Knock Knock your Hitler(Rar!)

Post by **Mr Bean** » 2005-07-05 07:33am

Based on an old Twighlight zone epsoided...

The deal:
You wake up tommrow in a complete diffrent bed, you get up, stumble around and see yourself in the mirror! Ohcrap your Hitler, the day according to the friendly SS guards outside is June 12th the year is 1944. The allies have just landed on the Normandy coast last week and are solidley established.
You have all of Hitler's knowledge(Can speak German ect) Everyone thinks your Hitler but if you act to nutty they will deal with you.

What do you do?

Ford Prefect · Post by **Ford Prefect** » 2005-07-05 07:39am

Do I have knowledge of everything that happened in WW2?

Ace Pace · Post by **Ace Pace** » 2005-07-05 07:59am

First off, let the army lead itself in the western front, tell Rommel to take command of the entire Western front and let him deal with it. Thats the first decision, I don't know enough about the eastern front to suggest stuff.

The Grim Squeaker · Post by **The Grim Squeaker** » 2005-07-05 08:02am

Stop wasting supply lines (trains, soldiers) ferrying jews to the concentrarion camps and use them to pull back the soldiers from the camps to help in the defense of Warsaw against the rebels and to hold the dsefensive line protecting germany.
Personally I would simply start negotiations for surrender but that is too out of character I would guess.

Glocksman · Post by **Glocksman** » 2005-07-05 08:17am

June 12th the year is 1944

The very first thing I'd want to do is survive, so I'd order the July 20 conspirators rounded up and professionally (not necessarily brutally) interrogated. Then I'd get myself a real doctor and have Dr.Morell shot.

Then as noted, order Himmler to cease with the Final Solution and thus free up valuable rolling stock and other resources for the war effort.

Order the Me 262 developed as a pure fighter and be given top priority.

Or maybe I'd realize that it's so late in the war that there's simply not a lot I can do to stave off Germany's defeat and unconditionally surrender to the Western Allies and then stand in the dock at Nuremburg.

if you act to nutty they will deal with you.

This *is* Hitler, who's nuttier than a sackful of pecans and often unpredictable to his subordinates. Plus he's absolute dictator.

You'd have a *lot* of leeway to do whatever it is you want.

Zero · Post by **Zero** » 2005-07-05 08:22am

I would actually act against the self-preservation instinct that most of us work with. I'd do what I could to stop the final solution, and surrender to the west, letting the world know of how many had been killed. Or perhaps if it were possible, I'd overthrow my own dictatorship and institute a democratic-ish government, and give up all power. I don't want to have power, and I'm not so worried about survival, either.

HemlockGrey · Post by **HemlockGrey** » 2005-07-05 08:34am

I order the immediate release of all Jews. I cut a deal with the Allies; my troops in the West stand down, they get to Berlin before the Soviets. In exchange I want my personal safety to be guarenteed.

Post by **Mr Bean** » 2005-07-05 09:45am

Ford Prefect wrote:Do I have knowledge of everything that happened in WW2?

Yes, tonight you go to sleep, tommrow you wake up as Hitler(With all his memories and knowledge), thats the OP

Glocksman wrote:
This *is* Hitler, who's nuttier than a sackful of pecans and often unpredictable to his subordinates. Plus he's absolute dictator.

You'd have a *lot* of leeway to do whatever it is you want.

Not quite, you do have quite a few loyal people around you(Gobbels, Himmler, ect) who believe as you do and doing anything as drastic as say, stoping the final solution cold turkey will likley get you overthrown.

Playing Devil's Advocte for a second here, doing something "less" nutty like saying, Thats it! No more Jew-killing, we need them as slave labor until the war is over would very likley be accepted.

Lord of the Abyss · Post by **Lord of the Abyss** » 2005-07-05 11:11am

Not quite, you do have quite a few loyal people around you(Gobbels, Himmler, ect) who believe as you do and doing anything as drastic as say, stoping the final solution cold turkey will likley get you overthrown.

Invite these true believers to a meeting, walk out the door and turn on the nerve gas you hid under the sofa.

Posthumonously declare them traitors.

Shut down the death camps claiming they were part of the conspiracy in some unspecified fashion. Then, pull your troops back to Germany proper and fortify like mad. Try to negotiate a peace treaty with guarantees of your personal safety while handing over war criminals to the Allies - use the excuse that they are part of the conspiracy, and this is a way to eliminate them and pacify the allies. Hopefully the war weary Allies will take the offer.

If the peace talks work, reform Germany as fast as possible. If it doesn't, once the maniacs are dead, shave off the mustache and your hair and go underground.

2000AD · Post by **2000AD** » 2005-07-05 11:35am

If i straight up commited suicide there and then would that make any difference?

Xero Cool Down · Post by **Xero Cool Down** » 2005-07-05 12:18pm

Well this sounds wrong, but assuming I have the same motivations as hitler, it would probably just be more efficient to kill all of the jews in the camps rather than free them and allow millions of people that have no love for you to wander around causing trouble and taking up resources.

Keevan_Colton · Post by **Keevan_Colton** » 2005-07-05 12:22pm

2000AD wrote:If i straight up commited suicide there and then would that make any difference?

If you take Himmler etc with you, yeah.

Glocksman · Post by **Glocksman** » 2005-07-05 12:24pm

Not quite, you do have quite a few loyal people around you(Gobbels, Himmler, ect) who believe as you do and doing anything as drastic as say, stoping the final solution cold turkey will likley get you overthrown.

Himmler himself stopped the final solution about six months before the end of the war and was negotiating secretly to trade Hungarian Jews for US trucks.

