Incompetent Teammate Stories

Jadeite · Post by **Jadeite** » 2006-04-22 12:30am

In might be because I'm slightly drunk at the moment, but this forum always seems to be dominated by threads about stuff going wrong in some manner. Time to lighten it up. I figure the best way is to start a thread where people share stories of incompetent or stupid teammates in games. I'll go first.

Both of my stories are from BF2. The first is about my first server ban for excessive teamkilling. It was Sharqi Peninsula. I spawned at the Club House, where the MEC's APC spawn is at. It's sitting there, I run and jump into it, and start to drive off. I get nailed by an anti-tank missile. I'm sitting there, spinning my turret around trying to find an American that must have snuck into the SP. I get hit again, and deploy my smoke screen and start pulling evasives as best I can, while still trying to find the American. I take a third hit, blow up. Turns out I was teamkilled by some bitch named MegaH. I respawn, the APC respawns, he jumps in it and takes it.

I was playing as Spec-Ops, so I planted my C4 packs along the APC's spawn point, then jumped into a Vodnik's machine gun mount and aimed it at the club house. MegaH dies, respawns, gets almost instantly shot in the face by my machine gun. The APC respawns, I run across the point and jump in it. He respawns, runs up and slaps two C4 charges on it. I jump out, run away, and detonate my own C4, killing both of us.

We both respawn, so does the APC. He runs for it, I shoot him in the back, then take it. I drive off with it, he comes after me in a Vodnik, and I fire my AT rocket into his van, instantly destroying it and killing him. The server then kicks and bans me for excessive teamkilling. Bitches.

My second story is also from BF2, today. It was Gulf of Oman, playing as an American. It didn't take me very long to realize my teammates had the skills equivalent of kindergartners, and couldn't fight their way out of a wet paper bag. For those of you who don't play BF2, Gulf of Oman is set up like this:

The USMC gets a carrier, and the MEC get an airfield, both are not capable of being captured. There are four spawnpoints on the beach, and three that are inland, a village, hotel, and construction site. The USMC starts out with the four beach points and the carrier, the MEC gets the other three and airfield.

The MEC rolled us out of the beachpoints one at a time within fifteen minutes total. Our black hawk kept getting shot down time after time by MEC pilots, so I took one of the speedboats, heading w/ several other boats to one of the points nearest the water. Turns out an MEC APC is sitting in the water, and despite me lighting it up repeatedly on the map, none of our teammates already ashore bothered to try and kill it, leaving it to finish those of us still in the boats off at its leisure before we ever reached shore.

I respawned on the carrier and took another boat, figuring I could probably get to one of the other points. I didn't even make it a fourth of the way there before I was spotted by not one, but two MEC APCs, heading to our carrier. They blew my boat up and killed me, I respawned as an Anti-Tank kit in the boat bay, and started typing to my teammates that the MEC was going to attempt to board us.

None of them listened, and only one person spawned in the boat bay to help defend it. The first MEC unit to attempt to board was a speedboat, which I quickly shot with an AT missile and destroyed. A second one used its unfortunate companion as a meat shield, and its passengers bail into the water before I can reload. The other USMC player is a spec-ops, who heads to one of the ladders. The first MEC guy up is a sniper, the shittiest kit at any sort of close range combat, and the Spec-ops runs from him. Since I'm playing an Anti-Tank, and also suck at close range, although not as much as the sniper, I pull out my shotgun and run at him, firing the entire way. I make it halfway and get shot in the face by his rifle, die, and the round ends.

So, your stories?

Lord Revan · Post by **Lord Revan** » 2006-04-22 04:00am

I got that happend recently, I was playing WoW with my Paladin alt, doing Shadowfang keep (a low level instance) and druid that working as our tank not only didn't give casters enough time to regain mana (forcing me to heal the group more often then I would have liked, as our priest had no mana), but she was obsessed at aggroing as many mobs as possible with a single pull (more then once we had to fight about 10 mobs at once because the damm druid pulled them all (even after we said to her not to pull)).

