Whats the best way to get over Shyness???(Help!!)

THEHOOLIGANJEDI · Post by **THEHOOLIGANJEDI** » 2002-11-26 04:29pm

I'm extremely shy when it comes to approaching the ladies. Which is a shock to most people I know, because I constantly hear from either my mom, relatives, friends etc. How I am a good looking guy and I get lot's of positive reinforcement from people about that (and have been since I was little esp. from complete strangers). Whenever I see a girl I find attractive or when I get the vibe that a girl finds me appealing or if a girl approaches me, I freeze, My mind goes totally blank, my shyness kicks in, and I speak in two word sentences. I would say normally I am a talkative person who has a good personality and I'm funny (or try to be). How can I get over my shyness with the Ladies.

Post by **Mr Bean** » 2002-11-26 04:31pm

Strip naked and run down the Main ST of your town

If you can't manage that you'll never be succesful with women

Tosho · Post by **Tosho** » 2002-11-26 04:37pm

Grit your teeth and just talk. I know what your dealing with, I've been known to be extremly shy around some people myself.

Post by **Lagmonster** » 2002-11-26 04:45pm

DOn't grit your teeth when you talk.

Okay, look. Part of what Bean said is right, except for the blatant violation of law and probability that you'll freeze your member down to the point where ladies won't be interested as much in you, if you take my meaning.

As for your shyness, I always found that I was a shy lad, but that there were always girls I knew who I had no trouble talking with, because I didn't think of them in 'that way', or we were working or studying together, with no nervous sexual energy hampering my brain.

Talk to some of the girls you know. Chances are that the ones who are your friends and you talk to every day are also willing to flirt back, at least a little. Practice on them. If you don't KNOW any girls who you talk to every day in a non-I'm-approaching-you-for-a-date way, then you should probably try public speaking. Get involved with something that means you end up in front of crowds. You'll find that helps.

In the short term, though, just make use of what you have. Ask questions and listen a lot. Asking questions shows your interest, and you get to learn what the girl likes and, therefore, what you might have of interest to talk about. And questions can be in the form of five-word sentences, which might suit your brain slightly in said scenarios, what?

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2002-11-26 05:04pm

THEHOOLIGANJEDI wrote:I'm extremely shy when it comes to approaching the ladies. Which is a shock to most people I know, because I constantly hear from either my mom, relatives, friends etc. How I am a good looking guy and I get lot's of positive reinforcement from people about that (and have been since I was little esp. from complete strangers). Whenever I see a girl I find attractive or when I get the vibe that a girl finds me appealing or if a girl approaches me, I freeze, My mind goes totally blank, my shyness kicks in, and I speak in two word sentences. I would say normally I am a talkative person who has a good personality and I'm funny (or try to be). How can I get over my shyness with the Ladies.

Nothing speaks to women like confidence. my friend. Practice your smile in the mirror every so often and every morning when you wake up, look in the mirror and tell yourself, "I'm a damn good-looking guy," if that's the case.

Seriously, though, you need to build your self-confidence. Do you have any friends who are girls? Just talk to them regularly. If no, get some. Offer to help one study or something. Whatever. Get the feel for how girls work.

If all else fails, and you find yourself in a situation where you get the vibe that a girl likes you, just start telling her about yourself. After a bit of rambling, punctuate with, "But enough about me, I want to hear about you." You'll end up striking up a conversation before you know it.

GrandMasterTerwynn · Post by **GrandMasterTerwynn** » 2002-11-26 05:08pm

THEHOOLIGANJEDI wrote:I'm extremely shy when it comes to approaching the ladies. Which is a shock to most people I know, because I constantly hear from either my mom, relatives, friends etc. How I am a good looking guy and I get lot's of positive reinforcement from people about that (and have been since I was little esp. from complete strangers). Whenever I see a girl I find attractive or when I get the vibe that a girl finds me appealing or if a girl approaches me, I freeze, My mind goes totally blank, my shyness kicks in, and I speak in two word sentences. I would say normally I am a talkative person who has a good personality and I'm funny (or try to be). How can I get over my shyness with the Ladies.

