Songs with really weird lyrics

[The Morrigan]

Down To This - Soul Coughing
You get the ankles
and I get the wrists.
You get the ankles
and I get the wrists.
You get the ankles
and I get the wrists.
You come down to this.

Nerves are up
and the eyes all screwy
Blood like a panful
of boiling ratatouille

Hang from the axles of a box car
Follow the dotted line
Like a steer to Chicago
to the hooks of the Chicago man
I get all tripped up
my eyes turn to water
rug burns from a shag rug
struck dumb in the presence
polyester burns from a jacket
rub the skin thin
break down in a diner
then I pay the bill

cashier toothpick stuck in the ground
tiny lawnmower to mow me down
I could get lost in a lunchbox
lie low in the mittens in the lost and found

[Tokaji Kyoden]

Herman's Hermits wrote:
I'm Henry the Eighth I am.
Henry the Eighth I am, I am.
I got married to the widow next door.
She's been married seven times before.
And every one was an Henry. (Henry!)
She wouldn't have a Willy or a Sam. (No Sam!)
I'm her eighth old man, I'm Henry.
Henry the Eighth I am!


Second verse, same as the first. Very Happy

YES!!!! I've seen them live in concert! Fucking awesome.

However, I've heard much odder lyrics, like a lot of stuff by The Eels. And how about some real classics, like Standing Outside a Broken Phone Booth With Money In My Hand, by the Primitive Radio Gods. "We ride the waves and don't ask where they go, Ride like lions through the crest, and bath ourselves in zebra flesh." American Pie, by Don Henly. That song makes no fucking sense. A Favor House Atlantic by Coheed and Cambria. "Good eye sniper, I'll shoot you run, the words you scribbled on the walls, the loss of friends you didnt have, i called you when the time was right, are you in or are you our, them aught to know the end of us all."

There are some crazy lyrics out there.

[Master of Ossus]

Free Falling, by Tom Petty.

Here he is, singing about his ex-girlfriend and his life in Receda, and all of a sudden VAMPIRES are walking down the streets. Then he goes back to talking about normal things, and never seems to get very concerned that there are frickin' VAMPIRES strolling through the valley.

I don't know what to think about that one.

Bob Dylan also has some SERIOUSLY bizarre lyrics. Here's one of them.

Bob Dylan's 115th Dream

I was riding on the Mayflower
When I thought I spied some land
I yelled for Captain Arab
I have yuh understand
Who came running to the deck
Said, "Boys, forget the whale
Look on over yonder
Cut the engines
Change the sail
Haul on the bowline"
We sang that melody
Like all tough sailors do
When they are far away at sea

"I think I'll call it America"
I said as we hit land
I took a deep breath
I fell down, I could not stand
Captain Arab he started
Writing up some deeds
He said, "Let's set up a fort
And start buying the place with beads"
Just then this cop comes down the street
Crazy as a loon
He throw us all in jail
For carryin' harpoons

Ah me I busted out
Don't even ask me how
I went to get some help
I walked by a Guernsey cow
Who directed me down
To the Bowery slums
Where people carried signs around
Saying, "Ban the bums"
I jumped right into line
Sayin', "I hope that I'm not late"
When I realized I hadn't eaten
For five days straight

I went into a restaurant
Lookin' for the cook
I told them I was the editor
Of a famous etiquette book
The waitress he was handsome
He wore a powder blue cape
I ordered some suzette, I said
"Could you please make that crepe"
Just then the whole kitchen exploded
From boilin' fat
Food was flying everywhere
And I left without my hat

Now, I didn't mean to be nosy
But I went into a bank
To get some bail for Arab
And all the boys back in the tank
They asked me for some collateral
And I pulled down my pants
They threw me in the alley
When up comes this girl from France
Who invited me to her house
I went, but she had a friend
Who knocked me out
And robbed my boots
And I was on the street again

Well, I rapped upon a house
With the U.S. flag upon display
I said, "Could you help me out
I got some friends down the way"
The man says, "Get out of here
I'll tear you limb from limb"
I said, "You know they refused Jesus, too"
He said, "You're not Him
Get out of here before I break your bones
I ain't your pop"
I decided to have him arrested
And I went looking for a cop