InnocentBystander · Post by **InnocentBystander** » 2006-04-22 04:18am

Heh, I was playing some Red Orchestra earlier today. The map was Konigplatz, or whatever; the map where the russians try to capture the Reichstag. The map is combined arms, which is to say; infantry with tank support. The Ruskies get a pair of t-34s and the nazis get a single Tiger I tank. Well, T34s are nasty tanks, they only mount a 76mm gun, but it's enough, the Tiger's armor isn't sloped, so generally speaking the round is a hit, though it takes 2-3 solid hits to take the tiger down the tiger's 88mm gun bounces off the T34 more often than I'd like. The tiger, also, is a slow beast with an underpowered turret motor. In order to work this vehicle, you need at least soldiers, a dedicated triver, and a dedicated turret gunner. The trick with the Tiger is to come in and out of cover; and try to pop the little T34s. Well... it's good in theory, but when one of those 2 tank guys doesn't know what he's doing... the map can go sour fast. The first few minutes I was driving, this poor schlub was gunning. Only... he never does anything. So we respawn, and he drives... straight off the map into a minefield (it looks like he had the right idea, but figured he'd hide behind some trees, which happen to be beyond the map limits. Next round, this time I drive; I mention that he aut to fire at the ruskie tanks; he notes that he doesn't know how. So... I tell him, with the movement keys (rather than the mouse, like in the battlefield games). So we get in; and lo, the turret starts moving around. Keen, I've got a gunner right?
Wrong... We move out and I line him up, he fires off a round, it's whizzes overhead of the t34, which hasn't noticed us yet, so my guy reloads and tries again... Nothing. He opens up with the machinegun *sigh*. I start pulling our tank back behind cover, but take a hit. I tell him to shoot the ruskies with the cannon, not the MG; but now the russians are waiting for me to peak my large slow head out; the turret guy get's a round off, but it isn't even close. The guy notes his frustration with the tank gun, I mention to him to aim at the top of the triangle in the gunsight, not in the middle; I tell him to fire off a couple rounds into a nearby building to figure it out. I give him a few minutes; he acknowledges that he gets it. We move out; of course by this time we're running low on reinforcements and there's a ruskie waiting for us to peek our heads out. He manages to damage one, but missies twice and we explode.
Last respawn, the team has 1 or 2% reinforcements left; these are our last lives. We hop in our tank in our repsective seats, and I give him the gameplan, I'm going to poke the tank out then put 'er in reverse, if he starts the turret at 3o'clock, he'll get one aim'd hit. This works fairly well, other than the fact that he can't seem to hit these two russian tanks that are just sitting there. To be fair, I didn't give him much time to aim; but by the 4th try, I'd expect him to get at least one hit. After a few minutes of this the t34's get a pair of hits, and our tank goes up in smoke; us with it. They then overrun the Reichstag. The next map was a little better, but were still lost, the ruskies have the upper hand when it comes to armor, which really made the problem worse.

Chris OFarrell · Post by **Chris OFarrell** » 2006-04-22 06:34am

Jadeite wrote:*snip*

That's nothing. Gulf isn't too hard to get a beachhead on because it has such a huge coast.

Trying to get one on Wake Island on the other hand, when your team is horrible and the other team is even marginally good....

The other time this time was actually quite good. They had tanks on both points who kept getting repaired, all their stringer sites manned it looked like, a good pair of pilots in aircraft pounding our own F35's out of the sky and a chopper who was smart enough to stay back from the action and I guess was directed by his commander to hit people trying to sneak around in boats and such.

Our team on the other hand had people in the F35's who flew straight and level when missile fire from aircraft on their six was coming in, a pair of guys who hogged the cobra constantly (to the point of TKing people who were waiting for it) and simply charged in at the tanks and tried to kill them with the rocket packs, a AAA guy who didn't have a clue in our Phalanx, a Blackhawk pilot kept trying to fly right up the middle for some f*#(ing reason, in a crossfire of stingers, tanks, buggies and God knows what else.

