Funny creationist arguments

[Azazal]

These are not mine, they were posted on the JREF (James Randi Educational Foundation) forum - http://forums.randi.org/showthread.php?t=49739

I found some to be funny, others sad, and some just plain mind numbing. Thought the folks here might enjoy for a laugh/cry/headache.

The orginal JREF thread has more and links to yet still more if you want to see the "great" depths of some creationists and their "evidence"

* the scientists say that there's a missing link that there is no animal in between the monkey's and human's evolution thing how can you have a missing link when the whole chain is wrong and the scientists say that there is no way that matter can dissappear we were made with all the matter we need and before the big bang all the matter was in one little ball of ooze and what i want to know is how did that little ball of matter get there? why don't they answer all the questions, just some of them, the ones they want to answer?

* But anyway, I'm just replying on one of your evolution theories, the one about the black peppered moth. I believe that the man that came up with that theory, confessed about gluing those moths to the trees to take that photo, and he ended up going to jail. Correct me if im wrong, but that is what i've been informed.

* You talked about how evolution has been observed by insects becomming resistant to pesticides. Again, this isn't evolution, it is variation. It happens to people all the time, a person that doesn't like the taste of onions, and eats nothing but onions for a month, they will adapt to the taste. They don't evolve taste buds that make onions taste good.

* Don't waste your time with these people (I guess I have a little time to waste). They will never get it. I was amazed at Tim Thompson's mathematical, singularity, general relativity, quantum mechanical... if a/b=c, and carry the 4, then the universe could not literally be born from nothing. NO KIDDING.

* When God created the Earth He created it with age, we know this because of Adam and Eve. They were not two when they were created, they were adults. Also most scientists are now admitting to the fact that evolution did not take place.

* Kent Hovind is not an embarresment to the creation movement, usally when he cannot be refuted, then this is what the evil-lutionist resort to. He is very good friends with the father of the modern young earth creationist movement Henry Morris, so your facts are liar, which I am sure you are aware of.

* Using your own words: "fact" doesn't mean "absolute certainty". Then why teach these things as "truth" to our impressionable school age children? Evolution of species is a documented fact? What merit does it have then, because a "fact" is only a half-truth? I do not want my children being taught half-truths (lies)

* hey dude. Did George washington exist? were you there to see him? Then all you are doing is relying on books and textbooks to tell you who he was and what he did. Did god exist? You never saw him either. the bible tells you exactly who he is and was nd will always be, but you don't believe in the bible. Why believe the textbooks?

* Person 1: Well, how do creationists know that the Big Bang isn't true? Person 2: Tell me, Matt. If you put a bomb in your room, do you think setting it off would make it clean or dirty? 1) That's easy. A bomb would cause a huge mess. I would have clothes and toys all over the place. Mom wouldn't be happy about that at all. 2) Well, you can think of the Big Bang kind of like a big bomb. Evolutionists think that when this explosion happened things got more organized or straightened up instead of getting more disorganized or messy. 1) That sure doesn't make any sense. Another way we know evolution isn't true is to look at our so-called relatives, the monkeys. Man and animals do have many things in common, two eyes, two ears, and the way we breathe, for example. But if you compare DNA, the instructions inside our body that tell us how to look, of monkeys and men, there are some big differences. For the DNA of a monkey to accidentally change to the DNA of a man would be like saying I accidentally jumped over the Grand Canyon So big bang created everything that looks so beatiful on Earth? I wonder how Earth would look after an atomic bomb, maybe we might get more beautiful. Your logic is sad.

* You are a moron, the geological collum was deposited rapidly and there is petrified trees connecting the layers right side up and upside down. These trees prove the layers were formed rapidly, because the trees conect them together. mabe the roots grew during the flood whitch water level reached above the highest mountian. How is oil and coal made? Roots growing 7000 feet down doesnt dissprove the the rapid formation, mabe during the flood seeds were buried. These layers are not diffrent ages, and how come there is no erosion marks between the layers. I did erosion controll, and underground construction. I am not going to fall for your false science. The geological collum is based on circular reasoning. Your carbon dating is assumed constant, and that is unknown. carbon date a live snail and see what you get 25,000 years.Plus how many super novas do we have, not millions of years worth. The mammonths were froze rapidly (small ice crystals in blood) You would need -300 deg below to freeze the mammoths with unroted food in there stomach, the inside would rot because of their stomach acid hello. There is no proof of anything being consistant, if there was more observations would favor the earth as under 10,00 years old. Go to drdino.com and learn real science.

* archology was founded onproving the bible wrong, yet everything that archologist have found have continued to do the oppisite and has always proven the bible correct.

* AS for evolution and your big bang one question where did the dirt come from? so don't tell people that its not a belief as in a religon.

