New Zealand's Greatest Work of MECHANIZED DEATH!

MKSheppard · Post by **MKSheppard** » 2002-12-07 09:39am

THE........

BOB SEMPLE

Post by **Vympel** » 2002-12-07 09:46am

Dumbest. Armored Vehicle. EVER.

WTF is it made out of corrugated iron?

MKSheppard · Post by **MKSheppard** » 2002-12-07 09:47am

http://mailer.fsu.edu/~akirk/tanks/newz ... aland.html

God bless the men in this machine! In 1940 war hysteria gripped New Zealand and an effort was made to produce a home grown tank. It was decided to armor an International Harvester* farm tractor to make use of equipment on hand. The result was an amazing "tank" called a "Bob Semple" after a politician in New Zealand. Bob was a popular, colorful, Labor politician (just like an American Democrat - only worse). Backing this wonderful idea (probably because Bob was) were the Prime Minister and Minister of Defence (who was Bob). Bob must have been impressed by the U.S. Disston "Tractor Tank" and the idea that a tank would actually be named after himself! Bob probably had visions of Semples storming the beaches and taking Berlin or Tokyo! Rube Goldberg himself could not have designed it better. Apart from being just plain ugly to the bone, the front gunner actually had to lay on a mattress on top of the engine in order to fire his weapon! The Semple had a searing top speed of 24 km/h but had to slow down or even stop in order to shift gears. The "tank" was highly unstable in movement and top heavy. The Public Works Department tried to give this "white elephant" to the army and even offered to convert their entire fleet of 81 into Semples (at a cost of only 4200 pounds sterling apiece)! The army took them, tested them, and even paraded them around the country in an effort to whip up morale. After the laughter subsided, and in an rare display of military intelligence, the army returned them (I am sure that they only needed to have knocked on Afganistan's door to find a buyer as Disston did). Only 4 units** were built before public ridicule stopped the production. The Bob Semple was armed with 4 machine guns, it was 12 feet tall had had a crew of 8 men. 8 men? I can understand 5, but 8? 5 were probably soldiers, 1 was a shop steward, another fended off the birds trying to roost, and the last took out the trash once a day and waved to the people. There is a rumor that after the war Bob took a job with Ford and helped to design the Edsel and fuel tanks for the Pinto. He later went to Yugoslavia and influenced the design of the "Yugo" but this is not confirmed. The reported weight was from 20 to 25 tons. The extreme swing in reported weight may have been design differences between all 4 units** produced or incomplete historical data. The production of this tank was not New Zealand's "finest hour".

*Janes reports that the type of tractor was an International Harvester. The book "Pictorial History Of Tanks Of The World 1915-45 by Peter Chamberlain & Chris Ellis state that the tractor was an International Harvester. Another source, "New Zealand Yesterdays" by Hamish Keith, printed in 1984 by Readers Digest Australia reports that a Caterpiller brand Cat DH-8 was used.

** Janes reports that 4 units were produced. Another source, "New Zealand Yesterdays" by Hamish Keith, printed in 1984 by Readers Digest Australia report 3.

Evil Sadistic Bastard · Post by **Evil Sadistic Bastard** » 2002-12-07 09:53am

Let's hope this isn't the MBT of NZ... otherwise their armed forces can just bend over and kiss their asses goodbye.

Post by **Vympel** » 2002-12-07 10:06am

IIRC NZ doesn't have tanks anymore. Their pinko government even got rid of the airforce.

Evil Sadistic Bastard · Post by **Evil Sadistic Bastard** » 2002-12-07 10:07am

Vympel wrote:IIRC NZ doesn't have tanks anymore. Their pinko government even got rid of the airforce.

BOHICA - Bend Over, Here It Comes Again.

What's their strategy going to be, grab their ankles and hope for the best?

Andrew J. · Post by **Andrew J.** » 2002-12-07 10:25am

Evil Sadistic Bastard wrote:
Vympel wrote:IIRC NZ doesn't have tanks anymore. Their pinko government even got rid of the airforce.
BOHICA - Bend Over, Here It Comes Again.

What's their strategy going to be, grab their ankles and hope for the best?

No it's "Let's Just Hope the Aussies Save Us", as far as I can gather.

Evil Sadistic Bastard · Post by **Evil Sadistic Bastard** » 2002-12-07 10:35am

Well, sarcasm aside, I certainly hope the Aussies do...
Because the NZers sure can't protect themselves effectively...

Raptor 597 · Post by **Raptor 597** » 2002-12-07 12:38pm

*Makes New Zealand on his Weakling Easy too Kill List* Anyways, orginial design granted, but the dubest tank ever.

Post by **Colonel Olrik** » 2002-12-07 12:44pm

Ah Ah! Another country Portugal can invade!

added to the list "things to do when achieving dictatorship"

Admiral Piett · Post by **Admiral Piett** » 2002-12-07 01:10pm

Vympel wrote:Dumbest. Armored Vehicle. EVER.

Nah, I have seen even worse designs.
Well worse maybe not,but certaily the australian wartime attempt to build a tank on a truck chassis resulted in something that was not much better than this.
And certainly far uglier.

