the Order in the prequel era...for thirteen years straight?

One makes your jaw drop, and admire the man as the sneakest bastard of all villians, and the other stretches your ability to suspend disbelief and ultimately turns you off on the story.

Illuminatus Primus · Post by **Illuminatus Primus** » 2005-05-07 03:07pm

Crown wrote:
Illuminatus Primus wrote:What's so bad about Wankatine? When Palpatine managed to cloud the abilities and foresight of every Jedi in the Order in the prequel era...for thirteen years straight?
One makes your jaw drop, and admire the man as the sneakest bastard of all villians, and the other stretches your ability to suspend disbelief and ultimately turns you off on the story.

Seems like a hair's breadth subjective difference than anything substancial.

Post by **NecronLord** » 2005-05-07 03:15pm

Because the second one utterly contradicts the films and lets him shoot gigaton level fireballs out of his arse and teraton level lightning bolts from his eyes. Then there's the fact that the clouding of the force was only partly his doing, (later it was the influence of the clone wars) and even then was dependant on the jedi being sucked into his political machinations.

Crown · Post by **Crown** » 2005-05-07 03:26pm

Illuminatus Primus wrote:
Crown wrote:One makes your jaw drop, and admire the man as the sneakest bastard of all villians, and the other stretches your ability to suspend disbelief and ultimately turns you off on the story.
Seems like a hair's breadth subjective difference than anything substancial.

Don't be antagonistic about it. You know what I meant, and on a level you fucking agree with it too.

Illuminatus Primus · Post by **Illuminatus Primus** » 2005-05-07 04:00pm

NecronLord wrote:Because the second one utterly contradicts the films and lets him shoot gigaton level fireballs out of his arse and teraton level lightning bolts from his eyes. Then there's the fact that the clouding of the force was only partly his doing, (later it was the influence of the clone wars) and even then was dependant on the jedi being sucked into his political machinations.

Obi-Wan specifically says the shroud has clouded the Force for thirteen years. The Clone Wars only lasted three.

And how does it contradict the films? There was no time when those abilities would've been appropriate, and furthermore its already awknowledged he did not know them yet.

I agree with Publius that Palpatine's character is totally in-line with one goal: the complete and endless pursuit of ever-increasing power. He wants to apotheosize himself. It makes sense for him to progressively move toward godhood. Perhaps the fleet-consuming Force Storm is bothersome (why bring or have built, the Eclipse?), but nothing else about Palpatine's level of power bothers me in DE.

I especially find it curious coming from an Imperium of Man whore like you. Palpatine of the movies is in the formative stages of becoming the Sith ubermensch, of ascending to demigodhood.

Spanky The Dolphin · Post by **Spanky The Dolphin** » 2005-05-07 04:08pm

The Force Storm is pretty much the only uber thing that Palpatine does in DE, and he just does it twice.

Illuminatus Primus · Post by **Illuminatus Primus** » 2005-05-07 04:17pm

Spanky The Dolphin wrote:The Force Storm is pretty much the only uber thing that Palpatine does in DE, and he just does it twice.

The first one wasn't even that bad, either. And its not like he actually did it; the story makes it clear that creating it isn't the fuss so much as controlling it. A Force Storm is more like starting a forest fire than creating a tsunami by brute force, if you will.

Kurgan · Post by **Kurgan** » 2005-05-07 08:32pm

Well he also does the whole "soul transfer" thing (dozens?) of times...

And doesn't he teleport Luke someplace? Or was that just "part of the Storm"?

Plus he can "give" the Force to people who don't have it to begin with (his "Dark Jedi minions") although this isn't without precedent in the rest of the EU (unless I'm mistaken and DE showed it first...).

I think a few of the weird things were Niles Ferrier's "Wraith" (a shadow with glowing eyes that was alive) in the Thrawn Trilogy (iirc?) and that Gold floating meat creature cult leader in ? the Jedi Academy Trilogy and how you can go INSIDE him to kill him.

And I won't mention Ysalamiri.