VAULT OF DOOM (TM), dusted off and rewritten some more:
This was originally going to be a plot line for Imperial Phoenix,
and FALKENHORST wrote the first couple of paragraphs shown
below, but it was dropped and FESTERED on my hard drive until
Dalton's delaying of the GSDA's tempted me to rework it
into an independent porno fanfic
It is as yet unnamed, but I know you sick fuckers will give
it a name
.(edit: added Falk's name above, I wanted to make sure it was
OK with him before I acknowledged his name; he's paranoid
about his good name, EHEHHEHE)
*********************************************************
[Deep Space Nine - Outer Docking Pylon 3 - 0300 hours]
Julian Bashir grunted and strained as he levered the last crate
of soup mix into the airlock.
He wiped his brow and stood back, hitting the start cycle.
The door ground closed and the airlock decompressed with
a whoosh, sucking the soup crates into space, where unknown
to anyone but a few spacers, they joined an increasingly
dangerous ring of soup crates orbiting Bajor.
Unbeknownst to anyone else, Bashir had singlehandedly
kept the Trill Porno industry alive against stiff competition
from the Ferenginar and their porn industries.
He was also the Trills' middleman, handling their exports to
Risa, which had been the keystone of Bashir's whole plan
and addiction.
The porn would be smuggled into DS9 inside soup crates,
and then carefully uncrated and shipped out to the rest
of the Galaxy as a whole through Quark's shady contracts.
The money kept flooding in, and Bashir was thinking
about expanding onto the Vulcan porn scene before
the year was up.
At this, Bashir couldn't help but chuckle. The fact that Vulcan HAD
a porn industry at all was always a surprise to the uninitated in
the porn business.
He then derided himself for thinking too far ahead. He still had
several hundred cartons of unsold Ferengi porn to sell - seems
only the ferengi liked that kind of crap, although there were always
a few deviants out there who were sick enough to like that kind
of shit.
Shuddering, Bashir walked back to his quarters, knowing that the
money he was paying Chief O'Brien would keep his secret rooms
full of sex toys and porno safe from all but the most intense
inspections, as they didn't show up on the station's blueprints
anymore.
[Runabout _Oronico_ heading towards Bajor]
Commander Benjamin Sisko sat back in the runabout's pilot's seat
and enjoyed the view of Bajor and her moons hanging motionless
in front of his craft.
Suddenly, a banging noise sounded, and Sisko sat up, and saw with
disbelief a can of Trill soup mix riocheting off his windshield.
"What the fuck was that?"
Moments later, a piece of flimsipaper slapped onto the windshield of
the runabout, the speed of the runabout plastering the paper all over
the windshield, giving Sisko an eye-opening view of one of the Ferengi
Porn industry's most famous stars.
Sisko fought the urge to vomit, and failed.
[1 hour later]
Sisko stepped out of the runabout on it's landing pad outside the Bajoran
Council Building, wearing a fresh uniform. He had spent the last half an
hour cleaning up his own vomit from the runabout's interior, and had
pretty much succeeded, except the runabout now smelled like cleaning
fluids.
A Bajoran officer walked up to him. "The Kai will see you now."
Nodding, Sisko followed the officer into the building, and
found the Kai standing in her office holding a can of soup mix.
"Kai...is that by any chance Trill soup mix?" asked Sisko.
"Why yes it is...how did you know?" replied the Kai, incredulous
at Sisko's observation.
Sisko put on a weak smile. "I ran over several of them on the
way here."
"Yes, that is what I called you here for, Commander. These cans
have become a hazard to navigation within our solar system, and
worst of all, we have found large caches of porn floating in
space from time to time."
"Interesting," said Sisko, "Do you have any idea who's doing this?"
"Yes, we do. It's coming from _your_ station, Sisko."
"I will not tolerate the corruption of Bajoran Morals by these vile
porn-runners, and if you do not take steps to arrest the individuals
responsible for this atrocity, I will be forced to expel the Federation
from Bajoran Space!" snapped the Kai.
Sisko was taken aback momentarily by the force of the Kai's demands,
and it was several seconds before he replied.
"Yes, we'll take care of them." Sisko countered in a voice as cold
as interstellar space.
The little hatfuckers who are using my station as a waypoint for
porno will find that it does not pay to fuck with me. thought
Sisko.
END CH 1
