Zaia's Babysitting Adventure!

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Captain Cyran
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Post by Captain Cyran »

*thinks on this game*

I win.
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Lindar
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Post by Lindar »

Captain Cyran wrote:*thinks on this game*

I win.
You so do not win! I do because we have to watch cartoons!! Besides I'm sugar powered, i so whomp you Cyran.
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the longer i wait,the more i forget.the more i forget, the longer the list of desires grows. for that which is wanted is forbidden. and we all know that forbidden fruit is often the sweetest.Don'tcha wish your g/f was a witch like me?~*~AYVBABTU
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Darth Fanboy
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Post by Darth Fanboy »

Cyran however has a clear edge on managing corpses and disposing of bodies. If you don't believe me there is a landfill in Wilmar, Minnesota which has all the evidence you require.
"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."
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Kuja
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Post by Kuja »

PART 19: Cossack Boogie – Fight For Your Right

*fade in on an anime version of a sleepy one-street town. It is after sundown, and there is snow on the ground with more being blown around in the air. Dark clouds fill the sky and the shutters of a couple empty buildings flap against their sides. Only a couple of the largest buildings have any lights on*

SUBTITLE: RUSSIA – 85 MILES WEST OF MOSCOW

*CUT TO: the inside of a wooden room with only a large cabinet, a few half-full luggage bags, and a large bed holding two figures. The only sounds are the howls of the wind and a loud bass beat coming from somewhere. After a few moments, one of the figures groans and sits up in bed. MOTHRA-TAN rubs her eyes sleepily and yawns, then sighs and turns to poke at her companion*

KUJA: Hmmm? What is it?

*as he sits up and organizes his hair, she points down at the floor*

KUJA: Oh. Don't worry honey, I'll take care of it.

*GUNSHOT SOUND EFFECT AS WE CUT TO: KUJA, still half-asleep, in bathrobe and slippers standing on a second-floor walkway outside his room door as he draws a circle in chalk and then puts a double hexagon inside it before placing his hand flat on the wood. The symbol glows briefly, then fades away*

KUJA: That should soundproof things.

*he turns to look at the building across the snowy street, a large tavern-like structure. Lights of every color are streaming out the windows and the bass is clearly coming from inside. Along with the heavy beat is a voice rapping*

VOICE: You thought I was livid, now I'm even more so, shit I got full blown AIDS and a sore throat. I got a wardrobe with an orange robe. I'm in the fourth row, signin' autographs at your show.

*KUJA shakes his head*

KUJA: I hate this new shit.

*he sticks his hands in his pockets and calmly walks to the stairs and down, then across the street. He looks in the door to reveal a wild party going on with plenty of Russians drunk on (what else?) vodka. At the far end of the room is a raised stage with a karaoke machine. Four PUNKARSES, one in red, one in blue, one in white, and one in brown are on stage, with the red one currently rapping and the other three making dumbass hand motions as they sing backup*

RED: I tried suicide once and I'll try it again. That's why I write songs where I die at the end. Cause I don't give a fuck, like my middle finger was stuck and I was wavin' it at everybody screamin', "I suck!"

OTHERS: I SUCK!!!

*KUJA shakes his head and walks in. Everyone is partying so hard they fail to notice the guy in the bathrobe as he makes his way around the outside of the room and up the side of the stage until he actually starts closing in on the PUNKARSE*

RED: Hey, asshole! ASSHOLE!

*KUJA grabs the mike and shoves the PUNKARSE off the stage, sending him crashing into the other PUNKARSES, an action that causes everyone to freeze in amazement. KUJA shuts the music off and silence fills the air as he presses buttons on the machine, then suddenly grins at the audience*

KUJA: LET'S TAKE THIS PARTY OLDSCHOOL, BABY!

*a new beat begins and folks start smiling drunkenly and getting back into it*

KUJA: Pack it up, pack it in, let me begin. I came to win, battle me that's a sin. I won't tear the sack up, punk you'd better back up. Try and play the role and the whole crew will act up. Get up, stand up, come on! Come on, throw your hands up! If you've got the feeling jump across the ceiling!

CROWD: JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!

