What the 'Left Behind' Series Really Means

Kettch · Post by **Kettch** » 2005-12-21 01:58pm

Dooey Jo wrote:Cut to news reports about people suddenly vanishing (but not from Fox News, because they're all gone, obviously ).

Nah what would be really fun is to edit in, Contact style, Rat Robinson & the CBC staff still being on air, having missed the rapture. Of course he'd justify it by saying that God left him on earth because he is one of God's greatest warriors, oh & we still need your donations. Then show some poor sap getting ripped in half while attempting to shield himself w/ a reciept from the 700 club. Of course this is just a taste of what happens when Rambo-Christ gets a hold of Robinson.

wolveraptor · Post by **wolveraptor** » 2005-12-21 02:04pm

Better: this isn't the Rapture at all, but Ragnarok, and Odin and Thor are coming to pwn your raggedy ass. Then comes the badass part with wolves getting ripped in half from their jaws, Thor fighting a giant snake, and swords that fight without anyone holding them.

wautd · Post by **wautd** » 2005-12-21 03:12pm

Finished the article. Rather depressing if even a fraction of it would be true

Invictus ChiKen · Post by **Invictus ChiKen** » 2005-12-21 03:32pm

How about this version:

No rapture. Jesus just comes back and judges people by there works. Farwell, Philips, Chick, Dobson and Robertson are all in deep shit.

Most Atheist, agnostics and non-Christians are given a VERY breif stay in hell to prepare for Heaven (turns out hell has no fire or torment).

While the Fundis get the age after age after age (but with an end) version of hell WITH fire and brimestone action.

Cej4096 · Post by **Cej4096** » 2005-12-21 06:18pm

Invictus ChiKen wrote: While the Fundis get the age after age after age (but with an end) version of hell WITH fire and brimestone action.

While I certainly have problems with the opinions of the average fundamentalist, I highly doubt that most would deserve that simply for their beliefs.

Most are simply people with a screwed up view of the world, not abortion clinic bombers, or guys who go out and kill homosexuals.

Invictus ChiKen · Post by **Invictus ChiKen** » 2005-12-21 08:23pm

Cej4096 wrote:
Invictus ChiKen wrote: While the Fundis get the age after age after age (but with an end) version of hell WITH fire and brimestone action.
While I certainly have problems with the opinions of the average fundamentalist, I highly doubt that most would deserve that simply for their beliefs. Most are simply people with a screwed up view of the world, not abortion clinic bombers, or guys who go out and kill homosexuals.

LOL Didn't mean it THAT literally. Seriously though it would be funny if they where at least threatened with it.

Then the Fundis go

Then Jesus goes GOT YA!

drachefly · Post by **drachefly** » 2005-12-22 03:48pm

Your Jesus doesn't deserve the job.

Not that the OT god does better, but your story is not reassurring.

Shroom Man 777 · Post by **Shroom Man 777** » 2005-12-23 02:25am

The movie ought to end with Heaven getting nuked, while a bunch of US Marines do a last stand kinda thing against like a bajillion sword-armed canon fodder angels and fundies and demons and crap. Basically, humanity beats the living shit outta both Heaven AND Hell! And God has the special honor of having his dick painted by a laser targetting thinggy, and getting hit by the first nuke.

Almightyboredone · Post by **Almightyboredone** » 2005-12-26 11:23pm

wolveraptor wrote:Better: this isn't the Rapture at all, but Ragnarok, and Odin and Thor are coming to pwn your raggedy ass. Then comes the badass part with wolves getting ripped in half from their jaws, Thor fighting a giant snake, and swords that fight without anyone holding them.