I ran right outside
And I hopped inside a cab
I went out the other door
This Englishman said, "Fab"
As he saw me leap a hot dog stand
And a chariot that stood
Parked across from a building
Advertising brotherhood
I ran right through the front door
Like a hobo sailor does
But it was just a funeral parlor
And the man asked me who I was

I repeated that my friends
Were all in jail, with a sigh
He gave me his card
He said, "Call me if they die"
I shook his hand and said goodbye
Ran out to the street
When a bowling ball came down the road
And knocked me off my feet
A pay phone was ringing
It just about blew my mind
When I picked it up and said hello
This foot came through the line

Well, by this time I was fed up
At tryin' to make a stab
At bringin' back any help
For my friends and Captain Arab
I decided to flip a coin
Like either heads or tails
Would let me know if I should go
Back to ship or back to jail
So I hocked my sailor suit
And I got a coin to flip
It came up tails
It rhymed with sails
So I made it back to the ship

Well, I got back and took
The parkin' ticket off the mast
I was ripping it to shreds
When this coastguard boat went past
They asked me my name
And I said, "Captain Kidd"
They believed me but
They wanted to know
What exactly that I did
I said for the Pope of Eruke
I was employed
They let me go right away
They were very paranoid

Well, the last I heard of Arab
He was stuck on a whale
That was married to the deputy
Sheriff of the jail
But the funniest thing was
When I was leavin' the bay
I saw three ships a-sailin'
They were all heading my way
I asked the captain what his name was
And how come he didn't drive a truck
He said his name was Columbus
I just said, "Good luck."

[Master of Ossus]

Incidentally, "The Final Countdown" by Europe gets the prize for having the absolute worst lyrics of any song. There's a reason why sporting events always cut the singing portion of the song out entirely.

We're leaving together
But still it's farewell
And maybe we'll come back
To earth, who can tell
I guess there is no one to blame
We're leaving ground (leaving ground)
Will things ever be the same again
It's the final countdown...
The final countdown
Ooh oh

We're heading for Venus (Venus)
And still we stand tall
Cause maybe they've seen us
And welcome us all (yeah)
With so many light years to go
And things to be found (to be found)
I'm sure that we'll all miss her so
It's the final countdown...
The final countdown
The final countdown (the final countdown)
Ooh ooh oh

(interlude)

The final countdown
Ooh oh
I'ts the final countdown
The final countdown
The final countdown (the final countdown)
Ooh
It's the final countdown
We are leaving together
The final countdown

WTF is that? It makes Baby Jesus' ears bleed. At least when people like Ian Janis state things that are blatantly clear from prior lyrics, it's to allude to something that's meaningful and will add to the song. The distinction was, apparently, completely lost on Europe and only made worse by their unbelievable bungling of astronomy.

[Tinkerbell]

No one mentioned QUEEN yet!!! Gah!!


Bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my bike
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride it where I like

You say black I say white
You say bark I say bite
You say shark I say hey man
Jaws was never my scene
And I don't like Star Wars
You say Rolls I say Royce
You say God give me a choice
You say Lord I say Christ
I don't believe in Peter Pan
Frankenstein or Superman
All I wanna do is

Bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my bike
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my
Bicycle races are coming your way
So forget all your duties all year!
Fat bottomed girls
They'll be riding today
So look out for those beauties oh yeah
On your marks get set go
Bicycle race bicycle race bicycle race
Bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle
Bicycle bicycle bicycle bicycle
Bicycle race

You say coke I say caine
You say John I say Wayne
Hot dog I say cool it man
I don't wanna be the President of America
You say smile I say cheese
Cartier I say please
Income tax I say Jesus
I don't wanna be a candidate for
Vietnam or Watergate
Cause all I wanna do is

Bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my bike
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride it where I like

[Durandal]

"Cells" by The Servant. Just plain odd lyrics.

[Zaia]

Incidentally, "The Final Countdown" by Europe gets the prize for having the absolute worst lyrics of any song. There's a reason why sporting events always cut the singing portion of the song out entirely.

<snip AWESOMEST SONG EVAH!>

WTF is that? It makes Baby Jesus' ears bleed. At least when people like Ian Janis state things that are blatantly clear from prior lyrics, it's to allude to something that's meaningful and will add to the song. The distinction was, apparently, completely lost on Europe and only made worse by their unbelievable bungling of astronomy.

