Incompetent Teammate Stories

[Rogue 9]

I haven't even read 'em all and I can still feel confident in saying I've got you all beat.

Warcraft III, 3v3 game. My base gets swamped a couple minutes in. I get no support from my allies against all three of my enemies' strike forces. Fortunately, I had a backup base further into our territory.

Well, one of my allies declares me a n00b and sends his own forces over to raze my secondary encampment. That's right. He killed me off. I still had the forces and resources to get back in the game if I hurried, but he sent over his entire army and razed my town hall. While he was doing this, he got swamped himself. The dumbass.

I know it's not very complicated, but damn that's idiotic.

[Arrow]

I was playing on Wake Island as Chinese. In mid game, I decided I wanted to play as gunner for the attack chopper. I waited for it to spawn and let some guy hop in so I could hop in second. Some ass fucker decides to take my place and kills me as a sniper because I took his spot. Now, I'm an understanding guy and I normally don't punish. But blatant team killing, I won't accept it. I immeadiately spawns as USMC on the flag on the south side of the island, near the Chinese airfield. I worked my way around to the back side of the air field and took up position in the on the side of a hill. I killed him four times in a row as he kept trying to get into the chopper; everyone else was busy trying to hold off USMC advances. The guy got so pissed he spent the rest of the game trying to take me out and almost did at one point but ran into one of my trusty claymores.

The last time I got TK snipped out of a gunship was also on Wake, as the USMC. Luckily, the pilot was an idiot, tried to dodge a J-10 and put the cobra in the drink. So, I respawn as Spec Ops, and the three of us wait of the cobra to repop. They get in, and as they're taking off, I tossed two C4 on the back of the cobra, and then I got a a ride on the blackhawk. I watched them get over land, and click! BOOM! Yeah, I got two punishes, but damn it felt good. And they were pissed!

[weemadando]

Playing Delta Force: Black Hawk Down at a LAN.

We were playing Team King of the Hill. On one team, the usual guys that I game with. On the other (the one I landed on) a pack of CS knob-jockeys. Who sit in the fucking deployment zone sniping the whole map never once venturing forward to try and take the objective. Consequence - I try repeatedly to take the "Hill" only to be killed by THE ENTIRE FUCKING OTHER TEAM WHO ARE SET UP IN THERE.

And to make it more retarded. Half the time the douche-bags shot me. The other half the time they shot each other. Why? Because the deployment zone didn't have line of sight to the fucking Hill.

Most frustrating match I ever played in.

[Spyder]

Goldeneye 1vs3 with the team of 3 armed with Grenade Launchers. No one actually managed to kill the guy on the other team.

[Jim Raynor]

Warcraft III, 3v3 game:

One of my teammates didn't talk, at all. Not when I asked everyone to rush, or when me and the other teammate were getting overrun by our three opponents. This guy just stayed in his base, never teching, never creeping, and only building a minimal number of units and buildings. Finally, as the last of our buildings were being destroyed, with me and the other guy cursing him off, this guy finally typed "This is my first game."

How the hell is that an excuse? Nevermind that you should get yourself acquainted with the basics of the game before trying multiplayer. This guy literally did jack shit, as I described above. The least he could have done was say something. I mean it, I could have left my computer for 10 minutes before actually playing, and still have done better than this guy. Anybody who was the least bit familiar with the RTS genre could have done better than him. This guy must have been a 5 years old, or retarded.

[Spyder]

That's the line you use when you beat someone on battle.net and they start speculating on your sexual orientation.

"Woah, does that mean I win?"

"Fag!!!!!!!!!!"

"It's my first game."

"fuCk you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

[Lord Revan]

Another WoW story (from yesterday), Well I doing Scholomance with my main character (a lvl 60 Warlock), and not only was priest in the group way too slow in his heals, he had a obsession going into melee, using his wand or offensive spells and running into the green clouds left over by some mobs (that hurt you if enter them), so the boss fight where next to impossible (by miracle we where able to kill all but the last 2 bosses(and the no you need to summon in that one room as we had no blood)).

[Ghost Rider]

My best and fave was one I escaped...and why I hate PuGs.

WoW: Scarlet Monastary. I'm level 42 Paladin, the group is a 40 Warr, 39 Priest, 43 Hunter, 40 Mage. Decent party...but the Hunter is a fool on such a level, we barely avoid wiping at least six times. The final touch that no one could save is when our Hunter goes "I'm pulling Mograine.". The Cathedral was FULL.

I laugh...watch as the Cathedral assrapes everyone, and I bubble hearth, and leave the party.