That would kick ass. I just might start a religion to whosoever created this film. Or, afilm that starts as the Rapture, until the Old Gods decide to squash the upstart miscreant trying to start The End early *Proceeds to see 'blood stained Jesus' getting squicked by a very angry Norse berserker wielding Mjolnir*

Post by **Surlethe** » 2005-12-27 01:35pm

Cej4096 wrote:
Invictus ChiKen wrote: While the Fundis get the age after age after age (but with an end) version of hell WITH fire and brimestone action.
While I certainly have problems with the opinions of the average fundamentalist, I highly doubt that most would deserve that simply for their beliefs. Most are simply people with a screwed up view of the world, not abortion clinic bombers, or guys who go out and kill homosexuals.

Last I checked, hate speech is an action, and according to Invictus' scenario, Jesus judges based on actions.

meliora · Post by **meliora** » 2006-01-03 12:49pm

I'm a Christian but I don't support those books at all. I've never read them (and never wanted to) but what I've heard of them gives a completely wrong description of the End Times -- first of all the idea that any Christian will be left behind is absurd.
Basically, those books are adding to Revelations (which, the last few verses of Revelations make clear, should NOT be done). No one knows when this will happen and we have no more detail than that given in the book of Revelation. So to write such a popular series about it shows how little knowledge of the Bible these so-called Christians have.
Yes I'm a Christian and I do believe the events of Revelations will happen. But I am a conservative Christian who definitely sees the weakness and confusion of the 'average' Christian in this country. They hardly know their Bibles or understand their God and many only go to church and think that is enough to claim Christianity.
What I'd like to ask all you is, what do YOU think will happen when you die? Honestly, no joking. You know what I think....what if I'm right? If I'm wrong, I guess I'll just be dead, or I'll be reincarnated (if Hinduism, New Age or Buddhist faiths are true). I can deal with that. If I'm right, though, what about all you guys? How do you know I'm not right? Are you sure you're going to Heaven, if Heaven exists?
I'm a Christian interested in hearing about other beliefs. Just curious.

Guardsman Bass · Post by **Guardsman Bass** » 2006-01-03 12:51pm

What I'd like to ask all you is, what do YOU think will happen when you die? Honestly, no joking. You know what I think....what if I'm right? If I'm wrong, I guess I'll just be dead, or I'll be reincarnated (if Hinduism, New Age or Buddhist faiths are true). I can deal with that. If I'm right, though, what about all you guys? How do you know I'm not right? Are you sure you're going to Heaven, if Heaven exists?
I'm a Christian interested in hearing about other beliefs. Just curious.

My opinion? Nothing will happen. I'll die, and that will be that. Hopefully the human race will continue to survive, and avoid wiping itself out in some kind of bioengineered plague, nuclear war, or ecosystem collapse.

Post by **Surlethe** » 2006-01-03 12:55pm

meliora wrote:What I'd like to ask all you is, what do YOU think will happen when you die? Honestly, no joking. You know what I think....what if I'm right? If I'm wrong, I guess I'll just be dead, or I'll be reincarnated (if Hinduism, New Age or Buddhist faiths are true). I can deal with that. If I'm right, though, what about all you guys? How do you know I'm not right? Are you sure you're going to Heaven, if Heaven exists?
I'm a Christian interested in hearing about other beliefs. Just curious.

Ooh, Pascal's Wager. What if you're wrong, and I'm wrong? What if God lets atheists go to heaven, and sends real Bible-believing Christians to hell?

SirNitram · Post by **SirNitram** » 2006-01-03 12:58pm

meliora wrote:What I'd like to ask all you is, what do YOU think will happen when you die?

Dunno. I'll find out when I get there. I don't take Pascal's Wager because I know very definately if there are gods, when I get to the other side, they're going to be carrying sharp implements, and saying 'This is what happens to clever dickheads who think they can half-ass it..'.

Post by **Dalton** » 2006-01-03 01:15pm

meliora wrote:I'm a Christian interested in hearing about other beliefs. Just curious.

I believe that "Revelations" was written by someone who smoked just a little too much of that weed growing on the side of the road.

