Silliest Fundie quote

Setzer · Post by **Setzer** » 2005-06-12 05:20am

One some little ponce from work said:

"I can debate you, but you have to accept the bible as the living word of God"

If I did that, we'd be in agreement, we wouldn't be debating.

Do you say to a car dealer "I can only buy a car if you give me the money"?
Do you hold a dinner party and tell the guests "I can only serve food if you cook it"?

Clearly the little androgynous pixie's concept of a debate is a Biblical circle jerk, with fundies each reinforcing their belief in the bible's infallibility. The American constitution is my idea of a living document, since it can change as society changes. A book like the Bible, that declares itself to be unalterable, is dead, and has been since it was written.

HemlockGrey · Post by **HemlockGrey** » 2005-06-12 06:12am

If you want stupid fundie quotes, the Rapture Ready forums are a good place to start. They're full of absurd political predictions, rah-rah jingoism and people calling on Israel to expel all the Arabs and restore the kingdom of David (so they can bring on Armageddon, of course).

But these quotes are fairly typical of the whole mentality. They are, of course, speaking about the Rapture, or the belief that all Christians will be beamed up to Heaven by a divine Scotty as the rest of the Earth is plunged into an age of darkness:

Dang it, I wanna go Home. I know I'm being impatient, but I'm just getting more and more weary of this world.

I was just saying the same thing. Everyone SICK and TIRED of this 'ol decrepit world, raise your hands! I pray Jesus is at the door, even TODAY!

dont worry.. we'll be out of here very very soon. just have a little more patience. it really wont take long.

And in reference to a poster who said, "God didn't put us here to hate life, enjoy life while you can" one of the admins said:

God didn't put us here to live it up or get all we can out of it either

Yes, these people truly believe, like all the delusional apocalypse predicters and doomsayers before them, that it will only take a few more years, at the most, before Jesus swoops in and carries them off. And they will continue to say this until they are all dead, and then their children will continue to say it, until the inevitable passing of their brand of Christianity into the ash heap of history, where it will join the rest of the Armageddon cults in quiet obscurity.

Eleas · Post by **Eleas** » 2005-06-12 09:19am

Look no further than this board. We've had quite the collection of ignorant, life-despising Fundie fucks on the board, such as Priesto, Darth RyanKCR, etc.

I recommend the Hall of Shame for such excursions. You may there observe madmen in their natural habitat.

Alyeska · Post by **Alyeska** » 2005-06-12 02:41pm

"And evolution has many many spiritual leaders, ie. Liberals, Teachers, Scientists etc..." - Aezeal

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2005-06-12 02:45pm

"If we evolved from apes, why do we have opposable thumbs?"

You just can't make this shit up.

Keevan_Colton · Post by **Keevan_Colton** » 2005-06-12 02:50pm

"If evolution is true how come monkeys arent turning into people all the time?"

I considered pointing outthe flawed understanding of what evolution is, but settled instead for the much more satisfying:

"Well at least we see it works the other way..."

Frank Hipper · Post by **Frank Hipper** » 2005-06-12 02:55pm

Here's a lulu...

I think that you should go back to the bible. Were it say from God that He made the heavens and the earth, in SIX days and called it very good on the 7Th day He rested.

God did not need to take millions of years. If you want to believe that you came from an ape well more fool you. If you want to believe that it took millions and millions of year. I have just one question. WERE YOU THERE? Answer NO! But let me tell you that God was there He made it happen and that is the truth that the earth is not more than 10,000 years old. You cannot have death and distruction, before the creation of the world. God called it good and that does not apply to death and distruction.

Also you use the words, like might maybe likely, well are you not one hundred percet sure how it happened? And you expect us to believe in your web site? No thank you I want 100 percent correctness in my life. Had too much evolution rammed down my throat when I was in high school. But praise be to God that when I commited my life to Christ, one Kind Doctor gave me a subscription to Answeres in Genisis magazine. were I do not hear the words maybe might likely. But I read the tuth, that is in the bible. That God made me in His image, He made you in His image. The same Christ that died for my sins also died for your sins why not give your life to Him, and see for yourself that what you write is error a lie from Satan.

So please do not tell me that my past relitives swung from trees. I am no ape. Look at it this way it is a well know fact that a bannan has 50% of our DNA, does that make us relativies to bannas? I do not think so.

So wake to yourself. People are looking for absaults in their lives not mabys likely and might.

And remember Dawin on his death bed asked to see and read the bible. And on his death bed recanted the evolution myth that he stated. He was sorry that it had gotten that far.

