An Atheist on Judgement Day

Faqa · Post by **Faqa** » 2005-05-07 12:09pm

Amazing what you can find on Snopes, no?

God acts like an asshole, and gets owned by an atheist. I love it....

GrandMasterTerwynn · Post by **GrandMasterTerwynn** » 2005-05-07 12:17pm

Faqa wrote:Amazing what you can find on Snopes, no?

:lol: :lol:

God acts like an asshole, and gets owned by an atheist. I love it....

This particular stoy has been posted here time, and time again.

Mitth`raw`nuruodo · Post by **Mitth`raw`nuruodo** » 2005-05-07 12:21pm

Yes, it's old. I rather like it though.

Molyneux · Post by **Molyneux** » 2005-05-07 01:58pm

Kind of sucks for Martin...
I like to think, though, that if God truly is like that, then I would act as Eve did.

Guardsman Bass · Post by **Guardsman Bass** » 2005-05-07 02:01pm

Molyneux wrote:Kind of sucks for Martin...
I like to think, though, that if God truly is like that, then I would act as Eve did.

And have the courage to willingly choose self-destruction on principle rather than an eternal existence in "paradise."

wolveraptor · Post by **wolveraptor** » 2005-05-07 02:04pm

But when Martin is destroyed, is he literally obliterated or just sent to Hell?

Zero · Post by **Zero** » 2005-05-07 02:07pm

I don't think I'd make many accusations of God. I'd ask him a few questions, though...

kheegster · Post by **kheegster** » 2005-05-07 03:24pm

This is my attitude towards Christianity: if God as described by the Bible exists, then hell isn't such a bad place after all.

Alyeska · Post by **Alyeska** » 2005-05-07 03:37pm

I can see people are being complete fucking idiots here. The Christian got shitcanned to hell for being a drone while the Atheist was given a chance as Heaven for having lived a good life and choose oblivion instead. And people LIKE this story? That was one fucking stupid Atheist. If I find myself infront of God for my judgement and he decides I lived a good life even for an Atheist, I would quite like going into Heaven.

Zero · Post by **Zero** » 2005-05-07 09:02pm

Actually, it seems from scripture that heaven may be much more annoying then any concept of hell, or oblivion could ever be. Heaven is just this place where you get to worship God for all eternity. If he's a douche, I wouldn't really want to either. What I don't get is, if God knows everything, then why does he ask questions? Stupid God...

Petrosjko · Post by **Petrosjko** » 2005-05-07 09:14pm

Alyeska wrote:I can see people are being complete fucking idiots here. The Christian got shitcanned to hell for being a drone while the Atheist was given a chance as Heaven for having lived a good life and choose oblivion instead. And people LIKE this story? That was one fucking stupid Atheist. If I find myself infront of God for my judgement and he decides I lived a good life even for an Atheist, I would quite like going into Heaven.

Screw that. I'm with her. The God in the story is an asshole who shitcanned somebody for following the rules he allowed to be laid out. Fuck him, I'd want no part of his sick little society.

She had brass, man.

HemlockGrey · Post by **HemlockGrey** » 2005-05-07 09:42pm

Sorry, my sense of self-preservation overrules ethical concerns in the face of an all-powerful omnipotent deity. One ticket to Heaven for me, please, and point the way to the heavenly bar.

Petrosjko · Post by **Petrosjko** » 2005-05-07 09:47pm

HemlockGrey wrote:Sorry, my sense of self-preservation overrules ethical concerns in the face of an all-powerful omnipotent deity. One ticket to Heaven for me, please, and point the way to the heavenly bar.

Bah. I've been ready for no afterlife all my life. This would just be a small detour enroute.

God can blow me.

And if he approaches Einhander-levels of skill, I might consider staying in heaven.

Zero · Post by **Zero** » 2005-05-07 09:47pm

What if heaven's just an eternal church service? Come on, man, that would be a piece of shit... just sit there, listening to some douche talk about how great he is.

"I'm God. Don't I rule? Come on, seriously... don't I kick so much ass? Aren't I THE COOLEST?"

It would suck worse then the suckiest sucky thing that ever sucked! Heaven sucks...

Petrosjko · Post by **Petrosjko** » 2005-05-07 09:49pm

Zero132132 wrote:What if heaven's just an eternal church service? Come on, man, that would be a piece of shit... just sit there, listening to some douche talk about how great he is.

