Funny as always Fanboy. Keep up the good work.
Unnamed Porno Fanfic From Shep, Falkenhorst, and Fanboy
Moderator: LadyTevar
-
Admiral Drason
- Jedi Knight
- Posts: 768
- Joined: 2002-09-04 05:43pm
- Location: In my bomb shelter
Oh yes, you've captured my essence with that--my very soul! [/sarcastic]
Pretty gross and nasty, but otherwise amusing. Dork.
Pretty gross and nasty, but otherwise amusing. Dork.
"On the infrequent occasions when I have been called upon in a formal place to play the bongo drums, the introducer never seems to find it necessary to mention that I also do theoretical physics." -Richard Feynman
-
consequences
- Homicidal Maniac
- Posts: 6964
- Joined: 2002-07-07 03:06pm
-
Falkenhorst
- Jedi Knight
- Posts: 572
- Joined: 2002-09-02 01:14am
- Location: Wisconsin, USA
UNNAMED PORNO FANFIC EPISODE 30 PART 3
LORD OF THE COCKRINGS 3
"Stop! You must stop!! The parking lot is that way-- AHHHHH - - THUD!"
Falkenhorst smirked as he backed off of the elf that had been trying to direct traffic and put the car in park, shutting the engine off.
"Ok, everybody out!" he said, gathering his weapons. Fanboy fairly leapt from the car and unzipped his fly and took a long sizzling piss right where he stood... which happened to be directly in the face of the elf Falk had felled with the car. The elf, Queeb Salaron, only had time to feel the acrid alcoholic piss sting his eyes before he expired.
The three porn-lords walked up the steps into the meeting hall, heading for the room where the meeting was going on. Along the way Fanboy stopped to take a dump in a latrine. He ran after Shep and Falk, wiping his ass on the hanging banners and drapes in the ornate hallways as he went.
They entered the meeting room and sat down, taking stock of everyone else present. It was a virtual cross section of middle earth. Representatives from all the free lands were milling around making nice with their hosts, the Elves. Sheppard was looking over the assembled group, telling Falk and Fanboy who was who.
"That obese Jerry Garcia look alike over there? That's Gandalf." He said, pointing to the old wizard, who was hunched over a bong thickly coated with filth and resin.
"Those 4 little shits over there are the Hobbits," he indicated the party from the Shire with a wave of his hand. Beside him Fanboy uttered a low growling noise deep in his throat.
"They look like fucking... GNOMES!" he grated.
"Take it easy, Fanboy..." said Falk, glancing at Shep. "Why don't you go ask Gandalf for a hit off that bong, he looks like he brought some primo shit."
Across the room, Gimli nervously ran his fingers through his nappy beard. Something about the strange hippy looking guy in the group of newcomers made him nervous. He couldn't quite figure out what it was until the man hammered down a heavy shot of smoke from Gandalf's bong and threw his head back and coughed thunderously. A chain around his neck bounced free of his shirt and Gimli saw a string of shrunken Gnome skulls dancing on the chain, which was impaled through their craniums. Cold terror froze him like a rock. Many among the dwarves had heard legends of the Dark Lord Fanboy, passed down over dim eons from contact with their Gnomish cousins. A giant berserker warrior who crashed through the world like a juggernaut, taking his pleasures in the sins of the flesh and spending all his other time grinding the skulls of the small peoples to dust. Gimli barely noticed the slippery mixture of piss and runny shit that was coursing down his legs, soaking his breeches and pooling on the floor around his boots. A foul odor began to rise, but none of the dwarves noticed because they smelled that way all the time.
Sheppard was pointing out Boromir and the ranger Strider, who were deep in discussion with a noble Elf who Shep said was called Elrond.
"Elrond you say?" replied Falk. "There's something about that bastard that looks familiar..." he held up 2 fingers and blocked out Elrond's eyes. Stepping towards him, Falk called out. "Hey, hey you!"
"Yes?" Replied Elrond.
"Agent Smith? What the fuck are you doing here?"
"I wanted to work with REAL actors, unlike that Jap-Faced twat, Keanu Reeves." Said Elrond.
"Hey Falk, was that Hugo Weaving?" asked Shep.
"Yeah, this place is like a carnival of retards." Muttered Falkenhorst.
"Ask him to sign my Desert Eagle;" said Shep, whipping out his piece.
Falk handed the gun to Elrond who began embossing his name into the slide with a knife.
"... So we will travel to the tower of Isengard, there to confer with Saruman the White. RIGHT GANDALF!!?!" yelled Strider.
"Huff huff whatever..." mumbled Gandalf, fiddling with his lighter as he and Fanboy hunched over the bong, whispering and laughing.
