Redshirts vs. Imperial Officers

[wilfulton]

Okay, pick a dozen of your favorite random redshirts and a dozen of your favorite random green pajama imperial officers. They're stuck in an arena with no weapons and no armor with three main events they must compete in on day one, and two the next morning.

1. Tug o' War
Pull the other side over the centerline

2. Pugil
Beat the shit out of each other with giant Q-tips.

3. Beer Drinking Contest
No regurgitation, last man standing wins.

4. PT test
The next morning after paying appropriate homage to the porcelain shrine, the contestants must participate in a PT test. I'll use the Army's since that's what I'm familiar with. It consists of three main events, push-ups, sit-ups, and a 2 mile run.

5. Steel cage match!


Place your bets ladies and gentlemen, who wins?

[Vicious]

Hmmm, what species for each side? I'm assuming Human for the Empire, but does Starfleet get a dozen newly enlisted Klingons or a bunch of Ferengi? That would play a major part in who would win. Imperial humans can drink human (and probably alot of alien) redshirts under the table any day. They also totally kick their asses in pretty much anything physical. A bunch of Klingons however, would be a different equation.

[wilfulton]

Hmpf, I was actually thinking human for both sides when I came up with the idea, but I suppose I did say your favorite dozen, thus leaving it open to your discretion.

[The Grim Squeaker]

Hmpf, I was actually thinking human for both sides when I came up with the idea, but I suppose I did say your favorite dozen, thus leaving it open to your discretion.

Why not a dozen Data's?
In anything physical a dozen klingons would be grossly unfair.

[Firefox]

In anything physical a dozen klingons would be grossly unfair.

Yeah, that would be really unfair to the Klingons.

[The Grim Squeaker]

In anything physical a dozen klingons would be grossly unfair.

Yeah, that would be really unfair to the Klingons.

I would think that mindless stupidity would be a plus in a tug of war or steel cage match (as long as their arent any ranged weapons in there )
.

[Gordonfrost]

I'd like to see anybody out-drink a klingon.

[Lancer]

I'd like to see anybody out-drink a klingon.

Montgomery "Scotty" Scott.

[The Grim Squeaker]

I'd like to see anybody out-drink a klingon.

Han solo

[Lord Revan]

I'd like to see anybody out-drink a klingon.

Obi-Wan "Ben" Kenobi (closest to alcholic Jedi) and Anakin Skywalker (OK may not be fair as they're both Jedi, but you asked anybody).

[Vanas]

Jedi would own the drinking contest
*waves hand* You don't want to drink anymore. You will sit down and go to sleep.

1. Tug o' War
Redshirts will view the rope suspiciously, as without a named character nearby they're all doomed somehow. As for the Imperials, it depends on rank. Lower ranked officers might jsut start the tug-o'-war, wereas the higher-ups would stand around, occasionally asking for security/room service/cleaners to remove the rope.

2. Pugil
The redshirts only get the idea once the Imperials begin thwacking them with the pugils. "It doesn't have touchscreens or make a beam, yet it does damage! What witchcraft is this?!"


3. Beer Drinking Contest
Imperials. Fed ships are dry, whereas I can imagine a daily rum ration being handed out on the Imperial fleet.

4. PT test
The Imperials have a massive hangover after the previous night, so they're knackered and take ages. On the otherhand, the redshirts are wiped out by an exploding styrofoam rock and/or evil flowers halfway through the run, so it's a technical victory to the Imperials

5. Steel cage match!

Hmm. *brings in new batch of Imperials and redshirts* My money's on the Imperials. The Imperials occasionaly lead men into battle and the SW galaxy is one where bar fights seem to be a common occourence. On the otherhand, the redshirts may have had their hair pulled in primary school by the local bully.

[Lancer]

Hmmn, any random redshirts?

*pulls in Scotty's engineering staff.*

Beating the crap outta klingons in a barfight in TOS > pacifist military command officers w/ no idea what they're doing.

[Vanas]

Mm, if it's TOS redshirts, in a bar, then the Imps have a good competition. Alas, only one of these rounds is in a bar.

[Trooper TK12746]

TOS redshirts might stand a chance. TNG, Voyager, or DS9 redshirts would be destroyed in all of the events.

[Lancer]

TOS redshirts might stand a chance. TNG, Voyager, or DS9 redshirts would be destroyed in all of the events.

TNG & after redshirts are all command staff. Goldshirts take the role of secuirty & engineering crewmen. Blueshirts keep their roles as science and medicine.

[TimothyC]

If the Feds get Scott, His Engineers, and Worf (with him getting a red shirt in DS9) *I think* it would go to the Feds. If the feds only get one of them (Scott or Worf) It goes to a toss up and if neither of them well, the feds lose

Yet again.

On the topic of Jedi Inclusion

and a dozen of your favorite random green pajama imperial officers

Were there any jedi that were imperial officers (with Oder 66 being before the empire was declaired)?

[Vanas]

Makes you wonder if there was a revolution by the redshirts, against their gold-shirted oppressors.

[Jay]

Okay, pick a dozen of your favorite random redshirts and a dozen of your favorite random green pajama imperial officers. They're stuck in an arena with no weapons and no armor with three main events they must compete in on day one, and two the next morning.

1. Tug o' War
Pull the other side over the centerline

Did ya' see that security guy in 'Trials and tribble-ations;' the one that put his hand on O'brien's shoulder after the bar fight? He was friggin' huge. If you find twelve guys like him, the red-shirts are laughing! However, the liklihood of a greenshirt having a droid arm changes things though. (ref. spear throwing incident) Too close to call this one.