Well, the only way to overcome shyness is repeated practice. There are no 'magic bullet' solutions. And it would probably help if you discarded the whole "Oooh, look, she's a chick! She's hot! I think she likes me!" thought straightaway. That only kicks off that negative feedback loop. Just ignore that part and try to talk to her like she was just another ordinary person.

THEHOOLIGANJEDI · Post by **THEHOOLIGANJEDI** » 2002-11-26 05:22pm

Well, most of the women I do talk to on a regular basis are either not my type or are too young (my rule, anyone three year younger than I, is not date worthy). That's not entirely a problem, b/c more often than not I come across as charming and witty, and can hold a conversation with them, it's just that my options are limited when it comes to girls that I know. But I think the whole nice guy aspect of me shines through. I'm just trying to get over the whole approaching a girl, and being approached by a girl shyness. I clam up like a son of a bitch on those occasions.

Sometimes, for some odd ass reason, I get the vibe that girl think I am a Dick, and they start acting all bitchy to me. That pisses me off a lot.

And questions can be in the form of five-word sentences, which might suit your brain slightly in said scenarios, what?

[DeNiroImatation]You, talkin' to me? You talkin' to me?!?![/DeNiroImatation] I am actually an intelligent, talkative person. You've just hurt my feelings.

Why are you so mean

Next of Kin · Post by **Next of Kin** » 2002-11-26 05:42pm

Well, most of the women I do talk to on a regular basis are either not my type or are too young (my rule, anyone three year younger than I, is not date worthy).

Maybe you should try the "half your age plus seven" rule.

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2002-11-26 05:44pm

Sometimes, for some odd ass reason, I get the vibe that girl think I am a Dick, and they start acting all bitchy to me. That pisses me off a lot.

You'd be surprised at how often that means they like you.

Post by **haas mark** » 2002-11-26 05:46pm

THEHOOLIGANJEDI wrote:I'm extremely shy when it comes to approaching the ladies. Which is a shock to most people I know, because I constantly hear from either my mom, relatives, friends etc. How I am a good looking guy and I get lot's of positive reinforcement from people about that (and have been since I was little esp. from complete strangers). Whenever I see a girl I find attractive or when I get the vibe that a girl finds me appealing or if a girl approaches me, I freeze, My mind goes totally blank, my shyness kicks in, and I speak in two word sentences. I would say normally I am a talkative person who has a good personality and I'm funny (or try to be). How can I get over my shyness with the Ladies.

Damn. I have the same problem with guys.

Like, ALL of it. ALl I can say is, get a go-between. Very useful.

Next of Kin · Post by **Next of Kin** » 2002-11-26 05:55pm

verilon wrote:
Damn. I have the same problem with guys. Like, ALL of it. ALl I can say is, get a go-between. Very useful.

A few friends of mine and myself helped out a friend who was a little too shy to approach this gal at an event which was oddly enough, called booza-palooza! One of my buddies grabbed my friend's business card and went over to the girl and explained how our mutual friend was too shy to come talk to her and such. Guess what!?! It worked! She called him! They've gone out three times since then. Who would have figured!

THEHOOLIGANJEDI · Post by **THEHOOLIGANJEDI** » 2002-11-26 05:56pm

Next of Kin wrote:
Well, most of the women I do talk to on a regular basis are either not my type or are too young (my rule, anyone three year younger than I, is not date worthy).
Maybe you should try the "half your age plus seven" rule.

17 year olds?!?!? Nah I'm 20. Maybe part of my problem is that I'm too damn picky. But contrary to popular belief that guys mature more slowly than women, I'm pretty damn mature, My Older brother and I both have a similar mentality when it comes to age, He's attracted to older broads as am I, but I'm willing to settle for someone younger (not too young). I guess our upbringing matured both of up pretty fast.

