ROTFLMAO! Goons board a Brit SSBN! (TGOD INSIDE)

[Sea Skimmer]

Hey, the USN managed to get Constitution back to sea, I'm sure the RN can get Victory sailing once more.

It's easier to get Warrior back at sea, I mean she was sailing about 25-30 years ago, is still afloat, might need new bottom hull plates, but would be MUCH cheaper than making Victory sea worthy.

Besides, HMS Trincomalee is being refitted to be sea-worthy, a frigate from 1815.

Err Warrior was a barge 30 years ago and had to be towed....
Victory just needs money, the rest is just a excersize in enginerring/shipbuilding and should not present too many difficulties.

That old C class cruiser the RN still has really needs money placed aside to ensure she gets preserved rather then scrapped. Not many 19teens cruisers floating around today. She currently beingu sed for some training IIRC, but is not in good shape.

Warrior needs work, but I'd expect she be okay for a long while after a two year dry-docking. Getting her moving again may be near impossible though, unless a modern diesel gets bolted on instead of revamping the steam plant. Victory need so much work restoration would likely involve dismantling her masts and upper decks partly. That’s going to cost a fortune. It could be done but I'd doubt it will anytime soon.

Then we have to find a way to raise the Lützow!

[Stuart Mackey]

It's easier to get Warrior back at sea, I mean she was sailing about 25-30 years ago, is still afloat, might need new bottom hull plates, but would be MUCH cheaper than making Victory sea worthy.

Besides, HMS Trincomalee is being refitted to be sea-worthy, a frigate from 1815.

Err Warrior was a barge 30 years ago and had to be towed....
Victory just needs money, the rest is just a excersize in enginerring/shipbuilding and should not present too many difficulties.

That old C class cruiser the RN still has really needs money placed aside to ensure she gets preserved rather then scrapped. Not many 19teens cruisers floating around today. She currently beingu sed for some training IIRC, but is not in good shape.

Warrior needs work, but I'd expect she be okay for a long while after a two year dry-docking. Getting her moving again may be near impossible though, unless a modern diesel gets bolted on instead of revamping the steam plant. Victory need so much work restoration would likely involve dismantling her masts and upper decks partly. That’s going to cost a fortune. It could be done but I'd doubt it will anytime soon.

Then we have to find a way to raise the Lützow!

Well HMS Caroline is still in service, and is still used, and she is the only ship afloat that fought at Jutland.
As to Warrior, I dont think they would bother getting the steam plant back in operation, it could be done, but whats the point? It would be nice, but like all things its a money issue.
Victory? Well I have only had a cursory look on the net, and dont know her material condition, but its just a case of money again, after all she is wooden.
Lutzow? err, I think that ship might be total loss..
http://www.ku.edu/~kansite/ww_one/naval/jut07wrk.htm

"Lying in about 45 metres of water, she is listing about 160 degrees to port, supported by the conning tower and turrets. The forepart has broken away and is lying upside down a short distance away. "

[Sea Skimmer]

Err Warrior was a barge 30 years ago and had to be towed....
Victory just needs money, the rest is just a excersize in enginerring/shipbuilding and should not present too many difficulties.

That old C class cruiser the RN still has really needs money placed aside to ensure she gets preserved rather then scrapped. Not many 19teens cruisers floating around today. She currently beingu sed for some training IIRC, but is not in good shape.

Warrior needs work, but I'd expect she be okay for a long while after a two year dry-docking. Getting her moving again may be near impossible though, unless a modern diesel gets bolted on instead of revamping the steam plant. Victory need so much work restoration would likely involve dismantling her masts and upper decks partly. That’s going to cost a fortune. It could be done but I'd doubt it will anytime soon.

Then we have to find a way to raise the Lützow!

Well HMS Caroline is still in service, and is still used, and she is the only ship afloat that fought at Jutland.
As to Warrior, I dont think they would bother getting the steam plant back in operation, it could be done, but whats the point? It would be nice, but like all things its a money issue.
Victory? Well I have only had a cursory look on the net, and dont know her material condition, but its just a case of money again, after all she is wooden.
Lutzow? err, I think that ship might be total loss..
http://www.ku.edu/~kansite/ww_one/naval/jut07wrk.htm

"Lying in about 45 metres of water, she is listing about 160 degrees to port, supported by the conning tower and turrets. The forepart has broken away and is lying upside down a short distance away. "

Irrelevant. The Lützow will be raised and refitted as my personal armed yacht.