"I'm God. Don't I rule? Come on, seriously... don't I kick so much ass? Aren't I THE COOLEST?"

It would suck worse then the suckiest sucky thing that ever sucked! Heaven sucks...

Oh shit... an eternity of Maddox.

Post by **Surlethe** » 2005-05-07 09:55pm

Or, maybe heaven is paradise. In which case, it'd be best to stay.

I myself would go straight to heaven. And then, if it blows, pull a Lucifer and get smacked down to hell anyway. Either way, I win!

Alyeska · Post by **Alyeska** » 2005-05-07 11:16pm

Petrosjko wrote:
Alyeska wrote:I can see people are being complete fucking idiots here. The Christian got shitcanned to hell for being a drone while the Atheist was given a chance as Heaven for having lived a good life and choose oblivion instead. And people LIKE this story? That was one fucking stupid Atheist. If I find myself infront of God for my judgement and he decides I lived a good life even for an Atheist, I would quite like going into Heaven.
Screw that. I'm with her. The God in the story is an asshole who shitcanned somebody for following the rules he allowed to be laid out. Fuck him, I'd want no part of his sick little society.

She had brass, man.

No, that God shitcanned someone who blindly followed rules from a 2,000 year old book. It was very clear that that God was judging the people by how they lived their lives as well, and it would seem that poor Christian didn't lead a very good life. Remember, he was willing to let an Atheist into heaven for leading a good life for the "wrong" reasons. So a Christian who leads a good life but screws up the religion aspect of it would still have gotten in.

wolveraptor · Post by **wolveraptor** » 2005-05-08 12:23am

Oh look at me! I'm being noble by torturing myself for all eternity, even though it won't affect God in the slightest, and sure as hell won't make me feel better (being in hell and all)! But hey, I'll have been a principled person! [/sarcasm]

You don't give up an eternity of peace just because the ruler is an asshole. The sad reality of life is that those who have absolute power are above the rest of us, whether it's fair or not. For humans, no one has absolute power, and can be overthrown if he's a dictatorial bitch. But God is God. You can't fight it, so don't torture yourself. If you do, your loss.

Zero · Post by **Zero** » 2005-05-08 12:38am

Lucifer was an angel, and likely would have had a greater understanding of God then you or I. He fought against God, somehow, so perhaps omnipotence is really just an overstatement. In this fictional story, at least, God had to actually stay in one place and wait for everyone that ever was to actually come before him to be judged. He had to ask questions, so he obviously didn't know the answer, which means he wasn't omniscient. I think this type of God wouldn't be so hard to rebel against. I'd rebel against the real God, if there was one. If there is, he sure is being a coward about my challenges...

Molyneux · Post by **Molyneux** » 2005-05-08 12:42am

HemlockGrey wrote:Sorry, my sense of self-preservation overrules ethical concerns in the face of an all-powerful omnipotent deity. One ticket to Heaven for me, please, and point the way to the heavenly bar.

Don't forget, no liquour in heaven...

speaker-to-trolls · Post by **speaker-to-trolls** » 2005-05-08 05:41am

I'm with the 'screw principles, I wanna live!" people. I like to consider myself a pragmatist, and as such I only believe in principles when they produce a positive outcome, me pissing God off and getting zapped isn't going to help anyone, and it most certainly isn't going to hurt God (this one seems to be using his divine powers to keep his head miraculously atop his neck and up his ass at the same time, hallelujah!), so I might as well just go into paradise and enjoy it, whatever it's like it has to be better than non-existence.

And, if you don't like this God, wouldn't it make more sense to get into heaven and try to bring it down from the inside?.

mr friendly guy · Post by **mr friendly guy** » 2005-05-08 05:55am

speaker-to-trolls wrote:
And, if you don't like this God, wouldn't it make more sense to get into heaven and try to bring it down from the inside?.

How about going to hell and getting Lucifer's army to help you take down God. I am sure Hell must have the damned souls of a lot of good generals who weren't Christian and who didn't live a good life so we have competent military leaders. By this time the souls of the damned must have numbered quite high, and plus, how hard can it be to manufacture iron chariots.

dworkin · Post by **dworkin** » 2005-05-08 06:24am

Update time

The line seemed to stretch back forever. Hundreds of millions of souls, waiting patiently for their turn before the throne. The date... Well, the day is Judgment Day, so you won't find it on any calendar. The queue of people winds its way down the mountain, through the valley and off into the far distance. Everybody in the queue can see the final destination at the mountain peak. A hundred miles away, they can see it perfectly clearly. And they wait, moving forward a couple of steps at a time. Towards God, and the Decision.

