From those who brought us the HIMS Phallic Compensator...

[Rogue 9]

Wow. If I hadn't seen his earlier Imperium class, I'd say we'd found the limits of fanwank.

[Sidewinder]

The "neck" section and swollen prow is an uncomfortably similar to that of a Klingon ship, and looks similarly vulnerable. Seriously, what's the point?

[Ender]

The "neck" section and swollen prow is an uncomfortably similar to that of a Klingon ship, and looks similarly vulnerable. Seriously, what's the point?

keep in mind the vulnerable bit is several kilometers think.

Wolf's shipyard usually does good work. But fan submissions get a bit out there

[Crossroads Inc.]

The 'Imperium' at least looked kind of cool... This, this is just friggin ugly.

[Duckie]

It looks like a Giant Nebulon-B on crack.

The engines are tiny, although I'm glad he reduced the bridge size. Now it's only a mere 1.3 Kilometers long...

[Noble Ire]

How would you even crew that thing? I mean, the Empire is huge, but you'd need a planet's worth of crewmen to even maintain and run it, rather than using them for, say, 5 sector patrol fleets. At least the DS had a specific purpose; I don't get this one at all.

[Crossroads Inc.]

See, the thing is that I liked the Imperium, at the very least the concept of it. I mean, it was basically "An Emprie in a Box" you went to another Galaxy with a ship so big and so powerful you could establish a whole new beach head for the GE.

This thing, I mean, it's just hideious, does it evem have a purpose? is there even a reason it looks the way it does? Shoot I could load up Illustrator and draw something better in 10min time.

[Rogue 9]

Maiden Flight, SDSD Freudian Nightmare


Imperial Weapons Development Center, Coruscant

To Whom it May Concern:

Gentlemen, let me start by saying that I am greatly honored to be chosen for command of such a magnificent vessel. That said, our insystem shakedown cruise has turned up a few minor issues that I would like to see remedied as soon as possible.

1) We understand your desire to continue the classical stylized lines of the first star destroyer class vessels, and we appreciate your asthetic sense in that regard. However, strictly speaking, was it absolutely necessary to scale up the bridge tower directly? I must confess the foreward bridge window is a great distraction. Militarily, we feel that as is, the three kilometer tall window pane may provide too tempting a target for enemy forces we may engage. We've lost four helmsmen so far to vertigo as well, and we don't think this is in the best interests of the vessel's well-being.

2) The sheer size of our vessel, while a glorious symbol of the mighty Emperor, which we all appreciate completely, has become apparent to us all. My initial briefing tour of the vessel took six days to complete, and the travel tubes were based on the design in use aboard the slightly smaller Executor-class vessels. Travel time being prohibitive, we were forced to camp out in the corridors of the major sectors when we stopped for the night. Furthermore, since our crew quarters sections are located entirely within the aft dorsal sectors, both our Engineering crew and ground forces complements have built tent cities within their own sections, and are living there. Fire hazard has become nearly intolerable and the hydroponics department has sent me six hundred messages insisting that the smoke from the camp-fires is ruining their crop, and that we have enough food left aboard for only another three weeks.

2) Our vessel's own gravity is not being handled as well as could be done, with some minor problematical consequences. Our plumbers called my attention to the fact that the sewage from our 6 million-man crew backwashed through the air vents in Sections 42 to 78, decks 258 through 532. Malaria and dysentary broke out in those sections, and we were forced to cordon it off to prevent an epidemic. Our first Chief Medical Officer unfortunately was killed when he requested the paperwork on those affected, and upon receiving e-mailed reports from all 739 of his senior doctors, the computer screen in his quarters self-destructed, propelling shrapnel throughout his quarters. All droids who enter the area have failed to return, and a remote camera probe sent in, recorded images of the survivors in the affected area where they were flinging their own feces at each other, warring with sharpened pieces of metal, and attempting to eat the dismembered limbs of the aforementioned droids.

3) On a similar note, regarding the unfortunate loss of our last CMO, we have finally decided that the staff requirements of this vessel are creating further problems. For instance, our Chief Engineer has begun the habit of signing his reports, "Chief Marshal, Sovereign Nation of Ree'Ak'tor." He has since sealed off those decks, and started a war. The war in question is against his apparent rival, the commander of our ground forces near the main flightdeck, who has taken to calling himself "Bringer of the Apocalypse." Surveillance records indicate that they have since stopped wearing their armor, and have begun smearing their bodies with industrial cleaning fluid and lubricants before launching raids upon the Engineering department. We believe that they have begun ritualistically sacrificing one of our TIE-fighter pilots before each attack to bring them luck.

