Picking apart GK's fanfic

Gil Hamilton · Post by **Gil Hamilton** » 2002-07-30 04:25am

*reads Graham Kennedy's fan-fic and feels his occular nerves severed by brain to minimalize damage*

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2002-07-30 04:34pm

Is GK a science teacher? If he was, that would be bad for the students.

"Kids, a laser is an inferior weapon used by ships in most sci-fi series. But ST ships use the far superior phasers, and immune to any laser of any power level."

"Mr. Kennedy, what's a phaser?"

"I just told you!"

Grand Admiral Thrawn · Post by **Grand Admiral Thrawn** » 2002-07-30 04:37pm

"Turbolasers are just lasers."
"But Mr. Kennedy, they don't act like a laser. They-"
"George, do you need another suspension? I thought you learned your lesson after that little hyperspace isn't 1.5 c incident"

A joke of course.

Doomriser · Post by **Doomriser** » 2002-07-30 04:42pm

Kennedy would be a great science teacher. Students would learn about scienfific errors, logical fallacies, circular reasoning, and unethical research practices. They wouldn't learn it intentionally, though.

Doomriser · Post by **Doomriser** » 2002-07-30 04:45pm

In fact, I love comparing Kennedy's exaggerations to real canon. For example, he used to list the "Subspace Relay Station" as having several terawatts of defensive shielding. Then someone must have informed him about the TNG quote stating that 4.2 GW is enough to power a subspace relay station. He then nixed the TW figure, otherwise without blinking over the fact that his estimate exaggerated the power of the Federation device by several orders of magnitude. This is typical for DITL. Meanwhile, Wong's estimates of Trek tech have been almost dead-on and consistent even in light of new evidence.

Master of Ossus · Post by **Master of Ossus** » 2002-07-30 05:02pm

Doomriser wrote:Kennedy would be a great science teacher. Students would learn about scienfific errors, logical fallacies, circular reasoning, and unethical research practices. They wouldn't learn it intentionally, though.

I had a crappy science teacher in HS in my junior year. It was NOT pleasant. I know how bad Kennedy can be, and you should not even be joking about him being a good teacher because you learn about scientific errors and things. My teacher once failed to have a correct answer on more than 30% of the test that she gave us (the multiple-choice section), and on two more of the forty-five questions, the answer letter that was right was marked incorrect and we had to argue with her about what the answer should have been. And that was not nearly the worst thing she did to us!

Stravo · Post by **Stravo** » 2002-07-30 05:04pm

Despite all these points we've brought up, I think that it is fairly obvious that there is a rabid contigent out there that looks upon "Portal" the way we look on "Conquest" UGH.

Master of Ossus · Post by **Master of Ossus** » 2002-07-30 05:10pm

Stravo wrote:Despite all these points we've brought up, I think that it is fairly obvious that there is a rabid contigent out there that looks upon "Portal" the way we look on "Conquest" UGH.

There IS! According to GK himself, about 95% of the feedback he gets for the story is positive!

Completely ridiculous, if you ask me. He should at least have some understanding of how ST power generation is markedly inferior to SW generation.

2000AD · Post by **2000AD** » 2002-07-30 05:16pm

Does someone have an e-mail address for GK so we can all tell him how much we laughed at his brilliant piece of comedy?

Master of Ossus · Post by **Master of Ossus** » 2002-07-30 05:20pm

2000AD wrote:Does someone have an e-mail address for GK so we can all tell him how much we laughed at his brilliant piece of comedy?

His e-mail is posted on his site. It is: webmaster@ditl.org <webmaster@ditl.org>

He said that he will not care if we flame him, because he has a very thick skin. Funny.... He never seemed to reply to my last message, though. Jerk.

Wicked Pilot · Post by **Wicked Pilot** » 2002-07-30 05:21pm

Doomriser wrote:Kennedy would be a great science teacher. Students would learn about scienfific errors, logical fallacies, circular reasoning, and unethical research practices. They wouldn't learn it intentionally, though.

Although there is no evidence of this, I wouldn't be supprised if Kennedy was a creationist also. When you are of an intellegence of his level, it is easy to get sucked in.

Stravo · Post by **Stravo** » 2002-07-30 05:25pm

Can't we just email him this thread? Or post this thread somewhere for all to see....it would be GREAT if some idiot Trekkie who believed this pile of horsehit would come along and try to defend this tripe. Has ANYONE actually ever even DEFENDED this utter piece of shit??? If so please post the thread....

Master of Ossus · Post by **Master of Ossus** » 2002-07-30 05:31pm

Stravo wrote:Can't we just email him this thread? Or post this thread somewhere for all to see....it would be GREAT if some idiot Trekkie who believed this pile of horsehit would come along and try to defend this tripe. Has ANYONE actually ever even DEFENDED this utter piece of shit??? If so please post the thread....

That's what I would suggest. We should do so, anyway, just to make sure that he doesn't say that we've been launching stealth attacks on his site, the way that Wong sometimes comes under attack.

Needa · Post by **Needa** » 2002-07-30 05:54pm

I thought Mr. Bean in his underwear was the most horrible thing to see, but now that I've read only a handful of GK most intelligent sentences, I know now the true meaning of ABOMINATION!

Evil Sadistic Bastard · Post by **Evil Sadistic Bastard** » 2002-07-30 06:37pm

Everything I have to say about Portal can be summarized in three words :
"Sick, dude, sick!"

I have seen better stuff being flushed down the toilet.

