Unnamed Porno Fanfic From Shep, Falkenhorst, and Fanboy
Moderator: LadyTevar
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Sea Skimmer
- Yankee Capitalist Air Pirate
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- Location: Passchendaele City, HAB
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Darth Fanboy
- DUH! WINNING!
- Posts: 11182
- Joined: 2002-09-20 05:25am
- Location: Mars, where I am a totally bitchin' rockstar.
Unnamed South African Mental Institute (read: the beach)
"Man don't be snaking all of the good stuff..." whined Dave Chapelle as he picked up the intricately detailed and brightly colored pipe next to him, raising it to his lips and lighting the bowl, igniting the sweet green unnamed substance inside.
"Hey would I do that to you Dave?" said Fanboy, who lay flat on his back covered in a pair of hookers, his nose covered in a mixture of blood and suspicious white powder.
"Yeah you would you crazy bastard! Look at you, you haven't even wrote a chapter of UPF in almost a month!"
"How's season three of your show going" Fanboy said grinning his ass off while pinching the ass of the whore closest to "Santa's magic bag". The whore procured from the bag a suitcase that once belonged to Hunter S Thompson.
"Fuck off." Chapelle said as he stood up in his place. He then undid the front of his bathrobe and exposed himself to two white women a few meters away on the beach and chased them for a short distance before tripping and landing on a hermit crab. Chapelle landed wailing in pain as the small crustacean pinched firmly to his testicles. "Shit///" he moaned "I knew I was gonna get crabs here, but this is ridiculous!"
"Hey Crabfucker!" Fanboy began yelling "I think i'm gonna go back stateside and work on my projects a little more."
"Yeah...ow damnit...you do that! Meanwhile i'm gonna sit here and play with my fifty million dollars till my choclate staff falls off! Comedy Central you suckers!!!!!!!!"
Knowing that eventually Shep and Falk would send in the goon squads eventually to retrieve him, Fanboy stole a nearby jeep and headed towards the nearest town, hoping that he could commiitt a felony ludicrous enough to get him deported, thus saving him money on airfare.
UPF WILL NEVER DIE
"Man don't be snaking all of the good stuff..." whined Dave Chapelle as he picked up the intricately detailed and brightly colored pipe next to him, raising it to his lips and lighting the bowl, igniting the sweet green unnamed substance inside.
"Hey would I do that to you Dave?" said Fanboy, who lay flat on his back covered in a pair of hookers, his nose covered in a mixture of blood and suspicious white powder.
"Yeah you would you crazy bastard! Look at you, you haven't even wrote a chapter of UPF in almost a month!"
"How's season three of your show going" Fanboy said grinning his ass off while pinching the ass of the whore closest to "Santa's magic bag". The whore procured from the bag a suitcase that once belonged to Hunter S Thompson.
"Fuck off." Chapelle said as he stood up in his place. He then undid the front of his bathrobe and exposed himself to two white women a few meters away on the beach and chased them for a short distance before tripping and landing on a hermit crab. Chapelle landed wailing in pain as the small crustacean pinched firmly to his testicles. "Shit///" he moaned "I knew I was gonna get crabs here, but this is ridiculous!"
"Hey Crabfucker!" Fanboy began yelling "I think i'm gonna go back stateside and work on my projects a little more."
"Yeah...ow damnit...you do that! Meanwhile i'm gonna sit here and play with my fifty million dollars till my choclate staff falls off! Comedy Central you suckers!!!!!!!!"
Knowing that eventually Shep and Falk would send in the goon squads eventually to retrieve him, Fanboy stole a nearby jeep and headed towards the nearest town, hoping that he could commiitt a felony ludicrous enough to get him deported, thus saving him money on airfare.
UPF WILL NEVER DIE
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-
Darth Fanboy
- DUH! WINNING!
- Posts: 11182
- Joined: 2002-09-20 05:25am
- Location: Mars, where I am a totally bitchin' rockstar.
UPF SHORT-The disgustingness.
"Okay, so three nihlists walk into a bar, the first guy orders a beer and a cactus..." Stewart asked
"Yeah i've heard this one, 'So the bartender says, what a buncha pricks!', tell me something my grandpa doesn't know." said Revprez
There was an uneasy silence between the two men. the awkward silence began eating away at each other. Knowing that the time would pass much quicker if there was some kind, any kind, of discussion going on. The two men were eagerly awaiting their contact's arrival. Two of the greatest minds in galactic history, waiting for the opportunity of a lifetime and yet not one had a thing to say to the other. Stewart decided to break the tension.
"Say, if someone dared you to eat either dog shit or human shit, which would you pick?"
"Say what? That's fucking gross man, I wouldn't eat shit." REvprez shook his head and disgust and flashed a gang sign indicating his attendance of M.I.T (Mental Institution for Tards)
"Yeah I know but what if like, someone held a gun to your head and told you that you had to pick." deadpanned Steward, head of the galaxy-renowned Strategic Defense Instatute.
"Well if some nigga had a gun to my scalp and said he'd bust a cap, sheeeeeeeit, I think i'd have to go with the dog shit then."
"Yeah but, why the dog shit?"