Oh yes. And everyone loved standing on the carrier flight deck around the aircraft and getting arty dropped on them.

I tried again and again to force a beachhead against those tanks, usually killed 4-5 guys each time after dodging tank fire with the boat just to get ON the beach, even killed the tanks once or twice. But as I had zero support at ALL, eventually I died and they moved up again.

So finally I got the Blackhawk, took off and headed WAY off North ways to the edge of the map and curved around. A J-10 kept trying to kill me, decelerating to absurdly low speeds to try and nail me, but I kept dancing around and turning hard into him, eventually he just crashed into the sea after stalling. When I reached roughly the North East corner of the map, I turned in and skimmed the waves as about 3 meters height. I had about 4 people in the chopper with me; two of them on the miniguns of course kept spraying streams of bullets at nothing, announcing our presence across half the screen despite me screaming to hold their fire....

Anyway. I arrived at the North base, faired on the coast behind it and dropped off everyone. I got out and went with them....and my team mates all jumped into the battle bus and buggy and went driving for airfield. I screamed at them to come back, they just ignored me. Of course I got the flag down at which point the enemy commander noticed what I was doing, dropped arty on me and sent in the cavalry. I just missed getting the flag by about a half meter thanks to a Type 90's main cannon hitting me in the balls and ended back on the carrier (none of the people on land were in a squad).

The guys heading for airfield of course got their asses kicked by ONE person, the enemy commander with a G36.

And the worst part?

They then respawned on the carrier and one of them said 'Oh great fucking Job Rogue cannon, got us all killed!'.

I couldn’t believe it. I said:

'You can't be serious!!??'.

Another guy said:

'Yeah you lost the spawn and refused to support us'

At that point, I was a medic. I knifed them both, revived them, knifed them, revived them, knifed them and was finally kicked for excessive TKing.

2000AD · Post by **2000AD** » 2006-04-22 06:52am

BF2

Finding another person on a public server that knows how to use the attack helo with more than one person in it is a godsend.

As a pilot i'm constantly banging my head on the desk when the gunner opens up with the minigun against a tank instead of the the one shot kill, guided TV missle.

As a gunner i'm constantly banging my head due to the retards who ignore my "Enemy helo spotted", typed messages and yelled warning over VoiP that an enemy helo is lining us up for a TV missle. Or rather than lining up the full to capacity black hawk for a TV missle they go and strafe the boat in front of it.

People who go commander then get in the planes are also monumental retards, especially when they cant work out why they always seem to crash.

The funniest one has to be they guy on Wake Island who got tired of me shooting him out of the sky in my J-10, switched to my side and spent 5 minutes trying to TK me in the other J-10 before i even realised what he was doing. I faked a sky drive and he went straight up, stalled and drifted out of bounds. Funniest thing ever watching him call me a noob while he was disappearing over the horizon.

Admiral Valdemar · Post by **Admiral Valdemar** » 2006-04-22 07:38am

Just the other day, one little cunt on the Avalanche map for DOD:S kept, not only getting in my way when sprinting past an MG position (resulting in my immediate loss of life), but actually, somehow, took a bullet from my K98R to the head that was perfectly aimed at a sniper I'd been trying to pick off for ages. I think it was also the same guy in that match who didn't forgive me for running into my own 'nade that I shot in a bunker to make sure it was clear (he was also chastising everyone else for being the only one going for flags, despite myself and one other taking three in the previous round).

The mind boggles at how incompetent some people can be.

Then there's the usual "We'll simply rush the enemy and no one will stop us" routine which fails miserably when I turn the corner and hear an MG42 unleash hell. Some people just don't know tactics from their arseholes. The worst ones are those that sit in position for sniping and don't think about helping the one or two who are actually taking enemy positions.

Darksider · Post by **Darksider** » 2006-04-22 10:21am

A friend and I were playing Rainbow Six 3: Raven Shield, and I swear. We were the only competent individuals on that team. It was a full server on Streets, and everyone but my friend and I ran out into the open and got themselves picked off by snipers in the windows at the enemy spawn.

