Help: A code of morals or something?

Post by **Zaia** » 2002-11-24 01:25pm

Is there some sort of code of morals or something between guys concerning their best friends and their sisters dating? In other words, guys, is dating your best friend's sister against some unwritten, unspoken rule?

In case you couldn't guess, I have a thing for my brother's best friend and he has/had? a thing for me. However, he told me that he couldn't ever date me because I was his best friend's sister and it would probably interfere in his friendship with my brother, and he won't do that, because friends come first. I can see that side of it, especially the part about friends coming before significant others, but I can also see how we could make it work if we wanted to. So, is this a legit code of conduct (not dating best friends' sisters?), or is he bullshitting me because he's really not interested?

ArmorPierce · Post by **ArmorPierce** » 2002-11-24 01:48pm

A lot of times the brother feels over-protected for their sister and it would piss him off if his best friend started dating her. So yeah, It could be a 'legit code of behavior' that he ain't asking you out.

Stormbringer · Post by **Stormbringer** » 2002-11-24 01:50pm

Zaia wrote:Is there some sort of code of morals or something between guys concerning their best friends and their sisters dating? In other words, guys, is dating your best friend's sister against some unwritten, unspoken rule?

I don't feel that way (I'd pity any guy that'd want to date my sister) but a there are a lot of guys that feel that way. I doubt he's bullshitting you though, it's a loyalty thing. You don't want to have to choose between family or friends.

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2002-11-24 02:15pm

Zaia wrote:Is there some sort of code of morals or something between guys concerning their best friends and their sisters dating? In other words, guys, is dating your best friend's sister against some unwritten, unspoken rule?

In case you couldn't guess, I have a thing for my brother's best friend and he has/had? a thing for me. However, he told me that he couldn't ever date me because I was his best friend's sister and it would probably interfere in his friendship with my brother, and he won't do that, because friends come first. I can see that side of it, especially the part about friends coming before significant others, but I can also see how we could make it work if we wanted to. So, is this a legit code of conduct (not dating best friends' sisters?), or is he bullshitting me because he's really not interested?

The basic rundown is this. If you two broke up under less than amicable circumstances, your brother would be forced to horribly mame his best friend. So yes, it's legit.

Tsyroc · Post by **Tsyroc** » 2002-11-24 03:32pm

There's also a problem when it comes to guys being guys. Locker room talk, stories or comments about what you did (or want to do) with your girlfriend really don't go over well if that girlfriend happens to be the sister of the guy your talking to.

Knife · Post by **Knife** » 2002-11-24 03:41pm

Pretty much as stated above. If and when your relationship with his friend breaks up it will put him in a position to choose either you or him. Now obviously he will choose his sister but the pain of being mad at and possibly ending a friendship because of difficulties durring and the end of your relationship with his friend could create a strain on his relationship with you. Basicly there will be pain all around the way when and if this proposed relationship ends. To avoid such things, an unwritten rule that you can't date anyone from the immeadiate family of your friends.IMHO

Post by **Mr Bean** » 2002-11-24 04:02pm

Is there some sort of code of morals or something between guys concerning their best friends and their sisters dating? In other words, guys, is dating your best friend's sister against some unwritten, unspoken rule?

Depends it tends from Indiffrence To Former War Vet/Daughter Relationships where if the Guy messes up he winds up either Incipaciated/Wish he was

XPViking · Post by **XPViking** » 2002-11-24 07:34pm

It would seem a little weird but then again, my best buddy's sister married my best buddy's best buddy.

Let's just say that at the time, all of us felt a little uncomfortable for a while when the two were dating. It never crossed my mind to date (much less consider) any of my friend's sisters.

XPViking

Post by **haas mark** » 2002-11-24 07:36pm

Everybody here seems to have the same opinions. Personally, I wouldn't have a personal opinion, as my sisters are way too young to date, but if they were, and my best friend started dating her, I happento be a bit over-protective. I guess that stems from having to be a parent for 3+ years....but anyways, yeah, I would maim him if he did something wrong.

TrailerParkJawa · Post by **TrailerParkJawa** » 2002-11-24 07:47pm

Its sorta like dating at work. If it works out great. If it doesnt its gonna be uncomfortable.

