Col. Crackpot's 4th annual crappy Christmas music thread!!

Col. Crackpot · Post by **Col. Crackpot** » 2005-11-27 11:59am

Tis the season... for shitty music! AND a glorious SD.net Tradition!

Countless radio stations across North America have begun playing all holiday music, all the time! Sure, there are some gems, such as Barenaked Ladies/Sarah McLachlin's God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen and Bruce Springsteen's Santa Clause is coming to town. This thread is NOT about those! This thread is dedicated to the bottom of the barrel: The sappy, the crappy and the just plain offensive! Speak! Share! Vent!

my latest list of gripes:

Christmas in America: repetitive, sickeningly sweet god bless America shit.

Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer: do I have to explain?

Feliz Navidad: Jose Feliciano needs to be flogged and shot for infecting our collective conciousness with this catchy little ditty.

Do they know it's Christmas time? Well intentioned, but shit nonetheless. Boy George, Bono and Bob Geldorf are right. There won't be christmas in Africa this year. Not because of poverty, but because they're not christians you stupid fucks!

your turn folks! Have at it!

EmperorSolo51 · Post by **EmperorSolo51** » 2005-11-27 01:11pm

I'll go ahead an Suggest some music from the Byzantine Catholic Rites. A lot of the Music They use in thier Divine Liturgy is much more beautiful than the Gregorian Chant and the modern hymns that we Latin Rite Catholics use in our masses. The difference between Eastern Hymns and Gregorian Chant is the fact they only use 8 tones and no musical instruments to accompany the vocalists. The only draw back is that unlike the Latin rite Hymns and chants you have either a vague understanding of what they are signing about or have a chopped up and bastardized English version, the eastern Catholics sign thier liturgy in Greek, Aramaic, Ukranian, Armenian or Arabic.

http://www.grkat.nfo.sk/eng/music.html

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2005-11-27 01:50pm

Some holiday music for all the other hollidays that's not a store jingle, and not written by adam sandler....

Dartzap · Post by **Dartzap** » 2005-11-27 02:25pm

oh, we have currently got a new contender for "most annoying Xmas Jingle" its a christmas version of "Is this the way to amirillo" , but with the words changedto "is this the way to Santa?"

Post by **Zaia** » 2005-11-27 02:49pm

Col. Crackpot wrote:Do they know it's Christmas time? Well intentioned, but shit nonetheless. Boy George, Bono and Bob Geldorf are right. There won't be christmas in Africa this year. Not because of poverty, but because they're not christians you stupid fucks!

Bah humbug, you took my favourite one!

Post by **Dalton** » 2005-11-27 02:52pm

That one song by The Waitresses that's stuck forever in my head.

Pick · Post by **Pick** » 2005-11-27 03:19pm

That one goddamn Chipmunks song.

"Meeeee I waaaant a huuuuula hooooop, I can haaardly staaand to wait, oh Christmas don't be laaaaaate!"

El Moose Monstero · Post by **El Moose Monstero** » 2005-11-27 03:21pm

Slade, So here it is, Merry Xmas. Reasons - Noddy Holder. Sideburns. Nuff said.

Thag · Post by **Thag** » 2005-11-27 03:27pm

"Rockin around the Christmas Tree" - playing this once every few days gets annoying. Playing this at least 2-3 times a day makes me want to microwave the radio.

Joe · Post by **Joe** » 2005-11-27 03:48pm

Other than the ones currently mentioned:

"I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" - A bad song to begin with, but a few years ago they had a bunch of pre-teen boys singing it boy-band style in a Gap commercial, and I think that's the only time I've ever seriously wanted to kill children.

"Simply Having a wonderful Christmastime" - just really annoys me for some reason

HemlockGrey · Post by **HemlockGrey** » 2005-11-27 03:56pm

Dominic the Italian Christmas Donkey.

Siege · Post by **Siege** » 2005-11-27 04:25pm

Nobody mentioned Wham yet? Last christmas, I gave you my heart... That always makes me want to go on a violent rampage and stuff a christmas tree up someone's ass. Its... so... damn... ANNOYING!

Duckie · Post by **Duckie** » 2005-11-27 05:07pm

EmperorSolo51 wrote:I'll go ahead an Suggest some music from the Byzantine Catholic Rites. [...]

http://www.grkat.nfo.sk/eng/music.html

That isn't exactly the purpose of the thread, but I'll go ahead and say that that is possibly the best thing I've seen within the week. I'd certainly prefer Byzantine Chants to Christmas Music, even if I can't understand a word beyond "Christos". Audio quality's a bit low, though.

