Greedo V's Federation

harbringer · Post by **harbringer** » 2006-05-02 05:55am

This is more for fun than anything else but... Hans favourite Rhodian comes gunning for the federation he can use his blaster pistol and is considered to have as much ammunition as he needs. Neither side have sensors of any kind (other than touch, taste, hearing, and unaided vision for the lawyers among you)

Greedo and 1 redshirt in "10 forward" (a re-enactment of his famous scene)

Greedo and 1 redshirt head to head

Greedo in a jungle with 5 redshirts

Greedo and Lt. Riker

Greedo and Worf

Greedo and seven of nine

Greedo and janeway (she might even find him attractive)

Bounty · Post by **Bounty** » 2006-05-02 06:12am

SE Greedo ? The one who couldn't hit Solo from three feet away, despite the element of surprise ?

Oy.

Greedo and 1 redshirt in "10 forward" (a re-enactment of his famous scene)

Redshirt doesn't know what's coming and dies.

Greedo and 1 redshirt head to head

Depends on who's luckier - I wouldn't bet on Greedo.

Greedo in a jungle with 5 redshirts

Greedo *might* take down one or two redshirts, but he dies nonetheless. That blaster's loud enough to make sneak attacks difficult and he's badly outnumbered.

Greedo and Lt. Riker
Greedo and Worf

See Greedo vs redshirt

Greedo and seven of nine

Greedo dies.

Greedo and janeway (she might even find him attractive)

...I'm going to scrub my brain with bleach now.

Darth Servo · Post by **Darth Servo** » 2006-05-02 04:20pm

Let's see, Redshirts get killed by poisonous plants, exploding rocks, horny women and hangnails.

One on one any bounty hunter takes them out. In the jungle, Greedo doesn't need to do anything. Give the redshirts long enough and they'll take care of the dying part all by themselves.

Riker can't hit a Reman Viceroy five meters away.

Worf gets his ass kicked by Guinan.

7 of 9. What is she going to do? Flash her boobies at him?

Janeway is the only one who comes away with the victory. Just looking at her or hearing her voice will do Greedo in.

Bounty · Post by **Bounty** » 2006-05-02 04:24pm

One on one any bounty hunter takes them out.

If he's halfway competent. Greedo failed to kill a guy *sitting in front of him*. That's...that's Barclay-level incompetence

7 of 9. What is she going to do? Flash her boobies at him?

I thought the matchups were with both sides armed...could be wrong though.

Batman · Post by **Batman** » 2006-05-02 04:29pm

Bounty wrote: If he's halfway competent. Greedo failed to kill a guy *sitting in front of him*. That's...that's Barclay-level incompetence

Valen that scene makes Barclay look competent.
*denial*HAN SHOT FIRST!*/denial*

7 of 9. What is she going to do? Flash her boobies at him?
I thought the matchups were with both sides armed...could be wrong though.

The OP doesn't say anything about it I'm afraid but I assumed both sides are armed, too. I mean if the Fed side is NOT armed what are they going to do? Technobabble Greedo to death?

Agemegos · Post by **Agemegos** » 2006-05-02 10:26pm

Batman wrote:I mean if the Fed side is NOT armed what are they going to do? Technobabble Greedo to death?

That might work, you know. He might get so angry he'd pop an aneurysm. I sometimes feel that it is going to happen to me.

Darth Servo · Post by **Darth Servo** » 2006-05-03 12:10am

Bounty wrote:
7 of 9. What is she going to do? Flash her boobies at him?
I thought the matchups were with both sides armed...could be wrong though.

Hey, someone packing pair of "38s" is a much better armed than someone with a phaser.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2006-05-03 04:10pm

Bounty wrote:SE Greedo ? The one who couldn't hit Solo from three feet away, despite the element of surprise ?

I'm no fan of the SE Greedo, but are you on drugs or something? What "element of surprise?" He had his gun pointed right at Han Solo's head for a minute prior to shooting. How could he predict that Han Solo's torso would suddenly shift to the right in a move that defies physics and looks suspiciously like his upper body was manipulated with CGI?

Nieztchean Uber-Amoeba · Post by **Nieztchean Uber-Amoeba** » 2006-05-03 07:11pm

Darth Wong wrote:
Bounty wrote:SE Greedo ? The one who couldn't hit Solo from three feet away, despite the element of surprise ?
I'm no fan of the SE Greedo, but are you on drugs or something? What "element of surprise?" He had his gun pointed right at Han Solo's head for a minute prior to shooting. How could he predict that Han Solo's torso would suddenly shift to the right in a move that defies physics and looks suspiciously like his upper body was manipulated with CGI?

Actually, you unintentionally gave me this idea: Since so many near-humans look almost identical to people (Death-stick seller, anyone?) and Solo's move was something that quite simply isn't possible with Human bone and muscle structure, is it possible he's a member of some more obscure species or subspecies ad simply wasn't noticed? Perhaps his spine is multi-jointed and made of cartilage...