Aside from a minor note that some of our turbolaser turret gunners may have starved to death when their food shipments were cut off by the warzone, there is little else to remark on, save that in our first tactical drill, during the course of a two-hour right turn, we failed to halt our rotation with the result of the subsequent and very unfortunate destruction of the entire Coruscant 4th Defensive Fleet. I've made a note to send out letters of regret the moment we reacquire contact with our communications room at the bow of the vessel. That of course is the reason why this message had to be sent to your offices via pen, paper, and one of our probe droids. I beg forgivness for the clerical difficulties that may cause.

Signed,
Grand Admiral
SDSD Freudian Nightmare

[Noble Ire]

That was awesome.

[Crossroads Inc.]

You know... Everything above could easily be applied to the Death Star

[Noble Ire]

You know... Everything above could easily be applied to the Death Star

Quiet you.

Nevertheless, you could probably maintain a ship that sizes in operational order, given enough crew and command staff, and enough of those huge transport tubes that SSDs have. Its still a damn waste of resources though.

[avatarxprime]

Oh god, that was great Rogue 9, you put a smile on my face .

[Spice Runner]

snip

I almost fell off my chair...laughing so hard.

[Rogue 9]

Yeah, well I can't take credit. The only thing I did with that was clean up spelling. (And reading over it again, it seems I missed a couple things.)

[NoXion]

Is it bad that I thought the Imperium was a bit small?

[Agent Fisher]

I do believe the Imperium is bigger.

[LordShaithis]

Both of these "wank" ships combined would have only a miniscule fraction of the Death Star's volume and mass. Given what we know of the construction of DS2, the Empire could build these things quickly and in large numbers, and not have a problem crewing them. Provided each one mounted a superlaser substantially more powerful than that of the Eclipse, they could serve just fine as a sort of destroyer-shaped miniature Death Star.

[Rogue 9]

Except, of course, for the 3 km bridge windows and so forth.

[LordShaithis]

Do we know it's all window? I mean, it can't be one giant 3km room. It has to be split up into decks.

[Lord Revan]

also those ships start be so big that they might gravitic force of their own (which would add stress to the hull and might create problems with artificial grav system) the DS doesn't have these problems due to it's shape (it's not sphare because it look cool).

[LordShaithis]

Compared to the stresses such a ship would endure while accelerating at the rates common for SW craft, it's own gravity should be insignifigant. Then again, maybe that is why the Death Stars were spherical. Or maybe not.

[Elheru Aran]

Unless it's got some real funky heavy metals in its construction, the gravity generated should be fairly insignificant-- no more than an extremely large asteroid. Any culture with material science and engineering good enough to build a rigid structure that long/strong will be capable of making it strong enough to resist forming itself into a sphere over time.

[LordShaithis]

People scream "Wank!" without keeping in mind what we've seen the Empire do. I could throw together a picture of a planet-busting Uber Star Destroyer twenty times bigger than the thing at the top of this thread, and it wouldn't be the least bit wank. It would just be the DS2, stretched out to look more like a conventional ship.

[Elheru Aran]

Depends on your definition of 'wank', though. For example, how do you propose to power said planet-buster, considering that it needs to have a certain aesthetic, meaning it's thinner in breadth than in length? If you're going with a DSII-size reactor, might as well cobble two of 'em onto the end of this wankship, and then it'd REALLY be a wanker there...

[LordShaithis]

Depends on your definition of 'wank', though. For example, how do you propose to power said planet-buster, considering that it needs to have a certain aesthetic, meaning it's thinner in breadth than in length? If you're going with a DSII-size reactor, might as well cobble two of 'em onto the end of this wankship, and then it'd REALLY be a wanker there...

Saxton cites the DS2 as being around 900km in diameter. That ought to give it a volume of, what, a little over 380 million cubic kilometers? Let's say I want to redesign it as a long, broad, thin blade-like vessel along the lines of the Executor. Make it 2800km long, 700km wide, and 175km deep. That's only 343 million cubic kilometers, even if we assume it's perfectly rectangular.

It also ought to be large enough to accomodate a DS2-style reactor without too much difficulty, going by the schematic here. So yeah, you could design an ubership 28 times the length of the Imperial Penis Enlarger up there, and it still wouldn't quite match the second Death Star.