First time I had sex was with my friends sister. She seduced me, and I ended up getting a broken heart. Cause turns out she seduced A LOT OF PEOPLE!

Anyway is was pretty uncomfortable for a while.

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2002-11-24 07:49pm

Pretty much Jawa's statment.

If it works...it builds nicer bonds

If it doesn't you never feel the same way for a very long time.

Master of Ossus · Post by **Master of Ossus** » 2002-11-24 07:54pm

You should tread very carefully, here. Your brother might feel as if you've both betrayed him. I would strongly urge you to clear this with him, first. Don't be horribly offended if he reacts badly, but also make it clear that both of you are okay with it.

Post by **Zaia** » 2002-11-24 11:26pm

Ok, some points to go over (some may be more relevant than others):

1. I am 24, and my brother and his best friend are both 21 (don't know if this really matters at all, but I thought you should know it's a younger guy).

2. My brother originally said, back when this whole crazy thing started two years ago, that he noticed Matt (my bro's best friend & the guy in question) acting extremely interested in me. My brother knew that Matt was REALLY shy and never acted interested in chicks, and my brother saw that he was making a lot of moves on me. So my brother suggested to each of us separately that we get together, since I have had some rough dealings with guys and Matt was a sweetie who wasn't going to screw me around.

3. Matt and I went through a period of severe, heavy-duty flirting for about six months; heavy-duty to the point where all our friends noticed that there was a hell of a lot of chemisty and they all said "WHY THE HELL DON'T YOU GUYS GET TOGETHER?!" It didn't last longer than six months because I flat out asked him out at that point and he said that he'd love to, but he couldn't because I was his best friend's sister. That was about two years ago; since then, he and I have been avoiding each other a bit because we start liking each other again when we spend too much time together.

4. I was finally getting over him for good recently, with the help that he had moved out of the state, but he moved back on Thursday and came to see me today. We didn't talk long, but the fact that he went out of his way to talk to me (my brother was in PA, so there was no conflict) tells me that he still cares.

So, how do I get over him if his reason for not dating me is legit? I'm not just going to sit around and pine for a guy who will never date me, but I keep thinking about how much fun I'd have with him if I could date him. I guess there really isn't much for you guys to say to help me with this part; I was half hoping you'd tell me that he was an ass and just didn't want to date me. That'd be easier to deal with in the long run. Le sigh.

Thank you for your help, guys. *blows kisses*

Shinova · Post by **Shinova** » 2002-11-24 11:32pm

Typically, I'm the last person anyone should go to for dating advice, but,

I think if you talk it over with your brother, about you and his best friend going out, then I suppose, after the conversation, your brother might understand. And if he does, then tell the guy (brother's best friend) that your brother is cool with it.

I think that's what I would do if I were in your place.

EDIT: If the two of you dating and possibly going through it the full mile is fine with your brother, then all that remains is to make your b/f understand that him dating his best friend's sister is not a crime.

I think him hearing that your brother is perfectly cool with it may solve the problem.

Shinova · Post by **Shinova** » 2002-11-24 11:35pm

A little addition:

Personally I don't believe in this "you can't date your best friend's sibling" crap. If the two really like each other and each of them are worthy, then let them go!

Next of Kin · Post by **Next of Kin** » 2002-11-24 11:41pm

I am 24, and my brother and his best friend are both 21 (don't know if this really matters at all, but I thought you should know it's a younger guy).

I too like dating women that are older than me; they have more experience and are like fine wine.

So my brother suggested to each of us separately that we get together, since I have had some rough dealings with guys and Matt was a sweetie who wasn't going to screw me around.

He sounds like a trusted friend. Why not get together? Going out on one date wouldn't hurt. His intentions seem good and if it doesn't work out I'm sure you two will still be friends (granted that nobody has ill feelings towards one another).

but I keep thinking about how much fun I'd have with him if I could date him. I guess there really isn't much for you guys to say to help me with this part; I was half hoping you'd tell me that he was an ass and just didn't want to date me.

Okay, but why not go out with him as a friend. Have fun and don't treat it as anything more. If something happens then it happens.