Fucking morons. My friend stayed up high, sniping the enemy, and I went underground to take the fight to them. between the two of us, we managed to take out two thirds of the opposing team before going down.

We were both screaming out heads off at our "teammates" after the round was over.

What is it about online gaming that draws morons with no sense of strategy?

The Dark · Post by **The Dark** » 2006-04-22 11:25am

Counterstrike.

Now, CS is usually bad, but I was playing on a WAN. Combination of guys I know personally (who are paintballers and airsofters) and Army ROTC cadets. On Warehouse. I'm point for a squad going to the main gate while my roommate takes the other squad to the roof to insert once we distract the Ts. We're doing a little bit of snipe and counter-snipe at the gate, since we don't want to rush into a hail of AK fire, but the two guys they have watching the air duct aren't budging. So I toss a flashbang in, wait for the pop, and charge in. As I start running, I hear two more voices going "fire in the hole," which I figure is the air duct guys, since I told the entire CT side what I was planning. Next thing I know, I'm blind, and about a second later, dead. The dumbasses on my own side had tossed a second pair of grenades. The flashbang went off right as I was starting to track two riflemen standing way too close together, and the frag grenade headshotted me.

Next time I want Marines.

R.O.A · Post by **R.O.A** » 2006-04-22 02:34pm

I was playing BF2 Modern Combat on the X-Box on the map "Bridge too far".

For someone that does not know this map, its symetrical with each side having a base that cannot be taken and three other flags, the Western Dock, the Eastern container area and the Overpass. Each side has equal assets to fight with: three jeeps, two tanks, and one transport helocopter.

So I started out at the Chinese base as a sniper. As the other players on my team start taking vehicles, I get in the WZ-9 transport helo manning the minigun. Another guy takes the pilot seat and then two more arrive taking the other minigun and the final guy rode as a passenger. We took off and headed toward the Overpass in the center of the map. We start circling the battlefield mowing down US forces as we moved across. Then for no apparent reason the pilot bails out and we start dropping out of the sky cursing at him. We all die.

The second time we got into the helocopter, but the dumbass pilot was insistant on filling each and every position on it, even though most of our forces were away fighting the US on the ground. Finally we are completely filled and a frikken Apache comes in and takes us out before we could lift off. The third attempt I got into the helocopter and waited for someone else to join, but no one came. I flew toward the building with the big red chinese letters and bailed, landing ontop the building. I started sniping from there but eventully got taken out.

The fourth attempt I choose the SpecOps set and TRIED to do the same thing but laser targeted, I jumped out and started gliding down with my parachute. I was fairly high into the air, so it took me a long time to get down to the overpass. At this point my team was screwed. Due to the popular "Lets all rush into open machine gun fire and hope to live" tactic my team kept getting wasted by the other team, which was a highly organised and skilled team, heh figures. I ran toward the flag, took out another guy with the SMG two more at the flag. Several men approached my posititon, so I got into a nearby tank and started mowing them down with the W85 12.7mm machine gun. THEN an abrams tank arrived and we duked it out, even though my tank had only a few bars of health left I ended up winning and got out. I looked around to see if anyone was left standing and ducked next to the flag so that I could take it, when some MORON on my team calls an artillery strike to destroy all the men that I just killed. I was killed by the artilery strike and the game ended.

Uraniun235 · Post by **Uraniun235** » 2006-04-22 02:49pm

Anyway. I arrived at the North base, faired on the coast behind it and dropped off everyone. I got out and went with them....and my team mates all jumped into the battle bus and buggy and went driving for airfield. I screamed at them to come back, they just ignored me. Of course I got the flag down at which point the enemy commander noticed what I was doing, dropped arty on me and sent in the cavalry. I just missed getting the flag by about a half meter thanks to a Type 90's main cannon hitting me in the balls and ended back on the carrier (none of the people on land were in a squad).

(none of the people on land were in a squad)

Personally, if I can't find any squads that even work together, let alone any squads period, I bail out of the server because teamwork is the only thing that makes BF2 fun.