"I dunno man, I guess its like we gotta deal with all kinds of shit, but we don't want to deal with our own shit. I mean we flush our crap but like dogs and cats we gotta scoop up, and that smells nasty but if you own a pet you don't really mind all that much."
"I hear you."
"Plus its like, I mean if you eat someones shit, they're gonna be all like. 'Bitch you just ate my shit man! You're a shit eater!' Aint no dog gonna start talking and raggin' on you for eatin' its shit."
"Okay, so you'd eat dogshit instead of human shit, but if its more acceptable to eat dogshit than human shit then why is it more acceptable to fuck humans over dogs."
"Man I don't like where the fuck this is goin."
"Just hear me out, I mean I totally totally have a holo-girlfriend stored on a portable hard drive, but like why is it more acceptable to eat dogshit, but not acceptable to fuck it?"
"Ummm like, because its a fucking dog man, that's nasty. You're nasty, and I oughta bust a cap in your ass."
"Oh you think its nasty to fuck dogs, then you must have thought what I did to your mother last night was really nasty."
"Why you motherfucker....."
Reverprez and Stewart began sissy slapping each other repeatedly, each of them desperately trying to injure the other though never coming close as they leaned their heads away from each others' lightning fast barrage of sissy slaps, each one capable of delivering a miderate non-stinging blow to the face, potentially wreaking havoc on the frame of a pair of glasses.
"Genetlemen when you are done with your 'who has the not-smallest dick' competition is over let us get down to business...
The two nerds turned their attention towards the shadowy guise and upon discovering his identity, the two super geniuses nodded.
"To what do we owe the pleasure? You must be the one who contacted us about getting super fantasticness." said Stewart.
Revprez ran around incessantly ciuting various rap lyrics until he was sedated by a tranquilizer dart from the guise. "Yes we do have business regarding that individual," claimed the guise, who revelaed his hood to be..........
RON MEXICO!
In the end Ron Mexico scammed them both out of seventy dollars.
The End.
Not an official chapter, but I am bored and a little loopy right now, hope you enjoy.
"Okay, so three nihlists walk into a bar, the first guy orders a beer and a cactus..." Stewart asked
"Yeah i've heard this one, 'So the bartender says, what a buncha pricks!', tell me something my grandpa doesn't know." said Revprez
There was an uneasy silence between the two men. the awkward silence began eating away at each other. Knowing that the time would pass much quicker if there was some kind, any kind, of discussion going on. The two men were eagerly awaiting their contact's arrival. Two of the greatest minds in galactic history, waiting for the opportunity of a lifetime and yet not one had a thing to say to the other. Stewart decided to break the tension.
"Say, if someone dared you to eat either dog shit or human shit, which would you pick?"
"Say what? That's fucking gross man, I wouldn't eat shit." REvprez shook his head and disgust and flashed a gang sign indicating his attendance of M.I.T (Mental Institution for Tards)
"Yeah I know but what if like, someone held a gun to your head and told you that you had to pick." deadpanned Steward, head of the galaxy-renowned Strategic Defense Instatute.
"Well if some nigga had a gun to my scalp and said he'd bust a cap, sheeeeeeeit, I think i'd have to go with the dog shit then."
"Yeah but, why the dog shit?"
"I dunno man, I guess its like we gotta deal with all kinds of shit, but we don't want to deal with our own shit. I mean we flush our crap but like dogs and cats we gotta scoop up, and that smells nasty but if you own a pet you don't really mind all that much."
"I hear you."
"Plus its like, I mean if you eat someones shit, they're gonna be all like. 'Bitch you just ate my shit man! You're a shit eater!' Aint no dog gonna start talking and raggin' on you for eatin' its shit."
"Okay, so you'd eat dogshit instead of human shit, but if its more acceptable to eat dogshit than human shit then why is it more acceptable to fuck humans over dogs."
"Man I don't like where the fuck this is goin."
"Just hear me out, I mean I totally totally have a holo-girlfriend stored on a portable hard drive, but like why is it more acceptable to eat dogshit, but not acceptable to fuck it?"
"Ummm like, because its a fucking dog man, that's nasty. You're nasty, and I oughta bust a cap in your ass."
"Oh you think its nasty to fuck dogs, then you must have thought what I did to your mother last night was really nasty."
"Why you motherfucker....."
Reverprez and Stewart began sissy slapping each other repeatedly, each of them desperately trying to injure the other though never coming close as they leaned their heads away from each others' lightning fast barrage of sissy slaps, each one capable of delivering a miderate non-stinging blow to the face, potentially wreaking havoc on the frame of a pair of glasses.
"Genetlemen when you are done with your 'who has the not-smallest dick' competition is over let us get down to business...
The two nerds turned their attention towards the shadowy guise and upon discovering his identity, the two super geniuses nodded.
"To what do we owe the pleasure? You must be the one who contacted us about getting super fantasticness." said Stewart.
Revprez ran around incessantly ciuting various rap lyrics until he was sedated by a tranquilizer dart from the guise. "Yes we do have business regarding that individual," claimed the guise, who revelaed his hood to be..........
RON MEXICO!
In the end Ron Mexico scammed them both out of seventy dollars.
The End.