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2002-12-07 02:47pm

LOL.

There was a case last year when New Zealand's navy had to get three local pilots who privately owned 1950's and 60's jet fighters to make passes on there ships so they could conduct AA training.

Course only having 1950's guns, they probably had a hard time of it.

Oberleutnant · Post by **Oberleutnant** » 2002-12-07 04:23pm

Damn, is the condition with the New Zealand military really that bad? It's hard to imagine an island nation of their size without an air force. Sea Skimmer, do you know how good their equipment is?

Am I the only person who thinks that Bob Semple is a helluva stupid name for a military vehicle? Somehow Königstiger sounds a lot more more menacing.

Colonel Olrik wrote:Ah Ah! Another country Portugal can invade!

added to the list "things to do when achieving dictatorship"

So how many countries are on that list now then? Lichtenstein, New Zealand, and ... and ...

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2002-12-07 04:29pm

Oberleutnant wrote:Damn, is the condition with the New Zealand military really that bad? It's hard to imagine an island nation of their size without an air force. Sea Skimmer, do you know how good their equipment is?

Poor at best, and generally obsolete along with having insufficent funding to keep what is on hand going. Now on the one had they have no enemy's close at hand. On the other you could load four 474 passenger aircraft and one 474 cargo with enough manpower and equipment to overwhelming the countries military. Just fly in with civilian markings and unload at the airport.

Tanzania could afford that. Hell before 9/11 Al Qudia probably could have mustered the cash and manpower. Hard part would be matting up the rented planes and the equipment.

Oberleutnant · Post by **Oberleutnant** » 2002-12-07 04:35pm

Ok, the way you put it, makes me feel comfortable with the status of our own military which has been suffering from several cutbacks lately. I know that New Zealand has their own SAS unit, but have they seen any combat after WWII?

Ted · Post by **Ted** » 2002-12-07 04:36pm

Oberleutnant wrote:Ok, the way you put it, makes me feel comfortable with the status of our own military which has been suffering from several cutbacks lately. I know that New Zealand has their own SAS unit, but have they seen any combat after WWII?

They wee in 'Nam for awhile.

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2002-12-07 04:40pm

Colonel Olrik wrote:Ah Ah! Another country Portugal can invade!

added to the list "things to do when achieving dictatorship"

Malta should be possibul. The massive dry-dock they've got would be ideal for drowning political opponents.

Post by **Colonel Olrik** » 2002-12-07 04:40pm

Oberleutnant wrote:
Colonel Olrik wrote:Ah Ah! Another country Portugal can invade!

added to the list "things to do when achieving dictatorship"
So how many countries are on that list now then? Lichtenstein, New Zealand, and ... and ...

Luxemburg ?

and maybe france. We'll just ask them to surrender, in a polite manner.

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2002-12-07 04:41pm

Colonel Olrik wrote:
Oberleutnant wrote:
Colonel Olrik wrote:Ah Ah! Another country Portugal can invade!

added to the list "things to do when achieving dictatorship"
So how many countries are on that list now then? Lichtenstein, New Zealand, and ... and ...
Luxemburg ?

Good idea, attack the worlds most powerful military alliance, NATO

Post by **weemadando** » 2002-12-07 07:54pm

Oberleutnant wrote:Ok, the way you put it, makes me feel comfortable with the status of our own military which has been suffering from several cutbacks lately. I know that New Zealand has their own SAS unit, but have they seen any combat after WWII?

NZ SAS is part of a nice big military exchange, between Brit SAS, Aus SAS and NZ SAS. They all mix it up with the "enemy", officially or otherwise on a quite regular basis.

The Duchess of Zeon · Post by **The Duchess of Zeon** » 2002-12-07 08:07pm

Sea Skimmer wrote:LOL.

There was a case last year when New Zealand's navy had to get three local pilots who privately owned 1950's and 60's jet fighters to make passes on there ships so they could conduct AA training.

Course only having 1950's guns, they probably had a hard time of it.

"IDENT Bogie: Two MIG-15s, Sir. They have Soviet markings."

"MIG-15s!? I thought the Soviet Union had collapsed years ago!? Good god - It's back! Go to war shots!"

kheegster · Post by **kheegster** » 2002-12-07 08:08pm

Who's going to invade NZ? Anyone who wants to invade will have to go through Australia, unless we're talking about a cross-oceanic amphibious operation, in which case the only military capable of this is the US.

KG

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2002-12-07 10:58pm

kheegan wrote:Who's going to invade NZ? Anyone who wants to invade will have to go through Australia, unless we're talking about a cross-oceanic amphibious operation, in which case the only military capable of this is the US.

KG

Like I said, a third world nation could rent some wide body planes and just fly in 1500-2000 men.

Raptor 597 · Post by **Raptor 597** » 2002-12-07 11:07pm

kheegan wrote:Who's going to invade NZ? Anyone who wants to invade will have to go through Australia, unless we're talking about a cross-oceanic amphibious operation, in which case the only military capable of this is the US.

KG

Appraently, Iraq wants New Zealand for sheep wool production.