That song is amazing! It's so good, my Hopkins posse and I play and sing it at all our lacrosse games, and when two of the pep band members got married last month, it was the song that closed out their wedding reception! It is the greatest!

[Uraniun235]

Tinkerbell: He just wants to ride his bicycle.

The Mighty Ride Of The Firellord
(Turilli/Staropoli)
.

Cruel Akron bloody bastard I now spit on you
You can turn my bones to black ash but I'll move the moon
I will light your evil kingdom
and your heart will burn in flames
Mutilated or dismembered
we'll soon rise to eat your brain
You will pay for your victims and for Airin's bloody rape
For Arwald my dear friend and all my crying wasted land
I call the rage of my dead
I call the black angels' tears

Also Dargor can't endure all... goes out from the cave
while the demons take the hero for their tragic game
Gods of earth save me from madness
from these rites of total shame
while descending in the red flame
Arwald dies but not in vain
They will pay for this nightmare, for the symphony of pain
For Airin, my dead friend and all my crying wasted land
I call the Tharos' fire
I call the thunder roar

Raise your voice and ride all
ride all brave, raise your sword to the sky
and sing the epic symphony
for the mighty and proud firelord i Arwald's acid broke the silver chains
before his very last breath
Akron laughing really doesn't know what now waits for him...
Gods are raging leading my red steel
heads and limbs are falling down
It's in me the mystic messenger bringer of revenge
"Black angel, I call you! King Chaos is raging
in the torment of my heart...
I call the holy earthquake to end this bloody hell!"
Gods are raging leading my red steel
heads and limbs are falling down
It's in me the mystic messenger bringer of revenge
while she comes, beloved sunlight

On the river known as Aigor
our hero found his way
All the demons desperately
search for him now but in vain
They will pay for this nightmare, for the symphony of pain
For Airin, my dead friend and all my crying wasted land
I call the Tharos' fire
I call the thunder roar

Raise your voice and ride all
ride all brave, raise your sword to the sky
and sing the epic symphony
for the mighty and proud firelord

Oh wait this is the thread for weird lyrics not the thread for "lyrics that sound like they were written by 14 year olds playing D&D", my bad.

[Master of Ossus]

The Mighty Ride Of The Firellord
(Turilli/Staropoli)
[snippage]

Oh wait this is the thread for weird lyrics not the thread for "lyrics that sound like they were written by 14 year olds playing D&D", my bad.

ROFL!

Zaia: The musical portion of that song is actually really cool--very 80's, it's just the lyrics that have no reason to exist.

[Tinkerbell]

AAAAAAAAAAAA URANIUM!!!!

I LOVE Rhapsody! You just made my night.

[Civil War Man]

No one mentioned QUEEN yet!!! Gah!!

Why would they? Queen lyrics make absolutely perfect sense.

I see a little silhouetto of a man
Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango
Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very fright'ning me
(Galileo.) Galileo. (Galileo.) Galileo, Galileo figaro
Magnifico.

[Uraniun235]

AAAAAAAAAAAA URANIUM!!!!

I LOVE Rhapsody! You just made my night.

Yay!

Sometimes the lyrics are really cringe-worthy, but the music is really quite awesome, so Rhapsody is truly a guilty pleasure for me.

[The Morrigan]

Down To This - Soul Coughing
<snip>

Further to this, I stumbled across this 'explanation' of what the song is supposed to be about on a Soul Coughing fansite:

I had a job working at a club called The Knitting Factory as a doorperson. One night, zooted no doubt, I was selling tickets as another person checked names off the guest list, and I started chanting, "I got the tickets and you got the list!" much to the annoyance of my co-worker. Finding this not particularly songworthy, we tried out a couple of soundalikes in rehearsal, my favorite of which was "You get Jim Backus and I'll get Koresh." We finally settled on 'You get the ankles and I'll get the wrists,' and it evolved into (don't slap me) a song about throwing an externalized conception of oneself off a building. We still hear many happy misinterpretations of this one, the most common of which is "You get the eggrolls and I'll get the rice."
>>LINK<<

And it still makes no fucking sense.

Also, just remembered "Blinded By The Light", originally by Bruce Springsteen, but I've only ever heard the Manfred Mann cover version.

Sample:

Madman drummers bummers Indians in the summer with a teenage diplomat
In the dumps with the mumps as the adolescent pumps his way in to his hat
With a boulder on my shoulder feeling kinda' older I tripped the merry go round
With this very unpleasing sneezing and wheezing the calliope crashed to the
ground

The calliope crashed to the ground and she was blinded by the light,
revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night.