Not an official chapter, but I am bored and a little loopy right now, hope you enjoy.
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
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Singular Quartet
- Sith Marauder
- Posts: 3896
- Joined: 2002-07-04 05:33pm
- Location: This is sky. It is made of FUCKING and LIMIT.
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Darth Fanboy
- DUH! WINNING!
- Posts: 11182
- Joined: 2002-09-20 05:25am
- Location: Mars, where I am a totally bitchin' rockstar.
In order to answer that question you would have to ask Ron Mexico, and since Ron Mexico is the master of disguise you will have a hard time finding him.Singular Quartet wrote:He only scammed them out of seventy dollars? What happened, did he take pity on the stupid twits, and decided not to steal from the retarded?
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-
Darth Fanboy
- DUH! WINNING!
- Posts: 11182
- Joined: 2002-09-20 05:25am
- Location: Mars, where I am a totally bitchin' rockstar.
A TREAT FOR LOYAL UPF FANS
UPF MAD LIB #1
(feel free to post your lists in the thread)
1-an alien race
2-a Star Trek planet
3-an insulting noun or derogatory title
4-the name of a board denizen
5-a disease or disease symptom
6-a number between one and five
7-the name of an idiot
8-a type of woman's undergarment
9-a type of pornography
10- a bodily orifice
11-a method of ingestion
12-a mind altering substance
13-name of a fruit or vegetable
14-a color
15-an exotic animal
16-a way of preparing eggs
17-your denizen name
18-a weapon from any time before the year 2005
19-a cool sounding technobabble word
20-a type of sex toy
21-an insanely large number
22-a vulgar word
I' give y'all a while before I post the mad lib itself. Those who send Stravo 1000+ pms requesting that UPF get stickyfied get a free UPF Decal and T shirt* and a free preview of the mad lib
*
decal and T shirt not availiable in the US, Canada, Australia, Europe or anywhere else, sending Stravo over 1000pms is a waste of time and encouraged only if you really have nothing better to do. UPF Industries assumes no liability for the flooding of an Admin's inbox.
UPF MAD LIB #1
(feel free to post your lists in the thread)
1-an alien race
2-a Star Trek planet
3-an insulting noun or derogatory title
4-the name of a board denizen
5-a disease or disease symptom
6-a number between one and five
7-the name of an idiot
8-a type of woman's undergarment
9-a type of pornography
10- a bodily orifice
11-a method of ingestion
12-a mind altering substance
13-name of a fruit or vegetable
14-a color
15-an exotic animal
16-a way of preparing eggs
17-your denizen name
18-a weapon from any time before the year 2005
19-a cool sounding technobabble word
20-a type of sex toy
21-an insanely large number
22-a vulgar word
I' give y'all a while before I post the mad lib itself. Those who send Stravo 1000+ pms requesting that UPF get stickyfied get a free UPF Decal and T shirt* and a free preview of the mad lib
*
decal and T shirt not availiable in the US, Canada, Australia, Europe or anywhere else, sending Stravo over 1000pms is a waste of time and encouraged only if you really have nothing better to do. UPF Industries assumes no liability for the flooding of an Admin's inbox.
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-
Singular Quartet
- Sith Marauder
- Posts: 3896
- Joined: 2002-07-04 05:33pm
- Location: This is sky. It is made of FUCKING and LIMIT.
Supermod, actually. Anyways....
1-Tyranoid
2-Risa
3-goatsucker
4-Cyran
5-gangrene
6-pi
7-Bruc Lee
8-thong
9-guro
10- ear
11-inhale
12-bananas
13-tobacco
14-urple
15-Prinnie
16-killing a few people
17-Singular Quartet
18-stabbing implement
19-quatuam-flux capacitance
20-Jackhammer Jesus
21-fifteen
22-fuck
1-Tyranoid
2-Risa
3-goatsucker
4-Cyran
5-gangrene
6-pi
7-Bruc Lee
8-thong
9-guro
10- ear
11-inhale
12-bananas
13-tobacco
14-urple
15-Prinnie
16-killing a few people
17-Singular Quartet
18-stabbing implement
19-quatuam-flux capacitance
20-Jackhammer Jesus
21-fifteen
22-fuck
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darthdavid
- Pathetic Attention Whore
- Posts: 5470
- Joined: 2003-02-17 12:04pm
- Location: Bat Country!
1-Xenomorph
2-Remus
3-Fucktard
4-Einhander Sn0m4n
5-Bubonic Plague
6- 1-65832-5 (you said between one and five
)
7-George W Bush
8-Crotchless Panties
9-Zoo Sex
10-Ear Canal
11-Injected/Injection (as may fit the words surrounding it)
12-Pot
13-Papaya
14-Mauve
15-Aardvark
16-Scrambled
17-darthdavid
18-B-58
19-quantum wave-form fluxuations
20-feel-doe
21-28542672
22-High School
2-Remus
3-Fucktard
4-Einhander Sn0m4n
5-Bubonic Plague
6- 1-65832-5 (you said between one and five
)7-George W Bush
8-Crotchless Panties
9-Zoo Sex
10-Ear Canal
11-Injected/Injection (as may fit the words surrounding it)
12-Pot
13-Papaya
14-Mauve
15-Aardvark
16-Scrambled
17-darthdavid
18-B-58
19-quantum wave-form fluxuations
20-feel-doe
21-28542672
22-High School
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Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi
- What Kind of Username is That?