Arrow · Post by **Arrow** » 2006-04-22 08:15pm

Hehe, these are the reasons I stopped playing BF2 in favor of CoD2. Yeah, CoD2 doesn't have vehicles, and friendly fire is usually off, but it at least herds the morons toward the enemy!

Although, I now have an urge to play BF2 again. I think I need to get my head checked...

Alyeska · Post by **Alyeska** » 2006-04-22 08:52pm

Chris was there for this little jem.

Chris and I are playing on Kubra Dam. Knowing that this map is an air whores wet dream I intentionally set myself up in air defense vehicles to keep them out of the air and to shoot down the enemy attack helicopters. Near the end of the game I have the second highest kill count on my team, the best kill death ratio, and enemy helicopters are getting very scarce. They fear going against me. The commander orders me to attack a spawn with enemy tanks at it. I am an anti-air squad. I tell him no. A few minutes later I am down to my last missile rack and I call for supplies. The commander rejects them then places an artillery strike on top of me.

Me: “What the fuck did you drop artillery on me for?”
Him: “I am the Commander, you do whatever the hell I tell you to, do not ignore any orders from me again or you will never receive supplies again.”
Me: “Are you on crack?”
Him: “Get with the fucking program and be a team player Alyeska”

At this point I am seething. I was a team player. I kept the enemy helicopters so heavily beat back that our armor was operating in the open without fear of TV-guided missiles. I was the shield protecting the bulk of our ground forces. This commander things he can order a fucking Tungkuska to attack tanks and that I have to jump to? My score was almost twice his and I had the highest score on the god damned team. We win the map and the commander gets his points doubled and edged me out by 15 points. He gloats how good he was. Fuck him. Some maps have a critical player who make the rest useful. A good helicopter or good anti-air vehicle can wreck the enemies day and make for a winning game. And he calls me for not being a team player. Its people like that that I wish I could hurt in real life.

Jadeite · Post by **Jadeite** » 2006-04-23 04:22pm

See, guys like that, you wait till the next round and start TKing like mad.

Admiral Valdemar · Post by **Admiral Valdemar** » 2006-04-23 05:38pm

Just today we had a guy TK his whole team before leaving the server. Made it easy on my side, but he won't be showing up again, little cunt. Name will be banned and I'm expecting other servers to follow suit.

Einhander Sn0m4n · Post by **Einhander Sn0m4n** » 2006-04-23 05:51pm

This is why I like the idea of a Server-Admin-Appointed cadre of Officers who have the option of using what I call a Bravery Pistol: If some nerfherder acts so incompetent or cowardly it jeopardizes your team, you can shoot them with your sidearm and not get penalized a TK.

Admiral Valdemar · Post by **Admiral Valdemar** » 2006-04-23 05:52pm

Nice to see the old guard British Army exists in the virtual world at least.

2000AD · Post by **2000AD** » 2006-04-23 06:58pm

R.O.A wrote: Then for no apparent reason the pilot bails out and we start dropping out of the sky cursing at him. We all die.

Why didn't you switch to the pilot seat and take over? Transport helos are piss easy to fly.

And all these othe BF2 horror stories are reminding me why i joined an organised tournament.

Admiral Valdemar · Post by **Admiral Valdemar** » 2006-04-23 07:00pm

Are you able to take control of the helo quick enough? Combat helicopters fly NOE for the most part (as they should given ZSU-23s are probably lurking or MANPADS). That means pilot bails and you have seconds to take control. Still, what a git.

2000AD · Post by **2000AD** » 2006-04-23 07:36pm

Admiral Valdemar wrote:Are you able to take control of the helo quick enough? Combat helicopters fly NOE for the most part (as they should given ZSU-23s are probably lurking or MANPADS). That means pilot bails and you have seconds to take control. Still, what a git.

As long as the helo is at a half decent height and not in a dive it's pretty simple, BF2 isn't exactly the most realisitc game. All you do is press F1 and your in the now vacant pilot seat. If the helo has started a major spin then there might be a problem, but if you react quick then you should be ok.

