What do ya know. I finally got in one of these.Kuja wrote:MARK: Is this the part where we turn the other cheek?
Zaia's Babysitting Adventure!
Moderator: LadyTevar
-
Darth Fanboy
- DUH! WINNING!
- Posts: 11182
- Joined: 2002-09-20 05:25am
- Location: Mars, where I am a totally bitchin' rockstar.
You finish more Manifest Desitny and i'll star you in a few UPF chapters.Mark S wrote:What do ya know. I finally got in one of these.Kuja wrote:MARK: Is this the part where we turn the other cheek?
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-
Dalton
- For Those About to Rock We Salute You
- Posts: 22637
- Joined: 2002-07-03 06:16pm
- Location: New York, the Fuck You State
- Contact:
I'm half expecting myself to show up.
Meanwhile, at MSNBC...
DALTON: NO, the fucking map is NOT DONE YET!!!
Meanwhile, at MSNBC...
DALTON: NO, the fucking map is NOT DONE YET!!!
To Absent Friends
"y = mx + bro" - Surlethe
"You try THAT shit again, kid, and I will mod you. I will
mod you so hard, you'll wish I were Dalton." - Lagmonster
May the way of the Hero lead to the Triforce.
-
Darth Fanboy
- DUH! WINNING!
- Posts: 11182
- Joined: 2002-09-20 05:25am
- Location: Mars, where I am a totally bitchin' rockstar.
I gave Kuja a Dalton-idea.....
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-
Singular Quartet
- Sith Marauder
- Posts: 3896
- Joined: 2002-07-04 05:33pm
- Location: This is sky. It is made of FUCKING and LIMIT.
Oh, you wish. Godzilla works against everything. Godzilla may be powered by radioactivity, but he's faught ancient gods of really weird polynesians, been in prophecies, and has been the wraith of the dead of World War II.Tiger Ace wrote:Nice, and oh so true. Jesus would so kick Godzillas ass, Godzilla only works on modern technology
That's just your ego talking.Mark S wrote:What do ya know. I finally got in one of these.
-
Crazedwraith
- Emperor's Hand
- Posts: 11937
- Joined: 2003-04-10 03:45pm
- Location: Cheshire, England
Darth Fanboy wrote:You finish more Manifest Desitny and i'll star you in a few UPF chapters.Mark S wrote:What do ya know. I finally got in one of these.Kuja wrote:MARK: Is this the part where we turn the other cheek?
I thought the idea was to encourage him to write not to make him burn down all copies of his work in horror.
PART 12: Trouble in Paradise
*OPEN UP over a vast expanse of water, the camera rushing towards an island. The beach is dotted with hotels and other buildings. As the camera continues to close in, a large amount of vacationing people can be seen on and around the beach. The camera pans down and slows as it comes in over a pair of figures lying on a beach towel. KUJA has his arm around MOTHRA-TAN as he looks up at the sky. She is asleep*
KUJA: *to himself* What a place for a getaway.
*a nearby cell phone begins beeping. KUJA is visibly annoyed*
KUJA: I should have left that little circuit devil at home.
*he delicately slips away and goes to pick up the phone*
KUJA: Hello?
ZAIA: KUJAAAAAAAAAAA!
*he drops the phone and clutches his ear in pain*
KUJA: OW! OWWWWWW!
*blood begins running from his ear. ZAIA'S scream continues over the phone as it suddenly begins frying and sizzling, finally melting into a puddle on the sand*
KUJA: Oh man...this cannot mean anything good.
*he runs up the beach towards the nearest hotel, entering the lobby and pushing his way to the front desk*
KUJA: I need an industrial-strength phone booth. Here. Now.
DESK GUY: Buh?
KUJA: Don't stand there gawking! Do it!
*the desk clerk picks up the phone and begins chattering rapidly. Minutes later, a very large iron phone booth is wheeled into the lobby and bolted to the wall by a pair of workers. KUJA steps inside, stuffs a large wad of cotton into his good ear, takes a deep breath, then finally picks up the phone and dials*
KUJA: Zaia?
ZAIA: YOU!
*KUJA winces as the booth vibrates*
KUJA: What seems to be the problem?
ZAIA: You didn't tell me that daughter of yours was going through a biting phase!
*KUJA blinks*
KUJA: she's not, the last I checked.
CYRAN: *from background* Is that Kuja? Give phone now!
ZAIA: Stop speaking like a caveman!
CYRAN: Me talk English good! Give phone!
KUJA: Uh...
CYRAN: KUJA, TELL ME HOW TO GET THIS CRAZY BABY CATERPILLAR OF YOURS OFF OF MY ARM!
