Signs that you're a computer newbie

[Hyperion]

38: When you're told it "insert floppy in drive A", you cringe and begin to unzip your fly.

better'n trying to interface with the hard drive.

*is trying really really hard NOT to start making floppy and stiffy jokes...*


btw, in the computer hardware class at the college we were told this:

5.25" (and up) disks are called "floppies"

and technically 3.5" disks are called "stiffies"

i'm NOT joking either.

[phongn]

6) You wash your keyboard with soapy water.

People actually do this (disassembled, of course) and then rinse it in distilled water. It works well, you just have to be careful.

[Evil Sadistic Bastard]

6) You wash your keyboard with soapy water.

People actually do this (disassembled, of course) and then rinse it in distilled water. It works well, you just have to be careful.

I always thought there were compressed air cans for this kind of shit.

[haas mark]

6) You wash your keyboard with soapy water.

People actually do this (disassembled, of course) and then rinse it in distilled water. It works well, you just have to be careful.

I always thought there were compressed air cans for this kind of shit.

There are. People are just too stupid to buy them. But then agian, they are aout $8 a can. plus, you might want to sometimes wash off the keys periodically.

[phongn]

People actually do this (disassembled, of course) and then rinse it in distilled water. It works well, you just have to be careful.

I always thought there were compressed air cans for this kind of shit.

There are. People are just too stupid to buy them. But then agian, they are aout $8 a can. plus, you might want to sometimes wash off the keys periodically.

This is for when you dump liquids into it, or have to clean out a smoker's keyboard

[haas mark]

This is for when you dump liquids into it, or have to clean out a smoker's keyboard

AKA my parents'.

[Temjin]

To get back on topic:

39) When you want to turn off the computer, you just shut off the monitor.

40) You attach T.V. bunny ears to your computer trying to get Baywatch.

[Crayz9000]

41) When you first apply the label to the floppy disk, then roll it into the typewriter to type the label...

[Evil Sadistic Bastard]

42) When someone talks about computer worms you send it to a vet.

[haas mark]

43) When you end up with a computer virus, you take it to the ER.

[Evil Sadistic Bastard]

43) When you end up with a computer virus, you take it to the ER.

Copycat!

44) You wonder why your comp screens aren't like those in the movies.

[haas mark]

43) When you end up with a computer virus, you take it to the ER.

Copycat!

44) You wonder why your comp screens aren't like those in the movies.

46) You can't stop laughing when you read about the tower.

[data_link]

47) Your boyfriend talks about getting a new mouse pad and you wonder if there's something he's not telling you.

[Skelron]

True story first... I will try and think of a witty way of putting this after it...
My friend, works/worked for a Tech support line. (handled software.) When he gets a Phone Call. The Ignorent individual was asking why his PC CD- Rom copy of a game (Can't remember the game) wasn't working on his Dreamcast... and what should he do. My Friend in an evil mood, and because they have a competition (Who gets the stupidest help request of the month or something) gets him to repeat his problem while he places the phone on speaker so the whole room can hear. Then advises the boy to go back toi the shop and return it, after explaining loudly and clearly the problem to the staff member. (After all share that joy...)

Problem is can't thinlk of a way to express this as a rule, anyone out there got any ideas of how to explain this?

[haas mark]

True story first... I will try and think of a witty way of putting this after it...
My friend, works/worked for a Tech support line. (handled software.) When he gets a Phone Call. The Ignorent individual was asking why his PC CD- Rom copy of a game (Can't remember the game) wasn't working on his Dreamcast... and what should he do. My Friend in an evil mood, and because they have a competition (Who gets the stupidest help request of the month or something) gets him to repeat his problem while he places the phone on speaker so the whole room can hear. Then advises the boy to go back toi the shop and return it, after explaining loudly and clearly the problem to the staff member. (After all share that joy...)

Problem is can't thinlk of a way to express this as a rule, anyone out there got any ideas of how to explain this?

48) You call tech support over a CD-ROM game you try to play inm a console.

[Evil Sadistic Bastard]

On the topic of stupid things computer no0bs have done...

My mom once plugged in the keyboard and mouse and was saying, " Why doesn't ti work, why doesn't it work? "

I looked at the back.

The keyboard went into the, mouse hole.
The mouse went intot he , keyboard hole.

Fixed it, and said " KONO B4K4 GA!"

[data_link]

49) You regularly straighten your computer cables so that the data flows smoothly.

50) Your computer gets a virus, and you give it lots of liquids.

51) Your computer gets a virus, and you ask your doctor if it's contagious.

52) You don't understand why you keep getting "out of memory" errors when you still have 20 GB left on your hard drive.

53) You remove the fan from your computer because it is too noisy and then wonder why it doesn't work.

54) You install Windows XP on your computer and then wonder why it doesn't work.

[Evil Sadistic Bastard]

54) You install Windows XP on your computer and then wonder why it doesn't work.

Hahaha

I run Window XP. No wonder.

[CmdrWilkens]

55) After inserting a 5.25" floppy and readng the instructions to "close the door" you close your front door then call tech suport when you still can't get the disk to run.

[Exonerate]

56. You actually believe your computer will restart after getting an BSOD.
57. When ZoneAlarm says that somebody from 127.0.0.1 tried to access your computer, you get worried and try sending them a virus (No joke)
58. You like using leet-speak, but forgot what replaces "t" (Also a real life scenario...)

[data_link]

59) You think that RAM refers to the animal with horns.
60) You think that exposure to the "Blue screen of death" will kill you.
61) You think that crashing is something cars do.
62) You call tech support and ask whether your computer has to be turned on to work.
63) In order to turn your computer on, you perform a striptease.
64) You wonder why your computer doesn't talk to you like on Star Trek.
65) You recieve a new laptop from your boss, and you wonder why he gave you a large black paperweight.
66) You don't understand why most of these are bad things.
67) You attempt to insert a CD into the 5.25" floppy drive.

more to come...

[Lord Pounder]

68) When told to click the start menu u lift your mouse off the mat and place it on screen.

[Evil Sadistic Bastard]

69) Yu think the mouse is the foot pedal

[Ted]

That should be 69 ESB

And 70) You get scared of the mouse.

[Evil Sadistic Bastard]

71) You feed your mouse cheese.