Stupid 40K story.

Evil Sadistic Bastard · Post by **Evil Sadistic Bastard** » 2002-12-08 07:17am

*Four Eldar Phantom Titans are attacking a bunch of Orks and Gargants. They're being beaten pretty badly.*

"Oh no! The Orks are too powerful! We must combine to form the Super Titan!"

"Titan Eagle, ready!"
"Titan Cheetah, ready!"
"Titan Lion, ready!"
"Titan Hippopotamus, ready!"
"What the FUCK?"
"Hey, that's the name I was given!"
"Uhh... okay... Super Mecha Titan... GOOOO!!!"

*Four Titans combine into a craptastic bigger Titan*

"Hey, where' s our head?"
"What head?"
'Where the sensing equipment is!"
"But that's in our..."

*headless torso bends over backward*

"Oh fuck! The head's in the ass!"
"SHIT! The kids will never take us seriously again after this!"
"Yeah, they'll buy Tau Manta Missile Destroyers...right?"

*silence*

"Sorry."

*sounds of war start again*

"Hey, how will we attack the Orks?"
"I don't know, push that button over there!"
"You mean this one?"

*Super Crappy Titan bends over and a glowing crackle of energy starts
glowing around the butt*

"Oh crap... the main weapon's there?"
"Well, it's not so bad..."
"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN IT'S NOT SO BAD?"
"Well I-"
"You fucking retard, when they ask us how we defeated the Orks and retrieve the data recorder you know what they're going to find?"
'What?"
"THEY'LL FIND A FUCKING RECORD OF US SHOOTING LIGHTNING BOLTS OUT OUR ASS, THAT'S WHAT!"
"Oh."
"Is oh all you can do, dumbass?"
"Boss..."
"WHAT?"
"Look..."

*little Eldar girl points out the window*

"They seemed to have fallen over and they aren't moving... And look at the way their faces are twisted..."
(Outside, over loudspeaker)
"What in the name of Jain...?"

- THE END -

Cpt_Frank · Post by **Cpt_Frank** » 2002-12-08 08:16am

hehehehe....

btw here are your links:

http://www.sfsite.com/isfdb-bin/pseries.cgi?Xeelee
listing of books
http://home.in.tum.de/~wendt/xeelee.html
a short summary of the Xeelee universe, but in German.

Post by **NecronLord** » 2002-12-08 10:46am

If you ever do Mecha-40K again I will hunt you down and personally roast you.

white_rabbit · Post by **white_rabbit** » 2002-12-08 11:27am

kill him now...

Admiral Valdemar · Post by **Admiral Valdemar** » 2002-12-08 11:31am

white_rabbit wrote:kill him now...

I thought it was quite funn...

*All 40k'ers stare at AV*

Uh, I mean EXTERMINATUS! BURN THE HERETIC!

Post by **NecronLord** » 2002-12-08 11:33am

*Stares at AV*

Better...

Evil Sadistic Bastard · Post by **Evil Sadistic Bastard** » 2002-12-08 11:34am

NecronLord wrote:If you ever do Mecha-40K again I will hunt you down and personally roast you.

I have Part 2 in mind...

Post by **NecronLord** » 2002-12-08 11:50am

I'm even now updating my website. If you post more of that, the ESB class will suddenly go from type 4 battleship to type one gunboat (aka peewee-die-horribly-ship)

Cpt_Frank · Post by **Cpt_Frank** » 2002-12-08 11:54am

I'm even now updating my website. If you post more of that, the ESB class will suddenly go from type 4 battleship to type one gunboat (aka peewee-die-horribly-ship)

You're making ship classes named after board members?

Any chance for a Captain Frank class Imperial ship?

Evil Sadistic Bastard · Post by **Evil Sadistic Bastard** » 2002-12-08 11:55am

Okay, fine, fine... I won't post Part 2...

Hey, ahs anyone heard the joke about the Black And White Space Marine?

Post by **NecronLord** » 2002-12-08 11:58am

Cpt_Frank wrote:
I'm even now updating my website. If you post more of that, the ESB class will suddenly go from type 4 battleship to type one gunboat (aka peewee-die-horribly-ship)
You're making ship classes named after board members?

Any chance for a Captain Frank class Imperial ship?

ESB gave me a few useful ideas. Not everyone is getting one. There might be a reference somewhere to a "captain frank."

Post by **NecronLord** » 2002-12-08 12:01pm

Cpt_Frank wrote:
I'm even now updating my website. If you post more of that, the ESB class will suddenly go from type 4 battleship to type one gunboat (aka peewee-die-horribly-ship)
You're making ship classes named after board members?

Any chance for a Captain Frank class Imperial ship?

ESB gave me a few useful ideas. Not everyone is getting one. There might be a reference somewhere to a "captain frank."

Evil Sadistic Bastard · Post by **Evil Sadistic Bastard** » 2002-12-08 12:02pm

NecronLord wrote:
Cpt_Frank wrote:
I'm even now updating my website. If you post more of that, the ESB class will suddenly go from type 4 battleship to type one gunboat (aka peewee-die-horribly-ship)
You're making ship classes named after board members?

Any chance for a Captain Frank class Imperial ship?
ESB gave me a few useful ideas. Not everyone is getting one. There might be a reference somewhere to a "captain frank."

And now what ideas did evil me give you?

Post by **NecronLord** » 2002-12-08 12:22pm

http://www.angelfire.com/scifi2/iimperi ... class.html

Wouldn't leave tha page for a while unless you enjoy the red X of doom.

Evil Sadistic Bastard · Post by **Evil Sadistic Bastard** » 2002-12-08 12:26pm

Heh.
Thanks.
It's soo inspiring to have a ship named after me.

Cpt_Frank · Post by **Cpt_Frank** » 2002-12-08 12:31pm

ESB gave me a few useful ideas. Not everyone is getting one. There might be a reference somewhere to a "captain frank."

fair enough.

2000AD · Post by **2000AD** » 2002-12-08 07:03pm

Phew.. when i saw the title i thought it was about my story.

Hopefully the next part will be up around christmas. (before you ask)

Cpt_Frank · Post by **Cpt_Frank** » 2002-12-09 09:41am

Phew.. when i saw the title i thought it was about my story.

Hopefully the next part will be up around christmas. (before you ask)

No yours is good. And at the bottom of page 2.

Evil Sadistic Bastard · Post by **Evil Sadistic Bastard** » 2002-12-09 11:33am

2000AD wrote:Phew.. when i saw the title i thought it was about my story.

Hopefully the next part will be up around christmas. (before you ask)

Jo0r story is good.

It was clearly written in more than 10 minutes (unlike mine) and on a more respectable medium than ICQ (unlike mine).

And it conveyed the Cult of the Emperor gung-hoism I like.