Pablo Sanchez · Post by **Pablo Sanchez** » 2002-07-30 06:54pm

Master of Ossus wrote:My teacher once failed to have a correct answer on more than 30% of the test that she gave us (the multiple-choice section), and on two more of the forty-five questions, the answer letter that was right was marked incorrect and we had to argue with her about what the answer should have been. And that was not nearly the worst thing she did to us!

That reminds me of my Geometry teacher. I had a nice conversation with her, which ended with my saying:

"No, it can't be a linear function. Look at it! It's a parabola!"

Typhonis 1 · Post by **Typhonis 1** » 2002-07-31 01:43am

Thanks

Cpt_Frank · Post by **Cpt_Frank** » 2002-07-31 05:17am

Now, anyone perhaps gonna write 'Portal - the truth' and send it GK?

Antediluvian · Post by **Antediluvian** » 2002-07-31 08:55am

I think reading that piece of crap made me sterile.

Post by **NecronLord** » 2002-07-31 10:24am

Now I think about it I had a Science teacher called Mr. Kennedy for Chemistry.

ARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!

Doomriser · Post by **Doomriser** » 2002-07-31 03:00pm

Cpt_Frank wrote:Now, anyone perhaps gonna write 'Portal - the truth' and send it GK?

What exactly are you thinking about? Heck, GAT's deconstruction is quite fine.

Grand Admiral Thrawn · Post by **Grand Admiral Thrawn** » 2002-07-31 03:44pm

Cpt_Frank wrote:Now, anyone perhaps gonna write 'Portal - the truth' and send it GK?

Hell fucking no, that would mean I'd have to read Portal again. But here's a little bit of a rewrite.

"Unknown vessel, this is the Imperial Star Destroyer Battlecry. You are trespassing in the Coruscant Restricted Zone, a region of space designated for use by authorised personnel only. State your identity and business here."
Picard hesitated. "Battlecry, this is the Federation Starship Enterprise. We intend no trespass on your space - our vessel is a ship of exploration." That's a half truth, he thought - the Sovereign class was officially an Enhanced Deterrence Explorer, in reality a battlecruiser. But there was no need to go into that right now. "We encountered a spatial anomaly of some kind which catapulted our ship to this region of space. We are investigating possible methods of returning home now."
The reply was almost instant. "Enterprise, you are already committing a serious violation of Imperial law just by being in your present location. Making false statements to an Imperial Navy officer will just add to those charges and make things more difficult for you."
"Battlecry, we are falsifying nothing. Our ship has been the victim of an unfortunate accident which we are trying to correct. We intend no harm-"
"Enterprise, stand by to receive a boarding party. Your senior officers will be taken into custody and your ship impounded until appropriate action can be taken. The transport is on its way now." Picard saw a smaller craft emerge from beneath the huge vessel and begin to glide slowly towards them. "Be warned, Enterprise; our heavy turbolaser turrets are locked onto your ship and we will fire at any provocation. Battlecry out." The line went dead.
"Well, that sounded final," Riker said quietly.
"Indeed," Picard nodded, watching the transport draw closer. "This may be their territory, but I'm not about to let them board this ship. Red alert. Mister Data, scan that vessel. Let's learn what we can."
"Aye, sir. Scan initiated."
"Mister Worf," Picard said. Worf had been shooting covert looks at the tactical station for the last five minutes. "Please take the tactical station. I'm afraid you've been drafted."
"Thank you, sir," The Klingon said with obvious glee.
"Tactical analysis please."
Worf studied the console. "The vessel is armed with 8 large turrets, 6 of 1 type, 2 of another, all double. Weapon type unknown. There appear to be 120 smaller types of the 6 ones. As well as several medium size turrets. Also there are ten tractor beam emitters. A conformal shield grid of huge capacity, and the hull is constructed of very high density armour. She is powered by a unknown power core, very large."
"How large?" Picard asked cautiously.
"Undetermined," Worf said simply.
"Captain Picard, this is your last warning," The intercom sounded. "Drop your shields and prepare to be boarded."
"Battlecry, I say again: we were thrown to this location by a natural anomaly. Our intentions are peaceful, but we are equipped to defend ourselves and will if we must." He made a slashing motion to Worf, who cut the channel.
"The enemy vessel is using targeting scanners on us," Worf announced.
"Don't worry Worf. Did you here him? Lasers. Why, they won't even get past our navigational-"
As he spoke a single bolt of brilliant green flashed out from the Star Destroyer and impacted on the Enterprises shields. The blast penetrated, blowing the saucer section into oblivion. Picard felt the ship explode under his feet. Then he felt nothing at all. The Enterprise's warp core soon breached, and the burning hulk of the finest ship in Starfleet exploded.

This is just a joke of course

Grand Admiral Thrawn · Post by **Grand Admiral Thrawn** » 2002-07-31 03:48pm

BTW, has anyone emailed this this thread to GK?

Master of Ossus · Post by **Master of Ossus** » 2002-07-31 04:00pm

I just did, Grand Admiral Thrawn. I asked him to come here and set you guys straight on who would REALLY win a fight between ST & SW, so you'd better be scared!

Grand Admiral Thrawn · Post by **Grand Admiral Thrawn** » 2002-08-01 04:56pm

Master of Ossus wrote:I just did, Grand Admiral Thrawn. I asked him to come here and set you guys straight on who would REALLY win a fight between ST & SW, so you'd better be scared!

[Dr. Evil mode] Look at me, I'm shaking in my little space boots [/Dr. Evil mode]