[Ted]

It's easier to get Warrior back at sea, I mean she was sailing about 25-30 years ago, is still afloat, might need new bottom hull plates, but would be MUCH cheaper than making Victory sea worthy.

Besides, HMS Trincomalee is being refitted to be sea-worthy, a frigate from 1815.

Err Warrior was a barge 30 years ago and had to be towed....
Victory just needs money, the rest is just a excersize in enginerring/shipbuilding and should not present too many difficulties.

That old C class cruiser the RN still has really needs money placed aside to ensure she gets preserved rather then scrapped. Not many 19teens cruisers floating around today. She currently beingu sed for some training IIRC, but is not in good shape.

Warrior needs work, but I'd expect she be okay for a long while after a two year dry-docking. Getting her moving again may be near impossible though, unless a modern diesel gets bolted on instead of revamping the steam plant. Victory need so much work restoration would likely involve dismantling her masts and upper decks partly. That’s going to cost a fortune. It could be done but I'd doubt it will anytime soon.

Then we have to find a way to raise the Lützow!

They are restoring a monitor M33.
HMS Caroline is gonna be the next project.
Warrior was a barge about 80 years ago, was refribished in the 70's.

[Stuart Mackey]

snip

Irrelevant. The Lützow will be raised and refitted as my personal armed yacht.

Fine, If you get Lutzow, I get USS Nautilus

[Sea Skimmer]

snip

Irrelevant. The Lützow will be raised and refitted as my personal armed yacht.

Fine, If you get Lutzow, I get USS Nautilus

My escort, the Kirov II, a hybrid of DDG-51/21, Ticonderoga and Kirov technology on 55,000 tons, will crush your puny sub.



Of course I would be refitting modern torpedoes, guns and VLS SAM's, making the Lutzow effective in modern combat to a point, while mostly retaining the ships original lines.

[Stuart Mackey]

snip

Irrelevant. The Lützow will be raised and refitted as my personal armed yacht.

Fine, If you get Lutzow, I get USS Nautilus

My escort, the Kirov II, a hybrid of DDG-51/21, Ticonderoga and Kirov technology on 55,000 tons, will crush your puny sub.



Of course I would be refitting modern torpedoes, guns and VLS SAM's, making the Lutzow effective in modern combat to a point, while mostly retaining the ships original lines.

Thats nice, not only is nautilis updated with modern weapons sensors, as far as her design allows. I will also have my new build BB, with all modern weopons sytems, including VLS, 9 16 inch with extended range shells, RAM and a armour system that can resist the finest Russian SSM's. I will also have this BB equipped with Ageis and a helicopter, and all on a 75, 000 ton hull.
And I get all this from a similar place to your Kirov2, My Hairy Ass industy's LTD

[Sea Skimmer]

Fine, If you get Lutzow, I get USS Nautilus

My escort, the Kirov II, a hybrid of DDG-51/21, Ticonderoga and Kirov technology on 55,000 tons, will crush your puny sub.

and a armour system that can resist the finest Russian SSM's. and all on a 75, 000 ton hull

You have defied physics for the last time captain Mackey.

*Kirov II fires one of her MARV equipped D-5's at the anti physics battleship, followed up by a salvo of super cavitating nuclear torpedo dropping hypersonic missiles with active plasma stealth*

[Vympel]

My escort, the Kirov II, a hybrid of DDG-51/21, Ticonderoga and Kirov technology on 55,000 tons, will crush your puny sub.

and a armour system that can resist the finest Russian SSM's. and all on a 75, 000 ton hull

You have defied physics for the last time captain Mackey.

*Kirov II fires one of her MARV equipped D-5's at the anti physics battleship, followed up by a salvo of super cavitating nuclear torpedo dropping hypersonic missiles with active plasma stealth*

Scary thing is I know wha that means ...

[Sea Skimmer]

and a armour system that can resist the finest Russian SSM's. and all on a 75, 000 ton hull

You have defied physics for the last time captain Mackey.

*Kirov II fires one of her MARV equipped D-5's at the anti physics battleship, followed up by a salvo of super cavitating nuclear torpedo dropping hypersonic missiles with active plasma stealth*

[img]http://nuketesting.enviroweb.org/hew/Us ... c5.jpg[img]

Scary thing is I know wha that means ...

