Blackadder TNG

dworkin · Post by **dworkin** » 2005-09-05 07:53am

Part One

"Who're you?", Ensign Edmund Blackadder squirmed in his new uniform, trying to work out a posture that looked dignified without getting a wedgie.
"I'm a Baldrick." the possiably alien creature replied. "I'll be your bunkmate."
"No, what's your name?" Edmund wondered how, in an age of sonic cleaners and replicated clothes that a being could get so, grubby. And he smelled.
"Oh, that's Baldrick too. Bit of a mistake with the records. I'm my own species." the creature anounced proudly. "I'm in hydroponics."
"Isn't everything done by matter transfer?"
"Naw, not really. Too much power. Most of the recyclings done mechanically. The matter-transfer is just to impress the indigs. But the ship is almost totally self sufficient. Everything gets recycled."
"Everything?" Edmund had just had lunch.
"Miracle of 24th century science." Baldrick beamed "When the crew say the rations are shit, they're not wrong!"
"That's disgusting. I thought it would be clean and all just whisked away. My ship will be like that."
"Your ship?"
"Yes Baldrick. I'm in Command. I'm on the fast track, I am. Within a few years I'll be captain and then it's 'Admiral Blackadder'." Edmund adopted a heroic pose and only winced slightly "Just follow my rising star Baldrick. A few choice assignments, a few battles won and I'm on my way!"

Baldrick wondered how this starry eyed ensign would meet his fate. This was the 'Enterprise' after all. He was thinking of putting his money on 'all bodily fluids drained'.

"Yep, Admiral 'Iron Hats' Blackadder they'll call me." Edmund went on dreamily. A panel chimed. "Well that's me for the bridge. Destiny awaits."

*********************

"Begone from whence you came!" intoned the alien who had just teleported onto the bridge.

"Why!" roared Capt Picard, a huge barrel chested bear of a man.

"You are uncivilised, dangerous, child ra..." The alien was interupted by 12 phaser beams converging on him "Owwww! You'll pay for..." the beams increased in intensity, "Arrrgghhhhh!"

"Harder!" screamed the captain. The alien collapsed under the intense bombardment. "Damned higher life forms. Change into pure energy and think they can push us arround? Hah!"

"Don't you think we should of talked to it?" asked the LT Troi, the ship's counselor.
"Why? It'd just ponce about with annoying platitudes and zap us for laughs. So we zap them first. Got that men! Anything appears on the bridge you zap it! After all, we can always ask questions later."

The bridge crew murmured assent.

"Right, space this idiot and continue to... where are we going again?"
"Farpoint station captain." said Ensign Edmund
"Very good, Edward. Right, warp 5."

**************

'Six weeks. Six bloody weeks and the captain can't even get my name right yet!" Edmund fumed.
"So how's showing off your dynamic potential then?" asked Baldrick.
"I can't! Not with that maniac in charge! He just shoots everything."
"It works though. Notice how everyone is so nice to us?"
"But isn't it supposed to be about tact and diplomacy?"
"Naw, shootings better."
"But any twit can fire a phaser. How am I supposed to stand out? Get noticed? Be promoted if the only thing that seems to count is an itchy trigger finger?"
"Don't want to stand out. Standing out's a good way to end up in medical."
"I'm not going to be Ensign all my life! I'm going to demand to be in charge of the next mission. I'll show him some leadership skills!"
"This will be something to see."
"Oh yeah? Well you're coming with me then?"

**************

dworkin · Post by **dworkin** » 2005-09-05 08:00am

Based of some random idea from Testing. The Black Adder (series one) meets ST:TNG (sorta). E.Blackadder and Baldrick as generic crew. With Brian Blessed as Jean Luc Picard.

Please note that BB's Picard will most likely attack, blast and phaser the oppostion. And it'll usually work.

El Moose Monstero · Post by **El Moose Monstero** » 2005-09-05 08:07am

It's a brave move attempting to do Blackadder and Brian Blessed in TNG, there's a lot to get right and if you don't get it right, it won't read right for everybody else.

Currently, I don't know, I've just been watching the third series recently so it's not sitting right with me. Even from a comedy standpoint though, remember that Brian Blessed did have range and he is a good actor, witness him being depressed about being back from the Turkish campaign - there's a lot of potential, you could have him with a constant grudge against Norsicans on account of his heart problems etc in the same manner as BB had against the Turks in the Mcangus episode.

I think the characterisations need a lot of work, but the initial introduction of Brian Blessed did make me smile.