"Good idea, Strider;" said Frodo, looking up.
"SILENCE, HALFLING!" snarled Elrond, slamming the butt of Shep's heavy Desert Eagle down on the Hobbit's skull, sending him to the ground like a sack of shit.
"What the fuck did you do that for?" exclaimed Strider.
"Just maintaining my rep as an asshole;" snickered Elrond, tossing the gun to Shep who deftly caught it out of the air and slipped it back into his jacket.
"We'll need transportation;" said Strider.
"Ooh ooh ooh you can ride with us!" said Fanboy, jumping up and down like a little kid, his eyes glazed over.
"Excellent. We leave immediately. Said Strider.
"What the fuck, Fanboy..." snarled Shep. "Goddamnit Fanboy these assholes will defile my precious Cadillac!" added Falk.
"But dudes... if you don't play along, you'll never get the One Cockring of Power!" Giggled Fanboy.
"How about we just ice this little piece of shit and take it from him?" Said Shep, kicking Frodo over onto his back and reaching down to grab the Cockring off the chain around his neck.
"No, dumbass..!" said Fanboy but it was too late. The moment Shep's hand touched the cockring, he leaped ten feet into the air with a shriek of inhuman agony and landed, clutching his crotch.
"Shep, the Cockring has a plan of it's own. It'll only come with us when it's done what it's trying to do!" Said Fanboy.
"Which is what? Asked Falk.
"I don't fucking know." said Fanboy.
"Well fuck you too. Let's get going." said Falk. "Help me carry Shep."
The group made their way to the car. Fanboy and Gandalf were in the back seat, along with Strider, and Shep was propped up in the passenger seat.
"What will the rest of us do? asked Boromir as the group got in the car.
"I'm sure you'll think of something; said Falkenhorst as he opened the trunk and flung out 4 bricks of pure Peruvian Cocaine and a box of dildos at Boromir's feet.
"You fucking Hobbits, get in the goddamn trunk. You too, Gimli."
"Arr.. We dwarves don't ride 3rd class!" said Gimli petulantly.
"Well yer not staining my seat covers, you maggot infested little fuck." Said Falk, picking up the little bastard by his helmet and kicking him into the trunk on top of the Hobbits. He slammed the lid down and got in the driver's seat.
"Let's blow this fucking joint." he said.
The Pimped-out Cadillac sped away from Rivendell, heading for Isengard. Unknown to any of the riders, however, there was another passenger. Clinging to the undercarriage was a scrawny, barely clothed little creature whose face resembled that of Vladimir Putin if Putin had been a crack addicted hobo. His name was Gollum.
Once, hundreds of years ago, the creature known as Gollum had lived a somewhat normal life on Earth, if one considers the life of a Hollywood Child Actor normal. Back then he had been known as McCauley Culkin. Famous for his role in the Home Alone movies, he had been relatively well off, until he made the mistake of visiting Neverland Ranch. Several years later, having faded into a life of obscurity, his fortune leeched away by Jacko and drowning his woes in gallons of Stoli Vodka, and sporting a colostomy bag thanks to Jacko's repeated vicious sexual abuses, he was found dead in a gutter at the age of 28.
He didn't die, however, and woke up on the slab and escaped from the morgue. As he gradually slipped into raging insanity and suffering from intense DTs, he began to change. The many doses of Jacko's sexually and racially ambiguous semen took their toll on his already ravaged body, reducing him to a creeping vampirric monster, unable to withstand the light of day. He was also afflicted with a mutant strain of Botulism Toxin, another side affect of his intimate contact with Jacko, which kept him animated, similar to the T-Virus.
Later, after Jacko was exiled to France and took up residence in the former Chateau of the Maquis DeSade, Gollum spent decades roaming the sewers under Hollywood, subsisting on a diet of feces and used condoms. His life as a sewer parasite took him from city to city, and eventually aboard starships, and thence to Middle Earth, where he arrived when he was ejected in a frozen block of shit from the passing USS Enterprise in James T. Kirk's era. He desperately wanted the one cockring back. He had held it once, but he had only managed to rape Bilbo Baggins half to death before he lost it. Ever since then he had been searching in vain. Now he was close on the trail of his precious once again, and once it completed it's latest run of depraved mischief, he would snap it up once more. Bilbo had also had his turn with the Cockring, and had slammed Gollum's ass harder than Jacko could ever manage, leaving Gollum with a permanent limping, lurching gait. However Bilbo had also had a Masochistic side and got a blowjob from an orc which chewed his cock into useless hamburger, destroying any further sexual drive he may have had.
