Astrum es meus Oyster, a Warhammer 40,000 fanfic (unserious)

Elheru Aran · Post by **Elheru Aran** » 2005-11-27 11:49pm

/Sneaks in. Furtively hides two kittens, one calico, the other gray striped, in the she-Eldar's bag of knitting. Scratches off two on his little book. Notices there's a loose fuse on the sixth level and vanishes to fix that. Kittens start meowing.../

Anyway! Excellent tale thus far... -grins-

Post by **LadyTevar** » 2005-11-28 01:27pm

Elheru Aran wrote:/Sneaks in. Furtively hides two kittens, one calico, the other gray striped, in the she-Eldar's bag of knitting. Scratches off two on his little book. Notices there's a loose fuse on the sixth level and vanishes to fix that. Kittens start meowing.../

Anyway! Excellent tale thus far... -grins-

:nudges the kittens out of the knitting, so that the kevlar doesn't hurt their little paws, and sends them over to meet the other 4 felines she already owns::

Duckie · Post by **Duckie** » 2005-11-28 04:32pm

:taps his foot annoyedly and crosses his arms:

"Consorting with Xenos? Beautiful Eldar? Kittens? I'm very disappointed with all of you. I expect to see all of you personally in my office over this. The Emperor forg- well... um... ah! acknowledges all who seek forgiveness..."

_____________________________________

/meanwhile, in an alternate universe, a zombie shrieks into the night./

"UUUUUUUPDAAAAAAATE! UUUUUUUUUUPPPPPDATE!"

Charon IV's Zombies are mostly harmless and are in fact known to be the best tool for writer's block ever devised by the Ruinous Powers. Gloves and full body armor are recommended for the prospective ficwriter. Be warned that customs does not usually tolerate the attempted export of these docile zombies due to the tourist potential and service charges that now amass 98% of Charon IV's economic profits. [0.8% Mining for Fish, 0.46% Office Supplies, 0.74% Misc]

Pcm979 · Post by **Pcm979** » 2005-11-29 07:49pm

*Drops from ceiling*

NOOO! Not more cats! They get into EVERYTHING! If they get into the wiring... A little nibble here, a little nibble there and before you know it, we're flying backwards."

*Skitters away, using all eight limbs*

"And keep the Eldar away from the engine rooms! We have enough problems without contaminating our Machine Spirits with Xenos technosorcery."

Typhonis 1 · Post by **Typhonis 1** » 2005-11-29 08:30pm

Thats Rats you bat brained nincompoop Cats keep them and Nurglings away from such stuff.

Mr. Coffee · Post by **Mr. Coffee** » 2005-11-29 09:25pm

*sets out a saucer of coffee and cream for the kitties, as they as cute considered good luck. Hopes to the Emperor the cats don't explode from the caffiene in the coffee**

Elheru Aran · Post by **Elheru Aran** » 2005-11-29 09:36pm

Mr. Coffee wrote:*sets out a saucer of coffee and cream for the kitties, as they as cute considered good luck. Hopes to the Emperor the cats don't explode from the caffiene in the coffee**

They better not. Or *someone* might find the entire stock of caf-bean aboard replaced with decaf-bean...

Yes, Manesero gets around...

That NOS Guy · Post by **That NOS Guy** » 2005-11-30 11:24am

Oh dear, there goes the ships coffee cream supply.

Post by **LadyTevar** » 2005-11-30 02:56pm

Pcm979 wrote:*Drops from ceiling*

NOOO! Not more cats! They get into EVERYTHING! If they get into the wiring... A little nibble here, a little nibble there and before you know it, we're flying backwards."

*Skitters away, using all eight limbs*

"And keep the Eldar away from the engine rooms! We have enough problems without contaminating our Machine Spirits with Xenos technosorcery."

*raises one elegant eyebrow, but says nothing of her opinion about the Mon-Keigh's belief in ... 'Machine Spirits'. After all, wisdom comes in knowing when to speak, and when to stay silent*

Pcm979 · Post by **Pcm979** » 2005-11-30 03:33pm

Typhonis 1 wrote:Thats Rats you bat brained nincompoop Cats keep them and Nurglings away from such stuff.

*Stops, skitters up wall and dangles from ceiling in front of Typhonis*

"Rats? Don't make me laugh. All the rats on board the ship were converted into Servitors years ago. And I don't think I'm asking too much when I say keep the pets away from the warp drives? Unless the idea of being lost in the Immaterium for all eternity appeals to you, that is."

LadyTevar wrote:*raises one elegant eyebrow, but says nothing of her opinion about the Mon-Keigh's belief in ... 'Machine Spirits'. After all, wisdom comes in knowing when to speak, and when to stay silent*

*Jabs Mechadendrite at the Eldar*

"Oh yes. Laugh if you like, but having a conversation with the Engine Room Cogitator would change your mind quicksmart."

*Lights in the corridor go out*

"AAAAARGH! Lazy fucking light switch spirit."

*Prises open vent shaft, disappears. Thumpings and curses are heard from within, and the lights flicker back on*

Post by **LadyTevar** » 2005-11-30 03:49pm

Pcm979 wrote:
LadyTevar wrote:*raises one elegant eyebrow, but says nothing of her opinion about the Mon-Keigh's belief in ... 'Machine Spirits'. After all, wisdom comes in knowing when to speak, and when to stay silent*
*Jabs Mechadendrite at the Eldar*

"Oh yes. Laugh if you like, but having a conversation with the Engine Room Cogitator would change your mind quicksmart."

*Lights in the corridor go out*

"AAAAARGH! Lazy fucking light switch spirit."