Sir you are a monkey and a fool for following after the father of lies.

Lifted from here.

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2005-06-12 06:17pm

http://winace.andkon.com/fundies/

Winace's sadly defunct "Fundies Say the Darndest Things!". Several years of quotes from various message boards said by fundies. I've submitted quite a few quotes, and am even mentioned in one of them.

Lord Zentei · Post by **Lord Zentei** » 2005-06-12 07:06pm

DPDarkPrimus wrote:http://winace.andkon.com/fundies/

Winace's sadly defunct "Fundies Say the Darndest Things!". Several years of quotes from various message boards said by fundies. I've submitted quite a few quotes, and am even mentioned in one of them.

OK. You win.

"I CAN CAST OUT DEMONS!!!!!!!!!!!!! I literally Have done it before, and have personally eye-to-eye witness of seeing it. Many ppl have done this before throughout history. note demons are NOT fictional characters with a stupid red-costume and pointy horns and a store bought pitchfork. It is not some demon that you have heard of in your Onimusha warlords game... Because of the evidense of demons and evil spirits possessing, opressing people etc... that is another reason why i cannot take back my 'faith' if you want to call it. but EVIDENSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
- JesusFreakGuy, POD Warrior Forum

Oh-kay. Casting out demons. And eviDENSE, huh?

Gustav32Vasa · Post by **Gustav32Vasa** » 2005-06-12 08:30pm

"If you look back evolution far enough and ask what was the first thing that came into existnce before the atom, they are going to give you a flurry of 'i dont know' or basically -dirt. So we are literraly looking at God versus dirt."

Grandmaster Jogurt · Post by **Grandmaster Jogurt** » 2005-06-12 09:02pm

Fundies say the darndest things! wrote:"There is no constitutional right to call any sort of relationship marriage, but homosexual do have the right to marry members of the opposite sex--same as pedophiles, polygamists, and folks who get off on animals.... Maybe we should stop discriminating against murderous sociopaths as well."
- Rev Prez, Internet Infidels

"What's does consent have to do with marriage? I think it's time proponents of same-sex marriage spell out exactly what they think marriage should be, and then defend it before the American people."
- Rev Prez, Internet Infidels

"The other alternative is for homosexuals to stay away from straight folk, far away...like Canada or something."
- Rev Prez, Internet Infidels

This the same Rev Prez that came here a long time ago?

Lord Zentei · Post by **Lord Zentei** » 2005-06-12 09:21pm

This one is pretty "good":

Did you know that ALL TAXATION IS THEFT?

This means that anyone who collects a government paycheck is stealing.
Included in the category of government workers are all NASA scientists and all science
teachers in the public education system. Anyone or any corporation that collects a government check or contract. All their take-home pay is money stolen from honest families who work in the voluntary sector.

Here is a spiritual law: Laudable designs when achieved through coercion (like taxes ) become demonic.

To these people I say- "Go ahead and teach evolution but not with my money.
I demand they quit their job-welfare. Quit your government job I'm tired of carrying you."

Signed: Anti-evolutionist. Creationist.

So: because evolution is tought using tax money and because tax is theft, evolution is demonic. I wonder what this means for all of Dubuya's "faith based" initiatives.

http://home.austarnet.com.au/stear/cre_ ... to_evo.htm

Exonerate · Post by **Exonerate** » 2005-06-12 09:25pm

DPDarkPrimus wrote:http://winace.andkon.com/fundies/

Winace's sadly defunct "Fundies Say the Darndest Things!". Several years of quotes from various message boards said by fundies. I've submitted quite a few quotes, and am even mentioned in one of them.

Damn you, I was about to post that. I have a couple submissions in there too and might be mentioned...

The old GP4Teens site was swarmed, but its now replaced with some other forum.

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2005-06-12 09:52pm

Just about every ChannelOne.com Forums submission is by me. I signed up there, posted a couple innocent threads, and the backlash by fundamentalists was so big that they had to make a new subforum for religious discussion.

Nieztchean Uber-Amoeba · Post by **Nieztchean Uber-Amoeba** » 2005-06-12 10:17pm

DPDarkPrimus wrote:http://winace.andkon.com/fundies/

Sweet Osiris tittyfucking Khali in Valhalla and fisting her with Hephaestus' hammer!

... I swear that I will never, ever look at Fundamentalism the same way again. You win. Game over, man, game over.

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2005-06-12 10:38pm

I remember one great quote by a fundie that I submitted, where the fundie was lamenting about what a world we were living in, where "mothers were having children half their age".