- Posts: 9254
- Joined: 2002-07-10 08:53pm
- Location: Back in PA
1- Martian
2- Earth
3- Crack-smoking pigfucker
4- Lord Poe
5- Huge fucking warts on your genatalia
6- My age in years when I first tried sticking my dong in an electrical socket
7- DarkStar
8- Granny panties
9- Hentai
10- Rectum
11- Up the rectum
12- Paint thinner
13- Cucumber
14- Jaleel White
15- Cat
16- Over easy
17- Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi
18- Pointy stick
19- Quantum vibrator
20- Strap-on
21- Infinity times 4.63
22- Shit
2- Earth
3- Crack-smoking pigfucker
4- Lord Poe
5- Huge fucking warts on your genatalia
6- My age in years when I first tried sticking my dong in an electrical socket
7- DarkStar
8- Granny panties
9- Hentai
10- Rectum
11- Up the rectum
12- Paint thinner
13- Cucumber
14- Jaleel White
15- Cat
16- Over easy
17- Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi
18- Pointy stick
19- Quantum vibrator
20- Strap-on
21- Infinity times 4.63
22- Shit
BotM: Just another monkey|HAB
I think that's a very good idea. UPF should get stickied.Stravo wrote:At the request of the author(s) and my agreeing that the request has merit what do you, the fans, think of the option of Stickying this fic? And congrats on the new chapter Shep.
"On the infrequent occasions when I have been called upon in a formal place to play the bongo drums, the introducer never seems to find it necessary to mention that I also do theoretical physics." -Richard Feynman
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Ford Prefect
- Emperor's Hand
- Posts: 8254
- Joined: 2005-05-16 04:08am
- Location: The real number domain
After finally reading through this in its entire sickening goodness, I have learn't:
1. Sheppard, Falkenhorst and Fanboy are sick, sick bastards I never want to meet in person, but would give money to if I had the oppurtunity.
2. Don't fuck with Zaia.
3. If ever I decided to invade Star Trek, I will not stop to talk to anyone or discuss anything. I will instead destroy everything, everywhere.
4. This is one of the funniest things I have ever read.
5. Be careful of a) Feminists b) Einhander c) bricks
6. THIS HAS TO BE BE STICKIED! NOW!
1. Sheppard, Falkenhorst and Fanboy are sick, sick bastards I never want to meet in person, but would give money to if I had the oppurtunity.
2. Don't fuck with Zaia.
3. If ever I decided to invade Star Trek, I will not stop to talk to anyone or discuss anything. I will instead destroy everything, everywhere.
4. This is one of the funniest things I have ever read.
5. Be careful of a) Feminists b) Einhander c) bricks
6. THIS HAS TO BE BE STICKIED! NOW!
What is Project Zohar?
Here's to a certain mostly harmless nutcase.
Here's to a certain mostly harmless nutcase.
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The Spartan
- Sith Marauder
- Posts: 4406
- Joined: 2005-03-12 05:56pm
- Location: Houston
1-Wookiees
2-Vulcan
3-fuckhead
4-Stravo
5-Ebola
6-e
7-tanizaki
8-bra
9-amateur DP
10- nostril
11-swallowing
12-LSD
13-ackee
14-puce
15-duck-billed platypus
16-poach
17-The Spartan
18-Tommy Gun
19-Subspace Transmogrificator Unit
20-Fleshlight
21-googolplex (1 followed by a 10^100 zeros)
22-fuck
2-Vulcan
3-fuckhead
4-Stravo
5-Ebola
6-e
7-tanizaki
8-bra
9-amateur DP
10- nostril
11-swallowing
12-LSD
13-ackee
14-puce
15-duck-billed platypus
16-poach
17-The Spartan
18-Tommy Gun
19-Subspace Transmogrificator Unit
20-Fleshlight
21-googolplex (1 followed by a 10^100 zeros)
22-fuck
The Gentleman from Texas abstains. Discourteously.
PRFYNAFBTFC-Vice Admiral: MFS Masturbating Walrus :: Omine subtilite Odobenus rosmarus masturbari
Soy un perdedor.
"WHO POOPED IN A NORMAL ROOM?!"-Commander William T. Riker
Soy un perdedor.
"WHO POOPED IN A NORMAL ROOM?!"-Commander William T. Riker
-
Darth Fanboy
- DUH! WINNING!
- Posts: 11182
- Joined: 2002-09-20 05:25am
- Location: Mars, where I am a totally bitchin' rockstar.
And Here it is.......!
