Worst Christmas present ever?

Anarchist Bunny · Post by **Anarchist Bunny** » 2002-11-26 08:47pm

I know I ripped this off from somethingawful.co*, but when I read the Mortal Kombat one I had to post it here and ask the question, whats the worst Christmas/Han... I think it would be less offesive if I didn't try to spell the week long jewish celebration, gift you've ever gotten.

DisobeyThePope from Something Awful wrote:I remember my brother used to love the video game Mortal Kombat. When it first came out, all summer long he used to spend all his money at the pizza place up the street trying to get good at it. But older kids always seemed to come along just as he was doing well and beat him down. Back then we knew that the only good way to get something you really wanted that was expensive was to ask for it for Christmas. That year (I guess he was about 10) he begged and begged that all he wanted was Mortal Kombat. It would be another year before it would come out for the Super Nintendo, so he knew he was asking for a full sized arcade video game. But I think he honestly believed that if he was really really good and if he mentioned it enough times, that it would somehow happen.

For months it was all he talked about. When school started again he didn't complain one bit. He was being extra good, and plus it meant Christmas was a little closer, he'd say. As Christmas got closer and closer I tried talking down his expectations dozens of times, telling him that Mom and Dad could never afford it and Santa couldn't fit it down the chimney. But to him Mom and Dad could afford anything that REALLY mattered and Santa had fit an entire ping pong table down the chimney one year with very little evident trouble.

Well, the years went by as they have a habit of doing. We got Mortal Kombat for the Super Nintendo (gray blood and all) and eventually Mortal Kombat 2. It wasn't quite the same of course. He never went back to the pizza place to play any of the games after that year. It may sound silly, but I remember thinking he just may have been a little afraid to hope ever again after that Christmas morning.

So last Christmas (he's 21 now) I got him an arcade cabinet version of Mortal Kombat 3 Ultimate Edition (that's the one with dozens of secrets). I bought it on E-bay and got a real steal at about $500. The shipping was a real killer however at $250 in crating, handling and trucking. It's a good thing I took a day off from work to go get this thing. Because, while I knew I would need to rent a U-haul to pick it up from the hub, I didn't realize there would be customs paperwork and duties.

I managed to get it all worked out and the great colossus hidden in the garage of the people living next door to our parents house. When I unwrapped the thing of it's cardboard and plastic it looked like a dream come true. A beaten scratched sticky dream come true with the Wu-Tang clan symbol scratched into the side. Over the next two weeks it was given a complete wash down, a fresh coat of paint, new side art and a shiny new sheet of plastic for the marquee. The plastic and paint came from Home Depot, but the side art arrived just in the nick of time for Christmas.

Christmas Eve, we all sat up talking until the late hours of the morning about things we'd done in the neighborhood, trouble we had gotten into. Without my steering the conversation there at all he brought up that year that all he had done was obsess about Mortal Kombat and how stupid he was. The last thing he said before he went off to his old bedroom and I went off to mine was, "It sure was a great game, though."

I have never liked getting up early but at 4:00 Christmas morning, I felt like a superhero. I leapt out of bed and dressed silently, crept out of the house just the way I used to sneak out to kiss in the park with my first real girlfriend. The air was cold, smoky and perfect. Even if I was back there running to the park to see her, I couldn't have been more excited as I tilted the garage door open and hand-carted the beast back up the sidewalk towards my parents house.

Getting it into the house quietly was a real task but I managed. Getting the entire thing wrapped around and around with gold foil paper was a real task but I managed. A giant silver bow and card completed the picture.

The card read: Looks like the chimney is bigger than I thought.

I have never received any gift that made me feel as good as I felt when I saw his face as he realized what I had done. All the paper seemed to disappear from it in a flash. I have to admit even I was surprised at how impressive it looked standing there like a gleaming obelisk of pubescent fantasy surrounded by golden foil in my parents living room. He laid his hands on it almost reverently and was muttering, "I can't believe it. I can't believe you did this."

Things were getting a bit dramatic for me at that point, so I switched the surge protector on with the toe of my slipper causing the screen to blink on and the familiar thrumming cadence of the theme music to drown out any sense of solemnity in the room. It took us until after lunch time to get around to opening any of the other presents. We played that game together until our eyes felt ready to fall out of their sockets. A year later, I don't think anyone who has been into the room he keeps it in has been able to say they have anything as cool.

Anyway, you want to know what I got from him that year? A leather checkbook cover. Fucker.

I'll post mine as soon as I can derepress them.

Hyperion · Post by **Hyperion** » 2002-11-26 08:54pm

clothes, why can't they give me money?

Evil Sadistic Bastard · Post by **Evil Sadistic Bastard** » 2002-11-26 08:55pm

I didn't get a CHristmas present. Bastards.

Mark S · Post by **Mark S** » 2002-11-26 09:11pm

It really hit home that I was grown up and married the first year that all my presants were for both of us, which means that they were all for her.