*at this point all sound cuts off. Confused, the crowd slowly quiets down as all eyes come to rest on the four PUNKARSES, one of whom is holding an unplugged cord in his hand*

BLUE: Get off the stage, jackass!

*blood vessels pop out on KUJA'S forehead and he clenches suddenly jagged teeth*

KUJA: Keeping my wife awake and singing dumbass rap songs at two in the morning I can forgive. But cutting me off...while I'm FLOWIN?! Oh, you gonna pay, bitch!

*GUNSHOT SOUND EFFECT AS WE CUT TO: the street, now full of people as KUJA and the four PUNKARSES face each other down*

BROWN: You've got one chance.

WHITE: Turn around and go back to your room!

KUJA: Don't feel like it.

RED: Then it's time for you to pay! *he strikes a 'Power Rangers' kind of pose* Fire!

WHITE: Air!

BLUE: Water!

BROWN: Earth!

*a lot of smoke erupts and then blows away, revealing them wearing skintight outfits*

PUNKARSES: SCIFI FANS! AIR, EARTH, WATER, FIRE! READY TO GIVE UP YET?!

KUJA: This is gonna be so easy. *he conjures a small fireball* Mix fire and water, what do you get? STEAM!

*he throws the fireball and hits WATER, who vanishes with a scream in a cloud of mist as the others look on in horror*

KUJA: *grinning madly* Mix water and fire to get...MORE STEAM!

*he makes a gesture and a waterspout erupts under FIRE, who also vanishes in a mist cloud*

KUJA: Add air to a fire to get...A CONFLAGARATION!

*he throws a fireball at AIR, who erupts into a massive ball of flame*

EARTH: *backs away* N-no! Spare me!

KUJA: I'm gonna have some fun with you! *he creates a fireball in one hand and a ball of swirling water in the other* Eat this! *the thrusts out both hands, each hitting EARTH in one shoulder* I'M GONNA BAKE YOU AND MELT YOU AT THE SAME TIME!

*by the time KUJA'S done, a one half of a backed clay human form falls to the snow. The drunken crown roars approval and KUJA waves around. As he does so, he notices MOTHRA-TAN leaning on the second-story railing. He grins and points up at her, hand in a gun, then jerks it back*

KUJA: Bang.

*she claps a hand to her chest and grins*

KUJA: SO WHO'S READY FOR SOME MUSIC?!

*crowd roars. GUNSHOT SOUND EFFECT AS WE CUT TO: Back inside the tavern, KUJA on stage with his arm around MOTHRA-TAN*

SYNTHESIZER: FIVE MINUTES OF FUNK!

*beat begins*

KUJA: Now the party didn't start till I walked in, And I probably wont leave until the thing ends. But in the mean time, the in between time, if you work your thing, then I'll work mine. We came here together so we could have fun, me and you baby, goin' one on one!

*FADE OUT as KUJA continues*
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Lindar
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Post by Lindar »

*awws* did ya have to kill them so quickly? Not to mention so cleanly? i mean... not even a little bit of blood!!!
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the longer i wait,the more i forget.the more i forget, the longer the list of desires grows. for that which is wanted is forbidden. and we all know that forbidden fruit is often the sweetest.Don'tcha wish your g/f was a witch like me?~*~AYVBABTU
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Post by Typhonis 1 »

What Lindar? You wanted him to go all Fist of the North Star on em? He would have to clean the mess out of his bathrobe then.
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Post by Zaia »

Meanwhile, in Maryland, Zaia finally goes completely bonkers...



:D
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Lindar
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Post by Lindar »

Typhonis 1 wrote:What Lindar? You wanted him to go all Fist of the North Star on em? He would have to clean the mess out of his bathrobe then.
*grumbles* So? i mean it wouldna be much of a buig deal... after all didn't he say it was pink?*pokes Typhonis* Besides he's got mahic he could clean it off no problem.

*cuddles up next to Z* awww you canna have gone Bonkers yet, i mean, you have all us wonderful kids for company....
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the longer i wait,the more i forget.the more i forget, the longer the list of desires grows. for that which is wanted is forbidden. and we all know that forbidden fruit is often the sweetest.Don'tcha wish your g/f was a witch like me?~*~AYVBABTU
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Post by Kuja »

PART 20: The (More) Amazing Race

*OPEN UP on ZAIA'S backyard just in time to see CYRAN burst through the door carrying a body, followed closely by LINDAR, NANAHI, and CHIBIZILLA doing the same. A moment later, ALETIA comes crawling out with her own and BRAINCHILD arrives last, using two of his tentacles to bounce along*

BRAINCHILD: So that's one each for everybody. Good start.