KUJA: *frosty* What did you do?
CYRAN: Nothing! *a crunching sound* AAAAHHHH, THE CRUSHING JAWS THEY BURN!
KUJA: *calmly* Put my daughter on, please.
*a moment*
ALETIA: *muffled* Chi?
KUJA: Sweetheart, I'm sure whatever you're doing to Cyran, he deserves it. Crunch him again.
*a crunching sound followed by another howl*
KUJA: Okay sweetie, that's enough. Be a good girl and let go now, alright?
ALETIA: Chi!
CYRAN: *background* Oh thank god!
KUJA: Now you have fun and no more fighting, alright?
ALETIA: Chi!
KUJA: That's my girl. Put Zaia on again, will you?
ZAIA: Kuja?
KUJA: Problem solved?
ZAIA: I am going to get you for this. You know that, right?
KUJA: Yes, I know. I'll be by later to pick up Aletia. Maybe we can pick a date then.
ZAIA: Why are you so calm?
KUJA: Probably because I'm so used to your beatings that they're just another part of my routine.
*CLICK*
KUJA: Ow, power hang-up. Didn't see that one coming.
*he sets the phone on the cradle and steps out to find a man with a form waiting for him*
MAN: This is for using the booth sir, please sign here, here, here, here, here, and here.
KUJA: But, uh, there are only four spots for my name. Why do I need to sign these blank pages?
MAN: Oh, those two are for my kids.
KUJA: Buh?
MAN: Well, just imagine how excited they'll be when I come home and tell them I met the real Sephiroth!
*CUT TO the beach as MOTHRA-TAN sits up on her blanket and stretches luxuriously. She notices KUJA'S liquefied cell phone and has just enough time to blink before a blue beam of energy comes blasting out of the hotel, scattering smoke and debris. Screams follow as MOTHRA-TAN bolts to her feet and looks horrified. KUJA comes striding out of the dust cloud looking grim*
KUJA: Come on, I hear Spain is lovely this time of day.
*they depart by flying out over the water as the hotel begins to collapse behind them*
*OPEN UP over a vast expanse of water, the camera rushing towards an island. The beach is dotted with hotels and other buildings. As the camera continues to close in, a large amount of vacationing people can be seen on and around the beach. The camera pans down and slows as it comes in over a pair of figures lying on a beach towel. KUJA has his arm around MOTHRA-TAN as he looks up at the sky. She is asleep*
KUJA: *to himself* What a place for a getaway.
*a nearby cell phone begins beeping. KUJA is visibly annoyed*
KUJA: I should have left that little circuit devil at home.
*he delicately slips away and goes to pick up the phone*
KUJA: Hello?
ZAIA: KUJAAAAAAAAAAA!
*he drops the phone and clutches his ear in pain*
KUJA: OW! OWWWWWW!
*blood begins running from his ear. ZAIA'S scream continues over the phone as it suddenly begins frying and sizzling, finally melting into a puddle on the sand*
KUJA: Oh man...this cannot mean anything good.
*he runs up the beach towards the nearest hotel, entering the lobby and pushing his way to the front desk*
KUJA: I need an industrial-strength phone booth. Here. Now.
DESK GUY: Buh?
KUJA: Don't stand there gawking! Do it!
*the desk clerk picks up the phone and begins chattering rapidly. Minutes later, a very large iron phone booth is wheeled into the lobby and bolted to the wall by a pair of workers. KUJA steps inside, stuffs a large wad of cotton into his good ear, takes a deep breath, then finally picks up the phone and dials*
KUJA: Zaia?
ZAIA: YOU!
*KUJA winces as the booth vibrates*
KUJA: What seems to be the problem?
ZAIA: You didn't tell me that daughter of yours was going through a biting phase!
*KUJA blinks*
KUJA: she's not, the last I checked.
CYRAN: *from background* Is that Kuja? Give phone now!
ZAIA: Stop speaking like a caveman!
CYRAN: Me talk English good! Give phone!
KUJA: Uh...
CYRAN: KUJA, TELL ME HOW TO GET THIS CRAZY BABY CATERPILLAR OF YOURS OFF OF MY ARM!
KUJA: *frosty* What did you do?
CYRAN: Nothing! *a crunching sound* AAAAHHHH, THE CRUSHING JAWS THEY BURN!
KUJA: *calmly* Put my daughter on, please.
*a moment*
ALETIA: *muffled* Chi?
KUJA: Sweetheart, I'm sure whatever you're doing to Cyran, he deserves it. Crunch him again.
*a crunching sound followed by another howl*
KUJA: Okay sweetie, that's enough. Be a good girl and let go now, alright?
ALETIA: Chi!