Post by **haas mark** » 2002-11-26 05:58pm

THEHOOLIGANJEDI wrote: 17 year olds?!?!? Nah I'm 20. Maybe part of my problem is that I'm too damn picky. But contrary to popular belief that guys mature more slowly than women, I'm pretty damn mature, My Older brother and I both have a similar mentality when it comes to age, He's attracted to older broads as am I, but I'm willing to settle for someone younger (not too young). I guess our upbringing matured both of up pretty fast.

Maybe so. While I am attracted to older guys or older-looking guys, a lot of times, guys my age are attracted to younger women or younger guys. It's really weird. And I am 18, so who would have thought? THen again, that WAS in high school for them. Now that they're in college, they have a wider range of interest. *shrug*

Next of Kin · Post by **Next of Kin** » 2002-11-26 05:59pm

THEHOOLIGANJEDI wrote: 17 year olds?!?!? Nah I'm 20. Maybe part of my problem is that I'm too damn picky.

What if she likes to shag???Would you still be picky?

THEHOOLIGANJEDI · Post by **THEHOOLIGANJEDI** » 2002-11-26 06:04pm

Next of Kin wrote:
THEHOOLIGANJEDI wrote: 17 year olds?!?!? Nah I'm 20. Maybe part of my problem is that I'm too damn picky.
What if she likes to shag???Would you still be picky?

LMAO. Actually, when it comes to just fucking. I would bang someone three years younger, any younger is jailbait. And I don't want to end up being screwed in the ass in prison.

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2002-11-26 06:05pm

Next of Kin wrote:
THEHOOLIGANJEDI wrote: 17 year olds?!?!? Nah I'm 20. Maybe part of my problem is that I'm too damn picky.
What if she likes to shag???Would you still be picky?

I say legal aged as the lower limit and 10 years as the upper limit. In mathematical terms.

THEHOOLIGANJEDI · Post by **THEHOOLIGANJEDI** » 2002-11-26 06:41pm

neoolong wrote:
Next of Kin wrote:
THEHOOLIGANJEDI wrote: 17 year olds?!?!? Nah I'm 20. Maybe part of my problem is that I'm too damn picky.
What if she likes to shag???Would you still be picky?
I say legal aged as the lower limit and 10 years as the upper limit. In mathematical terms.

I'll agree with that.

Dralan · Post by **Dralan** » 2002-11-26 06:51pm

How can I get over my shyness with the Ladies.

This was/is a problem that i had/have to a degree.. I have thankfully gotten over the worst of my shyness but not all of it. Though I am working on it..

You just need to rearange your though pattern abit...

Think: I am NOT worthy of that stunningly beautiful woman (I actually believe that I am Unworthy close to some of the women I have met)

Do: Walk up to her and start a normal conversation just to "confirm" to yourself that she is way over your league.. Suprisingly often I actualy manage to get a good conversation going... and even more suprisingly I have a positive reaction more often than not... simply because I don't "act up" or try too damn hard....

It will work wonders for the morale...

Post by **haas mark** » 2002-11-26 06:58pm

Dralan wrote:
How can I get over my shyness with the Ladies.

This was/is a problem that i had/have to a degree.. I have thankfully gotten over the worst of my shyness but not all of it. Though I am working on it..

You just need to rearange your though pattern abit...

Think: I am NOT worthy of that stunningly beautiful woman (I actually believe that I am Unworthy close to some of the women I have met)

Do: Walk up to her and start a normal conversation just to "confirm" to yourself that she is way over your league.. Suprisingly often I actualy manage to get a good conversation going... and even more suprisingly I have a positive reaction more often than not... simply because I don't "act up" or try too damn hard....

It will work wonders for the morale...

You make it sound so much easier than it is....how do you expect to start a "normal conversation" with someone you don't even know? I mean, what do you do, start talking to them like they're you friend or something!?

Dralan · Post by **Dralan** » 2002-11-26 07:07pm

You make it sound so much easier than it is....how do you expect to start a "normal conversation" with someone you don't even know? I mean, what do you do, start talking to them like they're you friend or something!?