Another annoying thing is when someone gets into the gunner position in a bomber and then complains about there being no guns for them to fire.

Noble Ire · Post by **Noble Ire** » 2006-04-23 07:41pm

I had no idea that it was this widespread, but I've had my share of BF2 assholes as well. On one occasion, in Backstab, one guy completely fucked our team over by planting C4 on every one of our vehicles, including our helo transport, at the start of the match, killing virtually our entire team in the process. On another occasion, some jackass slaughtered a trio of snipers on top of the water tower in Bridge Too Far, and spent the rest of the match killing anyone who tried getting on top of any of the taller structures. I had thought that Halo 2 was bad in terms of TKers, but I've begun to gravitate back towards it; general stupidity is better than focused malice.

Admiral Valdemar · Post by **Admiral Valdemar** » 2006-04-23 07:54pm

It's fascinating to study the psyche of the average person online. It's like the Internet vastly amplifies the assholish behaviour of these cretins for all to see.

brianeyci · Post by **brianeyci** » 2006-04-23 08:08pm

And people wonder why I hate TS.

Brian

Medic · Post by **Medic** » 2006-04-23 08:37pm

TK'ers and other fucking shitbricks in CoD:UO:

Most common bullshit is on maps like Foy, where one fucking moron will stand in a doorway inside a building spawn point, backing up a good 5-15 players and usually killing a game.

Also common on this map, allies driving up to you with a jeep. You and a 2nd hapless victim get in the jeep expecting to die from a rocket but instead having the driver drive out of bounds and bailing, leaving the gunner and passenger to die in the minefield.

Finally, on a United Offensive map Stanjel, for whatever reason, whenever I'm german, you get the dumb allie who leaves a smoke grenade whenever he spawns indoors, fucking over everyone who also spawns there, wasting time, and often, leaving the enemy to find us with one satchel charge that kills about 4 or 5 people. >_<

Jadeite · Post by **Jadeite** » 2006-04-23 09:33pm

I have a new one from today. Dalian Plant on BF2, playing as an American. The Chinese blow up our artillery, I take a boat and go and fix it. A transport copter comes by and an enemy spec-ops parachutes down and shoots me, and then his entire squad starts spawning at his location. They take my boat, and head for the carrier. I start typing warnings to the rest of the team about the boat that no one is noticing, and then finally screaming for reinforcements in the boat bay, but no one comes. They manage to kill me and dock, then overran the boat bay and headed for the flight deck.

I respawned on flight deck to find that they were killing everyone, and they then proceeded to steal a fighter, our Cobra, and a Black Hawk, and pretty much camped the shit out of us on our own damn carrier.

The amazing thing is we still won by 26 tickets.

Fire Fly · Post by **Fire Fly** » 2006-04-23 11:17pm

BF2

I was playing on Wake Island as Chinese. In mid game, I decided I wanted to play as gunner for the attack chopper. I waited for it to spawn and let some guy hop in so I could hop in second. Some ass fucker decides to take my place and kills me as a sniper because I took his spot. Now, I'm an understanding guy and I normally don't punish. But blatant team killing, I won't accept it. I immeadiately spawns as USMC on the flag on the south side of the island, near the Chinese airfield. I worked my way around to the back side of the air field and took up position in the on the side of a hill. I killed him four times in a row as he kept trying to get into the chopper; everyone else was busy trying to hold off USMC advances. The guy got so pissed he spent the rest of the game trying to take me out and almost did at one point but ran into one of my trusty claymores.

As for the actual incompetence, I was playing as MEC commander on Karkand and anyone who has played this position knows how hard it is to win if your team is just slightly sucky. The time that I was playing, though, my team just completely sucked. All of our rear flags were overrun within the first two minutes, leaving me completely isolated. The worst part was though, the USMC didn't immeadiately try to kill all of us. The took all of the vehicles and proceeded to ass rape everyone everywhere. The moment a flag went neutral, there was a tank that was ready to pop a few rounds at whoever was trying to turn the flag.

StarDestroyer.Net BBS

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