Chick Tract: The Movie

Admiral Valdemar · Post by **Admiral Valdemar** » 2005-10-14 09:05am

I simply could not live with myself if I didn't share this.

It's a nice discussion about Jack Chick's long awaited movie and a link to some clips from it too.

You've not encountered the greatness of The Bible until you've had it Chick style!

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2005-10-14 09:10am

He's gotten enough money or gotten a loan to produce his version of the *truth*? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *snort*. This should become an all time classic, rating up there with such greats as Manos and Monster A-Go-Go.

Why, oh why can't we have MS3TK for this shit?

Admiral Valdemar · Post by **Admiral Valdemar** » 2005-10-14 09:12am

You don't need MST3k for this. It's the motion picture event of the, well, ever! The clips are great, but I want the whole thing. I'm loving the lake-of-fire tosses.

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2005-10-14 09:14am

Admiral Valdemar wrote:You don't need MST3k for this. It's the motion picture event of the, well, ever! The clips are great, but I want the whole thing. I'm loving the lake-of-fire tosses.

I dunno...it would allow those of weaker constitutions to see it

.

And yes, I agree, this looks to be prime fodder material for a few months at the very least. The Lake of fire tosses so far is a fave of mine as well.

Post by **NecronLord** » 2005-10-14 09:59am

I just watched the lake of fire bit... It's just crappy paintings with voiceovers. I could and would do that if I made as much money out of it as Chick doubtless does.

Post by **K. A. Pital** » 2005-10-14 10:25am

Uh.... boring. The ad said I could almost feel the crackling flames of Hell as I watch...

no, not really. But at least it was honest about the spirit that inspired this "movie". Too bad the execution of the project didn't actually live up to this spirit...

Admiral Valdemar · Post by **Admiral Valdemar** » 2005-10-14 10:26am

Those paintings are works of art, far better than that crap "art" you so admire in War Hammer and far more emotional.

The narrator couldn't be surpassed by Laurence Olivier. Sorry, Necron, but you're going to be a part of the tossing-into-the-lake-of-fire ceremony.

Dooey Jo · Post by **Dooey Jo** » 2005-10-14 10:37am

Oh come on! Those clips had better be trailers, otherwise this will be on par with the Polish cartoons they show to kids here. No, in fact, the Polish cartoons will be better because they are atleast somewhat animated.

Goddamnit! Paintings and a narrator? Is that the best Chick can do? Cut down on the tracts and give us the CG rendition of Hell and Satan, damnit! Does he really think he'll scare anyone with still images and words of damnation?

This is also way to easy to parody. In fact, they should make one, and call it the Lord of the World.

NoXion · Post by **NoXion** » 2005-10-14 11:08am

Admiral Valdemar wrote:Those paintings are works of art, far better than that crap "art" you so admire in War Hammer and far more emotional.

You have got to be kidding.

Does anybody treat Chick seriously? I mean as dense as fundies are, I can't imagine them actually shelling out money for this sort of thing.

NoXion · Post by **NoXion** » 2005-10-14 11:08am

Gah! Could somebody fix the quote tags please.

The Spartan · Post by **The Spartan** » 2005-10-14 11:10am

NoXion wrote:Does anybody treat Chick seriously? I mean as dense as fundies are, I can't imagine them actually shelling out money for this sort of thing.

Well he has been doing this more than 40 years...

The fundies eat his tracts up, as I'm sure they'll do with the movie. But as with everything he's done, it's just preaching to the choir again.

Wyrm · Post by **Wyrm** » 2005-10-14 11:29am

Man, this is so pathetic it's funny! It definitely shows that "preaching to the chior" syndrome that plagues so much of fundie propaganda, for the mentally agile can make the leap from Satan having dominion over the followers of all but one faith to all faith, period (yes, even you, Freddy!). You heard it here first, folks. Satan uses religion to take control of your soul!

FREDDY THE FUNDIE SEZ: "UNLESS YOU GIVE YER SOUL TO TH' LAWRD JEEEEZZZISS!!! Sayt'n has his UNHAWLY CLAWS on yer SOUL, for ONLY JEEEZZZIS CAN TAKE YER SOUL T' HEAVEN and you ATHIEST HEATHENS haven't accepted HIM!! REPENT, SINNAHS!!"

How do you know Jesus isn't one of these false gods? After all, by your logic, Buddha can't save your soul because he's dead. Jesus lived 2000 years ago, or thereabouts. He's obviously dead.

FREDDY THE FUNDIE: "NO! HE WUZ REBAWRN and RAISED TO HEAVEN!! HE CAN SAVE YOU!!!"

And you know this because...?

FREDDY THE FUNDIE: "'cuz the BAAHBLE SEZ SO!!! Th' BAHBLE is the WORD of the LAWRD!!"

Suppose Satan actually wrote the Bible. Wouldn't it be in his best interests to write that it was the word of God? Or maybe 'Satan' is actually God under a pseudonym, so whatever religion you choose to follow, or follow Jesus, you'll end up in the same place.

FREDDY THE FUNDIE: (Smoke pouring out of ears) "D...DON'T TRY TO CONFUSE ME, SINNAH!! I shall PRAY for you, so you can come to understand the joy of hating for JEEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZIIII--"

(Freddy the Fundie explodes)

Awww, they're so fun to pick on, too...