Isengard had changed. A sign hung above the main doors, lettered in Arabic and English. It read: "UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT". Saruman's mutilated body hung from the gate post next to the sign, his severed genitals visible between his teeth. All around the area for miles, crews labored around the clock chopping down trees, forcing a process of Desertification to set in. The tower itself was now shaped like a giant phallus, pointing towards the heavens. At the upper level, just below the overhang of the head, was a floor made up entirely of public restrooms. These were the only restrooms on the entire premises, and they operated on the principle of the "Hot Seat", not unlike navy warships, where the crew rotated sleep shifts in "Hot Bunks".
On the observation platform above, the Leader sipped cognac and reclined on a plush couch as nubile young strippers entertained him. He giggled fiendishly as he admired his own genius design for the bathrooms of his new fortress. They emptied out through horizontal pipes, allowing the sewage to run down the walls and collect in a deep moat surrounding the structure. The moat in turn festered and stank to high heaven on hot days, attracting immense clouds of flies that swarmed around the base of the tower, giving the impression of Pubic Hair. A row of charged bug zapper coils stuck out at random intervals half way up the side of the tower, preventing the flies from disturbing the leader's luxury suites on the upper floors. The Bug zappers were normally run off batteries, charged during lightning storms by a collector rod that was cranked up through the roof. When the batteries were low, hundreds of slaves provided power by turning the generators manually, running like hamsters in giant wheels. He had decreed that every single one of his minions had to use ONLY the restrooms provided, on pain of death. Thus there were always long waiting lines, and an endless stream of human waste was always running down the side of his tower, giving the impression of a giant cock that has just withdrawn from the ass of a partner suffering from explosive diahrreah.
This was the sight that loomed ahead in the distance as Falkenhorst's pimped out Caddy sped down the road towards Isengard.
"Sweet Mercy of the White Christ..." muttered Falkenhorst in combined horror and awe at the giant tower looming before them. He began gagging and wiping his watering eyes as a literal wall of filthy air rolled over the Cadillac as the wind shifted. Downwind of Isengard there was literally a fallout zone of dank, shitty air that began to coat the meticulously hand polished car in a festering green/brown layer as Falk drove onwards. Cursing he quickly rolled up the windows and switched on the state of the art NBC protection system he had installed. The air in the cab cleared quickly, and Falk switched on the wipers.
Suddenly the world began spinning and nobody in the car knew quite what happened as a roadside bomb went off, sending the vehicle swerving off the road and landing on it's roof.
"What the Fuck..." muttered Falk as he reached again for his assault rifle and got ready to roll out of the car's window. He stopped as he saw dozens of legs moving outside the windows. In no time at all the car was surrounded by members of the Fedayeen Saddam.
LORD OF THE COCKRINGS 3
"Stop! You must stop!! The parking lot is that way-- AHHHHH - - THUD!"
Falkenhorst smirked as he backed off of the elf that had been trying to direct traffic and put the car in park, shutting the engine off.
"Ok, everybody out!" he said, gathering his weapons. Fanboy fairly leapt from the car and unzipped his fly and took a long sizzling piss right where he stood... which happened to be directly in the face of the elf Falk had felled with the car. The elf, Queeb Salaron, only had time to feel the acrid alcoholic piss sting his eyes before he expired.
The three porn-lords walked up the steps into the meeting hall, heading for the room where the meeting was going on. Along the way Fanboy stopped to take a dump in a latrine. He ran after Shep and Falk, wiping his ass on the hanging banners and drapes in the ornate hallways as he went.
They entered the meeting room and sat down, taking stock of everyone else present. It was a virtual cross section of middle earth. Representatives from all the free lands were milling around making nice with their hosts, the Elves. Sheppard was looking over the assembled group, telling Falk and Fanboy who was who.
"That obese Jerry Garcia look alike over there? That's Gandalf." He said, pointing to the old wizard, who was hunched over a bong thickly coated with filth and resin.
"Those 4 little shits over there are the Hobbits," he indicated the party from the Shire with a wave of his hand. Beside him Fanboy uttered a low growling noise deep in his throat.
"They look like fucking... GNOMES!" he grated.
"Take it easy, Fanboy..." said Falk, glancing at Shep. "Why don't you go ask Gandalf for a hit off that bong, he looks like he brought some primo shit."
Across the room, Gimli nervously ran his fingers through his nappy beard. Something about the strange hippy looking guy in the group of newcomers made him nervous. He couldn't quite figure out what it was until the man hammered down a heavy shot of smoke from Gandalf's bong and threw his head back and coughed thunderously. A chain around his neck bounced free of his shirt and Gimli saw a string of shrunken Gnome skulls dancing on the chain, which was impaled through their craniums. Cold terror froze him like a rock. Many among the dwarves had heard legends of the Dark Lord Fanboy, passed down over dim eons from contact with their Gnomish cousins. A giant berserker warrior who crashed through the world like a juggernaut, taking his pleasures in the sins of the flesh and spending all his other time grinding the skulls of the small peoples to dust. Gimli barely noticed the slippery mixture of piss and runny shit that was coursing down his legs, soaking his breeches and pooling on the floor around his boots. A foul odor began to rise, but none of the dwarves noticed because they smelled that way all the time.