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2002-11-26 09:16pm

I once got a 10-dollar gift certificate for a store that’s closest location was about 75 miles away. Getting Mickey Mouse socks when I was eleven sucked

Master of Ossus · Post by **Master of Ossus** » 2002-11-26 09:17pm

When I was in fifth grade my little brother gave me four Hershey's kisses for Christmas. That would have been pretty bad, even in itself, but combined with the fact that my present to him cost me nearly $75 that year, and the fact that I don't like chocolate, and it was by far the worst present I've ever received.

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2002-11-26 09:48pm

Anything that requires me to write a thank-you note. I hate those. I don't want to write one more, even if it means I'll never recieve another gift my entire life. They must DIE!!!!

Anarchist Bunny · Post by **Anarchist Bunny** » 2002-11-26 09:50pm

Just remembered one, a Birthday card(note my birthday is September 15th) it did say happy belated birthday on it though...

Evil Sadistic Bastard · Post by **Evil Sadistic Bastard** » 2002-11-26 09:50pm

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi wrote:Anything that requires me to write a thank-you note. I hate those. I don't want to write one more, even if it means I'll never recieve another gift my entire life. They must DIE!!!!

Fortunately for me I've never had to write one. But is it THAT bad? Wouldn't a generic 'So long and thanks for all the fish" do?

And what's that in your avatar?

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2002-11-26 09:51pm

Coal. Damn you Santa.

Anarchist Bunny · Post by **Anarchist Bunny** » 2002-11-26 09:59pm

Evil Sadistic Bastard wrote:
Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi wrote:Anything that requires me to write a thank-you note. I hate those. I don't want to write one more, even if it means I'll never recieve another gift my entire life. They must DIE!!!!
Fortunately for me I've never had to write one. But is it THAT bad? Wouldn't a generic 'So long and thanks for all the fish" do?

And what's that in your avatar?

I've been wonder that for a while to, I think it's a blow doll being shot in the Death Star hanger control room that 3-CPO and R2D2 hid in.

Evil Sadistic Bastard · Post by **Evil Sadistic Bastard** » 2002-11-26 10:00pm

anarchistbunny wrote:
Evil Sadistic Bastard wrote:
Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi wrote:Anything that requires me to write a thank-you note. I hate those. I don't want to write one more, even if it means I'll never recieve another gift my entire life. They must DIE!!!!
Fortunately for me I've never had to write one. But is it THAT bad? Wouldn't a generic 'So long and thanks for all the fish" do?

And what's that in your avatar?
I've been wonder that for a while to, I think it's a blow doll being shot in the Death Star hanger control room that 3-CPO and R2D2 hid in.

How do you link pics into your sig?

Jim Raynor · Post by **Jim Raynor** » 2002-11-26 11:20pm

The worst present I've ever personally seen was when my mom gave my cousin ZIT CREAM.

Lord Sauron-Tyranus-Vader · Post by **Lord Sauron-Tyranus-Vader** » 2002-11-26 11:33pm

Ummm, can i say 'Power Rangers' ?

Sardaukar · Post by **Sardaukar** » 2002-11-26 11:42pm

My uncle gave me a VERY cheap cardboard plane when I was about 16.

Post by **Kuja** » 2002-11-26 11:56pm

A rock. I beat the shit out of my cousin two days later.

Frank Hipper · Post by **Frank Hipper** » 2002-11-27 05:49am

Getting nothing sucks. But I guess that's not really a present, so OT, I would have to say the scratchy polyester pajamas my grandma made for us every year. I once had the joyous holiday feast of a convienient store microwave burrito. It was spoiled, to boot. Merry Christmas.

Post by **haas mark** » 2002-11-27 05:54am

The one I didn't get. End of story.

XaLEv · Post by **XaLEv** » 2002-11-27 05:59am

Hmmm, coming up blank here...curious.

Next of Kin · Post by **Next of Kin** » 2002-11-27 05:50pm

A dust pan. Damn secret Santa!

Ted · Post by **Ted** » 2002-11-27 06:00pm

I got a bag of coal.

Not just a lump, but a 10 kilo BAG

jegs2 · Post by **jegs2** » 2002-11-27 06:13pm

Got switches and ashes one year. I was sorely disappointed until my parents showed me the new bicycle.

kojikun · Post by **kojikun** » 2002-11-27 06:25pm

Ted, was it charcoal or was it high quality anthracite or bituminous coal? I could use some anthracite right about now.

Ted · Post by **Ted** » 2002-11-27 06:45pm

kojikun wrote:Ted, was it charcoal or was it high quality anthracite or bituminous coal? I could use some anthracite right about now.

Bituminous coal, specifically Kannel coal.

Tsyroc · Post by **Tsyroc** » 2002-11-27 06:55pm

Ted wrote:
kojikun wrote:Ted, was it charcoal or was it high quality anthracite or bituminous coal? I could use some anthracite right about now.
Bituminous coal, specifically Kannel coal.

I'm guessing that you did not have a coal fired furnace or stove at the time either?