Post by **Surlethe** » 2006-05-03 09:58pm

Nieztchean Uber-Amoeba wrote:Actually, you unintentionally gave me this idea: Since so many near-humans look almost identical to people (Death-stick seller, anyone?) and Solo's move was something that quite simply isn't possible with Human bone and muscle structure, is it possible he's a member of some more obscure species or subspecies ad simply wasn't noticed? Perhaps his spine is multi-jointed and made of cartilage...

Which is more parsimonious: assuming Han is a pseudohuman, or assuming the Special Editions are retconned New Republic propaganda?

SirNitram · Post by **SirNitram** » 2006-05-03 10:52pm

Surlethe wrote:
Nieztchean Uber-Amoeba wrote:Actually, you unintentionally gave me this idea: Since so many near-humans look almost identical to people (Death-stick seller, anyone?) and Solo's move was something that quite simply isn't possible with Human bone and muscle structure, is it possible he's a member of some more obscure species or subspecies ad simply wasn't noticed? Perhaps his spine is multi-jointed and made of cartilage...
Which is more parsimonious: assuming Han is a pseudohuman, or assuming the Special Editions are retconned New Republic propaganda?

I'd be careful with declaring the footage propaganda. That can be used in a lot of very nasty ways. If it's edited propaganda to change how a human's head moves, why not the size of the Executor? The power of the DS blast? And so forth.

Post by **Surlethe** » 2006-05-03 10:58pm

SirNitram wrote:I'd be careful with declaring the footage propaganda. That can be used in a lot of very nasty ways. If it's edited propaganda to change how a human's head moves, why not the size of the Executor? The power of the DS blast? And so forth.

True. I meant propaganda in the sense that the special version has been doctored in some ways to fit some sort of agenda, but the original is still considered to be the "true" version.

Nieztchean Uber-Amoeba · Post by **Nieztchean Uber-Amoeba** » 2006-05-03 11:11pm

Surlethe wrote:
Nieztchean Uber-Amoeba wrote:Actually, you unintentionally gave me this idea: Since so many near-humans look almost identical to people (Death-stick seller, anyone?) and Solo's move was something that quite simply isn't possible with Human bone and muscle structure, is it possible he's a member of some more obscure species or subspecies ad simply wasn't noticed? Perhaps his spine is multi-jointed and made of cartilage...
Which is more parsimonious: assuming Han is a pseudohuman, or assuming the Special Editions are retconned New Republic propaganda?

Suspension of disbelief baby. And if the Republic went so far to edit it, why would they make Solo look like a mutant?

Face it. Your favourite rebel space-smuggler is a spine-twisting Xeno.

Wyrm · Post by **Wyrm** » 2006-05-03 11:44pm

Darth Servo wrote:7 of 9. What is she going to do? Flash her boobies at him?

The blaster bolts bounce off her aetheric beam locators.

Elfdart · Post by **Elfdart** » 2006-05-04 09:29am

Greedo wins 'em all. He got the drop on Han Solo, but instead of shooting him , tried to extort money from him. There's no money involved in this scenario, so Greedo would simply shoot the redshirts and other Trek characters.

For those who want to bitch about Greedo shooting first, I recommend the classic western The Bravados, where Stephen Boyd shoots at Gregory Peck in a cantina at a range of @18 inches -and misses! Gregory Peck also performs an impossible torso move to dodge. The difference is, back in the day they cut out frames of film and nowadays they use CGI.

RedImperator · Post by **RedImperator** » 2006-05-04 07:07pm

Nieztchean Uber-Amoeba wrote:
Surlethe wrote:
Nieztchean Uber-Amoeba wrote:Actually, you unintentionally gave me this idea: Since so many near-humans look almost identical to people (Death-stick seller, anyone?) and Solo's move was something that quite simply isn't possible with Human bone and muscle structure, is it possible he's a member of some more obscure species or subspecies ad simply wasn't noticed? Perhaps his spine is multi-jointed and made of cartilage...
Which is more parsimonious: assuming Han is a pseudohuman, or assuming the Special Editions are retconned New Republic propaganda?
Suspension of disbelief baby. And if the Republic went so far to edit it, why would they make Solo look like a mutant?

Face it. Your favourite rebel space-smuggler is a spine-twisting Xeno.

Bullshit. Repeat after me: the Special Editions never happened. Han shot first. End of story.

Noble Ire · Post by **Noble Ire** » 2006-05-04 07:13pm

Bullshit. Repeat after me: the Special Editions never happened. Han shot first. End of story.

The entire Special Editions? Isn't that a blatant contradiction of canon?

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2006-05-04 07:22pm

Elfdart wrote:Greedo wins 'em all. He got the drop on Han Solo, but instead of shooting him , tried to extort money from him. There's no money involved in this scenario, so Greedo would simply shoot the redshirts and other Trek characters.

