Crayz9000 wrote:Rob Wilson wrote:No non de plumes I'm afraid, just boring old Rob Wilson. MAybe i should change it to Plain Vanilla.
Hey, Rob, you're back! What happened?
After months of trading high-grade Cocaine through the Golden triangle, I became wanted over some trifling accounting errors and needed to lie low for awhile. I therefore dusted off my old skills as a ventriloquist (learnt as a child when I toured the world as the Amazing Rob and his Harem of Harlots) and became, for a few months, the personal ventriloquist to the Secret Emperor of China.
However the sneak attack by Red Chinese Commando's on his Himalyan hideaway forced me to escape, by dressing up as the Ghost of Moa Tse Tung. The use of some simple sleight of hand (from my time as James Randi's protogee) and the use of levitation techniques (taught to me by the Maharishi's of Transcedental meditation), allowed my to cow the Soldiers and make my way to South America by way of a requisitioned Communist Zepplin.
Once there I made the mistake of falling for a dark eyed beauty who tempted me into leading a successful bloodless coup, overthrowing the cruel Junta that had subjigated the people. However Marriage was not to be, as Pedro already had a wife, so heartbroken and strangely confused i left that scented land and made my way by handcrafted raft across the Atlantic, until I reached Wales.
It was there that I came to regret buying a Sheepskin coat and falling asleep in a field *shudder*. As luck would have it I was happened upon later the next day by Cherie Blair. Using the incredible Psychic gifts i had honed under tutelage of Uri Gellar i was able to convince her to make me a Chief advisor and Major Domo Astrologer to the Labour Party.
After that it's hardly neccesary to explain the ease with which I could arrange the kidnapping and Murder of the Chairman Of NTL, and take his place, thereby ensuring my connection to the Internet (which i had helped Al Gore create whilst in nursery school). After that a click of the mouse brought me here and the end of this heroic and true tale.