Childern and Punishment

[Col. Crackpot]

I knocked him [dad] flat on his ass. That was the last time he tried that.

Wow, you really needed some manual labor punishment. A smack on the cheek doesn't accomplish anything for teenagers. How old are you now? You can't be that mature to STILL hold that opinion.

this was a dozen years ago... and a point as to why the 'knock some sense into you' school of parenting doesn't work. You can't be that intellegent to not understand that point.

[Darth Wong]

It bears noting that Hitler's parents beat him regularly. Beatings don't necessarily produce a good kid.

[Mrs Kendall]

My hubby forgot to mention the most important thing about the "Naughty Chair" Before you leave them alone when you put them on it you have to explain why they are there and that they are to stay there for - 4 years = 4 minutes- . Then when it's time to take them off of it you have to get an appology for what they did and if they hurt someone else in the family they have to appologize to that person, pet, friend etc..

He's right though, there is rarely a situation where they repeat the offence... at least for a little bit.. of course if they do it again it'll be a couple months later when they've forgotten about those naughty chairs cause we haven't had to use them in a while.

Now our kids use the chairs for sitting on when they draw and stuff which is something that shouldn't happen in principle but they call them the "naughty chairs" when they go and get one no matter where it is located anyway so I figure it's ok for them to use them to sit on when they are colouring etc... If they are to be used as "Naughty chairs" they are placed in the hallway where there is no stimulation. This is the same kind of idea as a time out in a corner which is what my parents used on me and my sisters.

I should also mention that we got this idea from a show called "Supernanny" where this "supernanny" goes around to different households and helps the parents figure out a discipline plan and schedule for every day.. kids thrive on predictability so to have a schedule is the best thing you can do for them. So they know what's coming next, this has been proven to minimize the children acting out or getting overtired etc..


Yes and Congrats on the news You've got lots of time to learn all this stuff so my advice to you now is to relax and enjoy the baby months/years. They'll pass so fast and you'll regret it if you don't take advantage of all the time you have to play with them if you're constantly worried about learning how to treat them. It should come naturally for the most part and if you find you don't like your approach then you have time to change it. We didn't start using the Naughty Chair until about almost 2 years now. Our son is 5. He knows what's right and wrong and for the most part he's learned a lot about what is acceptable behaviour from us but he's also learned a lot by watching his friends get in trouble at school. He always tells us when he gets home from school if someone hit him that day and I always ask him if he told the teacher when it happened and if she dealt with it then.

Edit: Our daughter is good as well, she sees her brother getting in trouble and she rarely needs to be punished cause she doesn't want to have to sit on the chair. She has also learned a lot about what is acceptable by learning from us and watching her brother but she has also gotten a lot better since she has started going to daycare as well.

[Count Dooku]

I was never hit, and my dad never really even raised their voice at me; but that doesn't mean I never acted up. My mother is a different story: she was a paraniod schizo, and she wasn't in control of what she did.

My father did the positive re-inforcement thing with me. He never said, "you didn't do a bad job", or anything of the like. Instead, he complemented me for something I did well. If I got good grades, he'd take me and the family out to a nice place to eat at the end of the semester, and I could order whatever I wanted. It seemed to have worked out pretty well, as I grew to like hearing that I did well. I got dissapointed in myself when I did something poorly, too.

It might sound like I was trying to win his praise, and to some degree I might have (due to his subtle conditioning), but it certainly worked well. I'm in college; I've got good study habbits; I've got good grades; I'm working on getting into medical school; and I'm not a violent person (violence, in my view is rarely justified, even though I've been told otherwise).

From my own personal experiences with friends, the more parents discipline their children, the more they act up. I'm certainly not sure if this is the case everywhere, but in my hometown it was certainly the case.

[DesertFly]

My childhood was...complex. My parents at one time or another used almost every punishment method that's been mentioned in this thread, although spanking and time in the corner were by far the most often employed. I don't have children yet, but when I do, I'm planning on being firm, but loving. Also, unlike my dad, I am never going to punish my children when I am angry. That's for their mother, or for me to do after I've calmed down.

Some of the scariest times of my young life came when my dad was angry about something, and decided that whipping me with a belt was the best way to learn me. In fact, he continued to try to use physical intimidation to try to get me to do what he wanted, or to get back at me when I had pissed him off enough. That only worked so long, until I was about 15 or 16, and he attacked me one day, and we had a nice wrestling match. I think that actually happened a total of two or three times, but I came out on top each time, which still surprises me. Considering the pain and agony I went through as a child, I'm surprised that I still consider corporal punishment to be a valid response in very limited situations only. There are definitely other forms of discipline that should be used first, with spanking being the last resort, and even then only a hand on the butt, none of this spoon or belt or switch crap.


EDIT--Also, wouldn't this topic be better suited for ARSE? Seems a bit personal....

[Glocksman]

When I was a kid, I was spanked/paddled/strapped only once by my Dad for setting fires in a vacant lot next door, and that whipping worked in that I no longer had any interest in being a firebug afterwards.
I also got paddled three times at school for fighting while I was in the 7th grade.
My disciplinary record was perfect the next year.

IMHO, as Mike said consistency is the key no matter what you do.
Though if you find yourself genuinely angry at your kid, wait until you calm down before you administer any punishment, otherwise you may do something you'll regret later on.

[Mrs Kendall]

IMHO, as Mike said consistency is the key no matter what you do.
Though if you find yourself genuinely angry at your kid, wait until you calm down before you administer any punishment, otherwise you may do something you'll regret later on.

Or say something you don't really mean, like the time my father called me a slut cause I was late coming home one night from being with my guy friends cause I missed the bus by like a couple minutes.

That incident is still with me and I'm just working through that now. It was really hard on me as I was only 15 at the time and I sincerely thought he meant it.

The more I think about it now the more I see that he really did not mean it, he was just angry cause he was waiting for me to come home so he could leave for work (night shift government job). I think I might have made him late. Who knows.
He has expressed to me since then just in his actions that he doesn't think this of me.

As I've said before women remember everything, and if it's something negative about them and their character they'll actually be very hurt by it and carry that for a very long time. This happened to me when I was 15 and I'm just now feeling like I can handle working through it now and I'm 27!

So my advice is be very careful what you say to your children and certainly do not even so much as talk to them when you are angry. Calm down first and then have a nice family meeting later.

Edited: typos

[Aaron]

IMHO, as Mike said consistency is the key no matter what you do.
Though if you find yourself genuinely angry at your kid, wait until you calm down before you administer any punishment, otherwise you may do something you'll regret later on.

I just want to back up the consistancy part again. If your not consistant than the kids will get the wrong message or if your both not on the same page than the kids will play the two of you off each other. There have been times when Mrs. Kendall and I haven't been together on things and the little Cpl has gotten a chocalate covered graonala bar as a reward when he should have been put on the naughty chair.

As for the anger part, that is very important. If you find that you are mad at your kids for something they have done than take a break, go for a walk, go for a drive, do something to calm down. Or the next thing you know CAS may be taking your kids away because you beat them out of anger.