CYRAN: *background* Oh thank god!
KUJA: Now you have fun and no more fighting, alright?
ALETIA: Chi!
KUJA: That's my girl. Put Zaia on again, will you?
ZAIA: Kuja?
KUJA: Problem solved?
ZAIA: I am going to get you for this. You know that, right?
KUJA: Yes, I know. I'll be by later to pick up Aletia. Maybe we can pick a date then.
ZAIA: Why are you so calm?
KUJA: Probably because I'm so used to your beatings that they're just another part of my routine.
*CLICK*
KUJA: Ow, power hang-up. Didn't see that one coming.
*he sets the phone on the cradle and steps out to find a man with a form waiting for him*
MAN: This is for using the booth sir, please sign here, here, here, here, here, and here.
KUJA: But, uh, there are only four spots for my name. Why do I need to sign these blank pages?
MAN: Oh, those two are for my kids.
KUJA: Buh?
MAN: Well, just imagine how excited they'll be when I come home and tell them I met the real Sephiroth!
*CUT TO the beach as MOTHRA-TAN sits up on her blanket and stretches luxuriously. She notices KUJA'S liquefied cell phone and has just enough time to blink before a blue beam of energy comes blasting out of the hotel, scattering smoke and debris. Screams follow as MOTHRA-TAN bolts to her feet and looks horrified. KUJA comes striding out of the dust cloud looking grim*
KUJA: Come on, I hear Spain is lovely this time of day.
*they depart by flying out over the water as the hotel begins to collapse behind them*
JADAFETWA
-
Singular Quartet
- Sith Marauder
- Posts: 3896
- Joined: 2002-07-04 05:33pm
- Location: This is sky. It is made of FUCKING and LIMIT.
-
Ford Prefect
- Emperor's Hand
- Posts: 8254
- Joined: 2005-05-16 04:08am
- Location: The real number domain
Why'd you make her let go of Cyran! he deserved it!!! after all he started it!*sulk* HURRAH FOR TA LOVERLY Z!!!
the longer i wait,the more i forget.the more i forget, the longer the list of desires grows. for that which is wanted is forbidden. and we all know that forbidden fruit is often the sweetest.Don'tcha wish your g/f was a witch like me?~*~AYVBABTU
When do I meet the man of my dreams, give all the children back, win the lottery and learn that I'm barren? 
"On the infrequent occasions when I have been called upon in a formal place to play the bongo drums, the introducer never seems to find it necessary to mention that I also do theoretical physics." -Richard Feynman
-
Typhonis 1
- Rabid Monkey Scientist
- Posts: 5791
- Joined: 2002-07-06 12:07am
- Location: deep within a secret cloning lab hidden in the brotherhood of the monkey thread
-
Darth Yoshi
- Metroid
- Posts: 7342
- Joined: 2002-07-04 10:00pm
- Location: Seattle
- Contact:
Only until the next installment. In which case he says something else that's really stupid.Ford Prefect wrote:Crazy. Sheer crazy. At least Cyran won't be in considerable pain any more.
Lore Monkey | the Pichu-master™
Secularism—since AD 80
Av: Elika; Prince of Persia
-
Singular Quartet
- Sith Marauder
- Posts: 3896
- Joined: 2002-07-04 05:33pm
- Location: This is sky. It is made of FUCKING and LIMIT.
PART 13: All Clogged Up and Nowhere to Go
*CYRAN drums his fingers on his leg and looks out the car window. As a miracle of writing (more like the author being fucking lazy) his arm is completely healed*
NANAHI: So how long until we get back?
ZAIA: A few more minutes.
LINDAR: Yay!
CYRAN: *sighs*
*a soft burbling sound causes CYRAN to freeze*
CYRAN: Uh, how long was that again?
ZAIA: I said a couple of minutes.
*another burbling sound, louder this time*
CYRAN: Uh, you wouldn't happen to have any Tums or anything, would you?
ZAIA: No, not in the car. Why?
CYRAN: No reason.
*he suddenly sits up straight and goes rigid*
NANAHI: Cyran, are you ok?
CYRAN: *tersely* Yes. Fine.
NANAHI: You look tense.
CYRAN: Fine.
BRAINCHILD: You appear to be in a moderate amount of pain and your voice indicates that you are not being entirely truthful, Cyran. Please dispense with the façade and inform us-
*a soft fart*
CYRAN: OH GOD I NEED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM ZAIA STEP ON THE GAS HURRY PLEASE!
*the car swerves*
ZAIA: Cyran! Don't scream like that!
*CYRAN begins sucking air*
CYRAN: Oh god I can't hold it go car go please drive fast-
ZAIA: Did that meatball sub give you gas, Cyran?