One day in the far reaches of space, Shep, Falk and Fanboy were trying to unload some _____(1) pornography on some unsuspecting consumers. In order to do that they had to get past customs in the _____(2) system. The screener at Customs, a bitter _____(3) by the name of _____(4) was being extra snoopy, he felt like being a real asshole because he was really suffering from _____(5) quite badly. In order to compensate for his _____ (6) inch penis he enjoy scrutinizing the baggage of incoming arrivals. But Sheppard had a foolproof plan, his luggage had a false bottom line with _____(7)ium, a metal so dense no scanner could detect what was truly there. The false bottom was then lined with _____(8)s until it was full. Falkenhorst had a different idea, and decided to shove an entire tube of _____(9) porn in his _____(10). Falkenhorst knew that thanks to modern lubricants, he could retreive the porn without pain. Fanboy however had _____(11) an entire bag of _____(12) and was royally fucked out of his _____(13). So while Sheppard an Falkenhorst passed customs easily, Fanboy was arrested after seeing several _____(14) _____(15)s running about the room trying to _____(16) a pan full of eggs.
Fanboy was arrested, but the trio of smut peddlers escpaed when _____(17) arrived with a _____(18) and easily defeated the Federation thanks to _____(19) radiation that interfered with all of the phasers generated by a small device no bigger than a _____(20). In the end UPF made _____(21) credits off of the illegal porno, but the experience in customs had taught them a valuable lesson they would never forget. Leave the _____(22)ing strung out idiot behind next time.
One day in the far reaches of space, Shep, Falk and Fanboy were trying to unload some _____(1) pornography on some unsuspecting consumers. In order to do that they had to get past customs in the _____(2) system. The screener at Customs, a bitter _____(3) by the name of _____(4) was being extra snoopy, he felt like being a real asshole because he was really suffering from _____(5) quite badly. In order to compensate for his _____ (6) inch penis he enjoy scrutinizing the baggage of incoming arrivals. But Sheppard had a foolproof plan, his luggage had a false bottom line with _____(7)ium, a metal so dense no scanner could detect what was truly there. The false bottom was then lined with _____(8)s until it was full. Falkenhorst had a different idea, and decided to shove an entire tube of _____(9) porn in his _____(10). Falkenhorst knew that thanks to modern lubricants, he could retreive the porn without pain. Fanboy however had _____(11) an entire bag of _____(12) and was royally fucked out of his _____(13). So while Sheppard an Falkenhorst passed customs easily, Fanboy was arrested after seeing several _____(14) _____(15)s running about the room trying to _____(16) a pan full of eggs.
Fanboy was arrested, but the trio of smut peddlers escpaed when _____(17) arrived with a _____(18) and easily defeated the Federation thanks to _____(19) radiation that interfered with all of the phasers generated by a small device no bigger than a _____(20). In the end UPF made _____(21) credits off of the illegal porno, but the experience in customs had taught them a valuable lesson they would never forget. Leave the _____(22)ing strung out idiot behind next time.
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-
MKSheppard
- Ruthless Genocidal Warmonger
- Posts: 29842
- Joined: 2002-07-06 06:34pm
ROFLOLOL
"If scientists and inventors who develop disease cures and useful technologies don't get lifetime royalties, I'd like to know what fucking rationale you have for some guy getting lifetime royalties for writing an episode of Full House." - Mike Wong
"The present air situation in the Pacific is entirely the result of fighting a fifth rate air power." - U.S. Navy Memo - 24 July 1944
"The present air situation in the Pacific is entirely the result of fighting a fifth rate air power." - U.S. Navy Memo - 24 July 1944
-
Ford Prefect
- Emperor's Hand
- Posts: 8254
- Joined: 2005-05-16 04:08am
- Location: The real number domain
-
Singular Quartet
- Sith Marauder
- Posts: 3896
- Joined: 2002-07-04 05:33pm
- Location: This is sky. It is made of FUCKING and LIMIT.
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LaCroix
- Sith Acolyte
- Posts: 5195
- Joined: 2004-12-21 12:14pm
- Location: Sopron District, Hungary, Europe, Terra
For me, this was the most puzzling discovery yet...Vin Diesel Wrote This Whole Chapter on a Grain of Rice While Blindfolded.
Vin Diesel can WRITE
I already knew about these other things.
Keep on writing guys!
A minute's thought suggests that the very idea of this is stupid. A more detailed examination raises the possibility that it might be an answer to the question "how could the Germans win the war after the US gets involved?" - Captain Seafort, in a thread proposing a 1942 'D-Day' in Quiberon Bay
I do archery skeet. With a Trebuchet.
I do archery skeet. With a Trebuchet.
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Ford Prefect
- Emperor's Hand
- Posts: 8254
- Joined: 2005-05-16 04:08am
- Location: The real number domain
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Darth Fanboy
- DUH! WINNING!
- Posts: 11182
- Joined: 2002-09-20 05:25am
- Location: Mars, where I am a totally bitchin' rockstar.
UPF XXXI: Fight Night, Part One: The Prelude
"Hello fight fans! We're live from the Air Canada Centre in Toronto for the second of SDNWF! Where the flamefests turn into slugfests, where the Moderators wear striped shirts, and where the board itself is the squared circle!"
"And sometimes a Steel Cage also Kuja don't forget that!"
"That's right Cyran! We've already had some incredible matches tonight that have the adrenaline in the crowd at insanely high levels! Let's go to Cyran with the highlight reels!"