Let's point some fundamentalist Islamist twits at the Controversy clip. Maybe the current Ayatollah will slap a fatwa on Chick like Salmon Rushdie.

Nahh. We'd be out some good entertainment. Or maybe not, as being the internet, he can always scan and post his latest chick tracks on the run. It'd be interesting to see what kind of insane rantings come out of his Chick on the Lamb series.

Crossroads Inc. · Post by **Crossroads Inc.** » 2005-10-14 12:09pm

Wyrm wrote: Let's point some fundamentalist Islamist twits at the Controversy clip. Maybe the current Ayatollah will slap a fatwa on Chick like Salmon Rushdie.

Oh man, that would rock SO much!

Captain Cyran · Post by **Captain Cyran** » 2005-10-14 12:48pm

I loved that fire clip. Showing the man melting in the lava... fire... something.

*Kind and caring voice* "Believe in Jesus, and save yourself."

Then there's this great piece.

"Religion, is one of Satan's ways of destroying your soul. But Jesus came, to save your soul."

But... isn't Jesus... a religion? Gah.

Hilarious... just hilarious. Anyone with half a brain is going to come out of this movie with tears of laughter.

Dooey Jo · Post by **Dooey Jo** » 2005-10-14 01:09pm

Captain Cyran wrote:"Religion, is one of Satan's ways of destroying your soul. But Jesus came, to save your soul."

But... isn't Jesus... a religion? Gah.

Hey, I know someone who said that Christianity wasn't a religion. I'll try and find the quote...
*searching*
Ah yes, there it is. Ahem:

Der über-troll wrote:Christianity isn't a religion, but a relationship with the Lord himself. There are hardly any [Christians] who think of themselves as religious. It is merely a derogatory term you use for people with a world-view that's different from your own.

But of course, atheism, and especially evolution is a religion, but her own religion is not. Yeah, whatever

Even other fundies smacked her good for that one...

wautd · Post by **wautd** » 2005-10-14 02:12pm

that was... interesting

wautd · Post by **wautd** » 2005-10-14 02:19pm

By the way, this always bugged me: why is God considered "Good", but Satan considered "Evil"? Whats the fundy explanation that God isnt the cunt like he appears to be in the OT?

felineki · Post by **felineki** » 2005-10-14 02:23pm

Ghost Rider wrote:This should become an all time classic, rating up there with such greats as Manos and Monster A-Go-Go.

The master wouldn't approve of your comparison. I mean, Manos is freaking awful, but this... this is in a whole other league.

Magnetic · Post by **Magnetic** » 2005-10-14 02:54pm

wautd wrote:By the way, this always bugged me: why is God considered "Good", but Satan considered "Evil"? Whats the fundy explanation that God isnt the cunt like he appears to be in the OT?

They say it's because God wanted the Israelites to be set apart from the other religions, so when the Israelites started intermingling with other cultures (with other religions), you saw God getting their attention by sending a plague. . . . . . . later sending them to war against these other cultures so they would remain pur.

wautd · Post by **wautd** » 2005-10-14 03:41pm

Magnetic wrote:
wautd wrote:By the way, this always bugged me: why is God considered "Good", but Satan considered "Evil"? Whats the fundy explanation that God isnt the cunt like he appears to be in the OT?
They say it's because God wanted the Israelites to be set apart from the other religions, so when the Israelites started intermingling with other cultures (with other religions), you saw God getting their attention by sending a plague. . . . . . . later sending them to war against these other cultures so they would remain pur.

okaaaay

?
I try to understand a fundies vieuw but thats still a pretty evil god in my eyes. Makes Bhaal looks like a pussy

Darth Servo · Post by **Darth Servo** » 2005-10-14 05:56pm

Admiral Valdemar wrote:You don't need MST3k for this. It's the motion picture event of the, well, ever! The clips are great, but I want the whole thing. I'm loving the lake-of-fire tosses.

Heretic

MST3King this piece of trash would be the greatest episode ever

Darth Servo · Post by **Darth Servo** » 2005-10-14 05:59pm

Amusing that their special version for the deaf features American sign language. Haven't these tards heard of subtitles?

Darth Servo · Post by **Darth Servo** » 2005-10-14 06:05pm

wautd wrote:By the way, this always bugged me: why is God considered "Good", but Satan considered "Evil"? Whats the fundy explanation that God isnt the cunt like he appears to be in the OT?

Becasue God said he is good and Satan is evil. And God doesn't lie. We know he doesn't lie because he said so. If God is good, he can't lie. And God is good so...

Has the circular logic made you dizzy yet?

wautd · Post by **wautd** » 2005-10-14 07:05pm

Darth Servo wrote:
wautd wrote:By the way, this always bugged me: why is God considered "Good", but Satan considered "Evil"? Whats the fundy explanation that God isnt the cunt like he appears to be in the OT?
Becasue God said he is good and Satan is evil. And God doesn't lie. We know he doesn't lie because he said so. If God is good, he can't lie. And God is good so...

Has the circular logic made you dizzy yet?

yes, but I understand better now

BloodAngel · Post by **BloodAngel** » 2005-10-14 07:22pm

The Lake of Fire bit makes me like Satan more than God.