The Grim Squeaker · Post by **The Grim Squeaker** » 2005-09-05 09:52am

Dont forget vice admiral Melchit (explaining the Federations "tactics), captain Janeway "Darling" And memories of Captain Kirk "Woof Woof" Flashheart

.
Looks nice, just dont forget to make Blackadder eternally under idiots, smarter than the rests of the federation combined and an utter sod.

At least the borg wouldnt be a threat under The Queensie

Dartzap · Post by **Dartzap** » 2005-09-05 10:13am

Hah, i can imagine it now..

Admiral Melchett: The Federation wants us to return to the Sol system, the President has married his replicator and Vulcans are trying to make us all logical, Neeeeiiiggghhh

Blackadder: Brilliant, we develop a two foot long assault shuttle, and now the there is a rather fine demonstration of Ugly Ogres Through the Ages charging at us with a nice selection of razor blades. Just Brilliant

Baldrick: I, Have a cunning plan.

Blackadder: Oh Gods...

The Grim Squeaker · Post by **The Grim Squeaker** » 2005-09-05 10:35am

You do realise that Baldricks cunning plan of "remodulating the shield thingies with the uncles (engines)" would let the Federation beat 40k if we follow standard treknobabble reality warping

Also OP, is there any news about the next Blackadder series that was going to take place in the 60's?

Dartzap · Post by **Dartzap** » 2005-09-05 10:45am

I aint seen anything about it on the beeb recently, So, if I see anything I'll inform the world...as usual

EDIT: just looked on the Beeb, everything related to BA6 is infact, rumour, and no one has said anything offical about it.

dworkin · Post by **dworkin** » 2005-11-15 04:26pm

"Dying is easy, comedy is hard"

More soon, depends on when I finish writing my wedding play.

Still in the next episode Edmund's first mission. A little legal officer duty with indigs, wierd laws and a very large knife.

Spiny Norman · Post by **Spiny Norman** » 2005-11-15 04:40pm

Love Blackadder and I'd love to see this continue. Small nitpick in that Blackadder in the first chapter seems to be a mix of series 1 and the other series. I was never fond of the series 1 character as he was rather an insipid twit. Cunning yes, but still a twit. Series 2 is my personal fave (though any of the other series have basically the same Blackadder).

PS don't forget Kate...errrr, Bob.

dworkin · Post by **dworkin** » 2006-02-08 03:28am

Edmund came onto the bridge dragging a protesting Baldrick behind him. The Captain was conferrring with his officers.
"Remind me of why this is a problem?" he growled.
"Sir, two weeks ago we discovered an earth-clone world with humans sir." reported the XO.
"So? They're all over the damn place."
"They're not members of the Federation sir. There seems to be no record of a lost colony and the natives have independant evidence that they're true natives."
"Oh yes, one of those impossiable anomalies we have so many of."
"Yes sir. And so we sent the science boys down and they got arrested two days ago."
"Well, get them out. Get the legal officer."
"Umm, he's in custody too."
"Tricky then, where's the second?"
"We're awaiting a replacement after she got her brain sucked out by that leech in Gamma Lepros IV."
"I volunteer sir." interjected Edmund.

The command crew stopped.

"Capital, Ensign Eric! Find whatever we have on their legal system and get them back." ordered the captain
"Thank you sir." replied Edmund. Aside "See Baldrick, things are looking up!"

Jawawithagun · Post by **Jawawithagun** » 2006-02-08 08:19am

Nice enough. Though, remove the names and go just by characterisation and it's not exactly Blackadder and Baldrick you're writing there. To me they read much more like Rimmer and Lister. Actually, you Edmund Blackadder seems to me a spot on Arnold Rimmer.

Now, I realise that in the first series Blackadder was a none-too-smart sniveling little schmuck and Baldrick was the brains of the outfit. But it still feels a bit off...

Shroom Man 777 · Post by **Shroom Man 777** » 2006-02-09 10:48am

Baldrick...the brains...??

Spiny Norman · Post by **Spiny Norman** » 2006-02-09 12:05pm

In series 1, yes. Baldrick was the brains of the operation. Edmund had some cunning to him, but was overall too obtuse to come up with the better plans.

dworkin · Post by **dworkin** » 2006-02-09 07:55pm

Jawawithagun wrote:Nice enough. Though, remove the names and go just by characterisation and it's not exactly Blackadder and Baldrick you're writing there. To me they read much more like Rimmer and Lister. Actually, you Edmund Blackadder seems to me a spot on Arnold Rimmer.

I always preferred the Baldrick in 'The Black Adder'.

And the comedic pairings are probably just association (on my part as well) set in english history the conniver and the twit are Edmun and Baldrick, in space they're Lister and Arnold in a hotel they're Basil and Manuel.