"Our first match tonight was a special 'Hardcore' rules Dumpster Match featuring the Mad Russian Fgalkin versus the devout Priesto! Priesto had been bragging before the match that he would finally bring religion to the infamous Minion of Moscow but Fgalkin was not about to be converted. Priesto never even put up a fight and most of this match took place outside of the ring as Fgalkin used steel chairs, the ringside bell, a 2x4, and a rubber chicken before depositing Priesto into a city dumpster and slamming the lid for the win."
Highlights of the bout include several especially hard hits with foreign objects, and Fgalkin delivering his signature combination of moves, the "Hammer" uppercut followed by "The Sickle" high leg kick.
"The second match of the night was a drawn out display of technical skills as Frank Hipper squared off against Verilon for the GALE belt. Oddly enough despite two gay men being in the ring wearing tights the match was far from homoerotic as each man wanted nothing more than to claim the title for his own. Frank "The Tyrant" Hipper seemed to be in control for most of the match but crowd favorite Verilon made a startling comeback when he dodged a running clothesline by Hipper which caused Frank to exit the ring over the top rope. Verilon exited the ring and tossed Hipper into the steel stairs drawing blood but Verilon got cocky and waved to the crowd and Hipper used the moment's distraction to execute a swinging neckbreaker onto the concrete. Both men managed to climb back in the ring to avoid a count out and began grappling and trading punches."
Video highlights include several acrobatic moves by each fighter along with the crowd screaming wildyly.
"But then things went insane. Just as it seemed that Hipper was about to take the championship for himself, The Quake God Einhander Snoman jumped to ringside from the crowd and distracted the Tyrant, who defeated E Sno during the PPV last month in a Ladder match. Verilon saw an opening and drop kicked Hipper out cold! But just as Verilon went for the pin Einhander ran into the ring and used a steel chair to knock out Verilon before laying a few insurance chair shots on Hipper as well. The match was declared a no decision due to interference but Einhander left the ring with the GALE title belt! We'll find out more on that situation next week!
Video highlights of Einhander stealing the GALE title belt
"And in our most recent match, the Left Wing/Right Wing royal ruymble ended in a draw as all participating killed themselves after one of them used an illegal *I*nverted *V*etical *P*iledriver maneuver and things got out of hand. The crowd, mostly moderates and apathists, enjoyed it insanely."
Video highlights of wrestlers in red and blue shirts attempting to butcher each other over comepting ideology, much of it comical.
"Those were some amazing clips Cyran, but now we're getting into the most anticipated match of the night! Finally after months of showboating, trash talking and even some old fashioned named calling the two biggest names in the Star Wars versus Star Trek. Mike Wong a.k.a "Admiral Kanos" will take on the Darkstar Scooter Anderson for the WarsTrek belt in a "Suspension of Disbelief" match. The steel cage will be lowered for this match!"
Cut away to a video montage of Darkstar and Kanos posturing and addressing crowds. Many of Darkstar's accusations are met with boos and jeering from the crowds.
"But tonight's headliner matchup could very well top that one in terms of competitiveness and excitement. Stravo, teller of tale and author extraordinaire is considered one of the most exciting authors of fan fiction on the internet. Rob "Smash" Dalton has been a fan favorite since the dawn of the sport itself! Together, along with their manager Zaia the Golden Star Destroyers have held the tag team titles longer than any other team has ever managed. But last week on this program things got a little testy.
Flashback to last week:
(Stravo and Dalton walk out to the ring with their tag titles, Zaia, wearing a slinky long dress and a feather boa accompanies them carrying the pair of title belts. Upon reaching the ring, Stravo grabs the mic)
"You know I keep hearing each week in the back about how supposedly we're overrated, about how we aren't as good as we used to be. Well I ask all of you LOSERS in the back, if that's the case then how come WE still have the belts hmm?"
(Dalton grabs the mic)
"If there are any losers back there who think they can stand up to us we'd like to see them try, because the competition as of late has been getting rather pathetic. Anyone, any challengers at all, bring it on."
(UPF Theme Music begins playing. 'UPF...Fuck Yeah...Booze and Hookers...Fuck Yeah...' Sheppard and Fanboy with their manager Falkenhorst walk out each with microphones as the crowd begins cheering wildly. Stravo and Dalton look towards the ring apron in disgust. Fanboy raises a mic to his lips.)
"You know, _I_ keep hearing each week about how Stravo and Dalton have taken down every challenger. Yet they continue to dodge us each week! When was the last time you didn't wrestle a pair of jobbers who couldn't fanfic their way out of a paper bag. Its easy to look like champs when you take on Graham Kennedy and whatever unknown hack he takes out there with him."
(Fanboy hands Shep the mic as Dalton runs over to the ropes and starts pointing at Shep, cursing wildly as Stravo climsb the turnbuckles. Zaia looks almost disinterested as a thousand AYVs in the rafters fantasize about her.)
"Wassa matter? Little babies gonna cry? Oh we can't have that now. BEcause everyone on this forum, hell everyone on this board knows that UPF IS THE SHIT! (crowd goes nuts) And if you think we're just going to sit back and let you guys cream puff your way through each title defense then you got another thing coming. Next week UPF takes on the Golden Star Destroyers and it aint gonna be fucking pretty!"