My ultimate missile design that bypass's Mackey's little brother of Quantum armor you mean?

[IRG CommandoJoe]

(Orders DZB from SSD.)

I win.

[Stuart Mackey]

snip

You have defied physics for the last time captain Mackey.

*Kirov II fires one of her MARV equipped D-5's at the anti physics battleship, followed up by a salvo of super cavitating nuclear torpedo dropping hypersonic missiles with active plasma stealth*

The weopons of the Kirov 2 exploade harmlesly aginst the sheilds of the BB, the Capain laughs, "Foolish Russian warship!" the huge battleship activates its quantum bullshit wormhole and arrives but two nautical miles from the Kirov 2. The Kirov's bridge crew look on in horror as the main gun turrets turn the massive barrels towards them, as missile plumes erupt from the BB's VLS tubes the first 16 inch salvo's send 9 rocket assited shells into the hull of the Kirov. The VLS launched, purebunkum type 2 missiles, smash through the enemys hull and add to the catistrophic damage within, the Kirov2 sinks bravly under the waves, its flag flying proudly from its masthead.

This messgae was proudly brought to you by My Hairy Ass industrys, Ltd.
Bringing flights of fancy and whimsy to naval planning since 1856.

[Sea Skimmer]

(Orders DZB from SSD.)

I win.

I think not.

*Activates world wide Pis powered shield network just in time to repel the bombardment*
Now to deal with the irritant directly.
*Motions to Dark Archon, who permanently mind controls the entire ship in a single swoop. Another seize control of IRG and forces him to swallow a rusty steak knife, drowning him in his own blood*

[Stuart Mackey]

My ultimate missile design that bypass's Mackey's little brother of Quantum armor you mean?

Wasnt that a Russian weapon, one of many I think, that they gave up on as being impractical?

[Sea Skimmer]

snip

You have defied physics for the last time captain Mackey.

*Kirov II fires one of her MARV equipped D-5's at the anti physics battleship, followed up by a salvo of super cavitating nuclear torpedo dropping hypersonic missiles with active plasma stealth*

The weopons of the Kirov 2 exploade harmlesly aginst the sheilds of the BB, the Capain laughs, "Foolish Russian warship!" the huge battleship activates its quantum bullshit wormhole and arrives but two nautical miles from the Kirov 2. The Kirov's bridge crew look on in horror as the main gun turrets turn the massive barrels towards them, as missile plumes erupt from the BB's VLS tubes the first 16 inch salvo's send 9 rocket assited shells into the hull of the Kirov. The VLS launched, purebunkum type 2 missiles, smash through the enemys hull and add to the catistrophic damage within, the Kirov2 sinks bravly under the waves, its flag flying proudly from its masthead.

This messgae was proudly brought to you by My Hairy Ass industrys, Ltd.
Bringing flights of fancy and whimsy to naval planning since 1856.

Meanwhile the real Kirov II and Lützow steamed along 100 miles away.
"Impressive what our new ECM and decoy system can do" noted one officer.
"Indeed" replied another. "They still think they got us. I'm amazed we can distort even visuals from this range."

However in the engine room and corridors of the bullship not all was well. Two midshipmen walked towards their bunks when suddenly one collapsed to the ground, cut cleanly in half. The Dark Templar that was responsible chuckled as he cut down the other. Within minutes the Templar were in control and had lowered the shields, allowing for Dark Archons to be brought aboard to warps the minds of the remaining crew to serve the Protoss.

[Vympel]

My ultimate missile design that bypass's Mackey's little brother of Quantum armor you mean?

Yup. Damn scary.

[Stuart Mackey]

(Orders DZB from SSD.)

I win.

I think not.

*Activates world wide Pis powered shield network just in time to repel the bombardment*
Now to deal with the irritant directly.
*Motions to Dark Archon, who permanently mind controls the entire ship in a single swoop. Another seize control of IRG and forces him to swallow a rusty steak knife, drowning him in his own blood*

Unfortunatly for the Dark Archcon the crew of said ship had been on a vindaloo binge for two nights and the sheer stench eminating from the vessel was enough to send the Dark Archon away retching its guts out, thoughts of mind control replaced with escaping the foul odour.

