Christians See Jesus in Random Everyday Pattern... Again...

Wicked Pilot · Post by **Wicked Pilot** » 2006-03-23 05:57pm

Long story short, one of those wacky 'strip mall' churches in southern Alabama flooded during Katrina, and during the clean up it's members noticed a particular piece of flood damage that vaguely resembles Jesus on the cross. People started touching it, and are now claiming to be healed from their various ailments.

The link below is for the video of the story. It goes beyond just plain text in bringing the full stupidity home.

Set bullshit detector gain to full low before clicking.

To answer your future questions/comments:
Yes these people exist.
No this is not an isolated incident.
I don't see Jesus either.
They should ask He/it to 'heal' their obesity, that would be some good proof.
And yes again these people actually exist.
If the video doesn't work the first time, try it a second time. That may get it going.

OmegaGuy · Post by **OmegaGuy** » 2006-03-23 06:08pm

Adrian Laguna · Post by **Adrian Laguna** » 2006-03-23 06:21pm

I see a mecha. The right arm has a beam rifle, while the left one has either a granade launcher or a flame/plasma weapon. There doesn't appear to be a head. There are a couple of bumps, one looks like an multi-rocket launcher, and the other like a single cruise missle. I see no other weaponry.

Based on the above, the design is clearly a support mech. It's design seems to be dangerous at all ranges, asuming the flamer is the standard equipment. Replacing it with a granade launcher would render the mech vulnerable at short ranges but make it more effective at medium ranges.

Active imagination ftw!

Kojiro · Post by **Kojiro** » 2006-03-23 07:52pm

You'd think an all powerful god could make an image that at least looked like what it was supposed to be.

I suppose everytime they see a cloud that is even momentarily crucifix looking they assume it's god's special hello to them.

Wyrm · Post by **Wyrm** » 2006-03-23 07:58pm

Sheesh, seeing their surrogate abusive father and his bully son left and right? No wonder fundies are so fucked up!

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2006-03-23 08:30pm

Yeup...once again this is the reason I should've said to hell with science and taxes and became a charlatan preacher.

I could be telling people that in my steak was the face of Jesus and as I place the slab of beef on your forehead the demons will leave!

Pick · Post by **Pick** » 2006-03-23 08:34pm

I feel sorry for all the bearded men in the world. Whenever their image by some weird probability pops up in some random pile of crap, Jesus always gets the credit.

Gil Hamilton · Post by **Gil Hamilton** » 2006-03-23 08:40pm

It's obvious that psychology texts must burst into flames on contact with people who see Jesus in burritos, because if they didn't, they'd know about the human tendancy to mentally generate recognizable figures in random patterns.

Admiral Valdemar · Post by **Admiral Valdemar** » 2006-03-23 08:54pm

Neural nets are amazingly good at pattern recognition, which is why our brains excel over non-specialised computers with regards to what humans can take for granted such as object recognition and solving puzzles.

This can lead to the whole objects in clouds thing and divine faces in burritos.

Davis 51 · Post by **Davis 51** » 2006-03-23 08:56pm

These people saw jesus.

Adrian Laguna saw a Mecha.

I see a God Damned crack in the wall.

Now that's funny.

JediMaster415 · Post by **JediMaster415** » 2006-03-23 09:55pm

I see a bald eagle with a blaster.

CaptJodan · Post by **CaptJodan** » 2006-03-23 10:18pm

How old is this story? Seems shockingly similar to the South Park episode with the Virgin Marry bleeding out of her ass (or Vagina as it turned out to be). The episode certainly works for this very thing.

Molyneux · Post by **Molyneux** » 2006-03-23 10:19pm

It's Ted Nugent, damnit! Just like that Aqua Teen episode!

CaptainChewbacca · Post by **CaptainChewbacca** » 2006-03-23 10:21pm

Pick wrote:I feel sorry for all the bearded men in the world. Whenever their image by some weird probability pops up in some random pile of crap, Jesus always gets the credit.

Its incredibly frustrating.

Einhander Sn0m4n · Post by **Einhander Sn0m4n** » 2006-03-23 10:23pm

Any link to the video that doesn't involve electronic WMP-Supremacist bigotry?

Wicked Pilot · Post by **Wicked Pilot** » 2006-03-23 10:31pm

Admiral Valdemar wrote:Neural nets are amazingly good at pattern recognition, which is why our brains excel over non-specialised computers with regards to what humans can take for granted such as object recognition and solving puzzles.