Santa Baby must die. That one Beach Boys one about the sled, too.

EmperorSolo51 · Post by **EmperorSolo51** » 2005-11-27 05:39pm

MRDOD wrote:
EmperorSolo51 wrote:I'll go ahead an Suggest some music from the Byzantine Catholic Rites. [...]

http://www.grkat.nfo.sk/eng/music.html
That isn't exactly the purpose of the thread, but I'll go ahead and say that that is possibly the best thing I've seen within the week. I'd certainly prefer Byzantine Chants to Christmas Music, even if I can't understand a word beyond "Christos". Audio quality's a bit low, though.

Yeah, I realized about two seconds after I posted this that this was the wrong thread.

Post by **LadyTevar** » 2005-11-27 06:02pm

What is really sad... I grew up with Xmas songs being played daily in my house, because my mom loved them. So I love hearing Xmas songs this time of year, even the cheesy ones.

How bad is it? I tried to get Nit to spend $50 on a bunch of CDs by Mannhiem Steamroller and some by the TransSiberian

Joe · Post by **Joe** » 2005-11-27 06:09pm

I like Mannheim Steamroller's Christmas music, but their DVD is one of the worst things I've ever seen. Honestly the bandmembers are the ugliest motherfuckers alive.

The Guid · Post by **The Guid** » 2005-11-27 07:50pm

Don't let the Bells End by The Darkness.

It will annoy me more than the others for many reasons such as the following:

a. My brother thinks it is a good song. When it really isn't.
b. I can remember a sweet and happy time before it even existed & I know that that time is gone because it will get drudged up every bloody year.
c. I hate the Darkness.
d. The song doesn't even make any sense.
e.

Col. Crackpot · Post by **Col. Crackpot** » 2005-11-27 09:06pm

HemlockGrey wrote:Dominic the Italian Christmas Donkey.

I fucking love that song, and sterotypes be damned so do my Italian in laws.

Mr. Coffee · Post by **Mr. Coffee** » 2005-11-27 10:37pm

Jingle Bells. Not the song itself (even if it's massively oversung, often by retards that only know the chorus), but the half assed parodies that everyone just has to sing...

I'm going to slap the next 13 year old I catch singing "Jingle Bells, Batman Smells..."

EmperorSolo51 · Post by **EmperorSolo51** » 2005-11-28 12:08am

MRDOD wrote:
Audio quality's a bit low, though.

Santa Baby must die. That one Beach Boys one about the sled, too.

If You are looking for higher Quality Byzantine "Divine Liturgy" (The eastern rite name for Mass) Audio files, then I suggest Byzantine Radio. Though I should warn you, they are done in flash player, so I suggest you use an audio ripper that can catch background noise if you want to convert them to Mp3s.

Post by **Kuja** » 2005-11-28 11:32am

Joe wrote:"Simply Having a wonderful Christmastime" - just really annoys me for some reason

Possibly because it's limp-wristed and bloody repetitive?

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2005-11-28 04:16pm

Virtually any pop remake of a Christmas song annoys the living piss out of me. And I've always, always hated "Little Drummer Boy" with a passion.

J · Post by J » 2005-11-28 05:16pm

I'm not that much of a Diana Krall fan to begin with, and having her Christmas Songs CD become the unofficial office music album isn't helping. The songs aren't bad & I've heard a lot worse, but with the constant daily replay it's really starting to grate on my nerves...

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2005-11-28 05:23pm

Oh yeah, "Oh Tanenbaum" grates my nerves as well. The song just proves that nothing can sound inviting or wholesome when spoken in German. When I first heard the song as a child, "tanenbaum" sounded like a Nazi super-weapon. I surmised that this weapon, the "Tannen Bomb", was essentially a bomb with Biff Tannen-like characteristics of being exceedingly large and powerful but stupid.

I had no idea why my mom would play such a horrifying song at Christmas time, but you can bet I was having the dog sniff my presents before opening them.

Metatwaddle · Post by **Metatwaddle** » 2005-11-28 05:25pm

LadyTevar wrote:How bad is it? I tried to get Nit to spend $50 on a bunch of CDs by Mannhiem Steamroller and some by the TransSiberian

I like the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. Sure, the lyrics are trite, but the instrumentation is absolutely wonderful. I wish more bands did that sort of rock + orchestra thing.

Has anyone here heard that song, "Christmas Shoes"? I hate that song with a passion. It's so sappy.

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Col. Crackpot's 4th annual crappy Christmas music thread!!

Col. Crackpot's 4th annual crappy Christmas music thread!!

Re: Col. Crackpot's 4th annual crappy Christmas music thread