[Lagmonster]

This thread brought to you by Leeroy Jenkins.

On my own, I recall a BF2 game...one of the Chinese maps...wherein I'd managed to sneak past unnamable numbers of enemy patrols on foot, ducked past a helicopter, taken out two guys in a desperate firefight, and gotten extremely lucky blowing up a guard tank...all that, and I was at their rear echelon flag - the place where their heavy vehicles spawned. The flag you take to catch the enemy in a vice and leave them without any tanks or hope. And I've got it halfway capped.

...and some freaking monkey in a screaming jet on my own team comes flying out of the blue and, with dreams of heroism in his head, crashes his jet into me. Granted, he *ejects* first, apparently with the idea that he's going to cap the already-grey flag himself and be a hero, but that didn't help me any.

My conclusion remains the same: Flyboys are *assholes*.

[wautd]

Sudden Strike

Any time one of your teammates thinks he's playing C&C and a tankrush without support means certain victory (or worse, send trucks full of soldier in the first wave). Good luck in winning the map when one of your flanks vaporized after the first 10 minutes.

[Admiral Valdemar]

This thread brought to you by Leeroy Jenkins.

On my own, I recall a BF2 game...one of the Chinese maps...wherein I'd managed to sneak past unnamable numbers of enemy patrols on foot, ducked past a helicopter, taken out two guys in a desperate firefight, and gotten extremely lucky blowing up a guard tank...all that, and I was at their rear echelon flag - the place where their heavy vehicles spawned. The flag you take to catch the enemy in a vice and leave them without any tanks or hope. And I've got it halfway capped.

...and some freaking monkey in a screaming jet on my own team comes flying out of the blue and, with dreams of heroism in his head, crashes his jet into me. Granted, he *ejects* first, apparently with the idea that he's going to cap the already-grey flag himself and be a hero, but that didn't help me any.

My conclusion remains the same: Flyboys are *assholes*.

That's simply hilarious.

[The Yosemite Bear]

technically I was the incompetant teammate.....

I was playing eldar in DOW with whitehaven....

and had an ADD trance, while the orks rpaed him....

[PainRack]

Well, mine are DOTA stories.

The gamut of idiocy on Bnet just grows daily and pubs aren't any better. Idiotic equipment build, the failure to buy any equipment at all and well......... the belief that you can tank a tower at level 3 is just some of the more USUAL stories.

my favourite was in this game where my teammate kept screaming maphacker at the opponent. It was stupid because when you go up against Naix and Pudge shows up after 4 min, its not maphacking. Its because you're fucking revealed on the minimap! God. I spent at least 4 min on and off telling him no, its not maphacking when they escaped us because we disappeared off the minimap. Hell, I died once in mid type on the all chat, because I got caught in the open and was stunned.


There was another match of 5 v 5, although dropouts meant that we were facing them 5 v 4. Too bad that wasn't an advantage because other than me(Pandaran Battlemaster) and Abaddon, the other 3 players were utter noobs.

Soon, the enemies had at least 6 hero kills above us and the centre lane was in danger of collapsing as Sand King and Nerubian weaver kept feasting on Dwarven Sniper. Despite our misgivings, we decided to "teamwork" and join Sniper in pushing the centre lane, this despite the fact that we were overpowered, to do so was detrimental to our stragety and the best was for a lane change. At least it stopped the complaining for a while.

Until after we took out the center tower and pushed on , where our entire team died save for one. Well, the sniper had been saying OMG, OMG every time he died during the centre push and when other team members died. And I became irritated when he claimed that we weren't showing teamwork and should coordinate better, following his instructions. I decided to ask him a simple question.

"Why weren't you sniping the enemy heroes?"
"Oh, I was saving for a shot when their hp down."

Ok, now, KS isn't a nice thing normally on DOTA, although I be encouraged if we could kill a single hero. However, not only did this assainate fail to happen because the one time we manage to almost kill Nerubian weaver, he was running scared for his pants, he utterly mistook the idea of what the centre push and tactics were for. So, I decided to correct his thinking.

"Errr, no, I didn't mean assasainate. What's your range?"
"I maxed out take aim already."
"Then why the fuck aren't you attacking normal heroes?"

GOD. I was thinking that he had spammed scatter shot and had been out of mana during our two pushes, but NO. He had actually maxed out the range modifier on his hero, giving him the longest range in the game, and all he did was to attack the creep wave, ignoring the MEELEE heroes of the enemy. And then he started OMG, OMG when Sandking burrowstrike and wiped out the tank line.

Ok, perhaps he's a noob. He would have learned his lesson, right? Start attacking enemy heroes. Otherwise, we lose.

