Incomprehensibly sucky movies
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- Sith Marauder
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Oh! Actually, they showed Santa Claus Conquers the Martians last year on TV during the holidays. There are really no words for how awful --just awful that movie is. Seriously. It is so, so, so bad. I was laughing with pain.
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I give you: Jaws: The Revenge. As Brian over at WWWF Grudge Match points out:
Enough said.Brian wrote:Jaws: The Revenge, however, is clearly about a fish seeking revenge on people.
Just as the map is not the territory, the headline is not the article
The movie adaption of Stephen King's book "Dreamcatcher" was pretty fucking horrible. The decision to make such a movie in the first damn place is pretty questionable, considering that the effect of the painkillers King was on at the time he wrote the book were pretty apparent on the plot. Then they take what plot was there and butcher the hell out of it. Duddits was not an alien, damnit!
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Any weather-based disaster movie...
The Day after Tommorow: Dont get me started on how this shit butchers science with its global warming causing major weather changes at a fast rate.
And there this...
The sci-fi channel movie Black Hole, an experiment goes wrong and a black hole opens up near St Louis and threatens to swallow it. I can tell you how this mutilates science ( like the fact that even a small black hole that small can swallow earth due to its intense gravitational pull ) They should have just repolarized the graviton pulse and then cut a hole in it's event horizon.
The Day after Tommorow: Dont get me started on how this shit butchers science with its global warming causing major weather changes at a fast rate.
And there this...
The sci-fi channel movie Black Hole, an experiment goes wrong and a black hole opens up near St Louis and threatens to swallow it. I can tell you how this mutilates science ( like the fact that even a small black hole that small can swallow earth due to its intense gravitational pull ) They should have just repolarized the graviton pulse and then cut a hole in it's event horizon.
You wanna set an example Garak....Use him, Let him Die!!
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NO! WE NEED TO NUKE IT!Dennis Toy wrote:The sci-fi channel movie Black Hole, an experiment goes wrong and a black hole opens up near St Louis and threatens to swallow it. I can tell you how this mutilates science ( like the fact that even a small black hole that small can swallow earth due to its intense gravitational pull ) They should have just repolarized the graviton pulse and then cut a hole in it's event horizon.
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"Well then, science is bullshit. "
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Any romantic comedy. Seriously someone needs to splice in frames of scat fetish pornography and other sick things into all romantic comedies. That would kill them.
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"Rikes!"
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Dennis Toy wrote:
The sci-fi channel movie Black Hole, an experiment goes wrong and a black hole opens up near St Louis and threatens to swallow it. I can tell you how this mutilates science ( like the fact that even a small black hole that small can swallow earth due to its intense gravitational pull ) They should have just repolarized the graviton pulse and then cut a hole in it's event horizon.
NO! WE NEED TO NUKE IT!
you can't nuke a black hole, the fallout will be sucked back in. You have to repolarise the graviton pulse and route it throught the deflector dish.
You wanna set an example Garak....Use him, Let him Die!!
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Ah yes, because there's no such thing as a good romantic comedy.The Vodka Vindicator wrote:Any romantic comedy. Seriously someone needs to splice in frames of scat fetish pornography and other sick things into all romantic comedies. That would kill them.
What hole did you crawl from, and why did you bother emerging into the sunlight to bother us?
Mayabird is my girlfriend
Justice League:BotM:MM:SDnet City Watch:Cybertron's Finest
"Well then, science is bullshit. "
-revprez, with yet another brilliant rebuttal.
Justice League:BotM:MM:SDnet City Watch:Cybertron's Finest
"Well then, science is bullshit. "
-revprez, with yet another brilliant rebuttal.
DPDarkPrimus wrote:NO! WE NEED TO NUKE IT!Dennis Toy wrote:The sci-fi channel movie Black Hole, an experiment goes wrong and a black hole opens up near St Louis and threatens to swallow it. I can tell you how this mutilates science ( like the fact that even a small black hole that small can swallow earth due to its intense gravitational pull ) They should have just repolarized the graviton pulse and then cut a hole in it's event horizon.
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I forget the name of it, but there is this praticularly shitty movie that was partially made in Eastern Europe that they play on space every once and awhile. It involves a world that's super poluted so man is reduced to a population of people cyrogenicly frozen people and a few caretakers. Then someone plans on using solar flares and the hubble space telescope to restore earth, and it gets dumber and dumber. Combine this with the Shittiest CGI you have ever seen and you have a movie that watching it is a similer experiance to having your brain put through a sausage maker.
Zor
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The Art of Zor
Heros of Cybertron-HAB-Keeper of the Vicious pit of Allosauruses-King Leighton-I, United Kingdom of Zoria: SD.net World/Tsar Mikhail-I of the Red Tsardom: SD.net Kingdoms
WHEN ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE ON EARTH, ALL EARTH BREAKS LOOSE ON HELL
Terran Sphere
The Art of Zor
It is a movizied version of some Michael Crichton book. That should be enough to tell you how horrible it is.Lord Zentei wrote:Do share the gory details...Jack Bauer wrote:Contact.
It makes me sick just thinking about it.
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... what? The Contact I know was a good Carl Sagan book that was adapted into a decent movie.Xon wrote:It is a movizied version of some Michael Crichton book. That should be enough to tell you how horrible it is.Lord Zentei wrote:Do share the gory details...Jack Bauer wrote:Contact.
It makes me sick just thinking about it.
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Oops, I was thinking of Sphere.Spacebeard wrote:... what? The Contact I know was a good Carl Sagan book that was adapted into a decent movie.
Not an incomprehensibly sucky movie because it was based on a Michael Crichton book.