LINDAR: Aren't you going to play?

BRAINCHOLD: Oh no, I could never hope to compete. I'll keep score.

CYRAN: HA! That just makes it easier for me to tromp you!

NANAHI: We'll see about that!

CHIBIZILLA: Arrrrronnnnk!

BRAINCHILD: And...go!

*everyone bolts towards the door. CYRAN, LINDAR, and CHIBIZILLA arrive there simultaneously and get stuck in the frame, allowing ALETIA and NANAHI to slither in under them*

NANAHI: SUCKERS!

*CUT TO: ZAIA in her den, holding the phone in one hand as she rests her other hand on an open phone book. The struggling kids can be seen through the glass of the door, but not heard*

ZAIA: Hello, Caterpillar? Yes, I'd like to rent a bulldozer.

*CYRAN gets free and slams the door in front of the others*

ZAIA: Just for today.

*CHIBIZILLA smashes down the door on top of CYRAN and runs past along with LINDAR*

ZAIA: Uh...let's call this a domestic issue.

*CYRAN upends the door and struggles to his feet just in time to be plowed over by NANAHI and ALETIA, each carrying a body to the left*

ZAIA: Well...something that can get into a backyard without much trouble, but strong enough to quickly dig, say one mass grave-I mean pit! A pit! Right.

*CYRAN stands and yells something before dashing off right. A moment later, CHIBIZILLA comes on from right hauling a corpse in each arm. CYRAN follows with one of his own, pursued closely by LINDAR, who is apparently bawling something*

ZAIA: So what have you got? OK...yeah...no...no, not that...yeah, tell me more.

*CHIBIZILLA comes back in from left, with NANAHI hanging onto his tail for a lift. They go off right and LINDAR follows. CYRAN manages to get in the door when a blue beam erupts from right, firing NANAHI into LINDAR and then into CYRAN, blowing them all out the door*

ZAIA: That one sounds good...

*ALETIA darts in from left as CHIBIZILLA shows up carrying another body. ALETIA grabs it in her teeth to rip it out of his grasp as they pass each other, then ducks his attempt to grab her and zips off left. He bellows something and runs back right*

ZAIA: OK, here's my license number.

*CUT TO: A still shot of the words 'SOME TIME LATER' in neon green letters against a gold background. Polka music plays. CUT TO: ZAIA walking out the door to find her backyard full of dead ninjas and CHIBIZILLA standing over one section of the lawn where the grass has been replaced by loose dirt*

ZAIA: So, who wins?

BRAINCHILD: The final count stands with Cyran in first, having collected 14 bodies. Nanahi came immediately behind with 13. Next was Lindar, having gathered exactly 10. Then there was Chibi-zilla with 9 to his name, and finally Aletia and her 7. However, it should be noted that although Chibi-zilla placed third in the number of bodies gathered, he has also managed to bury his in the time allotted.

CYRAN: That shouldn't count! He blew a hole in the ground with his nuke breath and shoved them all into it!

CHIBIZILLA: Rok.

*ZAIA dials her phone and makes a call without taking her astonished gaze off CHIBIZILLA*

ZAIA: Cancel that rental.

*she puts the phone away and begins digging through her wallet*

ZAIA: Now, Cyran gets to pick the movie like I promised, but I've got a twenty saying you can't bury all of them in the next five minutes.

*CHIBIZILLA roars and blows a column into the ground, then starts tossing ninjas into it*

BRAINCHILD: You do realize you're going to lose this bet?

ZAIA: Twenty bucks to have him do it in five minutes, or fifteen hundred to do it myself in a couple hours. I don't call that losing.