Next push? You guessed it. Creep wave again. And by now, he had been so marginalised that the opponents decided to kill Abaddon and myself first, thus removing the tankers and allowing for their counter-push.

After another OMG OMG and "teamwork", the Abaddon player finally got fed up and started screwing him and saying he was the problem and that he was sabotaging "teamwork".

God, I had my share of "hey, why aren't you pushing" or "You KStealer" or even "maphacking" claims made against me. This is the first time however I saw a player, who despite being educated in the tactics of the game utterly not getting it and was PROFILERIC in scolding others for not having teamwork or pushing or coordination. At least when I was mistakenly accused of not pushing or not being a team player, the other player was at least doing what he accused me of not.

[Lord Pounder]

Oh yeah I got one, a certain dickhead Warlock was in my group at the XR. We where routing the Alliance and had them on the run, then this moron Warlock who had his Infernal out for an occasion that a Voidwalker would have sufficed, ported out as he was waiting to join Warsong Gulch. The result being that the Infernal turned on all of us and a combination of it and the resurecting Alliance killed many of us.

[Stofsk]

Goldeneye 1vs3 with the team of 3 armed with Grenade Launchers. No one actually managed to kill the guy on the other team.

But I bet they killed each other right?

[Chris OFarrell]

This thread brought to you by Leeroy Jenkins.

On my own, I recall a BF2 game...one of the Chinese maps...wherein I'd managed to sneak past unnamable numbers of enemy patrols on foot, ducked past a helicopter, taken out two guys in a desperate firefight, and gotten extremely lucky blowing up a guard tank...all that, and I was at their rear echelon flag - the place where their heavy vehicles spawned. The flag you take to catch the enemy in a vice and leave them without any tanks or hope. And I've got it halfway capped.

...and some freaking monkey in a screaming jet on my own team comes flying out of the blue and, with dreams of heroism in his head, crashes his jet into me. Granted, he *ejects* first, apparently with the idea that he's going to cap the already-grey flag himself and be a hero, but that didn't help me any.

My conclusion remains the same: Flyboys are *assholes*.

I know your pain. The same thing happened to me, I presume your talking about Dragon Valley? Cause I drove, walked and sprinted my way from the f*#(ING carrier all the way to the Chinese airbase, took the back way with the pipes and everything to avoid being seen. Their commander was either asleep and not scanning or his team were ignoring him. Or more likely he was worried with the huge damn firefight at Vista POint that had about 40 people involved.

ANYWAY.

I plant C4 on all his arty then use the supply box he had dropped outside for someone else to rearm and plant it on the UAV and radar. I then made a squad and invited about a dozen people in, planing to take the spawn then detonate all the charges at the same time and 'shock' their commander enough to pull the enemy back to the airfield and let out team advance.

Sounds simple right?

About four people spawn on me. Two stay with me near their flag, one runs off to steel an APC....and just as the flag hits the bottom....one of the guys who stayed with me stabs me.

Just like that.

He stabs me. And of course I fail to get points for flag capture or even flag lowering.

Of course the rest of my team is then overun by one Chinese guy who walks up behind them and shoots the people at the flag in an attack I could have defeated with one hand tied behind me back.

So we all respawn on the Carrier. I asked him WHY he killed me.

He said, and I quote: "Duno, it was funny '

He then got into the Cobra by himself and took off, but not before I stuck two C4 charges on the side.

I slowly forced myself to count to twenty then blew him up in midair over the valley.

I then said: "HAR HAR, now THAT'S FUNNY!'

He then started screaming for 15 mins non stop at me in chat, I never said anything back and eventualy everyone got so annoyed they kicked HIM off

[Karza]

Morons of various sorts are so common in WoW that I forget most of those within 5 minutes of leaving the group. However, a certain Italian fellow left a lasting memory.

It was a Strat Baron PuG (back in the Good Times when 10-man raids were allowed there). Our priest was barely up to his duties, and spoke very bad english, but since it's a pain in the ass to get a priest for a PuG run, we tolerated him. Throughout the entire raid he kept telling the master looter how to do his job, despite the fact that the ML was doing just fine. He also kept insisting that if Devout Skirt drops, he should get it. No shit, Sherlock, you're the only priest here.

To further piss the ML (and everyone else) off, this moron also types this crap in all caps. By the time we reached Baron, the raid is practically falling apart, but we manage to take him down anyway. And then the ML, who's been given idiotic advice throughout the raid in very bad English, said the most beautiful line I've ever seen in WoW:

"Roll greed [Devout Skirt]"

That moron got what he deserved.