Plekhanov · Post by **Plekhanov** » 2006-01-03 01:19pm

meliora wrote:What I'd like to ask all you is, what do YOU think will happen when you die?

I will cease to exist (or atleast the bit of me that mattered, my personally, will cease to exist utterly), assuming my family carry out my wishes any usable organs will be harvested from my body for donation, what’s left will be cremated, my family & friends will be upset for a while & then get on with their lives.

Honestly, no joking. You know what I think....what if I'm right? If I'm wrong, I guess I'll just be dead, or I'll be reincarnated (if Hinduism, New Age or Buddhist faiths are true). I can deal with that. If I'm right, though, what about all you guys? How do you know I'm not right?

Are you not aware that there are rather more choices out there other than Christianity (which alone contains a great many varieties most of which claim a majority on salvation) & religions that believe in reincarnation as such your half baked attempt to update Pascal’s wager simply doesn’t fly.

Are you sure you're going to Heaven, if Heaven exists?

I greatly doubt that I or anybody else will go to heaven as there is absolutely no evidence that such a place exists.

I'm a Christian interested in hearing about other beliefs. Just curious.

“Just curious” and not in the least bit trying to proselytise, yeah right

Yes I'm a Christian and I do believe the events of Revelations will happen. But I am a conservative Christian who definitely sees the weakness and confusion of the 'average' Christian in this country. They hardly know their Bibles or understand their God and many only go to church and think that is enough to claim Christianity.

Do tell me where in the bible, which you apparently know, does it state that God wants you to hedge your bets & dedicate your life to him after erroneously calculating that on the balance of probabilities that would be the wisest course of action?

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2006-01-03 01:20pm

Revelations was trippy even for something that has burning shrubbery, loving a being who fucks you over...etc.

As for my death, I die. This is my one shot at existence, and when I pass on, nothing, nada, zip, zero. And if there is a heaven and hell...then so be it. I don't believe in deities and somehow going on my death bed "I believe!" is not going to cut it.

Solauren · Post by **Solauren** » 2006-01-03 01:21pm

Revelations was written as a tool to convert non-believers using fear.

Non-belivers were like "okay, so when I die, I'll go to what you think is the afterlife, not what I think? Fine, whatever"

So they added that crap to scare people "but if you don't, WHEN the world ends..." which usually got results of "Oh CRAP!"
Mainly because it was back in the times of 'if anyone believes it, it must be true!"

Post by **Coyote** » 2006-01-03 01:29pm

meliora wrote:I'm a Christian but I don't support those books at all. I've never read them (and never wanted to) but what I've heard of them gives a completely wrong description of the End Times -- first of all the idea that any Christian will be left behind is absurd.

So you don't like the books because the Ethnic Cleansing portrayed in them isn't thorough and proper enough, or exact?

Basically, those books are adding to Revelations (which, the last few verses of Revelations make clear, should NOT be done).

Huh, that's odd, just like the Torah states that there should not be any books added to it. Oh, uh, oops!

...I am a conservative Christian who definitely sees the weakness and confusion of the 'average' Christian in this country. They hardly know their Bibles or understand their God and many only go to church and think that is enough to claim Christianity.

But you know the actual truth and it will set them aright. Tch, tch, tch... such pride!

What I'd like to ask all you is, what do YOU think will happen when you die? Honestly, no joking. You know what I think....what if I'm right? If I'm wrong, I guess I'll just be dead....

Uh huh, Pascal's wager. It's a nice one, and I guess there's nothing wrong with it, but as noted, does God want serious and sincere believers or people just out to hedge their bets? Well, I guess as long as they pay their property tax, it doesn't matter, eh?

I'm a Christian interested in hearing about other beliefs. Just curious.

"Proselyting for Dummies, Chapter One: Get them to talk about their beliefs! Nothing flatters a person more than to think that you are interested in what they have to say and that you actually care. But in reality, all you have to do is get them on the subject-- then you can go into them with your ideas! Just remember to smile and nod and grunt affirmatively from time to time so they think you're really listening... but the truth is, you're just biding time to get them to your agenda..."