(Falkenhorst says nothing and instead flips off the GSD team in the ring while thorwing UPF T shirts into the stands. Dalton does his best colombian necktie taunt, his usual sign for his signature move "The Daltonator." Stravo grabs his mic.)
"Your little abortion of a fanfic (tm) has gone on for too long. By this time next week UPF will be crushed and it's gonna go down in obscurity on your hard drives while we live on forever! Losers!"
(Fanboy, Falk, and Sheppard rush the ring as the camera fades out on last weeks episode.)
"Sure looks like a great pair of matches! We're going to a commercial break but when we return its the Lex Animata versus g2K! STAY TUNED...."
MOVIE TRAILER COMMERCIAL
Sparky the Porpoise: UPF HOUSE IS RUINING EVERYTHING! *huffs off to inform the Dean*
*The members of UPF house led by Fanboy flee the SOS:NBA sorority house as the coeds, armed by the Duchess of Zeon, open fire with automatic weapons after a failed panty raid.*
*Sheppard is seen standing alone on a raft made of empty beer kegs in the campus pond lying passed out*
*Falkenhorst removes the head off of his gorilla costume while spiking the punch at an SDU outdoor faculty function*
Dean Dalton: I'LL GET YOU YET UPF HOUSE!
The Unmamed Pevert Fraternity: Coming Soon to a Theater Near You!
"Hello fight fans! We're live from the Air Canada Centre in Toronto for the second of SDNWF! Where the flamefests turn into slugfests, where the Moderators wear striped shirts, and where the board itself is the squared circle!"
"And sometimes a Steel Cage also Kuja don't forget that!"
"That's right Cyran! We've already had some incredible matches tonight that have the adrenaline in the crowd at insanely high levels! Let's go to Cyran with the highlight reels!"
"Our first match tonight was a special 'Hardcore' rules Dumpster Match featuring the Mad Russian Fgalkin versus the devout Priesto! Priesto had been bragging before the match that he would finally bring religion to the infamous Minion of Moscow but Fgalkin was not about to be converted. Priesto never even put up a fight and most of this match took place outside of the ring as Fgalkin used steel chairs, the ringside bell, a 2x4, and a rubber chicken before depositing Priesto into a city dumpster and slamming the lid for the win."
Highlights of the bout include several especially hard hits with foreign objects, and Fgalkin delivering his signature combination of moves, the "Hammer" uppercut followed by "The Sickle" high leg kick.
"The second match of the night was a drawn out display of technical skills as Frank Hipper squared off against Verilon for the GALE belt. Oddly enough despite two gay men being in the ring wearing tights the match was far from homoerotic as each man wanted nothing more than to claim the title for his own. Frank "The Tyrant" Hipper seemed to be in control for most of the match but crowd favorite Verilon made a startling comeback when he dodged a running clothesline by Hipper which caused Frank to exit the ring over the top rope. Verilon exited the ring and tossed Hipper into the steel stairs drawing blood but Verilon got cocky and waved to the crowd and Hipper used the moment's distraction to execute a swinging neckbreaker onto the concrete. Both men managed to climb back in the ring to avoid a count out and began grappling and trading punches."
Video highlights include several acrobatic moves by each fighter along with the crowd screaming wildyly.
"But then things went insane. Just as it seemed that Hipper was about to take the championship for himself, The Quake God Einhander Snoman jumped to ringside from the crowd and distracted the Tyrant, who defeated E Sno during the PPV last month in a Ladder match. Verilon saw an opening and drop kicked Hipper out cold! But just as Verilon went for the pin Einhander ran into the ring and used a steel chair to knock out Verilon before laying a few insurance chair shots on Hipper as well. The match was declared a no decision due to interference but Einhander left the ring with the GALE title belt! We'll find out more on that situation next week!
Video highlights of Einhander stealing the GALE title belt
"And in our most recent match, the Left Wing/Right Wing royal ruymble ended in a draw as all participating killed themselves after one of them used an illegal *I*nverted *V*etical *P*iledriver maneuver and things got out of hand. The crowd, mostly moderates and apathists, enjoyed it insanely."
Video highlights of wrestlers in red and blue shirts attempting to butcher each other over comepting ideology, much of it comical.
"Those were some amazing clips Cyran, but now we're getting into the most anticipated match of the night! Finally after months of showboating, trash talking and even some old fashioned named calling the two biggest names in the Star Wars versus Star Trek. Mike Wong a.k.a "Admiral Kanos" will take on the Darkstar Scooter Anderson for the WarsTrek belt in a "Suspension of Disbelief" match. The steel cage will be lowered for this match!"
Cut away to a video montage of Darkstar and Kanos posturing and addressing crowds. Many of Darkstar's accusations are met with boos and jeering from the crowds.
"But tonight's headliner matchup could very well top that one in terms of competitiveness and excitement. Stravo, teller of tale and author extraordinaire is considered one of the most exciting authors of fan fiction on the internet. Rob "Smash" Dalton has been a fan favorite since the dawn of the sport itself! Together, along with their manager Zaia the Golden Star Destroyers have held the tag team titles longer than any other team has ever managed. But last week on this program things got a little testy.