XaLEv · Post by **XaLEv** » 2002-11-24 11:50pm

Since your brother suggested you two get together, it doesn't sound like he would have a problem with it. That was two years ago, though, so I suppose it's possible that something has happened in that time to change his mind, so you would probably be better off talking to him about it first, just to be sure.

My suggestion is that you don't try to move it into being a full on romantic relationship from the start. Just be friends, spend alot of time together, and just let it go where it goes.

Post by **Zaia** » 2002-11-25 12:09am

I guess I should have included this in my list (so many things to consider!):

Matt knew that my brother was ok with us dating, but he still stuck with his code, saying that he couldn't date me. So, we knew that we liked each other, knew that my brother was fine with it, and he still wouldn't date me. The problem is that, even now, when we hang out (which is very rarely), we still are REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEALLY attracted to each other. It's still ok with my brother if we date, but Matt still holds to his "your my best friend's sister and I can't date you" rule. I want to be able to hang out with him, but it's crazy how much sexual tension there is between us. I don't think I can convince him (at this point, anyway) that it really will be ok if we date and break up. We were ok when I asked him out and he turned me down (which my brother wasn't too happy about), so I don't really see this as any different.

Post by **haas mark** » 2002-11-25 12:11am

Zaia wrote:I guess I should have included this in my list (so many things to consider!):

Matt knew that my brother was ok with us dating, but he still stuck with his code, saying that he couldn't date me. So, we knew that we liked each other, knew that my brother was fine with it, and he still wouldn't date me. The problem is that, even now, when we hang out (which is very rarely), we still are REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEALLY attracted to each other. It's still ok with my brother if we date, but Matt still holds to his "your my best friend's sister and I can't date you" rule. I want to be able to hang out with him, but it's crazy how much sexual tension there is between us. I don't think I can convince him (at this point, anyway) that it really will be ok if we date and break up. We were ok when I asked him out and he turned me down (which my brother wasn't too happy about), so I don't really see this as any different.

Kick him in the head. Maybe he'll get some sense into him.

Shinova · Post by **Shinova** » 2002-11-25 12:16am

In response to Zaia's latest post, I retract my previous statements.

I guess there's two possibilities.

1. Matt is being REALLY nice and chivalrous towards you(Zaia).

2. Matt is insincere about everything and is using the "don't date siblings" rule as a copout to not get into a serious relationship with you.

What you do with my observations is all up to you, Zaia.

Evil Sadistic Bastard · Post by **Evil Sadistic Bastard** » 2002-11-25 12:17am

Shinova wrote:In response to Zaia's latest post, I retract my statements.

I guess there's two possibilities.

1. Matt is being REALLY nice and chivalrous towards you(Zaia).

2. Matt is insincere about everything and is using the "don't date siblings" rule as a copout to not get into a serious relationship with you.

What you do with my observations is all up to you, Zaia.

There's a third, building on the second possibility:

Maybe he's scared of getting into a relationship.

XaLEv · Post by **XaLEv** » 2002-11-25 12:23am

It would probably be a good idea for you to get him alone and talk to him about all this.

Evil Sadistic Bastard · Post by **Evil Sadistic Bastard** » 2002-11-25 12:25am

XaLEv wrote:It would probably be a good idea for you to get him alone and talk to him about all this.

Preferably when he's in a good mood (i.e. not scared or anything). Men can be very timid creatures.

Post by **haas mark** » 2002-11-25 12:28am

Evil Sadistic Bastard wrote:
XaLEv wrote:It would probably be a good idea for you to get him alone and talk to him about all this.
Preferably when he's in a good mood (i.e. not scared or anything). Men can be very timid creatures.

Yes, and try not to give him any ideas that might scare him off, sexual implications included.

Evil Sadistic Bastard · Post by **Evil Sadistic Bastard** » 2002-11-25 12:29am

Believe me, whatever stories you may have heard about men being rapacious sexual demons that exist only to prey upon innocent girls, most of the younger ones are actually afraid of sex.

StarDestroyer.Net BBS

Help: A code of morals or something?

Help: A code of morals or something?

Re: Help: A code of morals or something?

Re: Help: A code of morals or something?