Quadlok · Post by **Quadlok** » 2005-06-12 11:00pm

Lord Zentei wrote:This one is pretty "good":

Did you know that ALL TAXATION IS THEFT?

This means that anyone who collects a government paycheck is stealing.
Included in the category of government workers are all NASA scientists and all science
teachers in the public education system. Anyone or any corporation that collects a government check or contract. All their take-home pay is money stolen from honest families who work in the voluntary sector.

Here is a spiritual law: Laudable designs when achieved through coercion (like taxes ) become demonic.

To these people I say- "Go ahead and teach evolution but not with my money.
I demand they quit their job-welfare. Quit your government job I'm tired of carrying you."

Signed: Anti-evolutionist. Creationist.
So: because evolution is tought using tax money and because tax is theft, evolution is demonic. I wonder what this means for all of Dubuya's "faith based" initiatives.

http://home.austarnet.com.au/stear/cre_ ... to_evo.htm

I could have sworn Jesus had something to say on the subject of taxation. Something about rendering, and salad dressing...

Setzer · Post by **Setzer** » 2005-06-12 11:20pm

Grandmaster Jogurt wrote:
Fundies say the darndest things! wrote:"There is no constitutional right to call any sort of relationship marriage, but homosexual do have the right to marry members of the opposite sex--same as pedophiles, polygamists, and folks who get off on animals.... Maybe we should stop discriminating against murderous sociopaths as well."
- Rev Prez, Internet Infidels

"What's does consent have to do with marriage? I think it's time proponents of same-sex marriage spell out exactly what they think marriage should be, and then defend it before the American people."
- Rev Prez, Internet Infidels

"The other alternative is for homosexuals to stay away from straight folk, far away...like Canada or something."
- Rev Prez, Internet Infidels
This the same Rev Prez that came here a long time ago?

Sounds like him.

BTW, does anyone have a link to his HOS posts? That asshole started spamming my atheist coming-out thread, I'd like to re-read his demise.

Trogdor · Post by **Trogdor** » 2005-06-13 01:24am

Darth Wong wrote:"If we evolved from apes, why do we have opposable thumbs?"

You just can't make this shit up.

I would ask you (hell, I'd even beg you) to tell me you're kidding if I thought there was a chance that you would.

Nephtys · Post by **Nephtys** » 2005-06-13 02:23am

Trogdor wrote:
Darth Wong wrote:"If we evolved from apes, why do we have opposable thumbs?"

You just can't make this shit up.
I would ask you (hell, I'd even beg you) to tell me you're kidding if I thought there was a chance that you would.

I heard word-for-word the exact same thing before from the mouth of a Fundie. Along with the 'Why aren't monkeys turning into people left and right?' stuff. So yeah, he aint kidding.

wautd · Post by **wautd** » 2005-06-13 06:31am

DPDarkPrimus wrote:http://winace.andkon.com/fundies/

Winace's sadly defunct "Fundies Say the Darndest Things!". Several years of quotes from various message boards said by fundies. I've submitted quite a few quotes, and am even mentioned in one of them.

bookmarked. Will give some funny reads on boring fridays

salm · Post by **salm** » 2005-06-13 06:35am

I met my first RL fundy three weeks ago.

Him: "Evolution is wrong"
Me: *explains how evolution works and how it woks gradually over millions of years for about 15 minutes*
Him: "But i´ve never seen a dog tur into a cow"
Me:

Jay · Post by **Jay** » 2005-06-13 07:07am

fundie spaktard wrote: So please do not tell me that my past relitives swung from trees. I am no ape. Look at it this way it is a well know fact that a bannan has 50% of our DNA, does that make us relativies to bannas? I do not think so.

Stop me if I seem foolish, but isn't the answer to this question 'yes' we are infact relatives of the banana. Just very distant.

wautd · Post by **wautd** » 2005-06-13 07:19am

I just found out our universe is created by Discworld wizards as this book proves

Incidently, Science of Discworld III is supposed to go about evolution vs creatonism.

Havnt read them myself yet but both books are currently on my to-do list :p

The Grim Squeaker · Post by **The Grim Squeaker** » 2005-06-13 08:14am

wautd wrote:I just found out our universe is created by Discworld wizards as this book proves

Incidently, Science of Discworld III is supposed to go about evolution vs creatonism.

Havnt read them myself yet but both books are currently on my to-do list :p

Which is why Pratchett is my new daddy.

The problem with Fundies is that they believe what they think, Logic is no match for faith.