Incomprehensibly sucky movies

[Majin Gojira]

Lightweights.

Manos, Hands of Fate. The worst movie, ever made in the history of mankind. Ever MST3K barely made it tolerable.
I still love Torgo, though.

A-men to that!

I'll also bring up such suckfests as "Raptor Island" and "Glitter" -- even me and my three movie buds couldn't mock this shitfest to the point of bearability.

[Zero]

Reign of Fire

Any movie that involves Matthew McConaughey trying to attack a bigass dragon with an axe is at least a bit entertaining. That was badass, even if it was insanely, ridiculously stupid.

[JLTucker]

You are a moron who can't string together a decent sentance.

Please learn to spell properly before you criticise another's poor sentence structure.

On topic: The movie Hostel. I am still angry that I paid $7 to see this film in early January. The first 45 minutes of the film can be summed up as a softcore pornography film shown on Cinemax. Then the last 45 minutes of the film was just blood and gore, which I do not mind. But when the main character, who is about to make his escape, hears a woman screaming and decides to go back and save her, I was squirming in my seat with anger. It was a fucking stupid decision. I would not have gone back and saved the woman. I would have been more concerned about my life.

I should have known better than to go see the film since Eli Roth wrote and directed it. I mean, who could forget Cabin Fever? But I gave in to the hype because Tarantino was the executive producer. I am ashamed of myself. To make things worse, Hostel 2 is currently in pre-production.

[Nephtys]

Warlords, the worst non-MST3K Movie I've ever seen. One of my friends owns this peice of crap on VHS they picked up from a garage sale, and.. wow.

Synopsis: David Carradine is a soldier in a post-apocalyptic nuclear environment. He meets an absolutely abominable 80's hair woman who tweaks constantly, and fights off legions of gas-masked goons (but 3 of them are only on the screen max at one time!) and their boss, a man who looks and dresses exactly like Wario.

He fights to save his wife, who is now a totally willing harem girl lover of Lord Evil. David Carradine is tortured with a vial of mountain dew poured on his chest, and breaks free. Him and that other girl destroy a 'tank'(SUV covered in camo netting) and cars that drive past barrels that explode overtly in the background. There's about 4 whole guns in the movie, so there's this one scene where a mexican standoff occurs between 6 people, but half of them are re-using the same guns, with the same markings, scratches, etc. In the end, David Carradine is revealed to be a clone, and blews up a few model buildings and plastic model helicopters. It's bad.

It's great MST3K material honestly. Wish they made one of it.

[Stile]

Date Movie.
I bought the DVD and could only get through 15 minutes of it. It was like a bad imitation of Zucker films done by a teenager with Aspergers.

[Big Orange]

What about classic stinkers like Danger Island and Escape From LA?

I thought Danger Island had it's low budget charm and somehow felt like a early 90s version of Lost with the characters, setting and plot being remarkably similar. It had a cliff hanger ending as if the movie was going to be followed up by a TV series, plus it featured the underrated Garry Graham (Alien Nation, Enterprise).

Danger Island seems to be in the "so bad it's good" catagory, but Escape From LA was just plain bad. I do not want to see that awful movie ever again. And there is another bad sci-fi film that I don't know the name of; it was typical mid 90s crap and the storyline involved sending robot soldiers back in time and they started to wreak the timeline. They were obviously copying the Terminator films and there was one scene where they used the same long ruined tunnel that was also used for the future battle scenes in Terminator 2.

[Zero]

Date Movie.
I bought the DVD and could only get through 15 minutes of it. It was like a bad imitation of Zucker films done by a teenager with Aspergers.

You bought a movei you had no prior knowledge of? Why?

[That NOS Guy]

I call it Faust: Love of the Damned

Did your movies have dialouge like "I made you the Jack of Blades but you chose to play the fool."? I thought not.

[Death from the Sea]

And Sean Connery was being.... well... Sean Connery.

that had better not been a dig on the main man.... Sean Connery is fucking awesome and even when "being himself" is by far a better actor than many of todays taunted actors....

[Death from the Sea]

by the way to add to the crappy movie list, Queen of the Damned sucked ass.....

[Rubberanvil]

I'm suprised nobody brought up Man in the Iron Mask, the Musketeer, or G-Saviour. [/i]

[Zero]

Going Overboard is still worse than anything any of you have listed.

[Stile]

Date Movie.
I bought the DVD and could only get through 15 minutes of it. It was like a bad imitation of Zucker films done by a teenager with Aspergers.

You bought a movei you had no prior knowledge of? Why?

I had prior knowledge of the plot, characters, etc. The delivery of the jokes and the rhythm was way off.

I have no problem with Zucker films. I like Zucker films.