CYRAN: Oh god I can't believe I forgot about it please forgive me just drive please drive.
*ZAIA shakes her head and steps on the gas. The car lurches as it accelerates and Cyran seems to lurch with it*
CYRAN: Not gonna make it not gonna make it not gonna make it-
LINDAR: Just squeeze your cheeks!
*another soft fart*
CYRAN: WOMAN YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT KIND OF FORCES ARE AT PLAY HERE I COULD KILL GOD WITH WHAT'S BUILDING UP RIGHT NOW SO QUIET!
LINDAR: Aletia! Bite him again!
*CYRAN glares at ALETIA as she rears back*
CYRAN: Don't you dare break my concentration. You're sitting next to me. You'll be the first to suffer the consequences.
*ALETIA does the smart thing and settles back. CYRAN begins bouncing in his seat*
CYRAN: Can't hold it...
ZAIA: Hold it! We're almost there!
*CYRAN clutches his stomach*
CYRAN: Everyone, say your goodbyes.
*CHIBIZILLA sucks in a huge breath and squeezes his eyes shut*
ZAIA: Just hold it a little longer and-
CYRAN: TOO LATE! GAME OVER, MAN!
*he doubles over and releases a tremendous FART that instantly fills the car with noxious yellow-green fumes and sends the group into instant chaos*
NANAHI: I CAN'T BREATHE!
LINDAR: I'M GONNA HURL!
ALETIA: CHIIIIIIII!
BRAINCHILD: MY EYE! IT BURNS MY EEEEEYYYYYYEEEE!
ZAIA: GET THE WINDOWS! I CAN'T SEE!
*CUT TO the exterior of the car, which is now swerving wildly, cutting across multiple lanes of traffic and back again. The windows begin to roll down, releasing steams of the pukish gas as the car continues down the street. In its wake, trees instantly whither and die while grass rots away and flowers drop their petals. An OLD LADY working in her garden keels over and die of a heart attack. Finally, the car pulls into the driveway and everyone instantly piles and begins gasping, Even BRAINCHILD, who got out by latching onto ZAIA'S bum. The only exceptions are CHIBIZILLA, who calmly exits the car and exhales, and CYRAN, who slowly drags himself from the back seat by his hands*
CHIBIZILLA: Rooonk?
CYRAN: Zilla...I can't feel my butt!
NANAHI: Cyran...it ain't there!
*camera pans to reveal that everything below CYRAN'S waste is nothing more than a ragged memory*
CYRAN: Oh god...I'm gonna die...and without my butt!
ZAIA: Speaking of butts-
*she grabs BRANCHILD'S jar and pulls him off*
ZAIA: Stay off of mine!
CHIBIZILLA: Arrrooonnnkkk!
*he gestures at the car. Camera pans to reveal a massive hole blown in the back seat*
ZAIA: How the heck am I going to pay for that?!
CYRAN: I'm sorry Zaia...I'll try to wire you some money...from the other side.
*CHIBIZILLA pulls out his book and flips through the pages, finally stopping at one*
CHIBIZILLA: PH'NGLUI MGLUI'NATH R'LYEH UIGAH-NAGL FHTAGN!
*he turns to spit blood as tendrils suddenly sprout from the ruins of CYRAN'S robe, growing to form a trio of large scaly, clawed reptile legs, one of which bends backwards. As CYRAN stands, his robe shimmers and stops being ragged*
CYAN: Wow. I'm a tripod. *he blinks* And I have a new butt. *he examines his new limbs* This is gonna take some getting used to.
*CYRAN drums his fingers on his leg and looks out the car window. As a miracle of writing (more like the author being fucking lazy) his arm is completely healed*
NANAHI: So how long until we get back?
ZAIA: A few more minutes.
LINDAR: Yay!
CYRAN: *sighs*
*a soft burbling sound causes CYRAN to freeze*
CYRAN: Uh, how long was that again?
ZAIA: I said a couple of minutes.
*another burbling sound, louder this time*
CYRAN: Uh, you wouldn't happen to have any Tums or anything, would you?
ZAIA: No, not in the car. Why?
CYRAN: No reason.
*he suddenly sits up straight and goes rigid*
NANAHI: Cyran, are you ok?
CYRAN: *tersely* Yes. Fine.
NANAHI: You look tense.
CYRAN: Fine.
BRAINCHILD: You appear to be in a moderate amount of pain and your voice indicates that you are not being entirely truthful, Cyran. Please dispense with the façade and inform us-
*a soft fart*
CYRAN: OH GOD I NEED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM ZAIA STEP ON THE GAS HURRY PLEASE!