Sheppard was pointing out Boromir and the ranger Strider, who were deep in discussion with a noble Elf who Shep said was called Elrond.
"Elrond you say?" replied Falk. "There's something about that bastard that looks familiar..." he held up 2 fingers and blocked out Elrond's eyes. Stepping towards him, Falk called out. "Hey, hey you!"
"Yes?" Replied Elrond.
"Agent Smith? What the fuck are you doing here?"
"I wanted to work with REAL actors, unlike that Jap-Faced twat, Keanu Reeves." Said Elrond.
"Hey Falk, was that Hugo Weaving?" asked Shep.
"Yeah, this place is like a carnival of retards." Muttered Falkenhorst.
"Ask him to sign my Desert Eagle;" said Shep, whipping out his piece.
Falk handed the gun to Elrond who began embossing his name into the slide with a knife.
"... So we will travel to the tower of Isengard, there to confer with Saruman the White. RIGHT GANDALF!!?!" yelled Strider.
"Huff huff whatever..." mumbled Gandalf, fiddling with his lighter as he and Fanboy hunched over the bong, whispering and laughing.
"Good idea, Strider;" said Frodo, looking up.
"SILENCE, HALFLING!" snarled Elrond, slamming the butt of Shep's heavy Desert Eagle down on the Hobbit's skull, sending him to the ground like a sack of shit.
"What the fuck did you do that for?" exclaimed Strider.
"Just maintaining my rep as an asshole;" snickered Elrond, tossing the gun to Shep who deftly caught it out of the air and slipped it back into his jacket.
"We'll need transportation;" said Strider.
"Ooh ooh ooh you can ride with us!" said Fanboy, jumping up and down like a little kid, his eyes glazed over.
"Excellent. We leave immediately. Said Strider.
"What the fuck, Fanboy..." snarled Shep. "Goddamnit Fanboy these assholes will defile my precious Cadillac!" added Falk.
"But dudes... if you don't play along, you'll never get the One Cockring of Power!" Giggled Fanboy.
"How about we just ice this little piece of shit and take it from him?" Said Shep, kicking Frodo over onto his back and reaching down to grab the Cockring off the chain around his neck.
"No, dumbass..!" said Fanboy but it was too late. The moment Shep's hand touched the cockring, he leaped ten feet into the air with a shriek of inhuman agony and landed, clutching his crotch.
"Shep, the Cockring has a plan of it's own. It'll only come with us when it's done what it's trying to do!" Said Fanboy.
"Which is what? Asked Falk.
"I don't fucking know." said Fanboy.
"Well fuck you too. Let's get going." said Falk. "Help me carry Shep."
The group made their way to the car. Fanboy and Gandalf were in the back seat, along with Strider, and Shep was propped up in the passenger seat.
"What will the rest of us do? asked Boromir as the group got in the car.
"I'm sure you'll think of something; said Falkenhorst as he opened the trunk and flung out 4 bricks of pure Peruvian Cocaine and a box of dildos at Boromir's feet.
"You fucking Hobbits, get in the goddamn trunk. You too, Gimli."
"Arr.. We dwarves don't ride 3rd class!" said Gimli petulantly.
"Well yer not staining my seat covers, you maggot infested little fuck." Said Falk, picking up the little bastard by his helmet and kicking him into the trunk on top of the Hobbits. He slammed the lid down and got in the driver's seat.
"Let's blow this fucking joint." he said.
The Pimped-out Cadillac sped away from Rivendell, heading for Isengard. Unknown to any of the riders, however, there was another passenger. Clinging to the undercarriage was a scrawny, barely clothed little creature whose face resembled that of Vladimir Putin if Putin had been a crack addicted hobo. His name was Gollum.
Once, hundreds of years ago, the creature known as Gollum had lived a somewhat normal life on Earth, if one considers the life of a Hollywood Child Actor normal. Back then he had been known as McCauley Culkin. Famous for his role in the Home Alone movies, he had been relatively well off, until he made the mistake of visiting Neverland Ranch. Several years later, having faded into a life of obscurity, his fortune leeched away by Jacko and drowning his woes in gallons of Stoli Vodka, and sporting a colostomy bag thanks to Jacko's repeated vicious sexual abuses, he was found dead in a gutter at the age of 28.