[Sea Skimmer]

My ultimate missile design that bypass's Mackey's little brother of Quantum armor you mean?

Wasnt that a Russian weapon, one of many I think, that they gave up on as being impractical?

Actually it’s a hybrid of a torpedo which works, just only as a emergency suicide weapon, a engine which doesn’t yet but soon will, and a system which the Russians claim works but have never demonstrated.

[Stuart Mackey]

My ultimate missile design that bypass's Mackey's little brother of Quantum armor you mean?

Wasnt that a Russian weapon, one of many I think, that they gave up on as being impractical?

Actually it’s a hybrid of a torpedo which works, just only as a emergency suicide weapon, a engine which doesn’t yet but soon will, and a system which the Russians claim works but have never demonstrated.

Vapourware then huh?

[Stuart Mackey]

snip

You have defied physics for the last time captain Mackey.

*Kirov II fires one of her MARV equipped D-5's at the anti physics battleship, followed up by a salvo of super cavitating nuclear torpedo dropping hypersonic missiles with active plasma stealth*

The weopons of the Kirov 2 exploade harmlesly aginst the sheilds of the BB, the Capain laughs, "Foolish Russian warship!" the huge battleship activates its quantum bullshit wormhole and arrives but two nautical miles from the Kirov 2. The Kirov's bridge crew look on in horror as the main gun turrets turn the massive barrels towards them, as missile plumes erupt from the BB's VLS tubes the first 16 inch salvo's send 9 rocket assited shells into the hull of the Kirov. The VLS launched, purebunkum type 2 missiles, smash through the enemys hull and add to the catistrophic damage within, the Kirov2 sinks bravly under the waves, its flag flying proudly from its masthead.

This messgae was proudly brought to you by My Hairy Ass industrys, Ltd.
Bringing flights of fancy and whimsy to naval planning since 1856.

Meanwhile the real Kirov II and Lützow steamed along 100 miles away.
"Impressive what our new ECM and decoy system can do" noted one officer.
"Indeed" replied another. "They still think they got us. I'm amazed we can distort even visuals from this range."

However in the engine room and corridors of the bullship not all was well. Two midshipmen walked towards their bunks when suddenly one collapsed to the ground, cut cleanly in half. The Dark Templar that was responsible chuckled as he cut down the other. Within minutes the Templar were in control and had lowered the shields, allowing for Dark Archons to be brought aboard to warps the minds of the remaining crew to serve the Protoss.

The Captain of the BB snickered, specialists had doctored up that image from the old game of Starcraft:Broodwars and were playing it to the ctrew in the recroom on the BB, entertainment had comealong way since the early days of computer gameing, you could even kill off the unpopular crew mwmber in effagy.

[Sea Skimmer]

My ultimate missile design that bypass's Mackey's little brother of Quantum armor you mean?

Yup. Damn scary.

The hard part is building a torpedo which can withstand hitting the water at mach 5

[Sea Skimmer]

The weopons of the Kirov 2 exploade harmlesly aginst the sheilds of the BB, the Capain laughs, "Foolish Russian warship!" the huge battleship activates its quantum bullshit wormhole and arrives but two nautical miles from the Kirov 2. The Kirov's bridge crew look on in horror as the main gun turrets turn the massive barrels towards them, as missile plumes erupt from the BB's VLS tubes the first 16 inch salvo's send 9 rocket assited shells into the hull of the Kirov. The VLS launched, purebunkum type 2 missiles, smash through the enemys hull and add to the catistrophic damage within, the Kirov2 sinks bravly under the waves, its flag flying proudly from its masthead.

This messgae was proudly brought to you by My Hairy Ass industrys, Ltd.
Bringing flights of fancy and whimsy to naval planning since 1856.

Meanwhile the real Kirov II and Lützow steamed along 100 miles away.
"Impressive what our new ECM and decoy system can do" noted one officer.
"Indeed" replied another. "They still think they got us. I'm amazed we can distort even visuals from this range."

However in the engine room and corridors of the bullship not all was well. Two midshipmen walked towards their bunks when suddenly one collapsed to the ground, cut cleanly in half. The Dark Templar that was responsible chuckled as he cut down the other. Within minutes the Templar were in control and had lowered the shields, allowing for Dark Archons to be brought aboard to warps the minds of the remaining crew to serve the Protoss.

