What if Enterprise was a Hong Kong Kung-Fu Series?

Bob McDob · Post by **Bob McDob** » 2002-11-21 01:09am

Discuss. Would every member of the crew suddenly gain the ability to leap huge distances and kick people in the face?

Would every episode begin with the crew encountering an alien planet that somehow had this ability AND ARE KILLING BABY SEALS?

Would boarding actions be the requisite method of space combat?

Would the Klingons sport badass goatees and fight hand-to-hand?

bozman · Post by **bozman** » 2002-11-21 02:02am

Ummm... Well, I guess that Bruce Lee's arrival would spice up Enterprise a bit.

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2002-11-21 02:31am

It depends if it is good kung-fu. If it is then you'll get some kick ass fights that last a hell of a long time. Guns are useless and everything will break down into a hand to hand fight. Oh, and Hoshi will be put in some more revealing, but tasteful, clothing.

paladin · Post by **paladin** » 2002-11-21 08:42am

Then the writing for Boobyprise just improved 3000%.

Post by **Mr Bean** » 2002-11-21 08:48am

You... You have no Honor, KLINGON SCUM, Prepare to Die

No it is YOU who Have No HONOR! IT is you who triggered the freed the evil Superspace Black Hole Worm!

No! You who has no Honor! Feel my Kung-Fu!

.....
Acutal that might still be an improvement

SpyderGS · Post by **SpyderGS** » 2002-11-21 10:47am

Do we get bad overdubbing even for english speaking actors?

At least Klingons would have an excuse to use melee weapons.

Oh and don't forget slo-mo death scenes.

Darth Balls · Post by **Darth Balls** » 2002-11-21 11:27am

That would own! And then for the end of the show all the Enterprise ninjas of sacred power will join their hands together and get really big for a giant showdown with the band of black Godzilla ninjas! They would be 1000 feet tall and have to fight godzilla clones with their special chi!

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2002-11-21 12:33pm

It would be a vast improvement.

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2002-11-21 12:40pm

*Pictures Klingon wire foo, battle, with Chow Yun Fat wading through legions of Andorians, & VUlcans with his Bet'leth*

cool!

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2002-11-21 01:08pm

Darth Balls wrote:That would own! And then for the end of the show all the Enterprise ninjas of sacred power will join their hands together and get really big for a giant showdown with the band of black Godzilla ninjas! They would be 1000 feet tall and have to fight godzilla clones with their special chi!

Hong Kong kung-fu. That ain't where Godzilla is from nor ninjas.

EmperorMing · Post by **EmperorMing** » 2002-11-21 07:07pm

The ultimate Worf hard on.

Kung Fu Trek.

"You will die with honor..."

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2002-11-21 07:34pm

"So....You think your Bat'leth skill is good....eh"

Worf: Now you die!

ViciousMink · Post by **ViciousMink** » 2002-11-22 10:14pm

Hmm. Enterprise Kung Fu. That could be very amusing.

now, what would REALLY make Enterprise hardcore would be to make it like HK blood operas. A central theme of them is the lone kickass hero who is torn between two conflicting imperatives, a central matter of honor: usually a conflict between his duty to his family/organization/clan, and duty to The Right Thing. (Excellent Western example: The Replacement Killers.) Oh, yeah, and the hero kicks serious ass.

I'm trying to picture Archer as he might be like this, torn between duty to Earth and, say, duty to the Earth colonists Out There who are under constant threat from Romulans, Klingons, Orions, and other unkowns. That'd give it a darker feel, and give the character a hell of a lot more characterization. The other members of the crew would start to get polarized, split between supporting Archer and keeping him in check. Leave the wushu stuff to, say, T'Pol, (surely the Vulcans have martial arts, and thousands of years to refine them) and the gun fu to the security guy (I'm trying to picture him saying 'Dodge this!' to a Suliban while holding a plasma gun....) Archer can be the driving force that gets the crew into trouble or pulls them through, depending on which way he's being torn. This would eventually (probably) get him into trouble with Earth Command, and another NX-1 class ship might be sent out after him, with a charismatic, likable skipper who's vowed to take down Archer and yet is respectable and honorable....

I don't know if this tack would help Enterprise or just result in more schlock on TV, but either way, we'll never find out. *ponders fanfic....*

consequences · Post by **consequences** » 2002-11-22 10:21pm

Gun fu just wouldn't be the same with continuos beam weapons, you'd have to make them fire some kind of bolt to keep the feel.

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2002-11-22 10:21pm

It's kung fu so guns wouldn't work.

And of course it would help Enterprise. Anything would.

consequences · Post by **consequences** » 2002-11-22 10:22pm

That's not true, putting Lameway on board definitely wouldn't help.

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2002-11-22 10:52pm

consequences wrote:That's not true, putting Lameway on board definitely wouldn't help.

Okay, that's true. Make it, nearly anything.

StarDestroyer.Net BBS

What if Enterprise was a Hong Kong Kung-Fu Series?

What if Enterprise was a Hong Kong Kung-Fu Series?

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