Flashback to last week:
(Stravo and Dalton walk out to the ring with their tag titles, Zaia, wearing a slinky long dress and a feather boa accompanies them carrying the pair of title belts. Upon reaching the ring, Stravo grabs the mic)
"You know I keep hearing each week in the back about how supposedly we're overrated, about how we aren't as good as we used to be. Well I ask all of you LOSERS in the back, if that's the case then how come WE still have the belts hmm?"
(Dalton grabs the mic)
"If there are any losers back there who think they can stand up to us we'd like to see them try, because the competition as of late has been getting rather pathetic. Anyone, any challengers at all, bring it on."
(UPF Theme Music begins playing. 'UPF...Fuck Yeah...Booze and Hookers...Fuck Yeah...' Sheppard and Fanboy with their manager Falkenhorst walk out each with microphones as the crowd begins cheering wildly. Stravo and Dalton look towards the ring apron in disgust. Fanboy raises a mic to his lips.)
"You know, _I_ keep hearing each week about how Stravo and Dalton have taken down every challenger. Yet they continue to dodge us each week! When was the last time you didn't wrestle a pair of jobbers who couldn't fanfic their way out of a paper bag. Its easy to look like champs when you take on Graham Kennedy and whatever unknown hack he takes out there with him."
(Fanboy hands Shep the mic as Dalton runs over to the ropes and starts pointing at Shep, cursing wildly as Stravo climsb the turnbuckles. Zaia looks almost disinterested as a thousand AYVs in the rafters fantasize about her.)
"Wassa matter? Little babies gonna cry? Oh we can't have that now. BEcause everyone on this forum, hell everyone on this board knows that UPF IS THE SHIT! (crowd goes nuts) And if you think we're just going to sit back and let you guys cream puff your way through each title defense then you got another thing coming. Next week UPF takes on the Golden Star Destroyers and it aint gonna be fucking pretty!"
(Falkenhorst says nothing and instead flips off the GSD team in the ring while thorwing UPF T shirts into the stands. Dalton does his best colombian necktie taunt, his usual sign for his signature move "The Daltonator." Stravo grabs his mic.)
"Your little abortion of a fanfic (tm) has gone on for too long. By this time next week UPF will be crushed and it's gonna go down in obscurity on your hard drives while we live on forever! Losers!"
(Fanboy, Falk, and Sheppard rush the ring as the camera fades out on last weeks episode.)
"Sure looks like a great pair of matches! We're going to a commercial break but when we return its the Lex Animata versus g2K! STAY TUNED...."
MOVIE TRAILER COMMERCIAL
Sparky the Porpoise: UPF HOUSE IS RUINING EVERYTHING! *huffs off to inform the Dean*
*The members of UPF house led by Fanboy flee the SOS:NBA sorority house as the coeds, armed by the Duchess of Zeon, open fire with automatic weapons after a failed panty raid.*
*Sheppard is seen standing alone on a raft made of empty beer kegs in the campus pond lying passed out*
*Falkenhorst removes the head off of his gorilla costume while spiking the punch at an SDU outdoor faculty function*
Dean Dalton: I'LL GET YOU YET UPF HOUSE!
The Unmamed Pevert Fraternity: Coming Soon to a Theater Near You!
Last edited by Darth Fanboy on 2005-07-25 02:29am, edited 1 time in total.
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-
Darth Fanboy
- DUH! WINNING!
- Posts: 11182
- Joined: 2002-09-20 05:25am
- Location: Mars, where I am a totally bitchin' rockstar.
So UPF 31 is up. The brand expands. How many chapters will it take to get a sticky? I got something sticky...in my pants! When will the short sentences stop? Is that even a valid question? Was that even a valid question? Or that question for that matter?
STAY TUNED FOR MORE UPF!
UPF...Fuck Yeah!
Booze and Hookers...Fuck Yeah!
Killing Gnomes...Fuck Yeah!
Felching...Fuck No!
STAY TUNED FOR MORE UPF!
UPF...Fuck Yeah!
Booze and Hookers...Fuck Yeah!
Killing Gnomes...Fuck Yeah!
Felching...Fuck No!
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-
Ford Prefect
- Emperor's Hand
- Posts: 8254
- Joined: 2005-05-16 04:08am
- Location: The real number domain
-
Singular Quartet
- Sith Marauder
- Posts: 3896
- Joined: 2002-07-04 05:33pm
- Location: This is sky. It is made of FUCKING and LIMIT.
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Mr. Coffee
- is an asshole.
- Posts: 3258
- Joined: 2005-02-26 07:45am
- Location: And banging your mom is half the battle... G.I. Joe!
Fanboy.... You are truely a sick mother fucker...
But I respect that in an author. My hat's off you and the rest of the UFP squad. This shit rocks hard...
U.F.P. FUCK YEAH!
But I respect that in an author. My hat's off you and the rest of the UFP squad. This shit rocks hard...
U.F.P. FUCK YEAH!
I never would have thought I would wholeheartedly agree with Coffee... - fgalkin x2
Honestly, this board is so fucking stupid at times. - Thanas
GALE ForceCarwash: Oh, I'll wax that shit, bitch...