2. Pugil
Beat the shit out of each other with giant Q-tips.

see above. The black and green shirts we see are all kinda spindley. I don't doubt that they are physically fit, but none that we see are built like brick-shit-houses. Still, the droid arms make things hard to call.

3. Beer Drinking Contest
No regurgitation, last man standing wins.

The redshirts come third. The imperials take first place. The care bares take second.

4. PT test
The next morning after paying appropriate homage to the porcelain shrine, the contestants must participate in a PT test. I'll use the Army's since that's what I'm familiar with. It consists of three main events, push-ups, sit-ups, and a 2 mile run.

The redshirts wonder why you need to be able to run for two miles in order to scan gaseous annomylies. The imperials win by default.

5. Steel cage match! Very Happy

The red shirts try to use their tricorders to find a way out of their imprisonment. Before they get a chance to find the a crack n the steel cage's event horizon; the imperials deliver an F5 followed by a german suplex.

[Phyre]

Were there any jedi that were imperial officers (with Oder 66 being before the empire was declaired)?

Does Vader count as an Officer? If yes, then you've got 1 Sith

[Darth Wong]

1. Tug o' War
Pull the other side over the centerline

Indeterminate. Both sides are human, variations on physical strength are assumed to be random.

2. Pugil
Beat the shit out of each other with giant Q-tips.

Indeterminate. Neither side has any particular experience with this form of combat.

3. Beer Drinking Contest
No regurgitation, last man standing wins.

In TOS, indeterminate. In any other era, the Imperial side wins easily. Federation redshirts in TNG and beyond have become accustomed to "synthehol", which tastes like alcohol but has zero alcoholic effect according to the dialogue.

4. PT test
The next morning after paying appropriate homage to the porcelain shrine, the contestants must participate in a PT test. I'll use the Army's since that's what I'm familiar with. It consists of three main events, push-ups, sit-ups, and a 2 mile run.

See above.

5. Steel cage match!

In TOS, indeterminate. In any other era, the Imperial side wins while the Feddies are trying to figure out how to deactivate this odd-looking solid grid-like containment field.

[Patrick Degan]

The Imperials will be highly motivated to win, in order to not have to apologise personally to Lord Vader.

[Nieztchean Uber-Amoeba]

I'm gonna use the Scotty's Engineering crew redshirts, and standard Imps as Officers.

1. Tug 'O' War: Scotty's men were able to stand up to genetically-augmented Klingons in a bar fight. The Imps are not bad, but they probably aren't much better than your everyday fit and healthy human.

2. Pugil: Everyone has little experience unless you allow for us using the fact that movie-era Kirk had a red shirt... However, as previously mentioned, Scotty's men fought Augmented Klingons, and we all know that everyone in Star Trek is strongly predisposed towards melee weapons.

3. Drinking contest: Scotty would win this on his own, but with eleven of his crew with him, who are all probably exposed to his best scotch several times a day, the redshirts glide through this against those Imperials, who probably drink little alcohol so as to not be shot by their commander for inefficiency and disorderly conduct on duty.

4. Steel Cage Match: As before, Scotty's men kick ass. I'm giving it to the redshirts again.

End result: Star Trek's finest cannon fodder and engineers win 4/0.

[Nephtys]

The Imperial Navy are nazi-wannabies. They are the ridiculous right.
The Federation Redshirts are college undergrads. They're the loony left.

1. Tug 'O' War merely results in mass embarassment for all.
2. The Redshirts win the Q-Tip battle, if only because they have more recent experience with insanely humiliating junior high Hygene Assembly Skits.
3. Drinking Contest? Stereotypical Undergrads drink like crazy. Stereotypical Germans also drink like crazy. No winner.
4. Cage Match pits Pencil Necks in Polyester against Fascists with Pointed Hats. Fascists need muscles to oppress people, and beat on officers 'who have failed for the last time'. Point, Impies.

So with 1 point on each side and two ties, I hereby deem the victor to be the audience.

[TimothyC]

I'm gonna use the Scotty's Engineering crew redshirts, and standard Imps as Officers.

1. Tug 'O' War: Scotty's men were able to stand up to genetically-augmented Klingons in a bar fight. The Imps are not bad, but they probably aren't much better than your everyday fit and healthy human.

2. Pugil: Everyone has little experience unless you allow for us using the fact that movie-era Kirk had a red shirt... However, as previously mentioned, Scotty's men fought Augmented Klingons, and we all know that everyone in Star Trek is strongly predisposed towards melee weapons.

3. Drinking contest: Scotty would win this on his own, but with eleven of his crew with him, who are all probably exposed to his best scotch several times a day, the redshirts glide through this against those Imperials, who probably drink little alcohol so as to not be shot by their commander for inefficiency and disorderly conduct on duty.

4. Steel Cage Match: As before, Scotty's men kick ass. I'm giving it to the redshirts again.

End result: Star Trek's finest cannon fodder and engineers win 4/0.

Nit Pick: The Smooth Klingons don't have geneticly enhanced abilites. They just look different. (atleast that's what I remember from the ep).

[PurpleTattoo]

Darth Wong nailed this one, except for the steel cage match. Fist fights are so common in any Trek that they would have to have some understanding of what was going on. I'd say that it is also more or less even, unless droid arms are involved.