Actually, yes I do just that.

Simply walk up to them, start up usually by giveing them a compliment like: I admire your sense of fashion.. that dress really suits you.. and simply change the subject to something more casual like I would usually talk to friends about...

It seems like an impossible thing to do, I know that.. but it actually worked for me.. You should really try it...

Post by **haas mark** » 2002-11-26 07:19pm

Dralan wrote:
You make it sound so much easier than it is....how do you expect to start a "normal conversation" with someone you don't even know? I mean, what do you do, start talking to them like they're you friend or something!?
Actually, yes I do just that.

Simply walk up to them, start up usually by giveing them a compliment like: I admire your sense of fashion.. that dress really suits you.. and simply change the subject to something more casual like I would usually talk to friends about...

It seems like an impossible thing to do, I know that.. but it actually worked for me.. You should really try it...

And not worry about getting socked in the face when I tell them I'm gay? Yeah right. If I wee to do it for a girl, half the time I'd worried about getting bitch-slapped. It may be easy for some people, but it really isn't easy for a lot of guys.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2002-11-26 07:25pm

THEHOOLIGANJEDI wrote:I'm extremely shy when it comes to approaching the ladies.

That is a very common problem.

Which is a shock to most people I know, because I constantly hear from either my mom, relatives, friends etc. How I am a good looking guy and I get lot's of positive reinforcement from people about that (and have been since I was little esp. from complete strangers). Whenever I see a girl I find attractive or when I get the vibe that a girl finds me appealing or if a girl approaches me, I freeze, My mind goes totally blank, my shyness kicks in, and I speak in two word sentences. I would say normally I am a talkative person who has a good personality and I'm funny (or try to be). How can I get over my shyness with the Ladies.

When you're talking to a pretty girl, try to think of her as a platonic friend rather than fantasizing about what she looks like naked. You'll find that your conversational skills improve if you can do this.

One more tip: don't try too hard to be "cool". It's hard to come off as natural when you're worried about looking suave and sophisticated. Most likely, an attempt to look and act cool will only make her think you're a conceited asshole.

Dralan · Post by **Dralan** » 2002-11-26 07:26pm

And not worry about getting socked in the face when I tell them I'm gay? Yeah right. If I wee to do it for a girl, half the time I'd worried about getting bitch-slapped. It may be easy for some people, but it really isn't easy for a lot of guys.

Yes it is difficult. The point is that the GIRL/BOY you go up to talk to is what I consider way over my league.. so what do I have to loose by trying to confirm that fact..

You already "know" that this will go to "hell" so you are prepared for just that... You really have to ignore all common sense... I did... and I have had the best time of my life because of it.. In spite of the insanly low odds it actually turned out to work...

Stormbringer · Post by **Stormbringer** » 2002-11-26 07:27pm

You just have to go for it. After all, you don't have a date so what do you have to loose.

Post by **haas mark** » 2002-11-26 07:28pm

Dralan wrote:
And not worry about getting socked in the face when I tell them I'm gay? Yeah right. If I wee to do it for a girl, half the time I'd worried about getting bitch-slapped. It may be easy for some people, but it really isn't easy for a lot of guys.
Yes it is difficult. The point is that the GIRL/BOY you go up to talk to is what I consider way over my league.. so what do I have to loose by trying to confirm that fact..

You already "know" that this will go to "hell" so you are prepared for just that... You really have to ignore all common sense... I did... and I have had the best time of my life because of it.. In spite of the insanly low odds it actually turned out to work...

Ah, I see what you're saying. But to go for it is still hard, either way.

StarDestroyer.Net BBS

Whats the best way to get over Shyness???(Help!!)

Whats the best way to get over Shyness???(Help!!)

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Re: Whats the best way to get over Shyness???(Help!!)

Re: Whats the best way to get over Shyness???(Help!!)

Re: Whats the best way to get over Shyness???(Help!!)