He didn't die, however, and woke up on the slab and escaped from the morgue. As he gradually slipped into raging insanity and suffering from intense DTs, he began to change. The many doses of Jacko's sexually and racially ambiguous semen took their toll on his already ravaged body, reducing him to a creeping vampirric monster, unable to withstand the light of day. He was also afflicted with a mutant strain of Botulism Toxin, another side affect of his intimate contact with Jacko, which kept him animated, similar to the T-Virus.
Later, after Jacko was exiled to France and took up residence in the former Chateau of the Maquis DeSade, Gollum spent decades roaming the sewers under Hollywood, subsisting on a diet of feces and used condoms. His life as a sewer parasite took him from city to city, and eventually aboard starships, and thence to Middle Earth, where he arrived when he was ejected in a frozen block of shit from the passing USS Enterprise in James T. Kirk's era. He desperately wanted the one cockring back. He had held it once, but he had only managed to rape Bilbo Baggins half to death before he lost it. Ever since then he had been searching in vain. Now he was close on the trail of his precious once again, and once it completed it's latest run of depraved mischief, he would snap it up once more. Bilbo had also had his turn with the Cockring, and had slammed Gollum's ass harder than Jacko could ever manage, leaving Gollum with a permanent limping, lurching gait. However Bilbo had also had a Masochistic side and got a blowjob from an orc which chewed his cock into useless hamburger, destroying any further sexual drive he may have had.
Isengard had changed. A sign hung above the main doors, lettered in Arabic and English. It read: "UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT". Saruman's mutilated body hung from the gate post next to the sign, his severed genitals visible between his teeth. All around the area for miles, crews labored around the clock chopping down trees, forcing a process of Desertification to set in. The tower itself was now shaped like a giant phallus, pointing towards the heavens. At the upper level, just below the overhang of the head, was a floor made up entirely of public restrooms. These were the only restrooms on the entire premises, and they operated on the principle of the "Hot Seat", not unlike navy warships, where the crew rotated sleep shifts in "Hot Bunks".
On the observation platform above, the Leader sipped cognac and reclined on a plush couch as nubile young strippers entertained him. He giggled fiendishly as he admired his own genius design for the bathrooms of his new fortress. They emptied out through horizontal pipes, allowing the sewage to run down the walls and collect in a deep moat surrounding the structure. The moat in turn festered and stank to high heaven on hot days, attracting immense clouds of flies that swarmed around the base of the tower, giving the impression of Pubic Hair. A row of charged bug zapper coils stuck out at random intervals half way up the side of the tower, preventing the flies from disturbing the leader's luxury suites on the upper floors. The Bug zappers were normally run off batteries, charged during lightning storms by a collector rod that was cranked up through the roof. When the batteries were low, hundreds of slaves provided power by turning the generators manually, running like hamsters in giant wheels. He had decreed that every single one of his minions had to use ONLY the restrooms provided, on pain of death. Thus there were always long waiting lines, and an endless stream of human waste was always running down the side of his tower, giving the impression of a giant cock that has just withdrawn from the ass of a partner suffering from explosive diahrreah.
This was the sight that loomed ahead in the distance as Falkenhorst's pimped out Caddy sped down the road towards Isengard.
"Sweet Mercy of the White Christ..." muttered Falkenhorst in combined horror and awe at the giant tower looming before them. He began gagging and wiping his watering eyes as a literal wall of filthy air rolled over the Cadillac as the wind shifted. Downwind of Isengard there was literally a fallout zone of dank, shitty air that began to coat the meticulously hand polished car in a festering green/brown layer as Falk drove onwards. Cursing he quickly rolled up the windows and switched on the state of the art NBC protection system he had installed. The air in the cab cleared quickly, and Falk switched on the wipers.
Suddenly the world began spinning and nobody in the car knew quite what happened as a roadside bomb went off, sending the vehicle swerving off the road and landing on it's roof.
"What the Fuck..." muttered Falk as he reached again for his assault rifle and got ready to roll out of the car's window. He stopped as he saw dozens of legs moving outside the windows. In no time at all the car was surrounded by members of the Fedayeen Saddam.
Falkenhorst
BOTM 15.Nov.02
Post #114 @ Fri Oct 18, 2002 4:44 pm
"I've had all that I wanted of a lot of things I've had
And a lot more than I needed of some things that turned out bad"
-Johnny Cash, "Wanted Man"
UPF: CARNIVAL OF RETARDS
BOTM 15.Nov.02
Post #114 @ Fri Oct 18, 2002 4:44 pm
"I've had all that I wanted of a lot of things I've had
And a lot more than I needed of some things that turned out bad"
-Johnny Cash, "Wanted Man"
UPF: CARNIVAL OF RETARDS
-
darthdavid
- Pathetic Attention Whore
- Posts: 5470
- Joined: 2003-02-17 12:04pm
- Location: Bat Country!