*the car swerves*
ZAIA: Cyran! Don't scream like that!
*CYRAN begins sucking air*
CYRAN: Oh god I can't hold it go car go please drive fast-
ZAIA: Did that meatball sub give you gas, Cyran?
CYRAN: Oh god I can't believe I forgot about it please forgive me just drive please drive.
*ZAIA shakes her head and steps on the gas. The car lurches as it accelerates and Cyran seems to lurch with it*
CYRAN: Not gonna make it not gonna make it not gonna make it-
LINDAR: Just squeeze your cheeks!
*another soft fart*
CYRAN: WOMAN YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT KIND OF FORCES ARE AT PLAY HERE I COULD KILL GOD WITH WHAT'S BUILDING UP RIGHT NOW SO QUIET!
LINDAR: Aletia! Bite him again!
*CYRAN glares at ALETIA as she rears back*
CYRAN: Don't you dare break my concentration. You're sitting next to me. You'll be the first to suffer the consequences.
*ALETIA does the smart thing and settles back. CYRAN begins bouncing in his seat*
CYRAN: Can't hold it...
ZAIA: Hold it! We're almost there!
*CYRAN clutches his stomach*
CYRAN: Everyone, say your goodbyes.
*CHIBIZILLA sucks in a huge breath and squeezes his eyes shut*
ZAIA: Just hold it a little longer and-
CYRAN: TOO LATE! GAME OVER, MAN!
*he doubles over and releases a tremendous FART that instantly fills the car with noxious yellow-green fumes and sends the group into instant chaos*
NANAHI: I CAN'T BREATHE!
LINDAR: I'M GONNA HURL!
ALETIA: CHIIIIIIII!
BRAINCHILD: MY EYE! IT BURNS MY EEEEEYYYYYYEEEE!
ZAIA: GET THE WINDOWS! I CAN'T SEE!
*CUT TO the exterior of the car, which is now swerving wildly, cutting across multiple lanes of traffic and back again. The windows begin to roll down, releasing steams of the pukish gas as the car continues down the street. In its wake, trees instantly whither and die while grass rots away and flowers drop their petals. An OLD LADY working in her garden keels over and die of a heart attack. Finally, the car pulls into the driveway and everyone instantly piles and begins gasping, Even BRAINCHILD, who got out by latching onto ZAIA'S bum. The only exceptions are CHIBIZILLA, who calmly exits the car and exhales, and CYRAN, who slowly drags himself from the back seat by his hands*
CHIBIZILLA: Rooonk?
CYRAN: Zilla...I can't feel my butt!
NANAHI: Cyran...it ain't there!
*camera pans to reveal that everything below CYRAN'S waste is nothing more than a ragged memory*
CYRAN: Oh god...I'm gonna die...and without my butt!
ZAIA: Speaking of butts-
*she grabs BRANCHILD'S jar and pulls him off*
ZAIA: Stay off of mine!
CHIBIZILLA: Arrrooonnnkkk!
*he gestures at the car. Camera pans to reveal a massive hole blown in the back seat*
ZAIA: How the heck am I going to pay for that?!
CYRAN: I'm sorry Zaia...I'll try to wire you some money...from the other side.
*CHIBIZILLA pulls out his book and flips through the pages, finally stopping at one*
CHIBIZILLA: PH'NGLUI MGLUI'NATH R'LYEH UIGAH-NAGL FHTAGN!
*he turns to spit blood as tendrils suddenly sprout from the ruins of CYRAN'S robe, growing to form a trio of large scaly, clawed reptile legs, one of which bends backwards. As CYRAN stands, his robe shimmers and stops being ragged*
CYAN: Wow. I'm a tripod. *he blinks* And I have a new butt. *he examines his new limbs* This is gonna take some getting used to.
JADAFETWA
-
Ford Prefect
- Emperor's Hand
- Posts: 8254
- Joined: 2005-05-16 04:08am
- Location: The real number domain
-
Darth Yoshi
- Metroid
- Posts: 7342
- Joined: 2002-07-04 10:00pm
- Location: Seattle
- Contact:
So, Cyran is now a Lovecraftian entity?
*shrugs*I've seen weirder things.
*shrugs*I've seen weirder things.
Lore Monkey | the Pichu-master™
Secularism—since AD 80
Av: Elika; Prince of Persia
-
The Yosemite Bear
- Mostly Harmless Nutcase (Requiescat in Pace)
- Posts: 35211
- Joined: 2002-07-21 02:38am
- Location: Dave's Not Here Man
-
darthdavid
- Pathetic Attention Whore
- Posts: 5470
- Joined: 2003-02-17 12:04pm
- Location: Bat Country!