* You can try to discredit those ''creationist''but it's not working! If you look at the new polls, you will see that the lunatic fringe of atheistic philosophy, which is what EVOLUTION is, and nothing more, is being seriously challenged by THINKING and curious people. Now, all the sudden the degrees of the evolutionist/scientist is becoming a worthless piece of paper when the doubt of a philosophical ''theory'' is being dumped into the recycle bin of YAK! Imagine. Dawkins having to defend his degree based on a false science! Will Oxford call it back in when they discover the value of teaching the false science of evolution is equivalent to a day at Disney World!

* Well there is a few laws you should refer to before spreading that theory around. 1st law of thermal dynamics “matter cannot be created or destroyed”. This means that everything was here from the start, or if you are a creationist, you would believe that it was created by God who would be powerful enough to do anything with this universe.

* Why isnt Abiogenesis, the theory that life spontaneously came into existence from base chemicals completely contradicted by Newton's Second Law of Thermodynamics.

* There hasn't been a single fossil found that represents a transitional animal, an in-between phases, missing link. It has been speculated but never found. We should see those everywhere. Lizards with wings and fish with legs and stuff.

* Adaptation occurs but not evolution! Read the Bible and you will see the truth. Jacob made his cattle copulate before striped rods, and wouldn’t you know but the babies came out striped! From this Biblical evidence, we can safely say that polar bears emerge from brown bears because they are conceived amid all that white snow. Similarly, peacocks probably were big-tailed birds that spent a few generations among colorful flowers while some sharks adapted their coloration from the dark water beneath and sunlight above. Test it for yourselves! However, you should ensure that a righteous man like Jacob performs the experiment, as evolutionists will falsify the data so they can continue living in sinful debauchery without being held to God’s rules. I dare you to post this because it thoroughly disproves your pet theory!

* Evolution is fake. I want evolutionist to explain this. How do grass and trees grow from a small seed (Genesis 1:11). The sky is unreachable and it had to be a creator to that. People dying in their sleep. The Moon, sun, stars, clouds,rainbow,mountains, planets outer space. Why are ya'll celebrating Christmas without knowing the true meaning. It is better to Worship GOD and there is not one, then to be athiest and he is there.

* Another fact is the earth is slowing down at a pretty constant rate. If you go back too far the earth would be spinning so fast that the dinosaurs that text books say were there, would have been flung off the earth.

* You wish you knew what was the truth? Where has all your scientific mummbo jummbo been proven without a doubt? Do you have a time machine? Can you go back and prove one way or the other? How come you think your way is the truth? Have you been smited? Were you made to feel inferior to someone else based upon there obivious unique interpretation of life based upon our only cronological existence?

[LadyTevar]

That's just painful. I gave up trying to read the first run-on badly written sentence.

[Lagmonster]

...These messages brought to you by the Pat Robertson School for the Mentally Disadvantaged.

[Fleet Admiral JD]

* Using your own words: "fact" doesn't mean "absolute certainty". Then why teach these things as "truth" to our impressionable school age children? Evolution of species is a documented fact? What merit does it have then, because a "fact" is only a half-truth? I do not want my children being taught half-truths (lies)

I just stopped tright there.

[Nephtys]

* Don't waste your time with these people (I guess I have a little time to waste). They will never get it. I was amazed at Tim Thompson's mathematical, singularity, general relativity, quantum mechanical... if a/b=c, and carry the 4, then the universe could not literally be born from nothing. NO KIDDING.

...What. Oh no. How could we have been so wronged? Evolution has failed as an idea because a/b=c! Curse you, arcane quantum-mechanical sungularity-relativity formula! and your conjuring of... a carryable 4...

I'm going back to my Evolutionshed and repolarizing the flux transphasic matricies now.

[Lusankya]

* There hasn't been a single fossil found that represents a transitional animal, an in-between phases, missing link. It has been speculated but never found. We should see those everywhere. Lizards with wings and fish with legs and stuff.

I just like the way these people have no idea what an axolotl is. Or archaeopterix... although axolotls still exist, so maybe we should put one in their bed or something.


ROAR!!!!! says GOJIRA!!!!!

[Zero]

Seeing this scares me. It's a lot funnier when you're quite a ways away from it, but many of my relatives believe this stuff, and apparently the majority of america does. It's a lot less funny when you hear your uncle or cousin spewing this shit, and when you're family begins to explain to you that you've got to be fine with going to hell if you're going to continue believing as you do.

This shit scares me...

[Quadlok]

* hey dude. Did George washington exist? were you there to see him? Then all you are doing is relying on books and textbooks to tell you who he was and what he did. Did god exist? You never saw him either. the bible tells you exactly who he is and was nd will always be, but you don't believe in the bible. Why believe the textbooks?

