URGENT: Advice needed.

[Exonerate]

I've just learned of this, and this was the first place I thought of turning to for help. My friend, whom I have known since elementary schools, has just informed me that she is possiblely pregnant. According to her, she recently had sex with her boyfriend without protection. She also says that her boyfriend did not ejaculate into her (But I don't believe that bullshit), but she has recently missed a period. She went to a clinic to get tested, but for some reason or another, she couldn't get tested. Right now, I'm inclined to take this as very reliable. She's been my friend for a long time, and has a history of depression and experimentation with alcohol. However, my biggest dilemna is that I am not within physical contact with her. I moved a few years ago. I still have her phone number and address, but am hesitant to contact her parents. I've told her to tell her parents, but she has refused, saying that they won't understand. I'm hoping you guys here can give me some useful advice as to what to do. Thanks.

[The Duchess of Zeon]

Well, how old is she? Also, did she specifically ask you not to contact her parents? Most importantly, do you think she might do anything that could lead to harm for herself?

[Darth Wong]

The boyfriend need not ejaculate into her in order to get her pregnant. There can be considerable pre-ejaculate leakage during sex. That's why the health-ed people make sure to remind people that the porno "pull out, shoot on her face" method doesn't actually work as birth control.

As for suggestions, I would first want full confirmation; tell her to get a test, or if she can't, then get a home test from the drugstore.

Then, if she is indeed pregnant, you might want to gently remind her that she can't keep this a secret forever. So unless she plans to get a secret abortion (which is probably difficult, given the notification laws in place), they're going to find out about it sooner or later. She can look forward to months of stress and anxiety and secrecy if she doesn't tell them now. The longer she waits, the worse it will be.

[Exonerate]

Thanks. Her age is 14. I've already told her than she cannot keep this a secret forever, but she thinks it is possible to get the abortion anonymously (To my knowledge, this was very recent; An abortion pill is an option.)

[XaLEv]

How old is the boyfriend?

[Exonerate]

I do not know, but my estimate would be around 17 (She has quite a few ex-boyfriends... All almost were older than her.)

[Sea Skimmer]

Thanks. Her age is 14. I've already told her than she cannot keep this a secret forever, but she thinks it is possible to get the abortion anonymously (To my knowledge, this was very recent; An abortion pill is an option.)

Those only work for 72 hours after sex.

[AdmiralKanos]

Thanks. Her age is 14. I've already told her than she cannot keep this a secret forever, but she thinks it is possible to get the abortion anonymously (To my knowledge, this was very recent; An abortion pill is an option.)

FOURTEEN???

Aw, shit. Tell her to get an abortion NOW, while it's still just a clump of cells, even if she has to get her parents involved. She's way too young for this, and her body isn't even mature. I don't think the pill will work. I believe it prevents uterine wall adhesion, and if she's missed a period, that already happened a while ago.

If she's worried about the consequences of telling her family, well, all I can say is that one of life's harsh lessons is that we must face the consequences of our own actions. Delaying will only make everything worse.

[Shinova]

Where does she live? (not address, but state, if in the US)

Isn't she below the legal age or something?

[GrandMasterTerwynn]

I've just learned of this, and this was the first place I thought of turning to for help. My friend, whom I have known since elementary schools, has just informed me that she is possiblely pregnant. According to her, she recently had sex with her boyfriend without protection. She also says that her boyfriend did not ejaculate into her (But I don't believe that bullshit), but she has recently missed a period. She went to a clinic to get tested, but for some reason or another, she couldn't get tested. Right now, I'm inclined to take this as very reliable. She's been my friend for a long time, and has a history of depression and experimentation with alcohol. However, my biggest dilemna is that I am not within physical contact with her. I moved a few years ago. I still have her phone number and address, but am hesitant to contact her parents. I've told her to tell her parents, but she has refused, saying that they won't understand. I'm hoping you guys here can give me some useful advice as to what to do. Thanks.

A few things.

A) Periods can be erratic for someone her age (having read the rest of the thread.) But this is an outside shot.
B) She's just gonna have to suck it up and tell her parents. I'm sorry, but if she's practicing unsafe sex and she gets pregnant by it, she's gonna have to deal with the fact that there are consequences.
C) She'll have to tell them herself. She may be protecting her boyfriend, as having sex with her is technically rape, and it could get him thrown in jail and registered as a bona-fide sex offender if her parents decide to press charges. But hell, that's what he gets for sleeping with jailbait without protection, I'm sorry.

But yeah, there are tests for that sort of thing. Even the ones you get off the supermarket shelf would be point her in the right direction. And sure her parents won't "understand" but the wrath of her folks will be a hell of a lot better than having to become a teenaged mom, or to endure the stress of trying to keep something like that a secret.

My point: There's going to have to be a lot of "deal with it" in there somewhere.

[GrandMasterTerwynn]

Where does she live? (not address, but state, if in the US)

Isn't she below the legal age or something?

If she lives in the same state he does, then her boyfriend is pretty much screwed. California has real tough laws on that sort of thing.

[XaLEv]

What are your friend and her b/f like? What is their relationship like? Their parents?

[Patrick Degan]

Where does she live? (not address, but state, if in the US)

Isn't she below the legal age or something?

If she lives in the same state he does, then her boyfriend is pretty much screwed. California has real tough laws on that sort of thing.

