Make a Religion

[Surlethe]

You get the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to create your own religion! The objective: to design a religion which will prosper and spread, and eventually convert the entire world. You start with a group of about twenty acolytes whom you may consider permanently entirely loyal to you, and who will hang onto your every word. Once you have designed your religion, it must compete in modern society for supremacy; however, for the sake of keeping things interesting, you may also choose to inject it and your followers into ancient Rome (0 BC); ancient Egypt (2500 BC); ancient China (200 BC); or ancient Mesoamerica (1300 AD).

N.B.: This is supposed to be a serious exercise; therefore, please keep this thread clear from spammy clutter (e.g., "I will have my twenty acolytes be female, and retire to a tropical island with their money and have group orgies every day").

[wolveraptor]

Hey, group orgies is a serious idea. Don't deride it. Seriously, ancient Sumerians had orgies to ensure that all the babies arrived after the harvest, when they had extra food, and could be taken care of by people who normally worked the farms.

That said, any religions which practices this on a wide scale is likely to die of STD epidemics. So, I'd make my religion have an appeal to the poor, since that's how all good religions survive. I'd have the story of a peasant farmer who dies as a great and mighty warrior fighting the nobility for justice for the common man. I'd make it steal things from other religions rapaciously; for example, I'd make the peasant hero a martyr as well, who released people from their sins. At the same time, I'd make it rather xenophobic, but in a sense that followers of other religions were possible converts rather than enemies. Of course, I'd need a strong framework, like the Catholic church, if I wanted it as an instrument of control. Therefore, I could have an order of priests bound to an oath of poverty (or at least not luxury). No one would be allowed to give any gifts to priests other than land for temples, which would house the poor and be like hospitals. That way, bribery wouldn't be easy. I could also hold a special reward in heaven for warriors, to encourage army recruitment.

Ancient Egypt, being nice and sequestered by desert, would be a great place for my religion to grow. The pharoahs would be pwned and left in the desert, and the government would probably have a form of tribal democracy, as dictated by the Holy Book. Plus, Egypt is rich in resource, so later I could go out and kick ass with religious zealot warriors. I'd have a great excuse: "we're liberating the peasantry from barbaric aristocratic rule. And gaining converts."

[Brother-Captain Gaius]

The Imperial Cult.

But seriously, it'd be a humanist organization dedicated to the Emperor's original vision of a united and prosperous Humanity. There would be some small environmentalist leanings but humanism would be the primary goal. There would, of course, be much devotion to the God-Emperor of Man, but beyond that very little in the way of dictating what is and is not moral outside of common sense.

[Surlethe]

The Imperial Cult.

But seriously, it'd be a humanist organization dedicated to the Emperor's original vision of a united and prosperous Humanity. There would be some small environmentalist leanings but humanism would be the primary goal. There would, of course, be much devotion to the God-Emperor of Man, but beyond that very little in the way of dictating what is and is not moral outside of common sense.

How is it going to spread? Remember, the goal is to create a religion which successfully spreads.

[Winston Blake]

In addition to Wolveraptor's stuff, I would make it so that it is the duty of all members to raise their children in this religion - let's call it Surlethianism - and not that of a non-Surlethian spouse. Children must be thoroughly indoctrinated. I would also forbid birth control. This should encourage a large population.

All humans have original sin simply by being born, and the only way to be cleansed is to become a Surlethian. After death, only Surlethians go to paradise and non-Surlethians go to everlasting torture. This should encourage people to convert others and encourage people to join.

You know, i can't really think of stuff that isn't already done by various Christian or Muslim factions. Really you'd need to compile the best of all worlds.

To keep the population growth high, polygamy might be a good idea, along with the idea that an unmarried (or even unpregnant) female is shameful.

In order to save the world's souls, the world must be converted, by force if necessary. As suggested by Wolveraptor, martyrs get the highest reward in heaven.

I would have a single Deity and crystal clear guidelines on how my Holy Text is to be interpreted (in fact, make it a whole second Book). This is to help prevent schisms on which god is worth worshipping more, or disagreement on the nature of God.

God would need to be a powerful person-like figure, probably an exaggerated father figure, so people can relate to him and feel natural submissiveness.

I would be very permissive in allowing various lifestyles so as to be inclusive and allow people 'in' as long as they agree to the fundamental tenets. I think an absolutely regulated lifestyle would discourage people from joining.

One unusual thing i might do is make it imperative to forbid all science and technical knowledge, except for the Minister Caste. People must be kept ignorant of the nature of the world and universe to cement their belief in the supernatural playground i've invented. Within the Minister Caste, learning and scientific philosophy is the Will of God. The amount of knowledge a person is allowed to possess is directly proportional to how heavily they've been indoctrinated. The Minister Caste must be kept small and exclusive.