So hundreds of pages of written documents and correspondence, dozens of consistant pictures, thousands of contemporary witnesses, and universal acknowledgment in all historical accounts is no more convincing than a compendium of folktales written by various men from around 3000 to 200 (yes, I'm counting the Muslims and Mormons) years ago that bear only a passing resemblance to other contemporary accounts and which is not acknowledged by the majority of the worlds population, not to mention containing many blatant impossibilities and internal inconsistencies?

[Wyrm]

* the scientists say that there's a missing link that there is no animal in between the monkey's and human's evolution thing how can you have a missing link when the whole chain is wrong and the scientists say that there is no way that matter can dissappear we were made with all the matter we need and before the big bang all the matter was in one little ball of ooze and what i want to know is how did that little ball of matter get there? why don't they answer all the questions, just some of them, the ones they want to answer?

I'm sorry, would you like to wipe the drool from your mouth first, fundie fuckwit?

* But anyway, I'm just replying on one of your evolution theories, the one about the black peppered moth. I believe that the man that came up with that theory, confessed about gluing those moths to the trees to take that photo, and he ended up going to jail. Correct me if im wrong, but that is what i've been informed.

Hah! Amateur! Real lepedopterists use staples to secure our moths to the tree! Too bad PETA got me!

* You talked about how evolution has been observed by insects becomming resistant to pesticides. Again, this isn't evolution, it is variation. It happens to people all the time, a person that doesn't like the taste of onions, and eats nothing but onions for a month, they will adapt to the taste. They don't evolve taste buds that make onions taste good.

Interesting theory, that onions will be able to kill pesticide resistant insect populations. You'll be rich!

* Don't waste your time with these people (I guess I have a little time to waste). They will never get it. I was amazed at Tim Thompson's mathematical, singularity, general relativity, quantum mechanical... if a/b=c, and carry the 4, then the universe could not literally be born from nothing. NO KIDDING.

Quick, men! We'll need to reverse the polarity of the neutron flow!

* When God created the Earth He created it with age, we know this because of Adam and Eve. They were not two when they were created, they were adults. Also most scientists are now admitting to the fact that evolution did not take place.

So, your God LIES!

* Kent Hovind is not an embarresment to the creation movement, usally when he cannot be refuted, then this is what the evil-lutionist resort to. He is very good friends with the father of the modern young earth creationist movement Henry Morris, so your facts are liar, which I am sure you are aware of.

Waaah, facts don't tell the truth! They lie! Oh, wait. Facts have no agenda; they just are. And two morons hanging out together don't make a genius.

* hey dude. Did George washington exist? were you there to see him? Then all you are doing is relying on books and textbooks to tell you who he was and what he did. Did god exist? You never saw him either. the bible tells you exactly who he is and was nd will always be, but you don't believe in the bible. Why believe the textbooks?

Because, being the father of our country, his enormous marble phallus stands potent and hard in Washington D.C. Also, you take a book that references people wandering about a fucking desert due to talking shrubbery.

* Well there is a few laws you should refer to before spreading that theory around. 1st law of thermal dynamics “matter cannot be created or destroyed”. This means that everything was here from the start, or if you are a creationist, you would believe that it was created by God who would be powerful enough to do anything with this universe.

Oh horrors! The inflationary theories that let us create matter out of nothing are WORTHLESS in the face of your Galactic Brain Stance! Nevermind that the first law refers to energy, and there was a ready source of false vacuum energy for which to make quarks and stuff.

* Why isnt Abiogenesis, the theory that life spontaneously came into existence from base chemicals completely contradicted by Newton's Second Law of Thermodynamics.

Ummm... there's straw falling out from the flannel shirt's arms.

* There hasn't been a single fossil found that represents a transitional animal, an in-between phases, missing link. It has been speculated but never found. We should see those everywhere. Lizards with wings and fish with legs and stuff.

And I guess Archaeopteryx was just a dinosaur with feathers...

* Adaptation occurs but not evolution! Read the Bible and you will see the truth. Jacob made his cattle copulate before striped rods, and wouldn’t you know but the babies came out striped! From this Biblical evidence, we can safely say that polar bears emerge from brown bears because they are conceived amid all that white snow. Similarly, peacocks probably were big-tailed birds that spent a few generations among colorful flowers while some sharks adapted their coloration from the dark water beneath and sunlight above. Test it for yourselves! However, you should ensure that a righteous man like Jacob performs the experiment, as evolutionists will falsify the data so they can continue living in sinful debauchery without being held to God’s rules. I dare you to post this because it thoroughly disproves your pet theory!

Talking shrubbery. Next.

* Another fact is the earth is slowing down at a pretty constant rate. If you go back too far the earth would be spinning so fast that the dinosaurs that text books say were there, would have been flung off the earth.

That would be one hell of a roller coaster ride.