-
Darth Fanboy
- DUH! WINNING!
- Posts: 11182
- Joined: 2002-09-20 05:25am
- Location: Mars, where I am a totally bitchin' rockstar.
FINALLY! Chapter 30 Is completed! The planned Trilogy will be up in Order for the Cleaned Fanfics section and the Archive once its been done.
Shit this is hilarious.
EDIT:
NEw rule for this thread, anyone who does this "First post!" shit WITHOUT singing the UPF Theme Song will have their character violenty killed by Tubgirl.
Shit this is hilarious.
EDIT:
NEw rule for this thread, anyone who does this "First post!" shit WITHOUT singing the UPF Theme Song will have their character violenty killed by Tubgirl.
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-
Darth Fanboy
- DUH! WINNING!
- Posts: 11182
- Joined: 2002-09-20 05:25am
- Location: Mars, where I am a totally bitchin' rockstar.
That's the ticket sport!
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-
Nieztchean Uber-Amoeba
- Sith Devotee
- Posts: 3317
- Joined: 2004-10-15 08:57pm
- Location: Regina Nihilists' Guild Party Headquarters
-
Darth Fanboy
- DUH! WINNING!
- Posts: 11182
- Joined: 2002-09-20 05:25am
- Location: Mars, where I am a totally bitchin' rockstar.
SHEPISTAN RESUMES NUCLEAR POWERED POSTING
(Plutonium City-AP) Despite efforts by Moderators from the EU, the rogue nation of Shepistan has announced that is ready to resume is nuclear enrichment program with the state purpose of producing posts of mass destruction.
The reclusive dictator of Shepistan and national namesake, MKSheppard, made the announcement after the United Nations refused to back a joint US and UK proposal that would have enacted a lasting embargo against Shepistan.
"All the other countries are fucking stupid, and we will destroy every one of them. I have a short list of countries that will be nothing more than large craters after i'm through with them, which will be an imporvement. The UN and EU can kiss my ass, they can try to pry my nukes from my cold dead silos."
UN ambassadors in the United States and Britain pleaded with the security council today, although the Security council voted in a lopsided 13-2 decision against imposing sanctions against Shepistan. Vocal in their opinion was France, the French ambassador stated that "France considers war as horrible and disgusting as we do soap, soft bread, and Americans. We will not condone any unwarranted actions against a sovereign nation that could bring us closer to another war." When the British ambassador noted that the sanctions were in fact warranted, the French ambassador simply told him to fuck off and subsequently shoved a disgusting smelling slice of cheese in his craw.
Russia also opposed sanctions, mainly because its economy has nearly been single handedly revived with the sale of surplus military equipment once used in Cold War Era nuclear weapons. Germany voted against the American plan as well, mainly because they had their balls cut off in 1945.
Kofi Annan, when informed that Dictator for Life Sheppard had personall called for the UN Headquarters in New York to be "rendered asunder via atomic cleansing", simply said "The UN will avoid war at any cost. I hve good relations with the Dictator, who has previously threatened my life before and only attempted to assassinate me once. I had no idea my son bought that Mercedes, I swear."
Shepistan's nuclear powered posts, which nearly ignited a nuclear flamewar over one month ago, left many people wondering if they had seen the last of nuclear powered posting. However recently released US reconaissance photos clearly show several large bunkers and reactors that are housing keyboards, hard drives, optical mouses, and Uranium. All key elements for nuclear powered posting.
(Plutonium City-AP) Despite efforts by Moderators from the EU, the rogue nation of Shepistan has announced that is ready to resume is nuclear enrichment program with the state purpose of producing posts of mass destruction.
The reclusive dictator of Shepistan and national namesake, MKSheppard, made the announcement after the United Nations refused to back a joint US and UK proposal that would have enacted a lasting embargo against Shepistan.
"All the other countries are fucking stupid, and we will destroy every one of them. I have a short list of countries that will be nothing more than large craters after i'm through with them, which will be an imporvement. The UN and EU can kiss my ass, they can try to pry my nukes from my cold dead silos."
UN ambassadors in the United States and Britain pleaded with the security council today, although the Security council voted in a lopsided 13-2 decision against imposing sanctions against Shepistan. Vocal in their opinion was France, the French ambassador stated that "France considers war as horrible and disgusting as we do soap, soft bread, and Americans. We will not condone any unwarranted actions against a sovereign nation that could bring us closer to another war." When the British ambassador noted that the sanctions were in fact warranted, the French ambassador simply told him to fuck off and subsequently shoved a disgusting smelling slice of cheese in his craw.