Blinded by the light
Revved up like a Deuce
Another runner in the night
[repeat to fade]

[wautd]

anything from Spinvis

[Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi]

Suprised this song by George Harrison hasn't been brought up yet:

I got my mind set on you
I got my mind set on you
I got my mind set on you
I got my mind set on you

But it's gonna take money
A whole lotta spending money
It's gonne take plenty of money
To do it right child

It's gonna take time
A whole lot of precious time
It's gonna take patience and time, ummm
To do it, to do it, to do it, to do it, to do it,
To do it right child

I got my mind set on you
I got my mind set on you
I got my mind set on you
I got my mind set on you

And this time I know it's for real
The feelings that I feel
I know if I put my mind to it
I know that I really can do it

I got my mind set on you
Set on you
I got my mind set on you
Set on you

But it's gonna take money
A whole lotta spending money
It's gonna take plenty of money
To do it right child

It's gonna take time
A whole lot of precious time
It's gonna take patience and time, ummm
To do it, to do it, to do it, to do it, to do it,
To do it right child

I got my mind set on you
I got my mind set on you
I got my mind set on you
I got my mind set on you

And this time I know it's for real
The feelings that I feel
I know if I put my mind to it
I know that I really can do it

But it's gonna take money
A whole lotta spending money
It's gonna take plenty of money
To do it right child

It's gonna take time
A whole lot of precious time
It's gonna take patience and time, ummm
To do it, to do it, to do it, to do it, to do it,
To do it right

Set on you
Set on you
(Repeat)

Of course, those were lyrics from a song he just covered, and there's not as much "wierd" as they are "dumb".

For "dumb", I'd go with "A Mind With a Heart of it's Own", by Tom Petty.

I remember her standing in the tall grass and cattails
Away from the windows at the end of the day
Watching the men from the landing in the tall hats & coat-tails
She'd never look different, but something would change

A mind with a heart of its own
Yeah a mind with a heart of its own

Well the man out to end us had a hurricane business
He's raise them from babies all by his self
But his teen-age accountant had become surrounded
He drank up the party and everyone left

A mind with a heart of its own
Yes a mind with a heart of its own

Well I been to Brooker and I been to Micanopy
I been to St. Louis too, I been all around the world
I've been over to your house
And you've been over sometimes to my house
I've slept in your tree house
My middle name is Earl

A mind with a heart of its own
A mind with a heart of its own
Yeah a mind with a heart of its own

Almost all of the rhymes are either slant rhyme, or rhyming the same word twice.

[Lord Pounder]

The Beatles I Am The Walrus pwns all in terms of weirdness

I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together.
See how they run like pigs from a gun, see how they fly.
I’m crying.

Sitting on a cornflake, waiting for the van to come.
Corporation tee-shirt, stupid bloody tuesday.
Man, you been a naughty boy, you let your face grow long.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen.
I am the walrus, goo goo g’joob.

Mister city policeman sitting
Pretty little policemen in a row.
See how they fly like lucy in the sky, see how they run.
I’m crying, I’m crying.
I’m crying, I’m crying.

Yellow matter custard, dripping from a dead dog’s eye.
Crabalocker fishwife, pornographic priestess,
Boy, you been a naughty girl you let your knickers down.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen.
I am the walrus, goo goo g’joob.

Sitting in an english garden waiting for the sun.
If the sun don’t come, you get a tan
From standing in the english rain.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen.
I am the walrus, goo goo g’joob g’goo goo g’joob.

Expert textpert choking smokers,
Don’t you thing the joker laughs at you?
See how they smile like pigs in a sty,
See how they snied.
I’m crying.

Semolina pilchard, climbing up the eiffel tower.
Elementary penguin singing hari krishna.
Man, you should have seen them kicking edgar allan poe.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen.
I am the walrus, goo goo g’joob g’goo goo g’joob.
Goo goo g’joob g’goo goo g’joob g’goo.

[Zaia]

Here's one by my girl Tori. Many of her lyrics are a bit odd, but this one takes the cake, I think.