The Minister Caste must continually work to find new ways to control people and spread Surlethianism, with psychology and sociology big priorities. The study of biochemistry for mind-affecting drugs can be used for indoctrinations and pacifying/riling the people as necessary. Physics and engineering are used to build advanced technology (such as weapons and heavy industry) to help conquer unbelievers and gain political and economic power. The only Philosophy studied is that related to Surlethianism, and must not transgress the Second Book (the one about interpreting the first).

Space travel and space superiority might be a good goal, so as to spread Surlethianism to the solar system in an ever-growing population and prevent any other philosophy from gaining a foothold. If an asteroid hits the Earth, only the Surlethians survive.

Bah, i can't be bothered thinking of any more.

[Patrick Degan]

The Imperial Cult.

But seriously, it'd be a humanist organization dedicated to the Emperor's original vision of a united and prosperous Humanity. There would be some small environmentalist leanings but humanism would be the primary goal. There would, of course, be much devotion to the God-Emperor of Man, but beyond that very little in the way of dictating what is and is not moral outside of common sense.

How is it going to spread? Remember, the goal is to create a religion which successfully spreads.

That's what the army is for.

[Winston Blake]

It just occurred to me that it might be worth taking ideas from Scientology. For example, the large amount of clear stratification, with people on higher 'levels' permitted more rights such that people are constantly under pressure to become more devout believers. 'Leveling up' is your holy duty, my child.

Totalitarian regimes are probably goldmines.

[El Moose Monstero]

If it was going to spread successfully, I'd make a religion which allowed everyone in it to feel smug and superior when comparing themselves to everyone else, give the people at the top of the religion a reason to look down on the people at the bottom, and give the extremists something to hate everyone else for, oh, and provide enough bits of reasonable rational stuff so that the more liberal types can enjoy it as well.

What the various things to feel superior/inferior/smug/liberal/extremist about are doesn't really matter.

[wolveraptor]

I'm not sure if it would be a good idea for Surlethianism to necessarily place females in a lower class, or to forbid birth control. After all, if abortions and birth control were allowed, females could serve in the military and other offices during much earlier parts of history. Suddenly, you double your pool of useable people.

What should be encouraged is a high birth-rate. Like at least 2 children from each couple. That would be one's duty to Surlethe, god of the world.

[CarsonPalmer]

Perhaps the concept that the followers of Surlethe are the chosen people, but a convert become one of the chosen people, thus providing the oppurtunity for converts, and some xenophobic pride.

[Dooey Jo]

The best way to make this religion spread would be to throw money at it. Recruit a few celebrities, make propaganda campaigns, conventions and all that. Also make sure that the sacred holidays are on days when people are already used to having them. The holy give-presents-to-your-loved-ones day should be around December 25th, for instance (but it can be other days in other cultures).

I think that you could probably go at it the same way you would create a trend. Sneak it in everywhere, make people believe that they want or need to believe in this. The actual content of the religion is probably pretty irrelevant (but it can't be too far out, I would think. "Eat you neighbour" can't be a commandment unless it's metaphorical).


Personally, I would do a religion based around aliens. The backstory is not that they put humans here, but they guided the human evolution to this goal. Then, some ten thousand years ago, they took some of the humans to planets in another galaxy where they thrived and advanced and became much better people than the humans on Earth today. And recently, these humans found out about their origin on Earth so they sent scientists to study it. Of course, I managed to make contact with these alien humans and they told me all about how they live on their planet, and so I have the answers to all of life's questions. And they promised, that if everyone on Earth became really good humans (ie joined my religion), they would come and let Earth join the glorious space community and everyone would live happily forever (and in space too!). I told all of this to my disciples in exquisite detail and then I mysteriously disappeared (rumor is that I went to live with the aliens on their planets).

Uh, and some of these aliens are telepathic (maybe through technology), so whenever you feel bad or sad, they can hear your thoughts. You just have to imagine that you are talking to them, and they will hear you and send their thoughts to you to comfort you (but if you're bad, they'll harass you instead). Sometimes they might grant you some healing power or telepathic painkillers and stuff like that (all of this is of course achieved though the Placebo effect). That way the followers will think that they are indeed better, physically and mentally, than unbelievers.

And the rules of the religion should be... well let's just copy the humanist moral values, they're good and most people would agree with them. Technology should be important, for it makes it easier to eventually meet the aliens, and so should scientific knowledge. Of course, you can't have too much of that, otherwise people might start questioning the existence of the aliens. Unless there is some faked proof of their existence... Yes, a holy artifact! It should be used in rituals of telepathic sex, because the aliens like sex and pleasure... But what should the artifact look like...


This religion could only work today though, because the ancient people would have no idea what any of that backstory stuff meant. I guess you could change it so that they would understand; the old aliens are the gods and the alien humans are angels or something...


But wait... If I must disappear for the religion to become really effective, then I won't be able to engage in the hot ritualistic sex! Damnit all to hell