Russia also opposed sanctions, mainly because its economy has nearly been single handedly revived with the sale of surplus military equipment once used in Cold War Era nuclear weapons. Germany voted against the American plan as well, mainly because they had their balls cut off in 1945.
Kofi Annan, when informed that Dictator for Life Sheppard had personall called for the UN Headquarters in New York to be "rendered asunder via atomic cleansing", simply said "The UN will avoid war at any cost. I hve good relations with the Dictator, who has previously threatened my life before and only attempted to assassinate me once. I had no idea my son bought that Mercedes, I swear."
Shepistan's nuclear powered posts, which nearly ignited a nuclear flamewar over one month ago, left many people wondering if they had seen the last of nuclear powered posting. However recently released US reconaissance photos clearly show several large bunkers and reactors that are housing keyboards, hard drives, optical mouses, and Uranium. All key elements for nuclear powered posting.
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-
Darth Fanboy
- DUH! WINNING!
- Posts: 11182
- Joined: 2002-09-20 05:25am
- Location: Mars, where I am a totally bitchin' rockstar.
Just when you thought it was safe to re-enter the fanfics forum...
(a white girl is running away from the camera, she looks back over her shoulder and trips. She is sprawled out on the ground when the camera angle zooms in up close and cuts to black.)
...your sense will be shattered...
(Zack Morris is holding screech tenderly from behind near a window as a storm rages outside)
Screech: Zack i'm afraid
Zack: *puts a finger to Screech's lips* Shhhhhh...don't talk
...your dreams will turn to nightmares...
(A man is tied to a chair, and his mouth gagged by duct tape. Two men wearing what appear to be body armor walk into the room and set a box near him, open the lid, and rush out of the room slamming the door behind him. The tied up man looks on in horror as a small giggling cupcake jumps out of the box and cutely bounces onto the man's lap. The man breathes a sigh of relief when suddenly a large Demon pops out of the cupcake.)
Demon: NOT THE GIRL YOU WERE EXPECTING EH?
(The man begins to scream as he is devoured)
...you will wish you had never been born...
(Stravo runs into a room, slamming the door behind him and locking it. He is covered in blood and ha sever noticeable wounds that look like claw marks.)
Stravo: I think we're safe now baby, but I....OH GOD!
(Stravo sees his lover, Kate Mulgrew, lying in bed with Rob Dalton and snuggling up close to him.)
Stravo: Dalton how could you! You could have had any woman you wanted why her!
As a new season rises so does the body count...
UNNAMED PORNO FANFIC IS BACK!
The new season begins later this month on SDN.
Some fics were better left unwritten...
(a white girl is running away from the camera, she looks back over her shoulder and trips. She is sprawled out on the ground when the camera angle zooms in up close and cuts to black.)
...your sense will be shattered...
(Zack Morris is holding screech tenderly from behind near a window as a storm rages outside)
Screech: Zack i'm afraid
Zack: *puts a finger to Screech's lips* Shhhhhh...don't talk
...your dreams will turn to nightmares...
(A man is tied to a chair, and his mouth gagged by duct tape. Two men wearing what appear to be body armor walk into the room and set a box near him, open the lid, and rush out of the room slamming the door behind him. The tied up man looks on in horror as a small giggling cupcake jumps out of the box and cutely bounces onto the man's lap. The man breathes a sigh of relief when suddenly a large Demon pops out of the cupcake.)
Demon: NOT THE GIRL YOU WERE EXPECTING EH?
(The man begins to scream as he is devoured)
...you will wish you had never been born...
(Stravo runs into a room, slamming the door behind him and locking it. He is covered in blood and ha sever noticeable wounds that look like claw marks.)
Stravo: I think we're safe now baby, but I....OH GOD!
(Stravo sees his lover, Kate Mulgrew, lying in bed with Rob Dalton and snuggling up close to him.)
Stravo: Dalton how could you! You could have had any woman you wanted why her!
As a new season rises so does the body count...
UNNAMED PORNO FANFIC IS BACK!
The new season begins later this month on SDN.
Some fics were better left unwritten...
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-
Ford Prefect
- Emperor's Hand
- Posts: 8254
- Joined: 2005-05-16 04:08am
- Location: The real number domain
-
Darth Fanboy
- DUH! WINNING!
- Posts: 11182
- Joined: 2002-09-20 05:25am
- Location: Mars, where I am a totally bitchin' rockstar.
I would do the advert if I didn't have something ready. Chapter 32 is currently in the final editing phase.Ford Prefect wrote:Well, that was an amusing advert. Of course, you must hurry up and do it.