You better believe he's screwed —and there's no technicality about it. The earliest age of consent anywhere in the United States is fifteen (can't remember which state has it that early). The second she identifies the boyfriend, he's up for statutory rape. And they may try him as an adult even if he's a juvenile himself.

[XaLEv]

I seem to remember reading something once about it being legal for someone over the age of consent to have sex with someone underaged if their ages are close enough together. Anyone know more about this?

[neoolong]

Any person who engages in an act of unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor who is not more than three years older or three years younger than the perpetrator, is guilty of a misdemeanor.

This is for California.

[C.S.Strowbridge]

First of all, how religious are her parents? This will be a huge factor in how they response. Secondly, does she have someone else she can live with? This might be necessary if this go poorly.

[David]

In Texas he would be going to prison. Not just having sex with a fourteen year old but actually getting her pregnant would automatically give him statutory rape here. I don't know how her parents would react, but I tend to have a low opinion of any parent that allows their fourteen year old daughter to date men years older than her.

[XaLEv]

Remember that we don't actually know how old he is. 17 is just a guess.

[David]

Yeah but he said that she has quite a few boyfriends and they have all been older than her.

[Evil Sadistic Bastard]

The boyfriend need not ejaculate into her in order to get her pregnant. There can be considerable pre-ejaculate leakage during sex. That's why the health-ed people make sure to remind people that the porno "pull out, shoot on her face" method doesn't actually work as birth control.

As for suggestions, I would first want full confirmation; tell her to get a test, or if she can't, then get a home test from the drugstore.

Then, if she is indeed pregnant, you might want to gently remind her that she can't keep this a secret forever. So unless she plans to get a secret abortion (which is probably difficult, given the notification laws in place), they're going to find out about it sooner or later. She can look forward to months of stress and anxiety and secrecy if she doesn't tell them now. The longer she waits, the worse it will be.

Having studied the human reproductive systems, I can provide evidence that what Wong said is true.

And I strongly recommend a quick abortion, too bad she didn;t use RU486 or the morning after pill, anyway, you have to abort it FAST otherwise the mother has a very high chance of becoming sterile or dying.

Or she could keep it, but that opens up a whole new world of problems for her.

[Nova Andromeda]

--Well I new someone in highschool who got pregant as a teenager and kept the kid. Her life was completely changed. She didn't finish highschool, her parents supported her and the child, the father was useless which was all sorts of drama, and she became a hair stylist. However, she did survive the ordeal more or less okay.
-I would recommend an abortion all things being equal. However, if she has certain religious/moral convictions they must be settled before making that decision. If her parents are not going to be any help she should find some adult with some sense to talk to.

[Exonerate]

She lives in Hawaii. A few years ago, the age of consent was 14 (Way too young). They raised to 16, I think, and made it so that if a minor engaged in sex with somebody over 18, it would quallify as statuatory rape, even if it was consensual. I could care less about her BF. By his behaviour, I can already tell he's a total ass. She's had more than 20 ex-BFs... Very lacking in self-confidence, and as I said before, she has a history of depression, cutting herself with razor blades, etc. She confided in me that she did this so the boyfriend wouldn't leave... Yeah, its really sad. I have no idea if there is somebody else she can live with, or how religious her parents are. My guess is that they probably aren't that strict, since she isn't religious at all. It's also my understanding that her parents have no idea whats going on. Right now, I'm considering even bypassing her, and going straight to the parents, but first, I'll try to convince her to tell them.

[Stormbringer]

I'd seriously consider telling her parents. She might well do something drastic and dangerous. If she did do this to keep her boyfriend from leaving she's a real risk for suicide.

She won't be able to conceal it forever and whatever she does her parents are going to know sooner or later. Most states won't let her get an abortion without her parents authorizing it. And in this case, though I hate the idea, I think she should seriously consider it.

Give her a chance to tell her parents first but if she doesn't you should.

[Master of Ossus]

Where does she live? (not address, but state, if in the US)

Isn't she below the legal age or something?

If she lives in the same state he does, then her boyfriend is pretty much screwed. California has real tough laws on that sort of thing.

You better believe he's screwed —and there's no technicality about it. The earliest age of consent anywhere in the United States is fifteen (can't remember which state has it that early). The second she identifies the boyfriend, he's up for statutory rape. And they may try him as an adult even if he's a juvenile himself.

The legal age in Hawaii is sixteen. I don't know if there are any others, but that is the youngest in the country.

[Master of Ossus]

She lives in Hawaii. A few years ago, the age of consent was 14 (Way too young). They raised to 16, I think, and made it so that if a minor engaged in sex with somebody over 18, it would quallify as statuatory rape, even if it was consensual. I could care less about her BF. By his behaviour, I can already tell he's a total ass. She's had more than 20 ex-BFs... Very lacking in self-confidence, and as I said before, she has a history of depression, cutting herself with razor blades, etc. She confided in me that she did this so the boyfriend wouldn't leave... Yeah, its really sad. I have no idea if there is somebody else she can live with, or how religious her parents are. My guess is that they probably aren't that strict, since she isn't religious at all. It's also my understanding that her parents have no idea whats going on. Right now, I'm considering even bypassing her, and going straight to the parents, but first, I'll try to convince her to tell them.

It sounds like her pregnancy is the latest in a series of problems, then. I would tell her that she is going to have to tell her parents sometime, and the more quickly she confides in them, the less painful it will be. If she categorically refuses to do this, I would tell them myself, but I would also express these concerns of yours to her parents. My guess is that they will understand.