Because this is just too funny a song not to share
Brad Paisley -- Alcohol wrote:
I can make anybody pretty
I can make you believe any lie
I can make you pick a fight
With somebody twice your size
Well, I've been known to cause a few break ups
And I've been known to cause a few births
I can make you new friends
Or get you fired from work.
Chorus:
And since the day I left
Milwaukee, Lynchburg, Bordeaux France
Been makin' the bars lots of big money
And helpin' white people dance
I got you in trouble in high school
College, now that was a ball
You had some of the best times
You'll never remember with me
Alcohol alcohol.
I got blamed at your wedding reception
For your best man's embarrasing speach
And also for those naked pictures
Of you at the beach
I've influenced kings and world leaders
I helped Hemmingway write like he did
I'll bet you a drink or two
I can make you put that
Lampshade on your head.
And since the day I left
Milwaukee, Lynchburg, Bordeaux France
Been makin' a fool out of folks just like you
And helpin' white people dance
I am medicine and I am poison
I can help you up or make you fall
You had some of the best times
You'll never remember with me
Alcohol, alcohol.
Chorus:
Yeah, since the day I left
Milwaukee, Lynchburg, Bordeaux France
Been makin' the bars lots of big money
And helpin' white people dance!
I got you in trouble in high school
College, now that was a ball
You had some of the best times
You'll never remember with me
Alcohol, alcohol...
Nitram, slightly high on cough syrup: Do you know you're beautiful?
Me: Nope, that's why I have you around to tell me.
Nitram: You -are- beautiful. Anyone tries to tell you otherwise kill them.
"A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory. LLAP" -- Leonard Nimoy, last Tweet
Consider this sent to each and every one of my college friends....
I love you for this Tev..
Darth Wong wrote:The American "family values" agenda is simple: alter the world so that you can completely ignore your child and still be confident that he is receiving the same kind of Christian upbringing that you would give him if you weren't busy.
Chris TT, Drink Beer wrote:
beer is a potion of radical charm
use it with care and it will save you from harm
it can be a solution, it can be a good friend
a loyal companion that stays to the end
here is a warning: sober isn't fun
you're a gutless little nothing til you get at least one
pint of beer in your belly and a head full of ideas
the beer anchors down your fears
drink beer, and you'll be alright
drink beer, every day and every night
when the world is giving you a heavy old time
drink as much as you can and you'll be fine
kids! stay in school, get a decent education
you'll need a steady job to pay for lubrication
everybody searching for a reason to continue
well the world is less rubbish with a cold beer in you
so if you're down and you're heading for a fall
it is better to have died of drink than never drunk at all
lean on beer, when you're not strong
we all need some beer to lean on.
drink beer, and you'll be alright
drink beer, every day and every night
when the world is giving you a heavy old time
drink as much as you can and you'll be fine
drink beer, and you'll be ok
drink beer, every night and every day...
(Tim's rap)
in the wilderness with fear in my soul
I had empties all around me but I'm taking control
I went to town, got my money from the bank
then I went down to the wetherspoon's...
and drank.
drink beer, and you'll be alright
drink beer, every day and every night
when the world is giving you a heavy old time
drink as much as you can and you'll be fine
drink beer, and you'll be ok
drink beer, every night and every day
keep your eyes on the prize at the bottom of the glass
and drink it down fast, drink it down fast
drink beer, and you'll be alright
drink beer, every day and every night
when the world is giving you a heavy old time
drink as much as you can and you'll be fine
"I had not intended to discuss this controversial subject at this particular time. However, I want you to know that I do not shun controversy. On the contrary, I will take a stand on any issue at any time, regardless of how fraught with controversy it might be. You have asked me how I feel about whiskey. All right, here is how I feel about whiskey.
"If when you say whiskey you mean the devil's brew, the poison scourge, the bloody monster, that defiles innocence, dethrones reason, destroys the home, creates misery and poverty, yea, literally takes the bread from the mouths of little children; if you mean the evil drink that topples the Christian man and woman from the pinnacle of righteous, gracious living into the bottomless pit of degradation, and despair, and shame and helplessness, and hopelessness, then certainly I am against it.
"But;
"If when you say whiskey you mean the oil of conversation, the philosophic wine, the ale that is consumed when good fellows get together, that puts a song in their hearts and laughter on their lips, and the warm glow of contentment in their eyes; if you mean Christmas cheer; if you mean the stimulating drink that puts the spring in the old gentleman's step on a frosty, crispy morning; if you mean the drink which enables a man to magnify his joy, and his happiness, and to forget, if only for a little while, life's great tragedies, and heartaches, and sorrows; if you mean that drink, the sale of which pours into our treasuries untold millions of dollars, which are used to provide tender care for our little crippled children, our blind, our deaf, our dumb, our pitiful aged and infirm; to build highways and hospitals and schools, then certainly I am for it.
"This is my stand. I will not retreat from it. I will not compromise."
That's not exactly as I remember it, but that was the gist.
