Most retarded "Talifan" criticism ever

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2006-05-31 11:31am

He reminds me of the creationists who allude to "massive scientific errors" in evolution but can't actually come up with any. I love the way they alternate between saying that nobody cares about analyzing this subject and saying that our method of analysis is wrong.

In the end, you can tell whether a sci-fi fan is stupid by looking at how he correctly or incorrectly applies real-life logic to it, not by whether he's adopted a sufficiently "cool" posture or learned to use dismissive words.

The Dark · Post by **The Dark** » 2006-05-31 11:31am

I realize that the moron claims to have left, but I just have to address this one.

Bryan Lambert wrote:Ah, but we're talking about the unplesant, messy intersection between art and commerce here. The pure businessman is obligated to smile and help you when you enter his store and tell him you're displeased. The pure artist is obligated to tell you to fuck off. And if you don't like it, you go to another artist and buy their art instead.

Apparently the "pure artist" has no interest in improving their art or in putting food on the table. As someone who's been a musician and actor for a couple decades, I can honestly say that we read every letter of compliment or criticism we received, because we honestly wanted to know if we were connecting with our audiences and how to do it better. Because, y'know, that audience connection is a reward for the artist also. Unless you're one of those whiny emo artists who thinks success is a failure to live up to your principles.

Fandom, unfortunately, interferes with this basic transaction, because it keeps the buyer from abandoning art they dislike. Fans tend to feel both an obligation toward, and an ownership of, someone else's art. So they exhibit difficulty letting go. Difficulty picking and choosing. Difficulty making the commercial decisions that would impact the commercial aspect of the art.

In some cases, this is true. Oddly enough, this was being discussed over on another discussion area I frequent, associated with one particular SF/F publisher, where the fandom was saying they'll give a certain author one last chance to publish something good before they're going to just give up on him.

Comic fans buy this month's X-Men comic even though they didn't like the last one. Game fans choose mediocre licensed properties because of their emotional attachment to characters. Etcetera. These are just examples, and some people are a lot worse than others, but I've felt for years that it's much better to like good stuff wherever it comes from than to try to fix bad stuff because of its setting.

The key phrase there is the "because of its setting" at the end. The problem isn't the setting; the problem is one crusading author who's trying to rewrite the setting to fit her particular desires. But of course, that would take actually knowing the setting, which is far too much effort for someone who cares so little about science fiction that they sling the term "fandom" around casually.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2006-05-31 11:33am

I wonder if he realizes that you can basically distill his argument down to six words: "it is wrong to criticize art".

Phil Skayhan · Post by **Phil Skayhan** » 2006-05-31 11:44am

Lord Poe wrote: Could I be mistaken? Is this the wrong Bryan Lambert? Possibly. You know this MUST be him.

Oh, it is. I'm surprised you didn't search the newsgroups. It gives you a much better feel for Bryan, especially his action figure/toy collection. Now, I'm sure that there are many here who also have a number of SW toys/action figures, but do they still play with them?

I imagine it could be fun to stage a little fashion show in the living room where the x-men roll up in the back of Jonny Quest's truck to the applause of the assembled crew of Star Trek because I'm an open-minded kind of guy.

It does, however, give a little perspective on our new friend.

I play with stuff. - Bryan Lambert

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2006-05-31 11:47am

That's abso-fucking-lutely hilarious. Some guy who sits in his pajamas playing with SW action figures accusing other people of being "nerdy" and "childish" for knowing too much about real-life military strategy and trying to apply it to Star Wars. Honestly, that just makes my whole day

Darth Lucifer · Post by **Darth Lucifer** » 2006-05-31 12:05pm

Oh God...Oh Jesus...Oh God and Baby Jesus!!!

Widdle Bwian Wambult wrote:...I'm only gonna say this once. If you love toys as playthings, BUY A QUEST ROVER. Fifteen bucks at Wal-Mart. It has a great feel to it, it does tons of things, and it's got a great feel to it.

You hear that everyone?!? It has a great feel to it!! And it's GOT IT TOO!!! I'm gonna get me one right frakking now!!

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2006-05-31 12:08pm

What the fuck is a Quest Rover? And why is Bryan so ecstatic about the way it feels? Does he have some bizarre fetishes that he hasn't revealed to us?

18-Till-I-Die · Post by **18-Till-I-Die** » 2006-05-31 12:09pm

What in the name of the God-Emperor is a Quest Rover?

Darth Lucifer · Post by **Darth Lucifer** » 2006-05-31 12:17pm

Phil Skayhan wrote:... but do they still play with them?

From the links a couple posts above. He's talking about "Johnny Quest."

Ryoga · Post by **Ryoga** » 2006-05-31 12:25pm

Phil Skayhan wrote:
Oh, it is.

Oh dear god, that is hilarious. I have never been happier to be wrong.

VT-16 · Post by **VT-16** » 2006-05-31 12:38pm

Chances of this guy returning to address this hilarious development = zero.

Oh well, nice to see the old Pot. Kettle. Black.-principle is still holding up. :D

18-Till-I-Die · Post by **18-Till-I-Die** » 2006-05-31 12:42pm

This had to be sigged...i want to remember this day forever and ever.

Post by **Coyote** » 2006-05-31 12:53pm

I wasted a perfectly good argument about quality in entertainment on a grown man that plays with dolls.

Well....... shit.

Mr. Sinister · Post by **Mr. Sinister** » 2006-05-31 12:55pm

Damn! Why do I always miss the good flamewars?

Master of Ossus · Post by **Master of Ossus** » 2006-05-31 01:05pm

Phil Skayhan wrote:[snip]It does, however, give a little perspective on our new friend.

I play with stuff. - Bryan Lambert

Phil, once again you have showcased your incredible talents for embarrassing morons. Thank you.

