New Chick tract up!

Nephtys · Post by **Nephtys** » 2005-05-14 02:45pm

This guy has a tract on how playing D&D teaches you real satanic spells, and how you must shun people who 'died' and let them kill themselves because they are weak and unsith-like. It's hilarious. Personally, I like that 'You must join with C'thulu!' parody tract.

Nephtys · Post by **Nephtys** » 2005-05-14 02:47pm

Oops. Here's the link.

+http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0046/0046_01.asp

Lord Zentei · Post by **Lord Zentei** » 2005-05-14 02:56pm

Good grief. This is seriously retarded.

Evil hot dungeon master witch lady, oh my!

Jarl Sven · Post by **Jarl Sven** » 2005-05-14 03:19pm

please tell me that Chick site is a parody....please

Lord Zentei · Post by **Lord Zentei** » 2005-05-14 03:35pm

Jarl Sven wrote:please tell me that Chick site is a parody....please

Oh, it's real all right.

salm · Post by **salm** » 2005-05-14 03:41pm

Petrosjko wrote:Bah, it's not a real Chick Tract if it doesn't have the little 'Do you accept Jesus Christ as your lord and savior?' with the 'yes' and 'no' boxes.

I do love how there's no moral commentary on grandpa's career as a bootlegger. Nope, straight from that to salvation.

That´s what i thought. What the fuck was the moonshiner in the beginning good for?

Admiral Valdemar · Post by **Admiral Valdemar** » 2005-05-14 04:33pm

The D&D one I was showing my bro just before.

Along with this.

Wicked Pilot · Post by **Wicked Pilot** » 2005-05-14 04:49pm

Everytime Chick releases a new tract God makes Fred Phelps have a homoerotic fantasy.

Junghalli · Post by **Junghalli** » 2005-05-14 05:16pm

Avalon616 wrote:
I died for you... Kim Lee didn't.
I'd be like, "well Kim Lee cooked my meals, cared for me, and had fantastic sex with me, and all you did was die. Maybe if you were a hot asian too... Nope, no, I still pick Kim Lee."

[fundie]your priorities are wrong. Dying for your sins is the greater service by far[/fundie]

Crossroads Inc. · Post by **Crossroads Inc.** » 2005-05-14 07:27pm

Jarl Sven wrote:please tell me that Chick site is a parody....please

Alas, that’s what I thought as well. The first track I ever say, posted by a friend was the 'Dark Dungeons' one. I seriously laughed hysterically while reading it. I completely cracked up, thinking this was the best parody site I'd ever found. Even when I got to the end, with the whole 'fill this form out to save your soul' think I still thought it was a complete spoof.

Alas, what makes it so very VERY sad is this man believes every word of it. All of it. He believes D&D isn't just evil, but CAN teach you REAL Magic spells. He DOES believe that the Catholic Church has ties to an ancient Egyptian Cult and worships Ra. People have for years tried to corner him into admitting all of this is a put on. That, how can anyone believe this? Basically, according to him, 99.85% of the population of the world is going to Hell.

mr friendly guy · Post by **mr friendly guy** » 2005-05-14 10:46pm

Jarl Sven wrote:please tell me that Chick site is a parody....please

Chick parodies can be found at this site
http://www.weirdcrap.com/chick

Sadly Chick is all too real.

Junghalli · Post by **Junghalli** » 2005-05-15 02:36am

Crossroads Inc. wrote:Basically, according to him, 99.85% of the population of the world is going to Hell.

That's a typical view for fundamentalists, since they think anyone who doesn't believe exactly like they do is doomed. Throw in original sin, which means that we're all going to hell to begin with and it's a testament to God's benevolence that He saves anybody at all. I think I heard somewhere that the Bible gives the numbers of people who are going to end up in heaven-it's a few hundred thousand from each of the tribes of Israel.

Lord Zentei · Post by **Lord Zentei** » 2005-05-15 07:52am

Junghalli wrote:
Crossroads Inc. wrote:Basically, according to him, 99.85% of the population of the world is going to Hell.
That's a typical view for fundamentalists, since they think anyone who doesn't believe exactly like they do is doomed. Throw in original sin, which means that we're all going to hell to begin with and it's a testament to God's benevolence that He saves anybody at all. I think I heard somewhere that the Bible gives the numbers of people who are going to end up in heaven-it's a few hundred thousand from each of the tribes of Israel.

It's probably the number 144000 you are remembering: 12000 from each of the twelve tribes of Israel. These are the most blessed of those who will be ressurected and form the army of the Lord in the war against the Antichrist. They will be the ones to live the Millennum as Priest Kings after all the rest of the world is destroyed, along with the Great Multitude, i.e. those others who are deemed worthy enough to be ressurected. I don't think an actual number was given for the Great Multitude, but it is suggested many times that they are a very small fraction of humanity.

After the Millennium, Satan is released from imprisonment and raises an army like the "sand of the seashore" and assaults the Holy City, but they are destroyed by an act of God, and Satan is cast into the Lake of Fire where he will be tormented for all eternity.

The Spartan · Post by **The Spartan** » 2005-05-15 09:45am

Lord Zentei wrote:After the Millennium, Satan is released from imprisonment and raises an army like the "sand of the seashore" and assaults the Holy City, but they are destroyed by an act of God, and Satan is cast into the Lake of Fire where he will be tormented for all eternity.

Now, this is something I've never understood, and I couldn't get an acceptable anwser from anyone back when I was still religious. If Satan has rebeled against God and is causing all this trouble for beings he supposedly loves, why the hell doesn't he just destroy Satan now? Or lock him up for eternity where he can't get out and "tempt" us? If he's going to do it eventually, why not just do it and be done? Infinite love indeed...

felineki · Post by **felineki** » 2005-05-15 10:33am

The Spartan wrote: If Satan has rebeled against God and is causing all this trouble for beings he supposedly loves, why the hell doesn't he just destroy Satan now? Or lock him up for eternity where he can't get out and "tempt" us? If he's going to do it eventually, why not just do it and be done?