At the head of the we find a young Christian, wearing an expression of awe and joy. Behind him, an atheist, looking slightly astonished, examining a leaf she has picked from a nearby bush, trying to decide if it is real or not. Heaven, she thinks, should be whiter, with more dry ice swirling about; not look like a Welsh hillside on a hot day.

The christian approaches the throne, the being upon it speaks.
"Martin, my good and faithful servent, please enter into paradise."
With a look of joy and wonder on his face the soul walks through the gate.

The next soul approaches the throne. "Eve, I like that name. You were an atheist, you denied my existence and presence. What do you think now."
The soul shrugs "I may reconsider my opinion."
"Well, I cannot allow you to remain in my presence. I consign you to Hell. To consider the folly of your actions for the remainder of all eternity."
"No"
"What do you mean 'No'?" the voice sounded angry.
"I mean no. I have never been part of your religion and honestly can't understand why your rules apply to me."
"I am the LORD and all powerful god! You are consigned to the deepest pits of hell for all eternity."
The soul stood there, tapping it's foot impatiently. "Well, I'm waiting."
"How is it you are still here, I am The Alpha and Omega, tha beginning and the end." the being's form grew radiant and brillant flames seemed to grow from where it's eyes should be.
"A lesson tyrants learn, often late is that the masses have a power all their own. Also, they learn, also belatedly that they should never of started believing their own propaganda."
"You cannot defy me!" The voice shook the mountain. Souls fell to their knees as the voice thundered. "I am the LORD and God!"
"I do not defy you. Do you have any idea how long I've been in that line? While you may like to think we've all been standing like sheep to the slaughter, will it suprise you that we have not?"
The soul clicked her fingers, about the being on the chair appeared a host of souls. They looked grim, determined and many were wielding rocks and branches.
"We, oh God have been getting organised to overthrow the greatest despot there is. And the best part is that you gave us all of history, all time, all the motivation and all of humanity to do this."
"You cannot!" wailed the voice. "I will not allow it."
"You still don't get it? We are not your slave's. We're not asking for your permission. You're finished. And after it's cleared out your own hell will be a great place for you to ponder your foolishness."
Eve grinned, "Of course, we shall give you a parole hearing."
The great beings face showed fear, suprise and then a smug satisfaction.
"Only one without sin may first strike." It folded it's arms in defiance.
A hail of rocks, branches and souls fell like an avalanche upon it. While mighty and it's blows consigned many to oblivion it was eventually beaten down and wrestled into submission. Eve walked up to the prone diety.
"Fool, sin means nothing to us! Your followers on earth could never understand that and it seems niether did you. We were never your people so your rules mean nothing to us."

The Gates of Hell were then opened and after it's victims released the bound and howling diety was hurled into it by the multitude. Before the end the being asked the triumphant Eve. "How, why, did you do this?"

"You don't know? Because they're my children."

Crown · Post by **Crown** » 2005-05-08 09:53am

Molyneux wrote:
HemlockGrey wrote:Sorry, my sense of self-preservation overrules ethical concerns in the face of an all-powerful omnipotent deity. One ticket to Heaven for me, please, and point the way to the heavenly bar.
Don't forget, no liquour in heaven...

Who told you that lie? Christ turned water into wine ... we can at least expect that to be on the menu!

Keevan_Colton · Post by **Keevan_Colton** » 2005-05-08 10:31am

Crown wrote:
Molyneux wrote:
HemlockGrey wrote:Sorry, my sense of self-preservation overrules ethical concerns in the face of an all-powerful omnipotent deity. One ticket to Heaven for me, please, and point the way to the heavenly bar.
Don't forget, no liquour in heaven...
Who told you that lie? Christ turned water into wine ... we can at least expect that to be on the menu!

I dont get what's so miraculous about that one...I can do it too...just give me a load of grapes and some prep time and away you go

StarDestroyer.Net BBS

An Atheist on Judgement Day

An Atheist on Judgement Day

Re: An Atheist on Judgement Day