Lord Poe · Post by **Lord Poe** » 2006-05-31 01:05pm

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you, Phil, for reminding me I've neglected an old friend. I love ya, Usenet!

EDIT: Everyone reread my counterpost to this idiot with the above firmly in mind again!

Master of Ossus · Post by **Master of Ossus** » 2006-05-31 01:09pm

BTW, I found an image of the "Quest Rover." It's in the first row, on the far left.

Phil, you're my hero. <3

"I first heard about the new Jonny figures when I won one in a contest. The figures were neat, small, articulated, came with scads of accessories, and were plagued by early production problems (loose joints, accessories falling apart, etc. I decided to hold off on the toys until I saw the cartoon. I saw the cartoon. I liked the cartoon. So I bought some more of the toys, and was blown away. These are the coolest things to come down the pike in a while. Cooler than Total Justice."

"Did I mention the Questworld vehicles light up with a brilliance that puts the X-Men's feeble weapons to shame? Did I mention that the Questworld figures are translucent?"

Mange · Post by **Mange** » 2006-05-31 01:10pm

Holy shit, I laughed so hard that I spat Coca-Cola all over my keyboard.

Lord Poe · Post by **Lord Poe** » 2006-05-31 01:14pm

I keep telling myself, "Self, you have way too many projects. Stop thinking of making a Bryan Lambert plays with dolls movie..."

....Special guest star, Laura Cameltoe....

18-Till-I-Die · Post by **18-Till-I-Die** » 2006-05-31 01:17pm

Mind, there is nothing wrong with collecting toys, or playing with toys.

However...that being said.

If you happen to be a posturing, poser wannabe Fonzy cool guy and then you ALSO collect and play with toys, after MOCKING other people for their 'nerd hobbies'...

Then i have the right to laugh verym very hard. In your face. In front of your wife and children (assuming you have somehow managed to produce viable offspring).

Lord Poe · Post by **Lord Poe** » 2006-05-31 01:24pm

BWHINEan Lambert wrote:
If you think that these things I said in 1996 and 2001 somehow refute your twisted interpretation of my column, you're welcome to that opinion. I don't think it does, and I think only a rabid fanboy, stinging and bruised and desperate to lash out, would cling to such tiny shreds of evidence, but I certainly don't have a vested interest in changing your mind.

Someone please tell me he's not saying that me making movie parodies of Traviss is MORE pathetic than playing with Jonny Quest dolls and dressing up like Barney The Dinosaur's gay neighbor...

Mr. Sinister · Post by **Mr. Sinister** » 2006-05-31 01:25pm

May I ask who posted this?

SomeGuy at YAD wrote:Freakazoid.

Toys.

More Toys.

In other words: Pot. Kettle. Black.

Just wondering, because their reaction is deliciously funny!

Not sure what the point of this is. How do postings about hobbies (albeit nerdy hobbies) and dressing in costume compare with having hundreds of pages of debate about a single Fantasy issue? How does it compare with making a revenge fantasy movie about an author you disagree with? Part of the point of the Be a Better Nerd series is, at least as I see it, that we here on WAND are all nerds and need unsubtle humorous reminders of what going too far is and examples of over-the-top nerdiness that will make us feel better about ourselves. I guess Brian's posts about these topics succeed in making us realize that we don't do the things that some of (or at least one of) the Star Wars fans at another site do. Thanks again poster. You made me realize that I am not a big enough mouthbreather to make a revenge video to a writer.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2006-05-31 01:25pm

18-Till-I-Die wrote:Mind, there is nothing wrong with collecting toys, or playing with toys.

However...that being said.

If you happen to be a posturing, poser wannabe Fonzy cool guy and then you ALSO collect and play with toys, after MOCKING other people for their 'nerd hobbies'...

Then i have the right to laugh verym very hard. In your face. In front of your wife and children (assuming you have somehow managed to produce viable offspring).

No matter how good Bryan's Quest Rover feels to him, I doubt he can get it pregnant.

Post by **Coyote** » 2006-05-31 01:25pm

Lord Poe wrote:I keep telling myself, "Self, you have way too many projects. Stop thinking of making a Bryan Lambert plays with dolls movie..."

Oh, no, it might be fun.

See a grown man array various dolls and action figures against a bunch of old-fashioned toy plastic soldiers, the kind that are a couple bucks for a bag of a hundred. Watch as the man painstakingly makes a "SDN" flag with the Imperial logo on it in his basement, ignoring his wife and calls from his mother.

Maybe every once in awhile he takes down a Johnny Quest action rover toy and cradles it, calling it 'my precious'.

After careful and painstaking placement of the various figures, like a cumpulsive-obsessive madman muttering to himself as he sets up an intricate domino-fall pattern, he surrounds the toy plastic soldiers with his variuous dolls and action figures and "moves in for the kill" making childish machinegun and explosion noises.

As the toy soldiers get flung aside as casualties he fails to notice a remote-controlled toy tank creeping up behind him, knocking over his carefully placed dolls like so many tenpins. As he crushes the last toy soldier he wheels around in victory only to see that his entire army has been knocked over and the tank is grinding over their little bodies while a cruelly chuckling and mustache-twirling Asian man is seen in the background with the tank's remote controller.

He screams, "Mike Wong, thou hast vanquished me again!" He then turns his face skyward and spreads out his arms and lets out a Vader-esqe "NOOOOOOoooooooo....!!!!!!"

Well, that's if I was doing the screenplay.

Darth Lucifer · Post by **Darth Lucifer** » 2006-05-31 01:39pm

Coyote wrote: <snip gold-pressed comedic latinum>

Memo for costuming dept: Don't forget the feetie pajamas!