For those who want to bitch about Greedo shooting first, I recommend the classic western The Bravados, where Stephen Boyd shoots at Gregory Peck in a cantina at a range of @18 inches -and misses! Gregory Peck also performs an impossible torso move to dodge. The difference is, back in the day they cut out frames of film and nowadays they use CGI.

It's also worth noting that I've seen police car footage of a cop emptying his revolver at a guy who's standing less than 6 feet away, and misses with every shot. Freaky things do happen sometimes.

Anguirus · Post by **Anguirus** » 2006-05-04 07:25pm

Reminds me of Pulp Fiction..."We should be fucking dead, my friend!"

Still, it can't fail to yank me out of the movie. Bad Lucas!

RedImperator · Post by **RedImperator** » 2006-05-04 07:28pm

Noble Ire wrote:
Bullshit. Repeat after me: the Special Editions never happened. Han shot first. End of story.
The entire Special Editions? Isn't that a blatant contradiction of canon?

Since it's already a contradiction of canon policy to throw out the Greedo shooting first scene, I see no reason not to shitcan the rest of the SEs with it.

brianeyci · Post by **brianeyci** » 2006-05-04 07:31pm

Nieztchean Uber-Amoeba wrote:Face it. Your favourite rebel space-smuggler is a spine-twisting Xeno.

Holy Shit! Hold your horses, stop everything you're doing right now, emergency! Time to unban Darkstar looks like there's proof of his claim.

Darkstar wrote:Of course, given that we have nothing to compare it to, it may simply represent the natural order of the dominant humanoids of the SW galaxy.

.

Brian

Noble Ire · Post by **Noble Ire** » 2006-05-04 08:30pm

RedImperator wrote:
Noble Ire wrote:
Bullshit. Repeat after me: the Special Editions never happened. Han shot first. End of story.
The entire Special Editions? Isn't that a blatant contradiction of canon?

Since it's already a contradiction of canon policy to throw out the Greedo shooting first scene, I see no reason not to shitcan the rest of the SEs with it.

But, officially, the SE scene is the correct one. I mean, there are other parts of canon most people don't like, but as long as they don't contradict any other part of the same or higher level of canon, there isn't really any reason to dispense with them. I think the original version of the scene is better too, but that doesn't invalidate it. Does Jar Jar Bink's existance purge TPM from the continuity?

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2006-05-04 09:14pm

Noble Ire wrote:But, officially, the SE scene is the correct one. I mean, there are other parts of canon most people don't like, but as long as they don't contradict any other part of the same or higher level of canon, there isn't really any reason to dispense with them. I think the original version of the scene is better too, but that doesn't invalidate it. Does Jar Jar Bink's existance purge TPM from the continuity?

Did anyone ever say that the original versions are now non-canon? I don't recall ever hearing that. People have said that the newer versions replace the older ones, but that's not quite the same as saying that the older ones cease to exist for the purpose of continuity.

As for Jar-Jar, you are totally distorting the argument. We're not talking about subjective preferences; in this case, we're talking about Han Solo making a move that's obviously not really possible.

Noble Ire · Post by **Noble Ire** » 2006-05-04 09:24pm

Did anyone ever say that the original versions are now non-canon? I don't recall ever hearing that. People have said that the newer versions replace the older ones, but that's not quite the same as saying that the older ones cease to exist for the purpose of continuity.

I'm not sure if it was explicitly stated anywhere, but I was under the impression that the SE versions completely supercede the olders ones in continuity. Then again, as you bring it up, I'm not entirely sure on that point. How could the two co-exist otherwise?

As for Jar-Jar, you are totally distorting the argument. We're not talking about subjective preferences; in this case, we're talking about Han Solo making a move that's obviously not really possible.

True, Jar Jar is not a good example. Nevertheless, there are some; throughout the films, there are lapses, be they effects/editing errors or easter eggs (the ROTJ Imperial badges, the Asteroid field potato, the DVD SE ROTJ lightsabers, etc.) Certainly, the two instances are not exactly the same, but I had always discounted the incident in question as a simple visual error (be it through choppy editing, or some other means).

brianeyci · Post by **brianeyci** » 2006-05-04 09:28pm

Hm. Well, as for the move, maybe the move is like an edit like Elfdart's example with GP? If the move's impossible, then there's something wrong with the move, but couldn't it just be a few frames cut that looks like it's impossible but Greedo still shooting first?

Supposing we're treating it like a documentary. Then it's kind of like missing frames.

I know, it's stupid, Greedo basically has to be holding his gun up, pointing it at Solo for a few seconds while Solo moves out of the way, and the frames in between missing for the move.

Basically, does the move being impossible mean that Greedo can't have shot first as shown is the question. If there was no OT it'd be clear, no. But since there is it's murkier.

Brian