BRAINCHILD: Duly noted.
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Captain Cyran
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Post by Captain Cyran »

Boo yah. Old age and experience will beat out youth and enthusiasm everytime... 8)
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Post by darthdavid »

This story is FUCKING AWESOME.
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Post by Lindar »

*pouts and glares at Cyran* Not fair... by technicality of the story y'are supposedly older than me!!!*pouts and waits to see what happens*
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the longer i wait,the more i forget.the more i forget, the longer the list of desires grows. for that which is wanted is forbidden. and we all know that forbidden fruit is often the sweetest.Don'tcha wish your g/f was a witch like me?~*~AYVBABTU
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Post by Mark S »

Needs more cowbell.
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Kuja
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Post by Kuja »

PART 21: This Time, It's Legal

CYRAN: OK, OK, OK, which one should I choose, there's so many, hmmm, I like a lot of these.

*he zips back and forth in front of ZAIA'S video rack and pulls one*

CYRAN: How about A Clockwork Orange?

ZAIA: No!

CYRAN: House of 1000 Corpses?

ZAIA: Forget it.

CYRAN: Puppet Master 2?

ZAIA: Cyran, please try to pick something that WON'T give the other kids nightmares.

CYRAN: BO-RING.

ZAIA: Choose!

CYRAN: AYE MA'AM!

*he begins frantically looking through the videos*

CYRAN: No...no...no...no...absolutely no...

ZAIA: What's wrong with Suicide Kings?

CYRAN: It's mushy.

ZAIA: Christopher Walken is...mushy?

CYRAN: Puh-leese, the whole thing's a romantic comedy wrapped up in violence, deceit, and mafia sadism.

ZAIA: I have no idea how you figured that out and I don't want to. Just go back to looking.

CYRAN: Right-o. How about The Phantasm?

ZAIA: CYRAN!

*CUT TO: the living room, where CHIBIZILLA is flipping through TV channels*

LINDAR: What about Animal Planet?

ALETIA: Chi!

*CHIBIZILLA shrugs and presses a few buttons*

TV: Next up, on Animal Planet's 'The Most Extreme', the ten best bug killers in the world!

ALETIA: CHIIIII!

LINDAR: CHANGE IT! CHANGE IT NOW!

*CHBIZILLA fumbles with the remote and hits a few buttons randomly*

TV: Now, back to 'The Relic' on Spike!

*screaming*

NANAHI: Scary movie! Change it!

LINDAR: Try TNT.

*click*

TV: It's clear she killed him by cutting the top of skull off-

BRAINCHILD: Oh, disgusting.

*click*

TV: Next, the CBS nightly movie, Jurassic Park.

*click*

CHIBIZILLA: Ronk.

TV: Captain Janeway?

BRAINCHILD: Soooooo drrreeeaaamy...

NANAHI: I think I'm gonna toss my cookies...

*click*

TV: Shake, what the hell are you doing?

LINDAR: Woohoo! Aqua Teens!

BRAINCHILD: It certainly is on early.

ALETIA: Chi?

CHIBIZILLA: Reeeonk.

NANAHI: Frylock is not gay!

CHIBIZILLA: Reeeonk.

NANAHI: Straight guys can too know drama!

CHIBIZILLA: Brooonk.

NANAHI: Oh, go do more studying.

CYRAN: HEY, DOES ANYONE WANT TO WATCH 20,000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA?

BRAINCHILD: WHICH VERSION?

*CUT TO ZAIA and CYRAN*

CYRAN: Uh, oh wait, nevermind, it's empty!

ZAIA: Shoot, I've got to get that back!

CYRAN: Loaned it?

ZAIA: I think it's more of a 'permitted theft' case.

CYRAN: Ah, that sort of thing. What about An American Werewolf in London?

ZAIA: Cyran-oh hell, nevermind, if you want everyone else angry because you gave them nightmares, I'm not going to stop you. Fine.

CYRAN: WHEE!
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Post by Darth Yoshi »

1st post. :D

Now to read.

EDIT: Animal Planet. Heh.
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Post by Lindar »

*sulks* Damn! Aqua Teens is good... why you gonna let Cyran change it!!*snuggles Aletia and sulks*
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the longer i wait,the more i forget.the more i forget, the longer the list of desires grows. for that which is wanted is forbidden. and we all know that forbidden fruit is often the sweetest.Don'tcha wish your g/f was a witch like me?~*~AYVBABTU
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Post by Captain Cyran »

This is going to be very good.