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"One Drive, One Partition, the One True Path" ~ ars technica forums - warrens - on hhd partitioning schemes.
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Red Sonja is really bad. It was the first movie I was really disappointed I paid money to see. I kind of enjoy how bad it is now but still not enough to own or rent it. One of the few times when Old School Arnold was actually one of the better actors in a movie.
King Kong Lives Absolutely horrible in almost all ways. It has two good scenes. Kong walks on some guy's Lamborghini and the final scene where Kong pounds the villain into the ground with his fist. There were some interesting choices in the visuals since the previous Delaurentis movie but most of it looked pretty fake. Like 1970s Godzilla movie fake. IIRC it was made PG-13 so they could have more violence, flash Linda Hamilton's boob, and have a female Kong to go with the male one.
King Kong Lives Absolutely horrible in almost all ways. It has two good scenes. Kong walks on some guy's Lamborghini and the final scene where Kong pounds the villain into the ground with his fist. There were some interesting choices in the visuals since the previous Delaurentis movie but most of it looked pretty fake. Like 1970s Godzilla movie fake. IIRC it was made PG-13 so they could have more violence, flash Linda Hamilton's boob, and have a female Kong to go with the male one.
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Buh?!!?!?!The Chronicles of Riddick was so stupid and plotless that it actually hurt my brain and forced me to lie down after watching it. I'm not exxagerating.
Riddick kicked major ass. It was better than Pitch Black (which was fun in its own way) and it most certainly had an awesome fucking plot. No one could call it "plotless", objectively. Humour, action, a great anti-hero protagonist, awesome effects and design ... ahhh what a great movie.
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The whole charm of a movie like Major League is that you discover the personalities of the people involved and watch them grow from one ridiculous situation to the next. The story that made the movie great was that it was about underdogs who come up to win it in the end. You can't redo that premise with the same characters because they've already overcome that obstacle. And artificially putting them back in that position almost always comes across as a bullshit plot device.Darth Wong wrote:This one's old and obscure, but I always liked the old Tom Berenger/Charlie Sheen baseball movie Major League, and I was absolutely stunned at the incredible drop-off in quality between the original film and its sequel, Major League 2. The original film had a heart; the sequel had neither heart or brain.
Same with Ghostbusters 2. The original was funny because the audience was discovering all these aspects of the absurd movie universe along with the characters. You can't just do that over again.
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Without delving into MST3K'd movies (which makes up a huge portion of the list), I came up with this...
Any Land Before Time movie after the first. I still love the first one. The second was torturous, then it went downhill from there. I lost track of how many wretched reduxes they did after number six or so. But god, I still love that first one.
And Mortal Kombat is indeed a guilty pleasure. It's something you can watch, gape at how bad it is, yet still be inspired to laughter by it.
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Any Land Before Time movie after the first. I still love the first one. The second was torturous, then it went downhill from there. I lost track of how many wretched reduxes they did after number six or so. But god, I still love that first one.
And Mortal Kombat is indeed a guilty pleasure. It's something you can watch, gape at how bad it is, yet still be inspired to laughter by it.
"The fate of the world rests in your hands, hahahahaha! Ha, haha, ...sorry."
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The one that made the top of my hated movie list:
Time Machine
I didn't mind it up until the point where he started traveling forward in time.
At the point where the Albino super dudes were blowing up due to something in the ground? Yeah my brain exploded. I'm still trying to find the missing pieces.
Time Machine
I didn't mind it up until the point where he started traveling forward in time.
At the point where the Albino super dudes were blowing up due to something in the ground? Yeah my brain exploded. I'm still trying to find the missing pieces.
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I got all of it, I just didn't find his wanktasticness interesting and entertaining so much as annoying. That being said, I don't think it deserves to be considered a movie that's incomprehensibly bad. In fact, I'll probably see a sequel if/when it's made. I just don't think it was good.Lord Pounder wrote:It was a soup cup actually and he did kill the dude with it. Personally i liked it. It has many likeable qualities. some women to look at, violence and a few explosions. I also think you miss the point. Riddick is supposed to be wankastic. He comes from a race of people destroyed by a man affraid that race would kill him, in responce Riddick becomes the only known survivor and kills the man who slaughtered his race, A perfect self-fullfilling prophecy.Zero132132 wrote:Because Riddick is so wanktastic that it can't be believed. I mean, he threatened to kill someone with a fucking teacup! The movie also had a completely different feel to it than its prequel, Pitch Black, which I still think was fucking cool as hell, and I honestly had no idea why they were doing a sequel at all. It just pissed me off, I guess.Pick wrote: Though personally, I liked Chronicles of Riddick, nyah nyah . Why did everyone hate this film so much?
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Re: Incomprehensibly sucky movies
While I heartily agree that The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen is a steaming pile of septic gunk that has discharged from a elephant's back passage, I wouldn't say all of the actors on it were mediocre since not even a very talented performer could really save this movie. Even though they were working with a really shite script, I thought that Peta Wilson and Tony Curran were both very good performers, but sadly they were the only real bright spots in a otherwise mediocre movie. And Sean Connery was being.... well... Sean Connery.Lord Zentei wrote:I just saw "the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen". My fucking god.
Such absolute butchery of a interesting story should be a criminal offense. I mean, it's almost as if these clowns went out of their way to fuck up on as many levels as they possibly could and exelled at it.
Not only was it a script-deprived, poorly acted, poorly directed pile of trash, the action scenes that they seemed to be betting on were idiotic and the effects were unbeleivable to the point of being farcical.
Last edited by Big Orange on 2006-06-14 07:37am, edited 1 time in total.
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