As the old saying goes: when you see the tiger in the grass that isn't there no harm no foul, but when you don't see the tiger in the grass that is you're lunch.

CaptJodan wrote:How old is this story?

About two days.

Seems shockingly similar to the South Park episode with the Virgin Marry bleeding out of her ass (or Vagina as it turned out to be). The episode certainly works for this very thing.

This has literally been going on for centuries, especially among Catholics. Even in 2006, some people need to be slapped upside the head and told they're an idiot.

Zadius · Post by **Zadius** » 2006-03-23 10:38pm

New Rule: You don't get to claim your bad eyesight has been cured when you think a random mark on a wall looks like Jesus.

AK_Jedi · Post by **AK_Jedi** » 2006-03-23 11:06pm

so.....jesus looks like a couple of wrinkles? I have a picture of jesus on my towel! if you touch it, you dry off! its a miracle!!

Gil Hamilton · Post by **Gil Hamilton** » 2006-03-23 11:09pm

CaptainChewbacca wrote:Its incredibly frustrating.

Exactly! The next time a face appears on my quesadilla, I will go "Look! It's Captain Chewbacca!"

Gil Hamilton · Post by **Gil Hamilton** » 2006-03-23 11:12pm

Admiral Valdemar wrote:Neural nets are amazingly good at pattern recognition, which is why our brains excel over non-specialised computers with regards to what humans can take for granted such as object recognition and solving puzzles.

This can lead to the whole objects in clouds thing and divine faces in burritos.

The brain is too good at pattern recognition. Alot of optical illusions work by exploiting the fact that the brain guesses at the meaning of what it is seeing alot and can be completely wrong. That aspect of the brain is like a well meaning idiotsavant. It gives it it's best effort and works much of the time, but can be tricked fairly easily when you feel the need too.

Dominus Atheos · Post by **Dominus Atheos** » 2006-03-23 11:19pm

Einhander Sn0m4n wrote:Any link to the video that doesn't involve electronic WMP-Supremacist bigotry?

I don't know what that is, but if you want a direct link to the video that won't make you watch a commercial, here it is:

[url=mms://wmscnn.stream.aol.com/cnn/offbeat/2006/03/22/austin.al.drywall.christ.affl.ws.wmv]Don't try to download it, though.[/url] It doesn't work.

CaptainChewbacca · Post by **CaptainChewbacca** » 2006-03-23 11:26pm

Gil Hamilton wrote:
CaptainChewbacca wrote:Its incredibly frustrating.
Exactly! The next time a face appears on my quesadilla, I will go "Look! It's Captain Chewbacca!"

Goddamn right you will.

mr friendly guy · Post by **mr friendly guy** » 2006-03-24 12:28am

I just have an idea for a documentary.

Have someone make up a fake "miracle" say a virgin mary statue you bought overseas which cries. We could make it hollow and have a device pumping out oil. Proclaim it on television and lets watch the local christians come. No doubt some will claim to have been "cured" by the statue. Take their names.

Later reveal to be a fake, making a duplicate statue. Then confront said Christian who claimed to be cured. I forsee the results will be hilarious.

wolveraptor · Post by **wolveraptor** » 2006-03-24 01:21am

Okay, that's genius. So much so that it would piss people off to no end. Oh yes.

Winston Blake · Post by **Winston Blake** » 2006-03-24 03:58am

Dominus Atheos wrote:
Einhander Sn0m4n wrote:Any link to the video that doesn't involve electronic WMP-Supremacist bigotry?
I don't know what that is, but if you want a direct link to the video that won't make you watch a commercial, here it is:

[url=mms://wmscnn.stream.aol.com/cnn/offbeat/2006/03/22/austin.al.drywall.christ.affl.ws.wmv]Don't try to download it, though.[/url] It doesn't work.

I've having no problem downloading via Flashget, but Firefox says it can't do it. Presumably it's that 'mms' part. Flashget is crappy, but it works well enough to make me too lazy to find something better.

StarDestroyer.Net BBS

Christians See Jesus in Random Everyday Pattern... Again...

Christians See Jesus in Random Everyday Pattern... Again...

Re: Christians See Jesus in Random Everyday Pattern... Agai