Post by **LadyTevar** » 2006-01-03 01:47pm

meliora wrote: Yes I'm a Christian and I do believe the events of Revelations will happen. But I am a conservative Christian who definitely sees the weakness and confusion of the 'average' Christian in this country. They hardly know their Bibles or understand their God and many only go to church and think that is enough to claim Christianity.

And I am a Liberal Christian who sees Law and Tradition, and even Fear, blinding conservative Christians, making them flee to caves and take refuge in rocks and cliffs, clinging to bits and pieces of their doctrine hoping it will save them and prove them right 'in the End'.

How many times have you read the Bible from Genosis to Revelation? Or do you simply read the verses they tell you to in church, where every December the study guide leads you towards Christ's Birth, then thru his Ministry, to his Death in Spring, just in time for Easter? What do they teach you during the Summer Months? Acts? Romans? The Epistles of John?

It wasn't until I stopped attending the church of my fathers, that my ancestors started in this country, that I read the FULL Bible, and found that there was more out there than what I was spoon-fed by my pastors and deacons. Learn to think for yourself, child of Christ, THEN come and preach to the so-called Heathens. Christ did not teach close-mindedness, nor did he teach intolerance. Stop parroting your forefathers and learn to read the Bible for yourself.

Lonestar · Post by **Lonestar** » 2006-01-03 03:28pm

meliora wrote:I'm a Christian but I don't support those books at all. I've never read them (and never wanted to) but what I've heard of them gives a completely wrong description of the End Times -- first of all the idea that any Christian will be left behind is absurd..

Erm....No "true" Christians were left behind. The Christians the story follows are converts.

Post by **Surlethe** » 2006-01-03 04:20pm

Solauren wrote:Revelations was written as a tool to convert non-believers using fear.

Non-belivers were like "okay, so when I die, I'll go to what you think is the afterlife, not what I think? Fine, whatever"

So they added that crap to scare people "but if you don't, WHEN the world ends..." which usually got results of "Oh CRAP!"
Mainly because it was back in the times of 'if anyone believes it, it must be true!"

I was also under the impression Revelation was written to reinforce current believers who weren't too happy about the status of the religion under the Roman Empire: as in, "Well, you might be screwed in this life, but in the next, you'll get to point and laugh."

Mr. Coffee · Post by **Mr. Coffee** » 2006-01-03 07:58pm

I read the Left Behind series, all of it. Mainly because a hard core fundie friend of mine would not shut the fuck up until I did.

Here's what I got from the series...

1. Fundies will buy anything that has the basic message "Jesus rocks, believers go to heavenm, heathans go to hell".

2. Fundies do not give a shit if a story is well writen, has a well paced plot, believable characters, and is technically accurate as long as the story meets the conditions of Number One.

I thought it sucked, from the first book though the last. The characters weren't very believable, the plot was slow and very predictable (Anyone that didn't see Cleoe getting beheaded must've been asleep while reading this shit), and when it came to technical issues (Gee, one of the main characters is a pilot and they couldn't be bothered to interview a pilot or three to get the flying right?) it sucked on ice.

Basically, Left Behind proves fundies will buy anything that has Jesus plastered all over it.

His Divine Shadow · Post by **His Divine Shadow** » 2006-01-04 08:56am

This is a great page, it murders Left Behind.

http://slacktivist.typepad.com/slacktiv ... index.html

Guardsman Bass · Post by **Guardsman Bass** » 2006-01-04 12:43pm

His Divine Shadow wrote:This is a great page, it murders Left Behind.

http://slacktivist.typepad.com/slacktiv ... index.html

I wonder if anything is actually needed to murder Left Behind. Anybody who can actually think will notice that books seem to delight in the suffering of the heretics, and are noticeably lacking in mercy.