God: the original procrastinator.

wolveraptor · Post by **wolveraptor** » 2005-05-15 10:33am

The Spartan wrote:
Lord Zentei wrote:After the Millennium, Satan is released from imprisonment and raises an army like the "sand of the seashore" and assaults the Holy City, but they are destroyed by an act of God, and Satan is cast into the Lake of Fire where he will be tormented for all eternity.
Now, this is something I've never understood, and I couldn't get an acceptable anwser from anyone back when I was still religious. If Satan has rebeled against God and is causing all this trouble for beings he supposedly loves, why the hell doesn't he just destroy Satan now? Or lock him up for eternity where he can't get out and "tempt" us? If he's going to do it eventually, why not just do it and be done? Infinite love indeed...

Hell, why did he create the angel Lucifer in the first place? Being all-knowing, he must've known about the fall, so he should've been like, "Well, this dude's a bad egg." or something.

Molyneux · Post by **Molyneux** » 2005-05-15 12:49pm

The Spartan wrote:
Lord Zentei wrote:After the Millennium, Satan is released from imprisonment and raises an army like the "sand of the seashore" and assaults the Holy City, but they are destroyed by an act of God, and Satan is cast into the Lake of Fire where he will be tormented for all eternity.
Now, this is something I've never understood, and I couldn't get an acceptable anwser from anyone back when I was still religious. If Satan has rebeled against God and is causing all this trouble for beings he supposedly loves, why the hell doesn't he just destroy Satan now? Or lock him up for eternity where he can't get out and "tempt" us? If he's going to do it eventually, why not just do it and be done? Infinite love indeed...

Search me. I never understood it; I'm just annoyed at Christians for stealing my holy book and using it to help justify their stupidity (I'm Jewish, in case you can't tell).

All that revelation bullshit...*shrug*

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2005-05-15 01:39pm

freeee willlllllll -sings-

I dunno either. thats whatthey tell me tho.

Lord Zentei · Post by **Lord Zentei** » 2005-05-15 04:02pm

Lord Zentei wrote:It's probably the number 144000 you are remembering: 12000 from each of the twelve tribes of Israel. These are the most blessed of those who will be ressurected and form the army of the Lord in the war against the Antichrist. They will be the ones to live the Millennum as Priest Kings after all the rest of the world is destroyed, along with the Great Multitude, i.e. those others who are deemed worthy enough to be ressurected. I don't think an actual number was given for the Great Multitude, but it is suggested many times that they are a very small fraction of humanity.

After the Millennium, Satan is released from imprisonment and raises an army like the "sand of the seashore" and assaults the Holy City, but they are destroyed by an act of God, and Satan is cast into the Lake of Fire where he will be tormented for all eternity.

Correction: the Great Multitude is not ressurected until Satan is cast into the Lake of Fire. The 144k are the only ones who will experience the Millennium under the rule of Jesus. After Satan is cast into the Lake of Fire the dead are ressurected for their judgement and God arrives with the New Jerusalem out of the heavans and basically recreates the Earth, and it is here that the 144k are priest-kings. Those deemed worthy will be allowed to dwell in New Jeruslaem, everybody else is tossed into the Lake of Fire.

Lonestar · Post by **Lonestar** » 2005-05-16 07:08am

One thing I love about Chick Tracts is the complete ignorance of Jesus' existance in almost all of them by the would-be saved.

"Wow! Jesus is my Savior? Is that what the whole deal at all the local churches every Christmas and Easter all about?"

kheegster · Post by **kheegster** » 2005-05-16 07:42am

As I see it, Chick tracts are a form of social evolution in action.... people who are actually convinced by them have to be extremely stupid, thus contributing to the downward spiral of the average IQ of fundies.

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2005-05-16 10:55am

back a few yrs ago, I went and about about 40 of the things. they seemed convincing. . . to my 10 yr old christian self. I kinda starting asking questions about them when I hit 15.

kheegster · Post by **kheegster** » 2005-05-16 11:07am

Lonestar wrote:One thing I love about Chick Tracts is the complete ignorance of Jesus' existance in almost all of them by the would-be saved.

"Wow! Jesus is my Savior? Is that what the whole deal at all the local churches every Christmas and Easter all about?"

It's probably Chick projecting his own ignorance on to others. He knows precisely zilch about other religions, so he would expect non-Christians to know nothing about Christianity as well.

Junghalli · Post by **Junghalli** » 2005-05-16 01:33pm

kheegan wrote:As I see it, Chick tracts are a form of social evolution in action.... people who are actually convinced by them have to be extremely stupid, thus contributing to the downward spiral of the average IQ of fundies.

Yeah, I loved that one where he said that Dungeons and Dragons teaches you actual occult powers. Please tell me that was a parody!
Basically I think the key to understanding fundies is this. Imagine what the world would be like if the WH40K Chaos Gods were real. That's the world as seen by a fundie.

Petrosjko · Post by **Petrosjko** » 2005-05-16 02:28pm

Lonestar wrote:One thing I love about Chick Tracts is the complete ignorance of Jesus' existance in almost all of them by the would-be saved.

"Wow! Jesus is my Savior? Is that what the whole deal at all the local churches every Christmas and Easter all about?"

That comes back to the club of guilt that hardline Christianity wields. The constant reiteration of man's sinful nature leads people like Chick to assume that all good people are carrying around a massive burden of shame that they're just waiting to unload. By his light, the only rational reason a sane person wouldn't already be saved is only if they were oblivious to the glories of Jesus.