What if your child asked...

[Cairber]

On another board (99% female), the question was asked "what would you do if your son came to you and asked to see the hole 'where daddy puts his penis.' How would you go about talking about it?

Almost all the women who responded thought that actually showing the child the hole would be either A) categorically wrong or B) Borderline abusive (or incest was actually used in a few posts.) Many opted to show the child a book or a diagram.

What would you do? Feel free to change the situaiton to your daughter asking about your penis. Is there a difference between showing the vagina or the penis?

[BloodAngel]

Never had a kid, but I believe if it's shown earlier it may resolve some problems later in life (such as shyness of sex due to not knowing of the other sex's body parts, trust me this can happen). Plus I don't think the kid would give any real problem about it at a young age, besides the whole "eww, gross!!!" reaction.

[Darth Wong]

When I explained sexuality to Matthew, I just drew very simplistic pictures.

Personally, I don't think it would be a good idea for a budding adolescent's first look at a real live vagina to be his mother's vagina. That's just way too Freudian.

[Pint0 Xtreme]

You could always show diagrams or pictures on wikipedia and other internet sources.

[BloodAngel]

I just thought of something...if a young child really wanted to see a vagina, they would just have to use Google Image search, right?

Would it be too liberal-minded if I just said "let them find out by themselves?"

[Cairber]

I should mention the child in question was 6

[Elheru Aran]

Eh. I'd make a few quick drawings. Keep it simple. The kid's gonna find out sooner or later...

Essentially: 'Okay, guys have this [draws]. You should know, you have one (don't have one if it's a girl). Girls have this [draws]. When a guy and a girl are old enough, and love each other, then the guy's piece goes in that. That's also how kids are started in Mama's stomach. Anything else?'

[Darth Wong]

I basically did that when I explained human sexuality to Matthew, at which point he said "so did you and Mommy do it two times?"

Naturally, since we had two children, this seemed to be a perfectly logical conclusion to him. I had to explain that we've done it many, many, many times, and that people do it even when they don't plan on having children because it's fun. He then asked (naturally) why it's fun, because he didn't really see the appeal (yes, he's a youngster). I don't remember precisely what I said at that point, but it basically boiled down to "you play with your own willy, right?" and "you'll understand as you get older."

[Seggybop]

I remember getting rather pissed off when I was 3 or 4 because my mother wouldn't show or tell me what it looked like beyond that it was a "hole."

[Utsanomiko]

I was about to suggest some more advanced books with actual diagrams for older children to answer the sex questions beyond 'where does the baby come out?', but I suppose they're not terribly common these days. Can't say I've actively looked for any, though.

[Spanky The Dolphin]

You're refering to that one book we have, right?

[Utsanomiko]

You're refering to that one book we have, right?

That one only covers about a step or two beyond the real basics, I'd say. I'm more talking about actual illustrations, like a biology book perhaps.

It'd certainly be clearer than someone like me doing the drawing; they'd otherwise end up thinking everything looks like a turd or a raisin. Or a raisin within a turd...

[Darth Wong]

Quite frankly, those biology textbook drawings really don't give you a good idea what a real vagina looks like. For that, an issue of Hustler magazine would be more effective.

[DPDarkPrimus]

Grey's Anatomy can be had for like $15 at Barnes & Noble...

[Darth Wong]

Grey's Anatomy can be had for like $15 at Barnes & Noble...

Hustler is considerably cheaper than that, and will give you a much better idea of what a woman's vagina looks like.

[Utsanomiko]

Well, I was referring to the comparison with your typical hand-drawings, anyway.

[Cairber]

My take on it was that my own vagina would probably show him very little (plus, depending on when he asked, its not like I could show him anyway). I would think I would know where the question was coming from since hes my kid, and I would know what has been talked about and seen in the house (for example, when I lived in a rural part of NY, my family use to swim naked now and then in the pool and, because we had a well water system,- which meant you only got hot water for 3 showers in the AM and there were 6 of us- sometimes we showered together when we were younger).

I noticed a lot of women thought that showing the penis was completely different from the vagina, I guess because the vagina is pretty much hidden while just walking in on dad getting dressed would reveal the penis. Either way, I pretty much think that I would show them a book and, depending on how "open" of a family we end up being, have to deal with further questions later. i think that if its the norm that questions about private parts are ok in the house, then more will probably follow.


It seems there is a big movement among parents to be very open about sexual things from the start. Hopefully its a good sign that more and more parents will be involving themselves in their kid's sex education.

[DPDarkPrimus]

Grey's Anatomy can be had for like $15 at Barnes & Noble...

Hustler is considerably cheaper than that, and will give you a much better idea of what a woman's vagina looks like.

I should mention the child in question was 6

You must have missed that Mike.

[Darth Wong]

Grey's Anatomy can be had for like $15 at Barnes & Noble...

Hustler is considerably cheaper than that, and will give you a much better idea of what a woman's vagina looks like.

I should mention the child in question was 6

You must have missed that Mike.

Nope, I didn't miss it. A full-colour picture of a vagina will not scar a child for life regardless of whether he's six or sixteen.

[Braedley]

Grey's Anatomy can be had for like $15 at Barnes & Noble...

Hustler is considerably cheaper than that, and will give you a much better idea of what a woman's vagina looks like.

Why go buy a Hustler when you can find just as good online and it's free? (Google's your friend!)

[HemlockGrey]

Nope, I didn't miss it. A full-colour picture of a vagina will not scar a child for life regardless of whether he's six or sixteen.

It may make the latter intensely jealous, though.

[Mrs Kendall]

First of all I should say that my husband and myself haven't been really private about what we look like without clothes on. Our son is 4 and he sees us naked (not as often as he used to) sometimes but we go to the bathroom with the door open so we can hear what's going on with the kids whether they're fighting, falling down stairs etc. Even considering this I would have to say No I wouldn't be ready to jump right in and show our son mine if he asked but if he didn't get the answers he wanted from the books or pictures I would show him, then I guess I would let him have a quick look. But I would do all I could to make that a last resort. I want to raise kids woho will be open with me about what they are doing so I should be open with them about what I'm doing right.

I honestly don't know for sure, this is how I feel now about it but who knows what I'll feel like in a few years.

[DPDarkPrimus]

Hustler is considerably cheaper than that, and will give you a much better idea of what a woman's vagina looks like.

I should mention the child in question was 6

You must have missed that Mike.

Nope, I didn't miss it. A full-colour picture of a vagina will not scar a child for life regardless of whether he's six or sixteen.

But... isn't Hustler pornography?

[CaptJodan]

But... isn't Hustler pornography?

I don't think it would matter. As long as you approach the pictures from the right mindset and explain them in a non-pornographic way, then the child won't take them in that way. How you treat the material matters.

I took sexual behaviors in college, and some of the videos we were shown were of males and females masterbating. While the acts themselves could have been considered porn, the context they were in was decidedly scientific. It was easier, then, not to find such images sexually stimulating.

[Darth Wong]

But... isn't Hustler pornography?

How does this impact upon my point that a picture of a naked woman is not going to scar a kid for life? It's not as if I'm showing him a Max Hardcore video.