*Prises open vent shaft, disappears. Thumpings and curses are heard from within, and the lights flicker back on*

*Once again, the Eldar calmly watches the crazed Mon-Keigh as he skitters and fights with what was obviously no more than a surge in the wires. Amusing how primative cultures assign inanimate objects with personalities, or try to create them out of thin air. Eldar technology had never been this ... degenerate.*

Pcm979 · Post by **Pcm979** » 2005-11-30 04:00pm

*Reappears, muttering to self*

"I swear... Coming down around my auditory nodes...." *Fastens vent cover into place, obsessively applying ungents. Crawls along wall and around the bend.*

"Oh, for the Omnissiah's sake. So much to do, so little time!"

That NOS Guy · Post by **That NOS Guy** » 2005-11-30 04:26pm

LadyTevar wrote:
*Once again, the Eldar calmly watches the crazed Mon-Keigh as he skitters and fights with what was obviously no more than a surge in the wires. Amusing how primative cultures assign inanimate objects with personalities, or try to create them out of thin air. Eldar technology had never been this ... degenerate.*

Which would explain why the Eldar have a vast galaxy spanning empire.

I had forgotten who ran this boat.

Post by **LadyTevar** » 2005-11-30 04:30pm

That NOS Guy wrote:
LadyTevar wrote:
*Once again, the Eldar calmly watches the crazed Mon-Keigh as he skitters and fights with what was obviously no more than a surge in the wires. Amusing how primative cultures assign inanimate objects with personalities, or try to create them out of thin air. Eldar technology had never been this ... degenerate.*
Which would explain why the Eldar have a vast galaxy spanning empire.

I had forgotten who ran this boat.

"Our Empire was vast before your Emporer was born, child. If you wish to see it, look to the Eye, and remember what comes of arrogance."

That NOS Guy · Post by **That NOS Guy** » 2005-11-30 04:33pm

LadyTevar wrote: "Our Empire was vast before your Emporer was born, child. If you wish to see it, look to the Eye, and remember what comes of arrogance."

For xenos so obsessed with preventing arrogance you things sure are full of it

Bloody space elves.

Pcm979 · Post by **Pcm979** » 2005-11-30 04:35pm

*Hatch in floor opens, a collection of wires and other machinery fly out. From within:*

"She is a paying passenger, you know. Try not to piss her off too much. Machine-God damnit, where's the- Ah."

*Elevator music plays*

"Nononono, wrong wire!" *Music stops*

Elheru Aran · Post by **Elheru Aran** » 2005-11-30 04:51pm

Ahem! Gentlemen, and gentle-beings? Let us not write Ford's story for him...

On the other hand... this is kind of fun... -grins-

Post by **LadyTevar** » 2005-11-30 04:51pm

That NOS Guy wrote:
LadyTevar wrote: "Our Empire was vast before your Emporer was born, child. If you wish to see it, look to the Eye, and remember what comes of arrogance."
For xenos so obsessed with preventing arrogance you things sure are full of it

Bloody space elves.

*The Eldar lady never lost the calm expression on her face during the insults nor the hyperactive TechPriest's pratter. A more observant human, one well versed in art, might compare her to famous painting of another enigmatic woman with a small amused smile on her face.*

Mr. Coffee · Post by **Mr. Coffee** » 2005-11-30 07:52pm

Elheru Aran wrote:They better not. Or *someone* might find the entire stock of caf-bean aboard replaced with decaf-bean...

Yes, Manesero gets around...

Come on, Manny... The kitties like coffee. Look at the little guys play... *Ducks a flying kitten with a case of the catr crazies, picks one up and scratches it's ears* Hmm... I could use a shop cat...

Typhonis 1 · Post by **Typhonis 1** » 2005-11-30 08:05pm

I keep getting the crazy idea of Tevars character and the poor dark eldar with memeory loss getting together and Tevar trying to educate her to Eldar ways.....redirect the child to the proper path as it were.

Pcm979 · Post by **Pcm979** » 2005-11-30 08:22pm

*Yips as a cat stumbles into the maintenance duct* "No, feline! You are not welcome here! Cease that! Cease and desist! Do not lick the image of the Machine-God! Leave those wires alone! Noooo!"

*Cat is pushed out of hatch by Mechadendrites, which proceed to gather to loose wires and shut the door hatch behind them*

Typhonis 1 · Post by **Typhonis 1** » 2005-11-30 08:53pm

Pulls the door hatch open. "Bloody rats." tosses in tear gas grenade and then shuts it. Holds it closed till the grenade goes off.

"There Tevar no more rat problems" walks off.

Pcm979 · Post by **Pcm979** » 2005-11-30 09:21pm

*Emerges* "You know, if it wasn't for my conversion field there might have been a serious accident!"

*Climbs into ceiling hatch and disappears into the ship's bowels, muttering vaguely*

admiral_danielsben · Post by **admiral_danielsben** » 2005-11-30 10:28pm

Um...err... the Eldar can stay, but I'm not so sure of all the feli - make that cats. <mumbles a string of things unintelligibly>. I don't know if they offend the machine gods or cause shorts from all the wires they nibble on and hair they shed, but they don't exactly resultinpropercomputerfunctioning....<mumbles a string of unintelligble insults>. I highly doubt that the presence of a xeno will affect the computers more than having wires cut and circuitspollutedwithhair, uhm... so it's a bad idea to keep cats around the machines.

Post by **LadyTevar** » 2005-12-01 10:07pm

Typhonis 1 wrote:I keep getting the crazy idea of Tevars character and the poor dark eldar with memeory loss getting together and Tevar trying to educate her to Eldar ways.....redirect the child to the proper path as it were.

It would be nice to have a daughter to raise once again...