* You wish you knew what was the truth? Where has all your scientific mummbo jummbo been proven without a doubt? Do you have a time machine? Can you go back and prove one way or the other? How come you think your way is the truth? Have you been smited? Were you made to feel inferior to someone else based upon there obivious unique interpretation of life based upon our only cronological existence?

When you stop quoting your own mumbo jumbo from a book that describes talking shrubbery, clay coming to life, and the sun stopping in its motion across the sky (even though it's the earth that turns), then we'll talk.

[wolveraptor]

This is the unfunniest point-and-laugh thread I've seen in a long while. It's just depressing.

[Straha]

* archology was founded onproving the bible wrong, yet everything that archologist have found have continued to do the oppisite and has always proven the bible correct.

I... I... I'm personally insulted by that one....

[wolveraptor]

Why, are you an "archologist" or a lover of "archology"?

[Molyneux]

Gah...I made it about halfway through that, then gave up.

What the hell are these people smoking? And why have they not been made to take English classes??

[Keevan_Colton]

* archology was founded onproving the bible wrong, yet everything that archologist have found have continued to do the oppisite and has always proven the bible correct.

Do archologists trying to disprove the bible keep finding that pi is 3 or something?

[Noble Ire]

I am so glad I don't have to deal with these people on a day-to-day basis. Overall, this was more depressing than amusing, although I have to say, this one made me snicker a bit:

AS for evolution and your big bang one question where did the dirt come from? so don't tell people that its not a belief as in a religon.

On a somewhat related note, "Evil-lutionist" strikes me as being perfect for a user title here.

[Neko_Oni]

Well, you can think of the Big Bang kind of like a big bomb.

Yeah cause after all the Big Bang is exactly the same as a scaled up frag grenade. Christ some people are stupid.

[defanatic]

* When God created the Earth He created it with age, we know this because of Adam and Eve. They were not two when they were created, they were adults. Also most scientists are now admitting to the fact that evolution did not take place.

While you are pulling things from your arse, you may want to reconsider your usage of the word "most"? 3% of all scientists is not most. I mean... What the fuck? Less than 1% of all biologists "doubt" evolution. 1% does not make a majority.

You may be impressed by the ICRs lists of 400 scientists who doubt evolution, but how many of them are named steve? :D:D

[wautd]

These are not mine, they were posted on the JREF (James Randi Educational Foundation) forum - http://forums.randi.org/showthread.php?t=49739

one of the replies there:

My kids go to a Jewish private school, and they are taught evolution. (I live in Kansas, so to learn evolution, the kids have to be in a religious private school...go figure)

quite ironic

[wautd]

oh and here is one I've found by following one of the links over there:

* Evolution is based on survival of the fittest (natural selection) so how would nonliving substances (like the elements of the periodic table) fight for survival and how and what did they evolve from or to.

[Bounty]

That's just painful. I gave up trying to read the first run-on badly written sentence.

It's your loss - the last few are gems

[Metatwaddle]

"Adaptation occurs but not evolution! Read the Bible and you will see the truth. Jacob made his cattle copulate before striped rods, and wouldn’t you know but the babies came out striped!"

That's the funniest thing I've seen since... well, ten minutes ago, when I saw a "Gould + Dawkins = OTP" icon. Still, gold. I'm glad I kept reading. On the other hand, this is what makes me glad I don't really debate evolution vs. creationism. Just too fucking many headdesky moments.

[Molyneux]

These are not mine, they were posted on the JREF (James Randi Educational Foundation) forum - http://forums.randi.org/showthread.php?t=49739

one of the replies there:

My kids go to a Jewish private school, and they are taught evolution. (I live in Kansas, so to learn evolution, the kids have to be in a religious private school...go figure)

quite ironic

Waitaminute...they have a yeshiva in Kansas?
Who knew...

[Luke Starkiller]

oh and here is one I've found by following one of the links over there:

* Evolution is based on survival of the fittest (natural selection) so how would nonliving substances (like the elements of the periodic table) fight for survival and how and what did they evolve from or to.

That must be the stupidest thing I have ever seen somebody say; sigged.

[Azazal]

These are not mine, they were posted on the JREF (James Randi Educational Foundation) forum - http://forums.randi.org/showthread.php?t=49739

one of the replies there:

My kids go to a Jewish private school, and they are taught evolution. (I live in Kansas, so to learn evolution, the kids have to be in a religious private school...go figure)

quite ironic

Waitaminute...they have a yeshiva in Kansas?
Who knew...

It's good to see there is some intelligence there, not just ID.

[Azazal]

oh and here is one I've found by following one of the links over there:

* Evolution is based on survival of the fittest (natural selection) so how would nonliving substances (like the elements of the periodic table) fight for survival and how and what did they evolve from or to.

That must be the stupidest thing I have ever seen somebody say; sigged.

The sad thing, some creationist have said far, far sadder things, makes me weep for the US educational system.