Himmler and Goering would go along with whatever Hitler proposed.
Also Hitler was paranoid about allowing any one NSDAP faction too much power and was expert at playing one faction off against the other.

Given that, I don't think Goebbels (arguably among the worst of the anti-semites around Hitler) would pose much of a threat.
Especially after Himmler's Gestapo hauled his ass down to Prinz-Albrechtstrasse for a 'talk'.

Of course you couldn't claim to be an enlightened democrat all of a sudden, but of the world's dictators, only Stalin had more freedom of action than Hitler did during the war.

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2005-07-05 07:35pm

hold off on extermination, have himmler apply heydrich's methods to the conquered territories (carrot and stick, not just slave race), research me262 fighter, try to make a deal with the ussr on the old border splitting poland - point out I dont have the strength to war him and the allies, but can buffer the west against him. try to make a deal with uk/usa that lets me keep east of the siene, or perhaps the meuse. I dont think they much care bout the holocaust, so offer myself as a buffer against the expanding russian hordes. hopefully I could reach patton for a concept such as that.

If I can pull that off, execute himmler for crimes against humanity, cancel the holocaust as an s.s., trip gone mad, purge the s.s. of politically incorrects, and start pursuing nuclear weapons and transistors. I dont feel safe with stalin on my border.

Lord Woodlouse · Post by **Lord Woodlouse** » 2005-07-05 07:51pm

I try and establish a peace treaty solely with the Allies (as opposed to the Soviets) with the intention of keeping Germany united in the western sphere.

Chmee · Post by **Chmee** » 2005-07-05 07:52pm

Shave the moustache, change the hairstyle, ship a bunch of gold to Switzerland, prepare documents placing the blame for all atrocities on Himmler, Goehring, Goebbels and Borman, transfer executive power to Rommel and head to Argentina with a U-boat full of gold.

tharkûn · Post by **tharkûn** » 2005-07-05 08:06pm

First I'd convert the final solution into slave labor factories or somesuch thing, drawing down the German personel. Next I'd denude the western front of troops while BSing about a "knockout blow" or somesuch against the Russians in the east.

At this point I wait for the western front to collapse and transfer German government and command eastward. At some point I opt for Chmee's solution of setting up Swiss bank accounts, hanging the other bastards out to dry, mass burning of records, stage my own assassination (as in get a double to take off in a small airplane which explodes into a massive fireball midair) and getting the hell out of Europe. Ideally after I'm gone the allies will quickly take out Germany and Stalin will be stopped east of the Oder or even Krakow.

FedRebel · Post by **FedRebel** » 2005-07-05 08:14pm

1. Unite the atomic bomb project (I know the Germans had three or more competeing teams working on the thing) and push for working device ASAP

2. Push for jet aircraft production

3. deploy large amounts of biological and chemical agents as my forces are forced out of Soviet territory

4. Inform my generals that if from now on if any shit goes down wake me up right away!

Frank Hipper · Post by **Frank Hipper** » 2005-07-05 08:25pm

June 12th, 1944 is far, far too late to gain anything for Germany.
Immediate surrender to forego further destruction, followed by your (Hitler's) immediate suicide, is your best bet. Anything else is a mere delaying of the inevitable, and prolonging the agony.

Post by **Mr Bean** » 2005-07-05 08:39pm

FedRebel wrote:1. Unite the atomic bomb project (I know the Germans had three or more competeing teams working on the thing) and push for working device ASAP

!

That first one is not going to happen before the war is over, the axis A-bomb project faced a few key problems that prevented an A-bomb being created anytime soon. Chief amoung them the project director was most likley(But not everyone agrees) activley slowing down the project. As well as there were some techincal hurdles which per end of the cold war the Germans were no-where near solving.

Junghalli · Post by **Junghalli** » 2005-07-05 09:15pm

Agree to pull back and surrender all the territories I've conquered in WWII without a fight if they'll let me keep Germany itself. Agree to whatever demilitarization schemes they want, I can always rebuild the army later when I'm strong enough. Loot the treasury to pay war reperations and do whatever I can to cover up any evidence of the final solution so the Allies don't get too pissed off at me.
If necessary give up everything but Berlin. You can't just go back to being a regular guy after getting UNLIMITED POWER!111, I need to stay dictator of something!

tharkûn · Post by **tharkûn** » 2005-07-05 09:26pm

Agree to pull back and surrender all the territories I've conquered in WWII without a fight if they'll let me keep Germany itself. Agree to whatever demilitarization schemes they want, I can always rebuild the army later when I'm strong enough. Loot the treasury to pay war reperations and do whatever I can to cover up any evidence of the final solution so the Allies don't get too pissed off at me.

Never going to happen. Those offers were made, including offing Hitler in the mix, by various Nazi and military officials - none were accepted.

Mr. T · Post by **Mr. T** » 2005-07-05 09:50pm

Hmmm, close the concentration camps, set about making the Nazi's "Kinder and gentler," first thing I'd do though is probably fuck Eva Braun (If she was hot....never actually seen her)

Singular Quartet · Post by **Singular Quartet** » 2005-07-05 10:05pm

Give as much cash as I can to the Swiss, declare Himmler my successor, write up some documents declaring it was all the other guy's fault, and fake my own death. As the allies are smashing the bunker, I'm on a U-boat bound for Argentina.

And I'm laughing, because I'm still alive and the rest of them are being hung.

RRoan · Post by **RRoan** » 2005-07-05 11:35pm

AAm I the only one who doesn't know what the final solution is?