And yet very, very, very bad...
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Post by Kuja »

PART 22: Everyone Loves Louts

CYRAN: OK guys, movie time!

LINDAR: No way!

CYRAN: Huh?

NANAHI: It's gotta wait.

CYRAN: Why?

BRAINCHILD: Rob and Steve are on next.

CYRAN: What?! Is that on now?! Why didn't anyone warn me?!

NANHI: Sh! It's about to start!

*CYRAN throws himself to the floor in front of the TV. CUT TO: the TV screen**

ANNOUNCER: HEEEEEEEY, KIDS!

*tuba music*

ANNOUNCER: It's the Rob and Steve Comedy Hour!

*ROB DALTON runs on wearing a striped suit, followed by STEVE, who crashes into him and knocks them both over. They bounce back to their feet as though made of rubber and wave*

DALTON: Hey everyone! We've got a great show lined up for you today! Steve, tell them what they're in for!

STEVE: You got it! Today, we have everyone's favorite special guest, Mister Wobbles! *cheers* And as if that's not enough, we've...*he pauses* We've...we've...*he falters*

DALTON: *concerned* Steve, are you okay?

STEVE: I...I...I can't...*he begins to break down* I can't do this anymore!

*ROB rushes the camera, waving frantically*

DALTON: COMMERCIAL! IT'S TIME FOR A COMMERCIAL!

*commercials come on*

NANAHI: What was that all about?

BRAINCHILD: I hear Steve's been under a lot of stress lately.

NANAHI: Poor guy.

*CUT TO: the studio*

DALTON: Steve, Steve, come on man, you can't to this to me!

*PAN DOWN to reveal STEVE curled up on the floor, blubbering*

STEVE: I'm sorry Rob! It's just too much! I can't take it!

DALTON: Come on man, just stand up. Come on.

*he helps STEVE to his feet*

DALTON: Now, you've got a couple of minutes to pull yourself together.

STEVE: I-

DALTON: Just stick with me for one more show, okay? I can't do this alone! Please? We'll announce your retirement at the end, okay?

STEVE: *nodding* Okay.

*camera follows STEVE as he walks to his dressing room, closes the door behind him, and fishes a prescription bottle out of a drawer. He unscrews the cap and gulps down about a dozen pills. Abruptly, DALTON throws the door open*

DALTON: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!

STEVE: IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!

DALTON: LET GO OF THE DRUGS, MAN!

STEVE: NO, THEY HELP ME!

DALTON: HAND THEM OVER!

STEVE: YOU JUST WANT THEM FOR YOURSELF, DON'T YOU?!

*CUT TO: the living room*

CYRAN: Hey, they're back!

DALTON: -ING TRASH!

STEVE: LOUSY THIEF!

CYRAN: Whoa, they're going at it!

KIDS: FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!

*ROB and STEVE continue trading punches and ripping their costumes to shreds, shaking off the efforts of the crew to separate them*

DALTON: JUST ADMIT YOU'RE A GODDAMN ADDICT!

STEVE: FUCK YOU, COCKSUCKER!

ZAIA: That's it. Movie time!

CYRAN: No way! I want to see who wins!

*static, followed by a 'Technical Difficulties' screen*

CYRAN: Aw, rats!

BRAINCHILD: Front page tomorrow, you think?

CHIBIZILLA: Ronk.
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Steve
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Post by Steve »

Ooooh, pill-shaped M&Ms. 8)
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Post by Dalton »

:lol: Clash of the Titans, that.
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Post by phongn »

Dalton wrote::lol: Clash of the Titans, that.
I bet the USGS was freaking out over their seismograph readings. :P
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Post by Ford Prefect »

After a really bad day, you just made me feel so much better. Dog bless you Kuja.
What is Project Zohar?

Here's to a certain mostly harmless nutcase.
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Post by darthdavid »

Muy delicioso.
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Post by Captain Cyran »

My bets on Dalton...

He turns into the fucking Green Giant (who is far more frightening than the Hulk) when he gets pissed.
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Post by Steve »

Captain Cyran wrote:My bets on Dalton...

He turns into the fucking Green Giant (who is far more frightening than the Hulk) when he gets pissed.
I've been credited with destroying civilizations when on an M&M sugar rush. :twisted:
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