UPF...FUCK YEAH
BOOZE AND HOOKERS... FUCK YEAH
FELONIES... FUCK YEAH
HARDCORE PORN... FUCK YEAH
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-George Carlin (1937-2008)
"Have some of you Americans actually seen Football? Of course there are 0-0 draws but that doesn't make them any less exciting."
-Dr Roberts, with quite possibly the dumbest thing ever said in 10 years of SDNet.
-
Ford Prefect
- Emperor's Hand
- Posts: 8254
- Joined: 2005-05-16 04:08am
- Location: The real number domain
Oh excellent. I wonder whose reputation you'll destroy this time round. That's always one of the better parts of the waiting - speculating on who you lot will ruin next. I mean, we know Consequences will be in it (he won the competition), but I don't suppose you'll humiliate him. But you could do; you are one Hell of a sick bastard.
What is Project Zohar?
Here's to a certain mostly harmless nutcase.
Here's to a certain mostly harmless nutcase.
-
Dalton
- For Those About to Rock We Salute You
- Posts: 22637
- Joined: 2002-07-03 06:16pm
- Location: New York, the Fuck You State
- Contact:
The hell?Zaia wrote:Oh Dalton, what were you thinking?
To Absent Friends
"y = mx + bro" - Surlethe
"You try THAT shit again, kid, and I will mod you. I will
mod you so hard, you'll wish I were Dalton." - Lagmonster
May the way of the Hero lead to the Triforce.
This, silly:Dalton wrote:The hell?Zaia wrote:Oh Dalton, what were you thinking?
What the hell were you thinking?(Stravo runs into a room, slamming the door behind him and locking it. He is covered in blood and ha sever noticeable wounds that look like claw marks.)
Stravo: I think we're safe now baby, but I....OH GOD!
(Stravo sees his lover, Kate Mulgrew, lying in bed with Rob Dalton and snuggling up close to him.)
Stravo: Dalton how could you! You could have had any woman you wanted why her!
"On the infrequent occasions when I have been called upon in a formal place to play the bongo drums, the introducer never seems to find it necessary to mention that I also do theoretical physics." -Richard Feynman
-
Dalton
- For Those About to Rock We Salute You
- Posts: 22637
- Joined: 2002-07-03 06:16pm
- Location: New York, the Fuck You State
- Contact:
Hey, I didn't write it!!Zaia wrote:This, silly:
What the hell were you thinking?(Stravo runs into a room, slamming the door behind him and locking it. He is covered in blood and ha sever noticeable wounds that look like claw marks.)
Stravo: I think we're safe now baby, but I....OH GOD!
(Stravo sees his lover, Kate Mulgrew, lying in bed with Rob Dalton and snuggling up close to him.)
Stravo: Dalton how could you! You could have had any woman you wanted why her!
To Absent Friends
"y = mx + bro" - Surlethe
"You try THAT shit again, kid, and I will mod you. I will
mod you so hard, you'll wish I were Dalton." - Lagmonster
May the way of the Hero lead to the Triforce.
-
Singular Quartet
- Sith Marauder
- Posts: 3896
- Joined: 2002-07-04 05:33pm
- Location: This is sky. It is made of FUCKING and LIMIT.
-
Daltonator
- Reclusive Wanker
- Posts: 383
- Joined: 2003-03-23 03:10pm
- Location: Zelda fanboy heaven
- Contact:
Yeah right, you probably asked him to put that in....filthy pervert.Daltonator wrote:Hey, screw you, pal! It's DF's sick, twisted mind!Singular Quartet wrote:But still! I mean... come on! It's Janeway! I mean... Fuck! It's Janeway!
"On the infrequent occasions when I have been called upon in a formal place to play the bongo drums, the introducer never seems to find it necessary to mention that I also do theoretical physics." -Richard Feynman
-
Dalton
- For Those About to Rock We Salute You
- Posts: 22637
- Joined: 2002-07-03 06:16pm
- Location: New York, the Fuck You State
- Contact:
I'm hurt!Zaia wrote:Yeah right, you probably asked him to put that in....filthy pervert.Daltonator wrote:Hey, screw you, pal! It's DF's sick, twisted mind!Singular Quartet wrote:But still! I mean... come on! It's Janeway! I mean... Fuck! It's Janeway!
To Absent Friends
"y = mx + bro" - Surlethe
"You try THAT shit again, kid, and I will mod you. I will
mod you so hard, you'll wish I were Dalton." - Lagmonster
May the way of the Hero lead to the Triforce.
-
Ford Prefect
- Emperor's Hand
- Posts: 8254
- Joined: 2005-05-16 04:08am
- Location: The real number domain