[Jalinth]

Most painful movies I've ever seen on video (usually via MST3K):
- Manos: The Hands of Fate
- Prince of Space
- The Beast of Yucca Flats
- Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
- Mitchell
- Pod People
- Eegah
- Overdrawn at the Memory Bank
- Timechasers

I actually liked Overdrawn in a very cheesy way. Although I tend to like anything Raul Julia is in.

Beach was an incomprehnsible movie. Lord of the Flies coupled with LSD. The 2nd Matrix movie gave me a similar headache.

I did rent Bloodrayne as a "what the hell" choice. It was hellish.

[Lord Zentei]

by the way to add to the crappy movie list, Queen of the Damned sucked ass.....

Ah, yes, the Queen of the Damned. The sheer contrast between Interview With the Vampire made it all the more unbearable.

[Lord Zentei]

You are a moron who can't string together a decent sentance.

Please learn to spell properly before you criticise another's poor sentence structure.

Fuck the hell off, you microbial little shit-tick. Not only was that post not adressed to you, I didn't see anyone ask for your intervention.

[SirNitram]

The second Matrix movie. It actually hurts more if you understand the psychobabble.

It has a comprehensible meaning? Seriously. I've watched Reloaded a few times trying to figure out some kind of overall meaning behind it. Just about all I came up with were isolated psychobabble speeches and some vague shit about fate.

It's like someone wanted to shove the most vague buzzwords from down through the years of psychological and philosophical development, all into a babble about determinism vs. free will, then distilled it into pure pain. Or something like that. I comprehended just enough to go 'You don't know what those words mean, do you.'

Than again, it has the Merovingian. And Neo's fight scene with the guy's henchmen(the look on Merv's face when Neo wipes the floor with his goons is priceless). Nothing is all bad....

Merovingian is redeemable just for the line 'I love cursing french; it's like wiping your ass with silk.' The rest can go to hell.

[Lord Zentei]

Through the bizarre twists of fate that produced me, I enjoyed League. Aw well.

I know you no longer, sir. You have but one way of redeeming yourself, and that is to vainly attempt to justify your heresy.

The second Matrix movie. It actually hurts more if you understand the psychobabble. Never saw the third.

I actually walked out of the third one.

[Civil War Man]

Rambo: First Blood, though that crosses the line from really stupid to really stupidly funny.

I mean, seriously. Rambo is a drifter roaming the countryside, still shell-shocked from Vietnam. Some podunk small-town cop gives him shit, and so Rambo spends the rest of the movie (probably a good hour and a half straight) systematically blowing up everything in the town.

I mean, at one point he raids the police station to get some weapons (he had none at the beginning). Towards the end of the movie I believe he had a minigun (or some other gun that a one-horse town police station would not have in a million years. It's been a while since I saw it).

[Infidel7]

Two words: 'Devil's Rejects'.

[SirNitram]

Through the bizarre twists of fate that produced me, I enjoyed League. Aw well.

I know you no longer, sir. You have but one way of redeeming yourself, and that is to vainly attempt to justify your heresy.

It was pure popcorn. Over-the-top powers(A guy walking through what appeared to be full-auto fire and winning with a sabre!), the Nautilus being gorgeous, and Sean Connery.

If that's not good enough for you, oh well.

[Lord Zentei]

It was pure popcorn. Over-the-top powers(A guy walking through what appeared to be full-auto fire and winning with a sabre!), the Nautilus being gorgeous, and Sean Connery.

If that's not good enough for you, oh well.

I like popcorn movies too, though there are limits to how much I can stomach.


EDIT: Actually, I wasn't too happy about the Nautilus: too humungous (especially for the canals of Venice!) and moved like a speedboat.

[Davis 51]

Torque. Was one of the first movies I walked away from with the thought "Well that sucked!"

Completely unrealistic bike physics, and a retarded story. Half of the scenes looked like they were commercials for either Bikes, Beer, or Doritos. I shit you not.

[SirNitram]

It was pure popcorn. Over-the-top powers(A guy walking through what appeared to be full-auto fire and winning with a sabre!), the Nautilus being gorgeous, and Sean Connery.

If that's not good enough for you, oh well.

I like popcorn movies too, though there are limits to how much I can stomach.

Eh, everyone has their likes.

EDIT: Actually, I wasn't too happy about the Nautilus: too humungous (especially for the canals of Venice!) and moved like a speedboat.

See, my Steampunk diet includes colonizing the deserts of Mars and exploring the ruins, and conquering the jungle-dwellers of Venus. To this, the Nautilus is frankly low tech.

[Tsyroc]

Reign of Fire

Any movie that involves Matthew McConaughey trying to attack a bigass dragon with an axe is at least a bit entertaining. That was badass, even if it was insanely, ridiculously stupid.

That scene was great because as it was happening I was about to get extremely pissed if the move worked. Luckilly it turned out the way it did.