Marianne
Tori Amos

Tuna, rubber
A little blubber in my Igloo
And I knew you pigtails and all
Girl when they fall
And they say Marianne killed herself
And I said not a chance
Don't you love the girls ladies babies
Old bags who say she was so pretty why
Why why why did she crawl down in the old deep ravine
C'mon pigtail girls and all those sailors
Get your bags and hold down won't you just
Hold down cause Ed is watching my every sound
I said
They're watching my every sound
The weasel squeaks faster than a seven day week
I said that Timmy and that purple Monkey
Are all down
At Bobby's house
Making themselves pesters and lesters and jesters and my
Traitors of kind
And I'm just having thoughts of Marianne
She could outrun the fastest slug
She could
Marianne
Quickest girl in the frying pan

[His Divine Shadow]

Most Beatles tracks are pretty fucked up actually. Though this is mainly due to them spending a lotta time high as motherfuckers. Bill Hicks described them best "The Beatles where so fucking high they even let Ringo sing a couple of tunes. 'We all live on a yellow submarine'? they where so high they had to scrape Ringo off the celing"

Yellow submarine ROCKS!!

Also there is this local band, they sing in this local dialect and it's fucking insane and absurd all at once, go here to listen to their songs, starts playing automatically:
http://www.1g3b.com/website/index2.htm

PORR might sound normal if you don't understand the lyrics, hardcore metalish type.

P.S. They had a concert here recently that was held inside what used to be a large henhouse, you know what they called the consert? Eggstock.

[Zaia]

This one comes in 2nd to 'Marianne' by Tori, at least in my book:

White Moon
The White Stripes

White moon, white moon
Breaks open the tomb
Of a deserted cartoon that I wrote
Creature come, creature, creature
My own double feature
As I'm warming the bleachers at home

Well, my nose keeps on bleeding
'Cause it's Rita I'm needing
I better call out a meeting of the boys
Of the boys
My friends are all dying
And death can't be lying
It's the truth and it don't make a noise

Oh Rita, oh Rita
If you lived in Mesita
I would move you with the beat of a drum
And this picture is proof
That although you're aloof
You had the shiniest tooth 'neath the sun

Easy come, easy go
Be a star of the show
I'm giving up all I know to get more
To get more
Photograph the picture
Young grunt pin-up scripture
For locker-tagged memories of war

A mirage, this garage
And a photo montage
And a finger massage from the host
Good lord, good lord
The one I adore
And I cannot afford is a ghost
Is a ghost

Proto-social is the word
And the word is the bird
That flew through the herd in the snow
In the snow
Lemonade me, then grade me
Then deliver my baby
And if my friends all persuade me, I'll go

Blink, blink at me Rita
Don't you know I'm a bleeder?
And I promised I wouldn't lead her on
But she met me, then led me
And I ate what was fed me
'Til I purged every word in this song

[Joe]

"Cells" by The Servant. Just plain odd lyrics.

Not really. It's about a guy who has a shitty job, goes into down day in and day out to work, and eats convenience food with presumbably his girlfriend every night.

Their best song is Jesus Says:



This is my body
This is my blood
This is my mobile
These are my drugs
Eating egg and bacon in my flat
Ripping up paper making wraps

This is my body
This is my blood
This is my mobile
These are my drugs
Eating egg and bacon in my flat
Ripping up paper making wraps

Because it's all about the profit
It's all about the profit
And I'm a prophet
And I'm a prophet
It's all about the profit
It's all about the profit
And I'm a prophet
And I'm a prophet
I'm a complex system
I'm a line of code
You're a complex system
You're a line of code

Refrain :

Brothers and sisters
Jesus says leave your cars and offices
Brothers and sisters
Jesus says leave your cars and offices
Brothers and sisters
Jesus says leave your cars and offices
Brothers and sisters
Jesus says leave your cars and offices

This is my body
This is my blood
This is my mobile
These are my drugs
Eating egg and bacon in my flat
Ripping up paper making wraps

You idiot
I'm a liar
I'm the robot from Isiah
See the sky freeze
The ocean boil
I baptise you with crude oil
Oh I synthesize dreams
Synthesize dreams
Your dreams
Your dreams
I synthesize dreams
Synthesize dreams
Your dreams
Your dreams
I'm a complex system
I'm a line of code
You're a complex system
You're a line of code

[Refrain]

Don't you want to save your soul
Don't you want to save

[Refrain]

[Rye]

Click on any of them.