The Captain of the BB snickered, specialists had doctored up that image from the old game of Starcraft:Broodwars and were playing it to the ctrew in the recroom on the BB, entertainment had comealong way since the early days of computer gameing, you could even kill off the unpopular crew mwmber in effagy.

Or so the Archons would have them believe. Most clever they where, simply warping the crews perception of reality rather then forcibly programming there minds. It was however just as effective. And they could always do the latter if trouble popped up.

[Stuart Mackey]

snip


Or so the Archons would have them believe. Most clever they where, simply warping the crews perception of reality rather then forcibly programming there minds. It was however just as effective. And they could always do the latter if trouble popped up.

Sir!
Yes, what is it?
Archon virus
Again?
Yes Sir
alright, I am sick of this, format
yes sir

c:\ format c:
Warning: formatting will erase all information on drive c:
are you sure you want to proceed Y/N?
y
Formatting
Format complete.

Damn archon virus.

[Sea Skimmer]

snip


Or so the Archons would have them believe. Most clever they where, simply warping the crews perception of reality rather then forcibly programming there minds. It was however just as effective. And they could always do the latter if trouble popped up.

Sir!
Yes, what is it?
Archon virus
Again?
Yes Sir
alright, I am sick of this, format
yes sir

c:\ format c:
Warning: formatting will erase all information on drive c:
are you sure you want to proceed Y/N?
y
Formatting
Format complete.

Damn archon virus.

And so the crew made their finnal mistake

It was at that monument, the ships computer system containing the shield generator drivers reformatting, that the Kirov II struck. A hail of missile launched torpedoes ripped into the hull while others rained down on the decks. One penetrated to a magazine, that was that.

The massive blast split the battleship in two and plunged her to the bottom of the ocean. A pattern of atomic depth charges finished off what was left, blasting each piece to debris.

[Stuart Mackey]

snip


Or so the Archons would have them believe. Most clever they where, simply warping the crews perception of reality rather then forcibly programming there minds. It was however just as effective. And they could always do the latter if trouble popped up.

Sir!
Yes, what is it?
Archon virus
Again?
Yes Sir
alright, I am sick of this, format
yes sir

c:\ format c:
Warning: formatting will erase all information on drive c:
are you sure you want to proceed Y/N?
y
Formatting
Format complete.

Damn archon virus.

And so the crew made their finnal mistake

It was at that monument, the ships computer system containing the shield generator drivers reformatting, that the Kirov II struck. A hail of missile launched torpedoes ripped into the hull while others rained down on the decks. One penetrated to a magazine, that was that.

The massive blast split the battleship in two and plunged her to the bottom of the ocean. A pattern of atomic depth charges finished off what was left, blasting each piece to debris.

Have we their location?
yes sir
nice bit of subterfuge to get them to reveal their location eh Jimmy?
yes sir.I cannot beleive that they would fall for the ol pywood and canvas trick, but they did.
It was the tinfoil coating that did it.

Nautilus lad lain silent for some time, the sound of the Russian BC's screws approaching them allowed the updated and reasonably quiet old sub to fire here torpedos' at point blank range.
Most modernsubmarines carry homing torpedo's, which are normally hard to avoid, but countermesures had been developed to reduse this threat. Nuatilus however had some thing better than Homing topedo's, for at this range there was one thing that that the BC could not avoid and could not decoy, this was a older technology, one whose origins went back to the first world war, the straight running torpedo, six of which, updated with modern explosives, were now speeding their way to Kirov. Kirov's lookouts were not overly observant, as someone had 'discoverd' numerous vodka bottles to celibrate their 'victory' and most were now half cut.
All six torpedo's hit the Kirov2's port side, blasting huge holes in the ship and venting the ship to the sea. Proper damage contol might have brought some time, but the damage was too severe and the men too drunk to respond, the mighty Guided missile battlecruiser gntly rolled over and sank. Few men made it to liferafts.

In the meantime, the BB had finally made it up over the horizon. Lutzow quickly circled to engage this new threat. But war being war, she never got the chance to duel gun to gun as she had at Jutland in 1916, for she was sunk by one of the very things that had made Jellicoe hesitate and turnaway from annihlating the Highseas fleet, a torpedo, from a submarine, undetcted because of the reverbarations from the Kirov's sinking. Poetic Justice for the 20th centurys Nelson.